The Broken Prince's Love

Cedar cursed himself as soon as he woke up. What had he told himself about becoming soft around Lucille? He couldn't just put himself in the palm of her hand when she asked something of him. She had been oddly clingy yesterday, and he had shamelessly used that as an excuse for him to stay the night here.

By now, it was questionable what thin line they were allegedly balancing on he was talking about. He had already danced around at the border so much that he wasn't sure whether there was a way for him to go back at this point in time.

When Cedar opened his eyes and looked down at Lucille, he only realized that once more. She looked too peaceful while she was sleeping. She was just lying on top of him, with her muscles being completely relaxed while her expression seemed so innocent. Her mouth even hung open a bit.

Cedar tore his eyes away from her before he could think about touching her soft hair again. It wasn't good for him to be here. It was early in the morning when it was still rather empty, so he should hurry to leave now. The only issue was that he would have to slip out without waking Lucille up. Wasn't that almost impossible when she was on top of him? He could move quietly, but he couldn't avoid changing her position. He scanned her for a moment before whispering her name. “Lucille?”

No response followed. She was asleep.

So, he would have to make the impossible possible. The prince quickly noticed that this was worse than coordinating his movements in a duel. He didn't dare to move more than his limbs, and every time Lucille stirred, he froze.

Should he just stay here until she woke up? She would be more than embarrassed about this, and him coming out of her room with yesterday's clothing in the middle of the day would be a bad idea. He had to hurry and change. It seemed like he would need to force himself to stand up.

Cedar let out a deep breath and then began to push himself up while holding Lucille with one arm. It took all of his concentration to do that, but he somehow brought himself into a sitting position without waking her. Then he carefully moved his arm under her legs and rolled her to the side while putting his own feet on the ground.

It only took some more patience, and then Lucille lay on the sofa alone while he was standing next to it.

Cedar skeptically looked at her. He only trusted that everything was fine when she continued to sleep for another minute. Then he dared to turn around to leave, but he stopped after just a few steps when he heard some shuffling around. He scanned Lucille again and quickly realized that she was cold.

Despite Lucille's ball gown, which covered half of the huge sofa, she seemed to freeze and pulled her limbs as close to her body as possible. Then it couldn't be helped.

Cedar went to the bed and took the blanket from there to bring it to her. He carefully bent down to spread it over Lucille's body and adjusted it a bit before he was content. That had been a bit too quickly though.

She stirred, and for a second, she opened her eyes just a bit before closing them again.

Cedar smiled at her and whispered. “Good morning.”

Lucille seemed to be awake enough to understand him. “Go...morning.” She slurred half of the syllables so much that he could barely comprehend what she said. She would fall asleep in a few seconds if he didn't disturb her more.

So, Cedar should be able to leave without keeping her up. Still, he wanted to tell her that he would be gone from now on. “I will go to my room. Is that fine?”

Lucille hummed quietly before pressing her face into the pillow again. She didn't seem to care about much except for sleeping. Good.

The prince prepared to leave but stopped himself after a single step. He glanced at Lucille again and was almost sure that she couldn't be aware of how cute she was while looking like that. He allowed himself to be coaxed into sitting down on the armrest for a while. He gazed at Lucille's peaceful expression while she lay there motionlessly.

Sometimes, she turned a bit and tried to move, but the puffy skirt of the ballgown kept her from doing too much. So, she gave up and continued to sleep in her original position despite the uncomfortable dress.

Cedar held back a chuckle and kept his eyes on her for a while. When he was certain that she wouldn't wake up, he even dared to reach for her. He twisted and turned his fingers slightly as he rolled a red strand of her hair around it. Now his finger was caught as much as he was. Cedar held still in that position and scanned the strand for a moment as his smile faded.

He was in a dilemma. A huge dilemma. He didn't want to let go. He couldn't anymore. The line he had talked about had been crossed. The stupid scale that was supposed to weigh both his options had already been tipped over. He couldn't continue as he had begun. He would need to make a change now. No matter how much he had ridiculed that thought in the past.

If he was alone, it seemed impossible. But if Lucille was next to him, he might find the reason and the strength to do it. Cedar knew that it couldn't go on like this, so pondering about whether he should act was unnecessary. He couldn't move forward while being indecisive.

He had two choices, and only one of them seemed acceptable to him.

So, Cedar forced himself to acknowledge it. If he was completely honest, he had already decided when he had saved Lucille from those assassins. He had clearly taken the other side that day. Not his mother's. And even if he had been raised to do the opposite, he liked this much more.

Now he only needed to make it official. When should he take care of that? The sooner, the faster. If he needed to meet someone, he had to announce it two weeks earlier. So, dealing with all of this today would be best.

