The Unbelievers

Chapter 24

It was a small green egg, about the size of a finger joint. The nest was so sturdily built with straw that it looked like a small basket woven by human hands.

Although he was wearing a raincoat, Eunseong’s face was pale from the rain. In the dim light, his face had a smooth ivory color. Siwoon tilted the umbrella to shield him from the rain. As the raindrops stopped hitting his hood, Eunseong tilted his head back. He looked up at Siwoon intently.

“You’ll catch a cold.”

“I’ve never seen anything like this before, it’s fascinating. But I’ve never seen the mother bird even once.”

“How can it come when someone is staring at it like this?”

“…That’s true. But it’s really well-built, isn’t it?”

Eunseong reached out to touch the nest, fascinated. Siwoon reflexively grasped his hand. The startled hand was cold. He moved Eunseong’s hand away from the sparrow’s nest and immediately let go.

“If human scent gets on it, the bird won’t come.”

“If it smells like humans… will it abandon the eggs?”

“It might.”

“Actually, I touched it before… I touched the egg. What should I do? What if the mother bird doesn’t come because of that?”

“Just don’t touch it from now on.”

“What if they can’t hatch because of me?”

“The more we stare at it here, the less likely it is to come.”

He gestured for Eunseong to get up, who was crouching down. One of Siwoon’s shoulders was getting wet as he tilted the umbrella towards Eunseong.

Back inside the house, Eunseong took off his raincoat. His hair and clothes were wet from the raindrops that hadn’t been fully blocked.

“Go take a warm shower. You’re all wet.”

“If it really doesn’t come because of me… it means I killed them all.”

“It will come. Just leave it alone. Don’t keep looking at it.”

If Siwoon’s words were true, the mother bird might have abandoned the eggs because of him. Because he touched them, because they smelled like humans, she might not be able to find her nest, or believe it was exposed to threats and not come back.

“What if they all die because of me? I didn’t mean to, but what if they all die because I touched them?”

“…Why did you touch them in the first place?”

“I wanted to touch them… I’ve never seen anything like it before, it was fascinating.”

“Don’t touch them anymore from now on. That’s all you need to do.”

“…”

“Just don’t touch them. And don’t stare at them anymore.”

Siwoon consoled Eunseong, saying it would be fine if he did that. Eunseong wasn’t sure if Siwoon was talking about the sparrow eggs or someone else. The warmth of Siwoon grasping his hand in the cold rain came back to him, making his body shiver as if feeling a chill.

“Go shower quickly. You’ll really catch a cold.”

He led the dazed Eunseong to his room, telling him to go in and wash up.

∞ ∞ ∞

Yesterday, he had managed to solve some problems he knew, but today, his mind was foggy and he hadn’t studied properly, so he didn’t know most of the answers. Still, he read the questions and guessed the most likely answers.

Although he had been dozing off for the remaining time, Eunseong was still nodding off in the car on the way home. Director Nam, puzzled by Eunseong’s inability to focus, asked if he wasn’t feeling well.

“I got a bit wet in the rain yesterday… And I stayed up late studying. I think that’s why.”

His whole body felt languid and warm with fever, as if he had a mild cold. Even though he had taken a warm shower right away, it seemed he had caught a cold as Siwoon had warned.

“It looks like you’re coming down with a cold.”

“I feel a bit chilly too…”

It wasn’t a lie; Eunseong felt a chill. He shivered, rubbing both his shoulders.

After arriving home, Eunseong ate some warm porridge and took the cold medicine that Director Nam had prepared for him.

With no energy to study, he lay down on the bed.

Although he felt drowsy, he couldn’t fall asleep right away, so he fidgeted with his phone while tossing and turning.

Eunseong had never contacted Siwoon directly before. All communication went through Director Nam. It wasn’t that he was told to do so, but whenever he had something to say, Director Nam would readily offer to relay it to Siwoon, making it the natural procedure.

And if there was anything to discuss, they could do it when they met in the morning, so he hadn’t seriously considered contacting him before.

“…”

Eunseong hesitated for a long time with the message app open on his phone. Maybe because he was sick, his heart kept softening.

He shouldn’t trust anyone, especially not his cousin uncle who never explained anything to him, but he had grown accustomed to drinking milk with the smell of coffee Siwoon brewed in the morning, and he found himself looking forward to the rare dinners they sometimes shared.

