THE VOICE OF NOTHINGNESS

When I arrived home, memories began to flood my mind once again. This house had endured so much. I went inside and headed to my room, dropped my suitcase in the corner, and collapsed onto the bed. As always, I was left alone with my one true companion in life—myself. I had to kill that man. Every breath he took made my existence feel cursed. It was either him or me. Honestly, the first option was easier, but I wouldn't let him kill me before he faced justice.

I grabbed my phone and called Büşra. It rang a few times, but she didn't pick up. I thought about texting her, but she beat me to it.

Sender: Büşra

Who are you?

Hah! What was this now? My phone rang—it was her calling.

"Hello, Büşra?" The sound of a noisy crowd came from the other end of the line.

"Ma'am, who are you?" Confused, I tried to make sense of what was happening without jumping to conclusions.

"Who am I? Who are you? Where's Büşra?" The background noise made it hard to understand the girl on the line.

"I'm Melike. Büşra's here with me, but she's not doing well."

I shot up from where I was sitting. Fear gripped me as I paced the living room nervously, chewing on my nails.

"Not doing well? Where are you? What happened to my friend?"

"Calm down. Listen, I'm at Niva Bar. I'll send you the address. You need to come quickly. I don't know what happened to her—she's just lying here, unresponsive even when I call her name."

Panic overwhelmed me. It felt like the ground was slipping away beneath my feet, so I sank into the nearest chair.

"Okay, send me the address. I'm on my way."

Taking deep breaths, I tried to calm down. The thought of something happening to her was tearing me apart. I could feel the blood in my veins slowing. I pulled myself together and stood up, hurrying to my room to get ready. I threw on a T-shirt and jeans, tied my hair into a ponytail, and rushed outside to hail a taxi.

I gave the driver the address from my phone. His expression shifted when he saw it, but I didn't pay much attention. When we arrived, I handed him the fare, but instead of taking it, he grabbed my hand.

"Do you work here, sweetheart?"

The man's words, dripping with lewd intent as he leered at me, froze my blood.

 "What are you saying, let go of my hand." His sultry laugh made my stomach churn even more.

"Come on, it's like you came here to play a game."

My nerves were on edge. How did I end up in a place like this?

"Listen to me, get the hell out of here before I call the police."

When the man heard the word "police," he didn't push further. He took his money and left. Oh, Büşra, what kind of place was this? When I stepped inside, the air was thick with the stench of decay. I grabbed my phone and called Büşra. It rang twice, then cut off. Just as I was about to call again, I noticed someone approaching me. He reached out his hand, signaling me to pass. Without questioning who he was, I followed him. We entered a room, and there, lying on the couch, was Büşra. I rushed to her side, took her hand, and saw the dark circles under her eyes. She was wearing nothing, so I grabbed a blanket from the bed and draped it over her. She was in a terrible state.

"What happened to her?" I asked the girl.

"She came here yesterday, drank a lot. Then a man approached her, they talked, whatever. They asked for a private room, so I gave them the key. When I went to check on the room this morning, she was lying there like that, naked. I shook her, tried to wake her up, but she didn't respond. At first, I thought she was dead. When I checked her pulse, I realized she wasn't, so I called you."

The girl's words seemed truthful because of her panic, but the situation Büşra had gotten herself into felt absurd. She wasn't that kind of girl. Something wasn't right here. I pointed my finger at her threateningly, then, in a sudden burst of anger, grabbed her by the throat.

"Tell me the truth. What happened? Or I'll kill you."

She tried to push me away with her hands, but my anger only strengthened my grip, and she couldn't stop me.

"I swear I'm telling the truth." Her voice came out hoarse from the pressure on her throat. I didn't believe her, so I squeezed harder.

"Tell me." I tightened my grip a little more.

"A-kd-kdkd-kd…" The girl was muttering incoherently. When her words became completely unintelligible, I let go. She pulled back, staring into my eyes with bloodshot, tear-filled eyes.

"Ahh! Are you out of your mind? I'm the one helping here, and you're choking me."

"Shut up, stop lying, Büşra never drinks, and most importantly, she would never come to places like this."

"Look, you see that what matters right now isn't who your friend is, but what we do next."

