THE VOICE OF NOTHINGNESS

"I am so sorry, it happened unintentionally." She wasn't expecting to see me in front of her, and she frowned.

"If you had been careful, it wouldn't have happened." What kind of tone was that?

"I beg your pardon!" I raised one eyebrow and curled my lip to the right.

"Not surprised." What was this girl even talking about?

"Rümeysa, are you okay?" Furkan. No, this couldn't be happening! What was Furkan doing here?

"I'm fine, really, it's nothing. Just careless people, you know. Come on, let's go inside." She didn't even bother to lift her head and look at me.

"Alright then." As they talked, I wanted to sink into the ground and never come back up. He shouldn't have seen me like this. Even though I kept telling myself I didn't care, the fact that he saw me like this only widened the gap between Rümeysa and me. The fact that they had come here together already proved how well things were going for them. Of course, I wasn't expecting him to be mine, but still, it hurt a little.

"Merve, what are you doing? You're just standing there staring after him. You've been daydreaming for ages while I've been calling your name." Büşra's nudge brought me out of my trance.

"Huh? Let's go." It wasn't good to make it so obvious. I pulled myself together quickly; otherwise, Büşra would keep asking questions.

"Do you know him?" The curious questions had begun.

"No, where did that come from?" Denying was the best option.

"I don't know, he seemed to be looking at you quite a bit." This time, it was my turn to be surprised.

"Was he looking at me?" If he saw me, he must have recognized me. And I didn't like that at all.

"What's going on, Merve?" I kept denying.

"Nothing! What could be going on, Büşra? I was just distracted, that's all. Let's go." I answered coolly; otherwise, I might slip up at any moment.

"Alright, if you say so." I felt the need to change the subject.

"Let me ask you something. You've been out for two days; doesn't your family worry about you? It's surprising!" She gritted her teeth and smirked mischievously.

"Don't even bring that up. They've gone to my grandma's for three days. They're not home, thank goodness. Otherwise, who knows what would have happened to me."

"You're absolutely right about that." We took a taxi back to the house. There was a girl waiting in front of Büşra's place. As we got closer, I realized it was the same girl from the bar. She recognized us and approached.

"Hello." It was obvious she was nervous.

"What are you doing here?" There had to be a reason she wouldn't leave us alone.

"I brought Büşra's stuff. I also have something to tell her." Upon hearing her name, Büşra responded this time.

"What do you want to tell me?" The girl glanced around nervously before answering.

"Not here. Can we sit somewhere?" Talking in the middle of the street wasn't ideal, and it seemed like she had something important to say.

"Alright, let's go to my place." We started walking back to my house. When we got to the doorstep, I took the key from the flowerpot nearby and opened the door. None of us spoke until we sat down inside. After a moment, I urged her to speak.

"We're listening." She licked her dry lips lightly before starting.

"Volkan came by this morning." Büşra straightened up in her seat.

"Who is that?" Though I wasn't interested in the topic, I felt obligated to listen.

"Volkan… that guy!" With Büşra's response, I was starting to understand. She turned to the girl and continued talking.

"What was he here for?" I noticed she was hesitant while asking the question.

"For you." Well, now she was just being ridiculous.

"And the killer returns to the crime scene!" Büşra's words were filled with pain, and seeing her like that made me even angrier.

"What the hell was he doing there?" Her eyes kept darting between Büşra and me.

"He first went into the room to look around. Then, when he couldn't find you, he started confronting people, asking everyone about you." I couldn't comprehend the spark in Büşra's eyes. It was as if she was pleased he had come back.

"Why?" There was curiosity in her voice, not reproach, which worried me even more.

"I don't know. When we told him you'd left, he walked out too." I realized I had to take control of the situation.

"Got it. By the way, what's your name?" The tension in the room rose. Büşra, gnawing on her nails, swung her legs nervously. She stopped biting her nails only to start nibbling on her lips, making her look utterly pathetic.

"Melike." It was a question I asked out of formality, just to throw Büşra off her focus.

"You could've easily told me this over the phone, or not bothered at all after seeing how she was this morning!"

"I came to return Büşra's belongings." In my opinion, that wasn't a good enough reason to show up. She took a phone and a wallet out of her bag and handed them to Büşra. I directed my next question at her.

"And how did you find our house?" No matter what she said, I couldn't bring myself to believe her. There was something unsettling about this girl.

"The taxi driver you rode with was a friend of mine. I asked him." Even though it didn't sound like a lie, there were things I couldn't quite connect.

"Got it. Thanks for everything. You've returned the items, so that's it." How much clearer could I be that she needed to leave?

"Alright, I'll be off then. Have a good day." After sending her off, I went inside and sat down. Büşra was lost in thought again. She hadn't said much while the girl was here.

"What are you thinking?" I placed my right hand on her trembling knee and touched her clasped hands with my left.

"Volkan."

"I figured. But what's going on in your head?" She rested her head on my shoulder and let out a deep breath.

"Why did he come, I wonder?" This was a conversation we were bound to have anyway.

"I'm curious about that too. Why did he come, and why was he so angry?" Since I didn't know Volkan, I couldn't predict his actions or motives.

"Exactly. I couldn't make sense of it either." She lifted her head and showed me her phone.

"Look at my phone. He called so many times." There were 38 missed calls and a slew of messages.

"Are you going to call him back?" She seemed conflicted, as if waiting for an answer from me. But this was a decision she had to make on her own.

"No! I don't want to call him. There's nothing left to talk about!" As I said, it was her decision, and all I could do was respect it.

"Alright, darling. I'll make some coffee, and we can drink it together." She just nodded. I went to the kitchen to make coffee, and my thoughts wandered to Furkan again. He had been on my mind today. I grabbed my phone and opened Instagram, wondering about his last name so I could look him up.

