The Unbelievers

Chapter 25

“…”

“Director Nam is kind, but he really only does as much as he’s paid by you, ahjussi. I’m not tattling.”

Director Nam was indeed kind. But there was no sincerity in that kindness. He only played his role. As Eunseong spoke as if telling on him, his eyes grew hot. His voice trembled slightly like a child feeling wronged.

“Don’t you have more photos of the mother bird?”

“There should be more.”

“Then please show me those.”

“I’ll send them to you.”

“…Okay.”

Hearing his response, Eunseong released the edge of the blanket he had been anxiously gripping. After ending the call, he stared at the black screen of his phone. His eyes and cheeks were flushed red from the fever. At that moment, the tears that had been welling up rolled down the bridge of his nose and dropped onto the pillowcase.

Eunseong opened his eyes at the cool sensation on his forehead. His forehead was throbbing with a dull pain. His eyes met Yoo Siwoon’s, who was removing the towel that had grown hot from body heat and using tongs to place a cool wet towel on Eunseong’s forehead.

Eunseong tried to raise his upper body, staggering. Yoo Siwoon pressed the wet towel against Eunseong’s forehead, making him lie back down, and carefully pulled the blanket up to his neck. Buried deep in the blanket, Eunseong looked up at him.

“…When did you come?”

His voice was low.

“Just now.”

“I guess I’m sicker than I thought.”

“Should we call a doctor?”

He asked again. Despite the headache, Eunseong shook his head, saying no. It was a vehement refusal.

“I’m fine, really. Who calls a doctor for being this sick?”

Yoo Siwoon’s gaze became subtle as he looked down at Eunseong’s flushed face.

The man was sitting in a chair he had pulled up next to the bed, nursing Eunseong. He was very close.

“You’re coming close today because I’m sick? Because you need to take care of me? You usually keep your distance.”

“Stop talking. It must be hard.”

“You were making such a fuss about not trusting me before… I feel like I’m being silly.”

“…”

“I keep getting soft-hearted and whining to you. I should be working harder to save money at times like this.”

While saying this, Eunseong was watching Yoo Siwoon’s reaction. He wanted to see if he disliked him like this, or if he was accepting it.

“Isn’t everyone like that when they’re sick?”

He spoke as if he understood everything. Eunseong felt a sudden warmth in his heart. He was thrilled to see Yoo Siwoon coming home early to take care of him because he said he was sick. It was attention he had never received even from his father. As he was feeling both good and excited about Yoo Siwoon’s care, Yoo Siwoon used tongs to place a cool towel on Eunseong’s forehead.

“…What’s that? Tongs?”

“Ah, it’s more comfortable this way.”

He made an excuse. He was using tongs to place the towel on Eunseong’s forehead to avoid touching him, and removing it when it got hot from body temperature. Eunseong found Yoo Siwoon’s behavior absurd. The emotion he had just felt instantly vanished. If he was going to do it like that, it would have been better not to do it at all.

On one hand, he was angry, but he decided to focus solely on the fact that the distance Yoo Siwoon always maintained when they were together was now gone. Yoo Siwoon had overcome his mysophobia and come close to him. That alone was something to be grateful for. But that didn’t mean his hurt feelings would recover immediately.

“Haa… Why is it so hot?”

The blanket Yoo Siwoon had pulled up to his neck seemed to be making his body heat rise even more. Eunseong pulled back the blanket pressing down on his chest. He twisted the pajamas constricting his body. A few buttons came undone, revealing his chest. Eunseong finally let out a sigh of relief at the cool air touching his bare skin.

Soon, Yoo Siwoon’s hands properly closed the loose parts of the pajamas. Even so, Eunseong could feel the careful touch trying not to make skin contact.

…Because I’m dirty? Am I dirty?

His father sometimes told him he was dirty too. When drunk, he would curse at him, calling him dirty blood. So Eunseong had a sort of victim mentality about being dirty, and when Yoo Siwoon acted like this, it reminded him of his father’s curses, making him even more uncomfortable. Moreover, today of all days, his cousin uncle’s behavior of being fussy about his mysophobia when someone was sick felt unbearably unpleasant.

“Um… ahjussi.”

“Yes?”

His gaze was idly fiddling with the wet towel. Yoo Siwoon deliberately avoided looking at Eunseong and answered the call with an averted gaze.

“I’m hot… can’t you wipe my sweat for me…?”

“I think we should call a doctor after all.”

Yoo Siwoon got up, looking for his phone.

“I said no!”

“…”

Eunseong abruptly raised his upper body and shouted. Only then did his gaze turn towards the flushed face.