The girl was right, but I couldn't control myself. I gathered my thoughts and turned back to Büşra, who was clearly passed out. I pulled a bottle of water from my bag and splashed her face. When the cold water hit her, she flinched. I turned to the girl, whose name I learned was Melike.

"Is there a bathroom in this room?"

She nodded.

"Yes, that door." She pointed to a broken, shabby door. This place was neither desolate nor dirty, but it didn't make sense that Büşra would be here.

"Help me, let's get Büşra to the bathroom." With her help, we made our way to the bathroom. I sat Büşra in the bathtub and turned on the cold water. With each drop, she flinched and began to come to. Eventually, her eyes fluttered open. Though she couldn't fully focus, I could tell she recognized me. We took her out of the bathroom and back to the bed, dressed her in clothes, and waited for her to fully regain her senses.

When she was fully awake, after a few silent moments, she threw herself around my neck, crying in sobs.

"Merve! Is it really you? Oh, my friend! If you knew what a horrible thing I did!" Her frail arms tightened around me, and though she was shaking me, I could tell she was exhausted. Her voice, a contrast to the storm inside her, was barely audible. I held her tight, signaling that I was there.

"Shh… It's okay, sweetheart." Through her sobs, she barely managed to speak.

"No, it will never be okay." I rubbed her back, we would talk about everything later.

"Okay, let's get up and go home."

"No, no, I can't go home like this. My dad will kill me!" I rubbed her arm; there was pure fear in her eyes. My only wish was that what I feared hadn't happened to her.

"Okay, sweetheart, let's get up, we'll go to my place. You can take a shower, rest, and have a good sleep." She followed what I said, standing up. We grabbed her bag and went outside, calling a taxi while we waited.

"I'm Melike, by the way." If she hadn't spoken, I wouldn't have noticed she was still there.

"Got it, thanks, now you can go." Though she seemed a little hurt by my words, she continued speaking. I wasn't going to give her a warm goodbye. I was still weighing what she had said, hoping her role in this situation wasn't more than what I had already imagined.

"Well, how am I supposed to know if he's good?" I wanted to say "mind your own business," but I couldn't deal with it right now.

"Got you." Realizing I wasn't going to respond, she walked away from us. I hopped in the taxi and gave the address to the driver. Another rude driver, honestly, it's like picking one bad apple after another. I gave the address and turned to Büşra. Her eyes were open, but she wasn't fully conscious yet. When we arrived at the house, I struggled to carry her inside and laid her on the bed. She fell asleep almost immediately. I went downstairs to the kitchen. I still couldn't understand it—how could Büşra end up like this? I pulled something out of the cupboard and made a sandwich, then drank it with some juice. Afterward, I picked up my phone to check the latest news, but there was nothing. How was I going to find out about my grandfather's condition?

"Merve." Büşra's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. She sat next to me and rubbed her head. I got up, gave her the medicine, and brought some water. She took it, and we didn't say a word. Was it right for me to wait for her to speak? Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and asked.

"Don't you want to talk?"

She gathered herself, and it seemed like she found courage from me. She opened her mouth to speak.

"You're really shocked, aren't you? You're wondering how Büşra ended up like this? Oh, if you only knew, my friend. I'm in deep trouble right now. I followed some stupid boy." The more I listened, the more my curiosity grew.

"I'm really curious where this is going, go on," I said. She took a deep breath and continued.

"Yesterday, he invited me somewhere but didn't say where. I excitedly agreed, but when we arrived, I saw it was a bar. At first, I was hesitant, but eventually, I was convinced. We went inside and sat at a table. After sitting down, he asked what I wanted to drink. I ordered a non-alcoholic fruit cocktail, and he brought it. When I drank it, there was a strange taste in my mouth, but he said it was nothing. I believed him. Then he took me to dance. I had another drink, and my head started spinning. When I realized it was alcohol, I got angry. I wanted to resist, I was angry, but with the effect of the drunkenness, my anger didn't do much. He lifted me up and dragged me somewhere. We went to the back of the bar. I remember this part clearly because I wasn't that drunk. Suddenly, he got closer. As I tried to move away, he held my wrist tightly. He dragged me to a room, injected something into my arm with a needle, laid me down on the bed, took off my clothes, and came closer. The last thing I remember is that…"

She said the last words with tears in her eyes. Afterward, she burst into sobs, and I went to her, hugging her tightly. She held me back and kept crying. Between her sobs, she managed to say:

"What should I do now, Merve?" I rubbed her back and stroked her hair.