The sound of sizzling snapped me out of my thoughts—I'd let the coffee boil over. Just great. I wiped the counter, tossed the pot into the sink, and decided against making coffee. Irritated, I went back to the living room.

"Where's the coffee?" I let out a deep sigh.

"Forget it. No coffee." She seemed surprised by my frustration.

"What?" Was it that hard to understand? I was in a mood where everything annoyed me.

"Ugh, what's the big deal with coffee? I'll get you some juice instead." She looked into my eyes, as if trying to understand why I was so upset.

"You sit; I'll get it." She went to the kitchen and came back with two glasses of juice, sat next to me, and handed me a glass before taking a sip of hers.

"Did you let the coffee boil over?" How did she figure that out?

"You're obsessed with the coffee!" I rolled my eyes.

"Silly you." She laughed mockingly. I smirked with a mischievous glint in my eye.

"Mocking me, huh? We'll see about that!" I started tickling her, and her laughter grew louder. But then her phone rang. I stopped tickling her, though she was still laughing. She picked up her phone, but her smile disappeared when she saw who was calling. Without hesitation, she answered.

"Hello." I couldn't hear the other person, but their tone seemed tense.

"No, I'm not home."

"...….."

Her teary eyes made it clear who it was.

"That's none of your business." Her words came out in broken fragments.

"...….."

More silence. She swallowed hard.

"I don't care." She hung up and tossed the phone onto the couch.

"Who was it?"

Even though I had a hunch, I wanted to confirm.

"Volkan." She had given in to her curiosity and answered.

"What did he say?" She gritted her teeth and muttered her reply.

"He asked where I was. When I didn't tell him, he said I should listen to him and started rambling nonsense." She was trying to act like she didn't care, but her eyes betrayed her. She waved her hand dismissively, letting out a small sigh.

"Let's watch a movie. It'll take our minds off things." Büşra, always running from her problems, I didn't push further.

"Sure, you pick the movie, and I'll prepare some snacks." I handed her my laptop and went to the kitchen. While preparing the snacks, I couldn't help but think: sweeping things under the rug wasn't doing her any good. I knew it would blow up eventually, but I also knew she wouldn't talk about something she had closed off unless she brought it up herself. I placed the snacks on a tray and went back to the living room.

"What are we watching?" It was best to let things flow naturally.

"Only You." The title sounded familiar.

"Isn't that an old movie?" She nodded, still staring at the screen.

"Yes."

"I've heard of it but haven't seen it. What's it about?" I sat down, placed the snacks on the table, and stretched out my legs.

"Ali is going through a very challenging period in his life. Just as he is pondering how to cope, he meets Hazal, who leads a quiet and peaceful life. Hazal will bring immense excitement to Ali's reserved and stagnant soul, making his heart beat for her. As they get to know each other, what Ali learns about Hazal will remind him of the mistakes he made in his past. Although Ali has given up his career as a boxer, he will have to fight one last time for his love for Hazal. Sadece Sen brings a story to the screen that demonstrates love knows no bounds. Could there be a passionate love between a retired boxer and a visually impaired girl? Will the boxer's past become another obstacle for this love, or will that strong bond overcome everything? We'll see."

I found her tone and expressions odd.

"What kind of way is that to describe a movie? I just asked for the plot," I said, giving her a strange look.

"It says all of that on the right side of the laptop," she replied.

She was clearly messing with me. I lightly tapped her shoulder, not enough to hurt.

"You think you're so clever, don't you?" I said, smirking.

She giggled mischievously and curled up, pulling her knees to her chest.

"Of course, I am. Anyway, let's watch the movie," she said.

After finishing the film, we went to bed.

…

When I woke up, I picked up my phone to check the date. Today, I was supposed to collect my diploma. I needed to stop by the school. Even though I didn't feel rested, I got out of bed, washed my face, and headed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Büşra walked in while I was setting the table.

"Büşra, I know I should go, but I really don't want to."

She shrugged and sat down at the table.

"Then don't go," she said, still carrying the same weariness as last night. It must have been a tough night for her.

"Are you serious?" I asked. She casually stabbed a fork into an olive.

"Yeah, no problem. I'll pick up your diploma for you."

I was relieved that she agreed. I poured tea into our glasses and sat down.

"You're such a good friend."

After breakfast, we got ready. I threw on a gray T-shirt and black jeans. Büşra, too lazy to go home, borrowed something from my wardrobe. I watched her comb her hair—her fiery red curls and fair skin gave her a unique charm. Her barely noticeable freckles added to her appeal, and with her waist-length curly hair and tall stature, she was truly striking. She settled on a white shirt and black jeans.

We left the house and got into a taxi. For a while, we silently watched the road. Then she turned to me.

"You said you didn't want to go to school, but here you are with me. If you're not going to school, what are you planning to do?"

I didn't have a convincing excuse. Realizing we were passing where I wanted to be, I told the driver I wanted to get off.

"Could I get out here? I'll talk to you later, love," I said, quickly kissing her cheeks before stepping out of the car. I didn't give her a chance to reply. She stared at me in confusion as the taxi drove away.

I knew exactly where I was headed. Feeling like I had to hurry, I started running. My heart raced alongside me, the mere possibility of seeing Furkan was enough to excite me.

When I got near his house, I leaned against the wall of a nearby building and began watching their door. I waited for fifteen or twenty minutes.

"What exactly are you trying to do?"

I froze at the sound of the familiar voice. Embarrassment overwhelmed me, and I wished the ground would swallow me whole. Slowly, I turned around, dreading what was coming. Inside, I was already drowning in humiliation.