THE VOICE OF NOTHINGNESS

"Merve! Get up already." I thought to myself that you were the one missing. I couldn't live this monotonous life anymore. Annoying people, events that were testing my patience, they were pushing me to my limits.

"Leave me, don't touch me!" Since their house was next to my grandfather's, seeing him wasn't a surprise. Emre was my ex-boyfriend, and also my childhood friend. We had grown closer emotionally while growing up together. When he confessed his feelings, I believed his sincerity and accepted his proposal. Although my family thought that love had its own time, they didn't pressure me much. My mom thought it was just a childhood crush, so she would calm my dad down about it. My grandfather, on the other hand, was very close to Emre's family, so he was pleased with the relationship. We used to spend our weekends together, our family gatherings were quite popular, and we would meet at either Emre's place, ours, or my grandfather's. Our families thought we were going to get married, but it didn't turn out that way. After losing my family, he was never by my side, not even a call. When I went to confront him, I clearly saw the reason (!), he had shamelessly cheated on me over my pain.

"Come on, Merve, you don't look good." I pushed his hand away with force, releasing the hatred I felt along with my voice.

"Do you even care? Say it!" I turned around to leave, but suddenly my head spun, and I stumbled. He caught my arm.

"Stop being stubborn, Merve, you don't look well!" He was pushing my limits, his lack of boundaries was really bothering me. I pushed him off with my index finger and gave him a mocking look deep into his eyes.

"Look, Emre, you're the last person I want to talk to or see right now. Don't make it worse, just leave." I wanted to roll my eyes at his hurt expression, but my mood wouldn't allow it.

"Why are you doing this?" He clearly knew how ridiculous his question was, but his shamelessness made him act like he didn't.

"Why? Are you really asking this question seriously?" I shook my head, realizing that things were getting weird, and didn't want to drag it out.

"Emre, I don't have time for you right now, and I won't for the next fifty years either. So, just go." He went quiet after what I said, thinking for a moment. He took a deep breath, then parted his lips to speak.

"Everything can be like before, give us a chance." The sadness on his face seemed so fake that I couldn't stop my stomach from turning.

"I think it's best if you leave before you say more nonsense." He shook his head negatively.

"This time it won't work, I won't let you leave, you'll listen to me." He grabbed my arm and started pulling me.

Oh my God, was I really going to deal with this too while I had all these problems? I tried to free my arm, but his fingers were tightly clasped around it.

"Let me go, you're hurting me." I grimaced in pain, the thought of wasting time on this nonsense only made my anger worse. My nerves were coursing through my veins, and I took a deep breath to calm myself down.

"Did you hear that, girl?" But that voice… it was Furkan! No way, I was being tossed around in the whirlpool of coincidences.

"Who are you?" Who was he? Ever since I saw him, I had been wondering that. Who exactly was Furkan?

"Who I am doesn't concern you. Right now, all you need to do is leave Merve alone." The first time I heard my name from his lips, I wasn't even sure he knew it. My heart, ignoring the situation we were in, was focused solely on Furkan, as if nothing and no one else existed around me. My soul, like a soft breeze over the sea, was drifting toward him. This change inside me was not a good sign; I needed to gather myself quickly. His voice carried a threatening tone that I couldn't ignore, and I couldn't stop my heart from pounding. Honestly, I couldn't say I was feeling okay. I shook myself awake, and before things could get even more intense, I pulled my arm away from Emre's grip and moved toward Furkan. I wasn't scared of Emre, but somewhere deep inside, I felt uneasy knowing he would learn about my connection with him.

"Come on, let's get in the car." I nodded in agreement, saying nothing as I walked toward the car, opened the door, and sat inside. Without a word, Furkan started the car. I had nothing to say, and when I saw myself in the side mirror, my eyes were swollen from crying. Then, Furkan's phone rang. He picked it up.

"Hello, Mom." So it was his mother.

"…"

"I might be a little late, Mom." I watched as he scratched the side of his nose before shifting the gear.

"…"

"No, Mom, I'm dropping someone off at home." When his eyes met mine in the rearview mirror, I quickly averted my gaze, but I had probably been caught.

"…"

"No, Mom! No! Rümeysa? Tomorrow? Don't you think it's a bit early?" His mood changed so quickly, now he seemed frustrated. Whoever Rümeysa was, I could tell he didn't really like her.

"…"

"Alright, we'll talk at home. I'm hanging up. Goodbye."

What was this? Who was Rümeysa? Hearing another girl's name from his lips stirred jealousy inside me. As these thoughts swirled in my head, I realized we had arrived at our destination, recognizing the sound of the car's engine stopping. I opened the door, then shut it again with the question in my mind—where would I stay? The Büşras would be coming tomorrow.