Cedar took one last look at the sleeping Lucille before slowly letting go of her hair. Then he rose to his feet and sneaked out of the room. He just opened the door and immediately prepared to jump back to avoid the person in front of the room. Cedar froze in the middle of his movement and barely refrained from grabbing the closest vase to use it as a weapon. “Theodore?” Damn it. His brother had almost given him a heart attack.

Theodore seemed just as surprised but quickly recovered. “Good morning. I sincerely apologize for that. I-”

Cedar gestured for him to wait and stepped out of the room to close the door without making the slightest noise. Then he turned to his brother. “I'm sorry. I needed to make sure that we don't wake her up. Good morning. What brings you here so early?” It was unusual for the emperor to suddenly stand in front of Lucille's door in the morning. Unfortunately, it was even more unusual for the prince to come out of it this early.

Theodore began grinning at his brother and replied with a teasing undertone in his voice. “I was searching for you. I was a bit concerned when you did not respond no matter how often I knocked on your door. So, I guessed that that might be because you were here instead. It seems like I was right. Say, did you even listen to my advice? I told you to rest because of the exhausting evening. Don't tell me you stayed up the entire night.” It wasn't odd for him to misunderstand, but it was still strange to hear him joke with his brother like this.

Cedar scanned the hallway and inwardly sighed when he saw at least six guards staring at him. Wonderful. It wasn't like he could do something about them, so he turned his attention to his brother again. “Please don't say things like that. We truly just slept here. Lucille and I haven't known each other for long enough to even...” He paused and scanned his brother. “Never mind. That argument won't help you. You probably thought about marrying your wife as soon as you saw her.”

The emperor suddenly turned a bit too serious when he responded. “I did want to propose. I should have done that too. If I had married my angel immediately, it would have spared us a lot of trouble. But in any case, I won't joke about you and Lady Valerian if it makes you uncomfortable.” That wasn't the issue.

Cedar leaned against the door frame and stroked over his hair in an attempt to straighten it a bit while he replied. “I don't care. But I worry about her reputation. How is she supposed to find a husband if people find out that I spent the night in her room? Her life is supposed to go after she isn't endangered anymore.” Even if he didn't know how long the dowager empress would continue to threaten Lucille.

Theodore shrugged at that. “Well, she could just marry the man who spent the night in her room. I doubt that you will ever let her go. Or are you still in denial?”

Cedar didn't have the time to explain why he wouldn't be a good husband. He just steered the topic to the important part again. “What did you need me for? I doubt that you came here because you suddenly missed me at...” He glanced at the clock. “Seven in the morning.”

Theodore shrugged. “You can never know. But I fear that I have bad news this time. Our favorite person sent a letter. The dear dowager empress.”

Cedar almost sighed out loud. This morning couldn't have been more stressful. This letter would change nothing. It could only make things worse for him because Camille hadn't held back. For the first time in his life, the prince allowed his frustration about his mother to show in front of his brother. “Wonderful. That raises my mood tremendously.”

Theodore actually seemed taken aback upon hearing that. He scanned his brother for a moment before speaking up. “So, you moved a step farther now? I've never heard you openly being that annoyed with her. Except for maybe the last three times she caused problems in public.”

Cedar felt a bit relieved upon not having to hold back anymore and was just honest. “She's been annoying me ever since I was born. I think I don't need to explain why. And now, she's clearly up to no good again. I believed that my letter telling her to leave me alone was direct enough, but apparently not. But to be honest, I may have changed my mind while being here. I told her that I wanted a break from her. But now, I feel like not having any contact with her for the rest of my life might be good. Or preferably to the day she dies because I hope that she doesn't outlive me.”

Theodore let out a snort at that. “I hope that too. And I'm very happy about you deciding to stay away from that woman. But I fear that reading the letter may be better. After all, she might have put something only you would understand in. That's why I need you to check whether there are some hidden notes.”

Cedar could imagine his mother doing that. After all, she still believed that he would be on her side in this game. She wouldn't continue to believe that for long, and then things would get ugly fast. “I don't mind reading it. But we don't have any secret codes or something like that. She may have put in some of my triggers, but even that shouldn't do anything anymore. I don't think she can do better than the last letter.”

Theodore's face scrunched up. “Yes. Leon brought that from the Valerian's estate. I read it too. I'm sorry that you had to receive that.” So, even he hadn't wondered why his brother hadn't gotten rid of this piece of evidence. He was too gullible.

This time, Cedar shrugged. “It's not like it was sudden, so I was fine. I have gotten used to less kind messages, so there is no need to worry about me. Besides, my temper is much better now, isn't it? I'm not getting angrier than I can manage.”

Theodore was quiet for a moment. “That wasn't necessarily what I was referring to. Naturally, I am glad that you haven't had any breakdowns since you grew up, but it's still not nice for you to receive such mean words. It should be obvious that you can't trust anything that woman wrote you, so you can ignore whatever she said.”