At night, if he heard any suspicious sounds outside, Eunseong would rush to Siwoon’s room and knock. Even though Siwoon knew Eunseong was half-lying, he didn’t grumble. Even when woken up, he would go out to check the surroundings himself, order the staff to strengthen security, and check the CCTV.

Although the physical distance hadn’t narrowed even after a month, Eunseong had grown accustomed to living with Siwoon and relying on him for everything.

Eunseong naturally accepted Siwoon’s eccentric obsessive-compulsive behavior. Sometimes, he was even more careful not to startle Siwoon, who would freeze up if anyone got too close.

The voice that had scolded him for touching the sparrow eggs didn’t make him feel hurt; instead, it made him want to be scolded more. As he was hesitating whether to contact Siwoon or not while looking at his phone, a message arrived from Siwoon first.

It was a picture of a sparrow that had come to the nest.

“Huh…?”

Eunseong immediately called Siwoon after seeing the picture. He lay on his side, hugging the bedding, with the warm-feeling phone to his ear. The crisp pillow gently pressed against his cheek.

“Yes.”

A low voice, as if not knowing it was Eunseong, responded briefly from the other end of the line.

“Ah, it’s… it’s me, ahjussi.”

“Yes.”

There was no change in his voice. It seemed he was alone as it was quiet around him. His voice came through even more distinctly. Although brief, it was an attractive tone with a softened baritone that could make a man seem special just by his voice.

“What’s this picture?”

“Did you see it?”

“Was this taken today?”

“I took it this morning. You seemed worried.”

“The sparrow came back to the nest this morning?”

“It came this morning, and probably last night too.”

His voice was calm compared to Eunseong’s excited tone.

“That’s a relief. I was worried. So the sparrow didn’t abandon its babies?”

Eunseong let out a sigh of relief. He had been worried all night thinking the sparrow had abandoned its eggs because of him. He had told Director Nam he stayed up studying, but in truth, he had lost sleep worrying about the sparrow eggs.

“I’m really relieved.”

He was so relieved he could cry, having lost sleep worrying all night. As Eunseong’s voice became tearful, Siwoon went quiet on the other end of the phone.

“I thought they all died because of me… I thought I killed them all.”

“Are you sick?”

Siwoon, who had been quietly listening, asked.

“What?”

“Your voice… doesn’t sound good.”

“I’m feeling a bit under the weather. I took some medicine and lay down.”

“Get some rest.”

“When are you coming home, ahjussi?”

“It might be late, or it might not. Did you take medicine? Did you tell the director?”

“I did. The director gave me some medicine.”

As Eunseong told him he wasn’t feeling well, he felt more and more pitiful. His throat started to ache dully. Even though Siwoon hadn’t complained about being busy with work and Eunseong making him worry, or scolded him for being sick, asking what he should do about it, just the fact that Siwoon was asking where he was hurting suddenly made Eunseong feel overwhelmed with emotion.

If Siwoon hadn’t sent the picture of the sparrow, Eunseong would have felt even worse. Although he shouldn’t trust him, Eunseong now had no one to rely on but his cousin uncle, and Siwoon was becoming an adult shelter that Eunseong had never experienced before.

For Eunseong, who had lived trembling with anxiety from his blood relatives, it was an overwhelming emotion. Imagining the back of the man who must have waited in front of the nest to send the picture made that emotion even more intense.

“I’ll send a doctor.”

“What? No. I’m not that sick. That’s completely overreacting. It’s not that bad. I just have a slight fever… my throat hurts a bit, I feel weak, that’s all.”

Startled by the sudden offer to send a doctor, Eunseong waved his hands, saying not to overreact even though Siwoon couldn’t see him.

Although it was his father who was planning to leave anyway, after their sudden separation, Siwoon was now the only person Eunseong was connected to in this world. Even though Siwoon was being kind, Eunseong felt sad for no reason. Being sick made everything feel sad. Even Siwoon’s thoughtfulness in sending the picture and his gentle voice asking about his condition.

“Did you eat anything?”

“My throat hurts so I couldn’t even eat lunch. I can’t swallow anything. Cough, cough.”

Eunseong lied, wanting more sympathy and comfort from Siwoon, even though he had eaten the porridge the housekeeper had made.

“I’ll ask the housekeeper to make you some porridge. Eat that and get some sleep.”

“…Okay. But…”

Eunseong barely swallowed the lump rising in his throat. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed painfully through his sore throat, and his brow furrowed in pain.

“More than that… I think it would be better if you were here.”