"Is this the wrong house?" He was speaking without looking at me, and although I knew this wasn't right, I couldn't help but want him to look at me.

"Isn't this it?" He was waiting for an answer. If I wasn't too shy, I would've given him a cold look. I knew I had no place in his life, but still, what was he doing here? How had he found me? These questions kept bothering me.

"Yes, but…" I decided to answer his question instead of asking mine, since I didn't want to be misunderstood.

"Is there a hotel you know that's safe, somewhere I could stay?" I asked as I noticed him thoughtfully rubbing his chin.

"I don't have anywhere else to go. The Büşras are coming tomorrow, so if you know of one…"

Without a word, he nodded and led me into the house. The moment we arrived, I was so exhausted I couldn't even speak, but when I entered, I put on a weak smile as Zehra Aunt looked at me curiously. However, she must've seen my exhaustion and didn't ask any questions, just helped me into my room and settled me into bed. After she turned off the lights and left, I listened to the voices from inside the house before falling asleep.

"Son, what's going on?" It was perfectly natural for him to ask, considering I had arrived in the middle of the night, and yet he had opened the door without question.

"I told you earlier, Mom. She didn't have anywhere to go, and tomorrow her friend will be here, so I brought her here." His voice sounded a bit strange, full of sincere pity, though none of us could quite understand what was happening.

"Why do you know all this?" Zehra Aunt was right. Why had Furkan been at my grandfather's house? I couldn't figure that out either.

"Sultana! I know what you're implying. What are you thinking now?" He was implying something, but I didn't quite understand the meaning.

"What do you mean, son? You haven't fallen for her, have you? If you have, just tell me, and we won't get your hopes up about Rümeysa."

Her words hit me like a slap. I wanted to scream, but hearing Rümeysa's name stopped me from feeling any excitement.

"Let's see. I agreed to meet her tomorrow, but you're dragging this on." Had he agreed? Was he planning a life with her? Did he love her? Why did my heart ache so much? I was overwhelmed with questions, but I knew deep down I was afraid of the answers.

"Okay, son. Whatever you want."

"Alright, Mom. I'm heading out."

"Take care."

After the sounds quieted down, I realized that tomorrow he was meeting Rümeysa. His mother's joy in the conversation had been evident.

It must have been morning already, as I woke up to some sounds coming from inside. I got up and fixed myself, and when I opened the door, I encountered Furkan. When our eyes met, we stood there for a few seconds, as always, he was mesmerizing. His black shirt hugged his body, perfectly matching his gray pants, and his hair was falling from his forehead as usual. That casual look gave his hair an extra charm. When I thought about why he was dressed like that, my face fell. The fading glow in my eyes caused a question mark in his eyes.

"Did you wake up, my girl?" Hearing Zehra aunt's voice made us both step back.

"Yes, Zehra Aunt, I was just coming to say goodbye to you." I felt like my hands and feet were tangled, I hoped Zehra Aunt hadn't noticed, I thought to myself.

"That's fine, my girl. Come, let's have breakfast, I just made tea." It wouldn't be right to leave on an empty stomach, and I silenced the voice inside me asking if I had any other excuse to stay a little longer. But I didn't want to stay any longer.

"It would be a bother to you."

"What bother, my girl? I haven't eaten either, we'll eat together. You go inside, I'll see Furkan off and be right back." When I was left alone in the middle of the living room, thoughts tangled in my mind like a spider's web. I was convincing myself that everything would be fine, that I could trick myself into believing in false hopes and be happy. But nothing would go as I wanted, I had to force myself to accept that. To avoid crying over a happiness that had ended before it even started, I dug my nails into my palm.

"My girl, what's wrong, what happened?" With a voice I barely managed to gather, I answered without looking at her.

"It's better if I go, thank you for everything."

Before Zehra aunt could say anything more, I grabbed my bag and left. She was calling after me, but I didn't turn around, I just kept running. I had to die, I didn't want to live. I didn't care who or what was in front, to the right, or to the left of me; I just kept running. Even when I stumbled, I didn't stop. I made sadness my companion and threw myself to the beach, starting to scream at the sea.

"WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU? WHOEVER YOU ARE, TAKE MY SOUL. WHAT DID I DO TO YOU? WHY DID YOU KILL MY FAMILY? WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM US?"

"Shouting like this doesn't suit you at all!"

When I heard that voice, I turned around, and when I saw my grandfather standing there with a gun in his hand, I froze in place.