To be honest, Cedar had already forgotten most of what his mother had written back then. After all, that letter hadn't been real. He had known what his mother would write to perfect the act they put on since he had dictated it for her. He hadn't cared in the slightest. Now that he was serious, he didn't doubt that the response letter would be worse. This time, he might not even read it.

Cedar put on a bright smile while he replied. “It's really fine. I won't overreact even if you show me what she wrote. And to be honest, she probably insulted you more than me if she sent the letter here. You know that she hates you more than she hates me. I'm pretty sure that she believes that I will come back after a while.” At least she still did that right now. The letter he needed to write would change that and ensure that the future would not look too perfect.

Theodore gave him a slight nod. “She's always been convinced that everyone will flock around her as if she was special. But I doubt that there is a way for us to trim her pride at this point in time. I already put her in confinement, but that doesn't seem to have helped her understand that she lost.”

Cedar was unsure for a little moment. Should he voice his warning? If he wanted to stay on this side, he would have to do whatever it took to help his brother, who was the only one who could stand up against their mother. It felt strange to take Theodore's side when Camille had raised him to fight against his brother at all times. But he would have to get used to that now. “Actually, I doubt that she will ever believe that she lost until she dies. It would be easier to punish her accordingly to her crimes instead of allowing her to move.”

The emperor glanced to the side before replying. “I know. But at the moment, I believe that this could be a worse punishment for her. And I can use her to find out which families are still willing to betray us. But let's continue that conversation in my office.”

Cedar nodded and followed his brother down the corridor. His mind was already in a whirl, and now that he thought about how to accommodate to this new situation, it got even worse. In the end, he could barely think about one thing without immediately pondering something else.

He needed to cover all eventualities. So, he needed to address some unpleasant topics too.

Cedar stayed quiet until he was sure that they were far away from most guards who stood at the sides. “There is something else I need to warn you about too. There may or may not be a person who has been my guard since you...sent the last one into early retirement. He's far less skilled and mostly serves as a messenger. I always call him an idiot, but he did manage to sneak in a letter a while ago.”

Theodore stopped in his tracks. A deep frown appeared on his face when he turned to his brother. “He came into the palace and brought something into your room? You should have told me about that. Sometimes, you are really reckless. What if that man had tried to hurt you? Why didn't you call for a guard?”

Cedar replied without caring about that much. “Then you would have caught him. That would only have told Mother that we shared information. It's better if she thinks that I'm neither on her side nor on yours. You don't want to see what she will do if she believes that I suddenly help you and Althea, whom she blames for everything as always. Her ego is fragile, and you know that. What do you think will she say if she sees us standing next to each other in the palace while she is rotting in confinement? That will certainly push her over the edge.” Until now, Camille had never attempted to harm the nation with her actions, but if she felt cornered, she might start to do it.

Theodore still didn't seem too happy about that, but at least he continued walking. “Still. It would be better if you told me what you are thinking about. You know her better than I do, so you might be able to predict what she does. I haven't experienced such a situation yet, so I can't tell what will happen at all.” If it was so easy, that would be wonderful.

Cedar let out a barely audible sigh and rubbed over his eyes once. “Unfortunately, I can't read her either. My mental health isn't great, but at least I can still think clearly. Even I have no idea what she wants. I only know what to do to calm her down. When I lose my position as the favorite son, I doubt that this will be of help though.”

For the rest of the conversation, Cedar barely focused on what his brother said. He only thought about how to phrase his letter so that the response wouldn't come back with even more murderous intent than necessary. Maybe it would be better to just ask for a meeting. Then he could see the reaction he received. It was risky to try that, but that might be better than sending a letter.

Seeing Camille's furious expression would also remind him why he had made this decision and possibly enable him to get over his initial worry faster. After all, being yelled at would certainly underline his reasoning. And he would be able to prove that he was serious and that this wasn't another part of the act to pretend that he was loyal to Theodore now.

In the end, it would be problematic one way or another. Cedar would probably end up being slapped and insulted, but at least he could tell himself that he hadn't avoided the confrontation then.

After the brothers entered the office, Theodore gave the letter to the prince. Cedar read it without being able to determine anything special. He only pointed out that his mother blamed the emperor for the prince's decision.

Of course, she would write that. Cedar had told her to do that to make everything seem believable. Now he regretted that a lot. It was good that he had come up with the most convincing plan because he knew how his mother would react to some extent. But now, he also knew what he could expect in the next few weeks. How great that would be.

Cedar stayed to chat with Theodore for a moment before preparing to leave. He was already focused on writing his letter and sending it secretly when he was stopped.

“Cedar?”

He turned around and showed his brother a smile. “Yes?”