"Okay, sweetheart, calm down. First, look at me. There you go. Wipe your tears. Look, you're right; what happened to you is terrible, but it happened. There's nothing we can do now. The most important thing is to remember if there's anything irreversible!" She shook her head.

"I don't know, Merve. I don't remember anything." I didn't know what to do either.

"Don't you have any pain?" My questions weren't based on knowledge, just things I'd heard.

"Actually, I don't feel any pain. I didn't see anything. There are no symptoms, but it's hard for me to believe that he did nothing in such a situation." Although I tried not to show it, I was scared too.

"You're right. That's the confusing part. If he did all that, how could he not do the other? It's better to check the internet."

I researched online, but the results weren't reassuring. Most said we should see a doctor. Büşra seemed relieved when she read it, but relief didn't come that easily. Just because there were no symptoms didn't mean there was nothing wrong.

"Come on, we're going." I suddenly stood up.

"Where?" I hated the fear in her eyes. It didn't suit her at all.

"To the doctor, of course. The best way to understand is an examination. Come on." I grabbed Büşra's arm and helped her get up, but she wasn't paying much attention.

"Why aren't you getting up?" She seemed glued to the couch.

"I don't know, I'm not ready." No matter what, she had to go for this examination.

"Look, Büşra, it doesn't matter if you're ready or not. What matters is that we find this out. I understand you're anxious, but it's done. Now we need to focus on the result."

She seemed to agree a little and got up. As we walked out, she grabbed my arm and turned me to face her.

"Are you really going to go like this?" At first, I didn't understand what she meant.

"Yes. Why?"

"Don't joke with me. Where is your headscarf and abaya?" When I understood what she meant, I shrugged.

"Don't talk to me about that stuff. Forget it. Right now, you're the important one. Let's go."

She kept holding onto my arm, preventing me from moving. "Merve!"

"Okay, Büşra, I'll explain later. Let's go, we're going to the doctor."

It wasn't the right time to discuss this, and I would explain later. She was my closest friend, my only support. But for now, we had to deal with the task at hand. We hopped in a taxi and gave the name of the hospital. Would we get results right away? I had no idea.

"Merve." She called me, and I turned to her.

"Yes?"

"Since school's over, it's time to make your choices." I briefly thought "What school?" but then realized she was talking about high school.

"So what?" I said nonchalantly.

"What do you mean 'so what'? Are you kidding me? You didn't take the final exam, but luckily, the teacher was understanding and raised your grade with the final marks. When you look at it, you're graduating with a pretty good score."

It was pointless for her to care about this. What mattered was getting the diploma.

"Büşra, like I care!" She sighed dramatically.

"With that attitude, you won't live long."

We both thought the same thing, so our faces fell. Then, suddenly, she burst into laughter, and I laughed too. We were both on edge.

"Look, Büşra, no matter what, I'm by your side. Try to stay calm, okay?"

She gave me a grateful look.

"I know, Merve. You're always by my side. But whatever happens, I'm still nervous about the outcome."

I hugged her tightly.

"I hope everything works out for you, my friend."

The taxi stopped, and we got out. We went inside the hospital and made our way to the doctor's office. We knocked and entered.

"Please, have a seat." The doctor gestured for us to sit.

"Welcome." The doctor looked at both of us and spoke.

"Thank you." Büşra didn't respond to the doctor.

"What seems to be the problem?" I waited for Büşra to speak, but when I looked at her, she didn't seem ready to talk, so it was up to me to explain. After I told the doctor what happened, he asked Büşra to come inside, telling me to wait outside. When they went in, my anxiety increased. I tried not to show it to Büşra, but I was just as nervous. After a while, they came back out, and Büşra's eyes were shining. That was a good sign.

"If you have any further complaints, please feel free to come back. For now, take care." I hadn't spoken to Büşra yet, but from her expression, it was clear that things were better than expected.

"Thank you. Take care." We shook hands with the doctor and left the hospital. Suddenly, Büşra jumped on me.

"I'm so happy, Merve. Nothing happened!" We both sighed in relief.

"I'm so glad too." We stopped hugging and started walking. Her happiness was written all over her face, but I still wondered how she could have done nothing in that situation. As much as it gnawed at me, I didn't let it show to Büşra. For now, her happiness was enough for me.