“I said I don’t want a doctor… I don’t want one.”

“…Why?”

“Just because. I just don’t like doctors. I’m not that sick. I’m not sick. I’m just pretending. I was just throwing a tantrum because I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

Shaking his head vehemently, Eunseong strongly refused, saying he didn’t need a doctor. His face turned even redder, and the skin below his neck down to his visible collarbone also reddened.

Yoo Siwoon was staring blankly at Eunseong throwing a fit. Eunseong became more flustered by his silent gaze. He was afraid Yoo Siwoon would think he was strange.

“You keep acting like you hate people, like you’re dealing with a sick patient. You won’t even touch me, acting like you’ll die if you do… Do you know how annoying that is? You don’t do that with Director Nam, do you think I don’t notice you only do it with me?”

“The porridge should be ready. I’ll bring it.”

“…”

Without even listening to the end of Eunseong’s confused rambling, Yoo Siwoon stood up. Watching his back as he hurriedly left as if escaping, Eunseong’s eyes trembled, brimming with tears.

…Are you crazy? Seo Eunseong, are you crazy?

Eunseong covered his mouth with his hand. He was acting like a teenage boy with a crush. He was throwing a tantrum, asking not to be rejected, to be touched, to be caressed, not to act like he was disliked.

Why am I like this…? That person is a relative. No matter how distant, he’s still a relative.

His heart was beating so fast it hurt. He could hear his own heartbeat in his ears. Eunseong shook his head. The slow head shake soon turned into a vigorous side-to-side motion.

It doesn’t make any sense. He must be misunderstanding something. No matter how handsome or kind he was, in any case, he was his cousin uncle, an elder. Yoo Siwoon was his father’s cousin.

Eunseong wiped his face vigorously with the cool wet towel. The burning body heat cooled for a moment. He tried to calm himself, thinking that he must be misunderstanding something because he was weak-hearted from being sick. Indeed, as he wiped his face several times with the wet towel, the pounding in his chest subsided and his emotions, which had been running wild, settled down.

After enough time had passed to collect his emotions, Yoo Siwoon returned to the room carrying a tray with porridge.

“Can you eat some porridge?”

“Yes… yes.”

He pulled out a bed tray that had been hidden at the foot of the bed. He set the tray on it. There was steaming abalone porridge, finely chopped radish kimchi, and small dishes of pickles and braised side dishes to stimulate the appetite.

Eunseong had been looking down, deliberately trying not to look at Yoo Siwoon, but when he saw him holding a spoon, blowing on the hot porridge to cool it, he unconsciously raised his eyes to look at his profile.

“It’s still hot. I’ll cool it down more.”

“…”

It wasn’t a misunderstanding. The fluttering and trembling of his heart when he saw him wasn’t a misunderstanding. He had been fine until just now, but seeing him caused a slight dizziness.

“Here, try to eat some.”

After stirring and cooling the porridge for a while, he scooped some with the spoon and brought it close to Eunseong’s mouth.

Although he could eat porridge on his own, Eunseong quietly opened his mouth like a child who couldn’t eat by himself, letting Yoo Siwoon feed him. Until he finished the porridge that painfully went down his throat, Yoo Siwoon fed him directly. Enduring his mysophobia, he came close and fed him the porridge to the end. After finishing the porridge, he also took medicine.

The stiff movements as he fed Eunseong the porridge were awkward and rigid, as if to say he had never done such a thing in his life and it wasn’t in his nature. While trying hard enough to break a sweat on his forehead, Yoo Siwoon was still careful not to let their skin touch. Eunseong was now beyond feeling disappointed. He felt resentful towards him.

“That’s enough now. I want to sleep.”

Hurt by him maintaining distance until the end while taking care of him as if fulfilling a duty, Eunseong spoke coldly and lay down on the bed. He turned to his side, showing his back to him.

After watching quietly, Yoo Siwoon gathered the empty bowl and spoon and went out.

“…”

As he closed the door, Eunseong let out a long sigh he had been holding in. It was a sigh full of pent-up emotions.

His vision blurred as the medicine took effect. He fell asleep while chewing on his feverish lips, thinking about Yoo Siwoon.

Eunseong, who had fallen asleep in a feverish state, had a dream. He grabbed hold of Yoo Siwoon, who wouldn’t even let their skin touch, and grasped his large hand that was avoiding him. After caressing the tattooed back of his hand, Eunseong brought that hand between his bare thighs. He dreamed of making him touch his lower parts.

When he woke up near dawn as if being pulled out of that dream, cold sweat was running down his back, and chills were sweeping through him as if shuddering.