Theodore still sat at his desk and paused putting aside the letter in favor of making eye contact. “I just wanted to tell you that we'll find a way to make this work. I know that it's difficult for you. And I know that accepting my help may feel unpleasant. But I truly want to reach a future that allows all of us to be happy. I'm not expecting you to forget what that woman taught you overnight when she spent years making you hate me. But it would be nice if we could work on that slowly.”

Cedar stopped in his tracks and stared at the door for a while longer. Should he just admit it outright? That might be better if he planned on keeping a somewhat amicable relationship with Theodore. But still, it was hard to be honest when he had been conditioned to do the opposite ever since his birth. It took a lot more effort to speak than it should. “I...don't hate you. At least not with as much resentment as I could. Do you think I would have let the revolt fail if I did?” No. If he truly hated Theodore with all of his heart, he would have used that chance to slaughter his brother. But he had done his best to keep anyone from getting harmed.

He had to admit that pretending to be a regretful victim had been part of the plan too, but in the end, he had just acted on his own feelings. After all, murdering his brother and Blanche to sit on the throne had sounded less tempting than it should have after all the work his mother had put in to reach that goal.

Theodore was quiet for a moment. Then he replied in a serious tone. “I know that you don't hate me. I saw you when you truly did, and the look in your eyes was completely different then.”

That made Cedar turn around. “You mean when we were children? Even then, I didn't hate you. I only wanted to have what you had.” A loving mother, a father who didn't ignore him, a somewhat pleasant childhood. “I know that I often acted like I hated you, but you should also know that Mother endorsed that type of behavior. When she caught us playing together, I needed to make sure that it looked like I was just making fun of you. Otherwise, she would have been too angry again. I remember the one time she dragged me away after I saw you and Althea. That evening wasn't pretty.” Being hit with a mirror truly hadn't been nice. He veiled his sensitivity when it came to that topic with the same mocking smile he always showed when the topic was too close to his heart for his liking. Apparently, it didn't help much here.

The emperor hid a small grimace when he thought about that scene. “I remember too. That truly wasn't a pretty sight, and I didn't even see most of it. But I didn't refer to our childhood. It doesn't matter though. In any case, I know that you don't hate me. But you were raised to do so. This means that we have to try to get that out of your head. Along with you being overly cautious. I saw how you immediately reached for a weapon when I surprised you. I have that impulse too, but it makes sense for me, and it isn't nearly as bad. It would be better if we could keep you from expecting danger after every corner. At least after all of this is over.”

Cedar listened to that before he tilted his head. “Expecting attacks is rather favorable for members of the royal family. You know that. But even so, I'm still a bit confused as to why you would go so far to help me.” He took a step toward the desk again when he resumed. “My stay here will enrage Mother, so I understand why you did that. But doing anything else is unnecessary, is it not? I expected you not to want to see my face at all. Don't you hate me? I saw how you looked at me when I came out of confinement first. I had the feeling that you were about to kill me then. For the following months, our interactions were rather harsh.”

Theodore replied after he sorted the thoughts in his head for a moment. “That was because that time was...problematic in a lot of ways. I had to make sure of some things. There were countless issues I needed to deal with all of a sudden, and then you came back, which was a great surprise. I feared that you would...repeat some specific things. It seems like that won't happen, which I'm grateful for. Now that I calmed down and things were resolved, I can tell you the truth. I didn't hate you then, and I don't hate you now either. I was merely worried about what you would do. When I made sure that you wouldn't do it, I could relax.” So, he chose to be mysterious and vague again.

By now, Cedar was used to that. He himself had to stay vague when it came to his mother too, so it was fine. “It's good to hear that the sentiment isn't one-sided then. I hope it doesn't get worse.”

Theodore gave him a faint smile. “As long as you don't trouble Blanche and I don't hurt Lady Valerian, I think we should be fine.”

Cedar was a bit taken aback by that, but he didn't show it. The fact that his brother compared the prince's relationship with Lucille to the one between a married couple was a bit problematic. “I think that's obvious. Why would either one of us do something bad to people who aren't the core of the conflict? It would be good if only Mother's followers end up with problems. We will do our best in that regard, won't we?”

Theodore nodded. “Exactly. As I said, it should be fine. But if you have any problem with what I do, tell me. I want to find a good solution for all of us this time. I won't keep you here to chew off your ear about this for longer though. I wish you a good afternoon.”

“Good afternoon. Until we see each other again.” Cedar left the office and closed the door behind him.

Only one good thing had come out of this conversation. Cedar was even more certain of his response. He would have to write a letter now. Apparently, he would need to meet an unpleasant person to cut the ties. That wouldn't be pretty, but it was necessary.

And maybe, just maybe, he would be able to reach a more pleasing future in return.