"Should we do something?" She was so excited, almost bouncing in place, relieved that her fears hadn't come true.

"What do you have in mind?" She pretended to scratch her right temple and pursed her lips.

"Let's go have some dessert." I responded with a sweet smile to her childlike request.

"Okay, let's go. I know a great café just two streets away. Let's go there."

She nodded enthusiastically. I had chosen this place on purpose. We moved to an empty table, ordered desserts, and started waiting. When our orders arrived, we began eating. At one point, Büşra started giving me sidelong glances.

"Is there something you want to say, Büşra?" She turned her fork upside down and left it on the plate.

"Tell me, what's with the change in you?" Now I understood, she was curious about what had happened to me.

"Alright, let me explain." I started telling her everything that had happened, from the very beginning. At the end of every event, her mouth would drop open more as she listened, and in between, she didn't hesitate to curse my grandfather. When I finished talking, she thought for a moment.

"So, what are you going to do now?" That was a question I was asking myself too.

"I don't have a specific plan. He left me alone in this life, first took my mom and dad, then wiped out my whole family. The more I think about it, the crazier I feel. Every time I think of my family, I want to tear him apart." My eyes were burning with anger.

"You're right, that man doesn't even deserve to live. I hope he dies where he is. Do you know his current situation?" I shook my head negatively.

"No, I've checked the news but they haven't written anything yet." She just patted my arm and we went on eating our desserts, life was continuing in some ridiculous way.

"I'm going to the bathroom, be right back."

"Okay." When Büşra got up and left, I started watching the outside. Then someone called my name.

"Merve." No way! What was he doing here?

"Merve." Would it be okay to pretend I didn't hear?

"Yes, Emre, what's up?" I rolled my eyes as he approached.

"Hello to you too." It seemed like he was messing with me. He sat at the table without being invited.

"What's your problem?" I was starting to get angry.

"Are you still asking? Of course, it's you, Merve. I'm tired of following you, can't you see what state I'm in? I want to make it up to you, but you don't even give me a chance." He casually sat in front of me, talking about following me.

"Emre, please, I don't want to talk, and what's the deal with following me? Despite everything, I'm trying to be respectful, but I do have a limit, so could you please get up and leave?" He seemed to give up, his shoulders slumped.

"I'm leaving so there won't be any trouble, but don't forget this—I'll make you forgive me. For now, take care, Merve, if you need anything, don't hesitate." When Emre left, I felt relieved. He wasn't bothering my mind anymore. In fact, seeing him made me feel nauseous, and his desire to talk seemed so ridiculous to me. When Büşra came back from the bathroom and sat down, there was something strange in her gaze.

"What happened, Büşra? Why are you looking at me like that?"

She first looked at the outer door, then turned back to me.

"Nothing, I just thought the guy who just left looked like someone, you won't believe it, but for a second, I thought it was Emre." I laughed a little.

"I believe you, honey, because it was him." The surprise was clear in her eyes.

"Really? What was he doing here?" I shrugged.

"How would I know? He was just being ridiculous." She scrunched her face, clearly not liking him at all for what he had done to me.

"Did you talk to him? You wouldn't tell me if I didn't ask, would you?" She muttered under her breath.

"Oh, as usual, he wants me to forgive him, what nonsense. I've got enough problems to deal with, I can't waste my time with him."

"He was a handsome guy, it's a shame he ruined it, idiot! You used to love him so much!"

Büşra was right, Emre was handsome. He wasn't as tall as Furkan, but he was tall enough. His eyes were sea blue, unlike Furkan's. His brown, curly hair was nothing like Furkan's either. The moment Furkan crossed my mind, the corner of my lips curled.

"He's done, Büşra. It's been a long time since I forgot about him, so I think we should drop this subject."

Büşra shrugged.

"Up to you, darling. Now that we're done with our plates, let's get going."

I grabbed my bag and pushed my chair back.

"Okay, let's go."

I asked the waiter for the bill, paid when it came, and we got up to leave. As we were exiting, my foot caught on the door threshold, and just as I was about to fall, I grabbed the girl in front of me. Of course, because of the impact, the girl must have been caught off guard and fell. Oh no! I bent down to help her up and extended my hand. When the girl turned her face to me, I saw that it was Rümeysa.