The Broken Prince's Love

Lucille felt like she was burning up. This hadn't been a good idea at all. Basically confessing that she might have started to fall for Cedar in a small seating room in the middle of the night had been stupid enough. The fact that she had chosen to do that before facing her father was even more stupid though.

But how could she have known that Cedar would just accept what she told him and that he would say it back?

Now her face was completely red, and she doubted that coming out of a private room while holding Cedar's hand was hiding what had happened. A few guards gave her a strange look, but she chose to ignore that.

Meeting her father in the entrance hall now would be worse. Lucille did her best to seem like she hadn't just cuddled with Cedar as they entered the foyer, but she felt like her father noticed immediately.

Raymond's expression darkened even more. He had already been unhappy about the prince escorting his daughter and his former business partner trying to drag her away, but this gave him another reason to complain. He glared at Cedar, who just returned a smile.

The prince waited until they reached the other man before speaking up. “I sincerely apologize for the wait, Lord Valerian. Something important came up, and we needed to take care of it before coming here. Since you intended to leave last, it was not a big issue, was it?”

Raymond narrowed his eyes at the other man before speaking. “It was not, Your Royal Highness. I was just a bit irked by the fact that our plan was suddenly changed. Didn't you say something about keeping it a secret?”

Lucille couldn't help but feel a little uncertain when her father was so angry, even if his anger wasn't directed at her at the moment. The fact that her alleged relationship was mentioned only made it worse.

But Cedar responded as calmly as always. “We did plan to keep it a secret, and we did. We never revealed anything. It was not my plan to escort Lucille, but as you know, an issue came up. I was not comfortable risking that she could possibly get in trouble because of that man. So, I didn't want to leave her alone. Is that understandable?”

Raymond clenched his jaw before he responded in a lowered voice. “It is. But I do remember you saying that Lucille's reputation would not be influenced. This certainly does influence it. If you were referring to hiding it like His Majesty hid his relationship, do not think about asking for my blessing.” It seemed like her father was taking this seriously. And in some way, it was understandable.

Especially when one considered how the emperor had acted when it came to this topic. Blanche had been Theodore's concubine for about two years. In that time, they had ‘hidden’ their relationship to prevent the former empress, the eldest daughter of the Duremont family, from feeling offended. Needless to say, their constant cuddling hadn't been very subtle, and after about one and a half years, Theodore had completely given up on hiding anything. He had divorced the empress after ignoring her in public for a while and quickly married his true love, Blanche.

It would be concerning if Cedar was as subtle as his brother when it came to hiding a relationship. The only difference was that there wasn't a relationship at all. Lucille was still tempted to explain that, but in the end, it didn't change much. Whether she and Cedar were together or not, their appearance at the ball together would cause rumors. People might assume that they were engaged or would get engaged in a few months.

Naturally, this could lower Lucille's prospects of marriage. But if she was honest, she doubted that she would concern herself with that matter any time soon. So, she didn't care too much if Cedar was the other person that was involved in those rumors. Lucille was just a bit surprised that her father expected the prince to plan on asking for permission to be with her, which would require Raymond to give his blessing. She considered explaining that that wouldn't happen, but she was too hesitant.

Cedar already replied. “I sincerely apologize if you felt uncomfortable with this. Unfortunately, I did not see any other way. I could have left Lucille after you returned, but would that not have made it even worse?” Leaving the partner you escorted alone in the middle of a ball was certainly not very courteous.

Raymond couldn't refute that. He pressed his lips into a thin line and was quiet for a few seconds. That short silence was enough to be extremely uncomfortable, but he spoke up after a moment. “It still isn't pleasant. But I thank you for protecting my daughter when I wasn't there. And I...will make sure that that man doesn't appear close to Lucille or me ever again.” That didn't sound like it would be a nice conversation.

Normally, a viscount threatening a marquess was problematic, but it was likely that Raymond had the same amount of wealth as the other man. And approaching a young woman against her will was heavily frowned upon, so it wouldn't be strange for other people to overlook this matter.

Lucille nodded at that. “Thank you.” That was the first thing she had said to her father now, and she already felt like she would regret that soon.

Her father had previously paid attention to the prince and now changed his mind. He turned to his daughter and stared at her, which made her close her mouth. A few seconds passed, and he glanced at Cedar. That made it seem like he considered sending the other man away. He decided against that and just addressed Lucille a moment later. “I'm sorry.”

She froze upon hearing that. Her brain refused to work for a moment as she just stared at her father. He had apologized? He never did that. She wasn't even sure whether she had heard him utter those words even once in her life aside from when her mother had left. And now he apologized for something she didn't even know about. What was he referring to?

Lucille blinked at him. “I...I'm not sure...” She didn't finish her sentence, but it was enough for him to understand.

Raymond met her gaze and seemed uncertain for a split second before he resumed. “I made a wrong assessment. I traded with a person without knowing whether he was trustworthy. Of course, I will correct that mistake now. But that doesn't change the past. I never knew that he was such a sleazy person, and yet...I carelessly invited him into our home. I allowed him to be in the same room as you and never saw how disgusting he was for the past few years. I will not be so blind in the future.” It was a bit surprising that he just believed that that marquess was horrible despite never having witnessed the situation. But even more surprising was that he admitted to having made a mistake.

Lucille was eighteen, and she couldn't remember ever hearing Raymond blame himself. Whenever something had gone wrong in the past, someone else had been at fault, mostly her. But now, her father said the opposite and even apologized to her. Had he drunk something during the ball? For a moment, she was tempted to ask that but stopped herself at the last moment. Her expression had probably said everything.

Raymond avoided her gaze and turned to Cedar without waiting for a reply. “In any case, I will take my leave now. I do not wish to disturb your night's rest after this exhausting evening. Please do remember to clear up misunderstandings if they are mentioned. I do not wish to hear about some strange news when I come to the palace again.”

Cedar ignored the other's commanding tone. “Of course. I can assure you that I do not want to cause problems for you or Lucille. May you return home without any incidents and arrive safely. Good night, Lord Valerian.”

Raymond nodded at that then turned to his daughter again. He hesitated for a second before speaking. “I wish you a good night, Lucille. Don't overdo it before you are sure that your wound is closed.”

Lucille was pretty sure that she was fine by now again since it had been over a month, but she didn't say that. “Thank you for your concern. I hope that you will reach home quickly without any inconveniences. I wish you a restful night as well, Father.”

Raymond met her gaze for another few seconds before he made his way out of the palace to his carriage.

Cedar barely waited for him to be out of audible reach. “It seems like he didn't like me escorting you. Well, there is nothing we can do about that now.” He smiled at her before slowly leading her toward the staircase. They walked up to the stairs, and after they had reached a part of the palace that was a bit more empty, he talked again. “It sounded like your father knew that man.”

Lucille pressed her lips together before forcing herself to admit it. “I know that man too. In the past, he traded with my father. Sometimes, he came to drink tea at our house. Then my father usually told me to flatter that person. I don't know what I said, but it was probably some superficial compliment each time. I never liked getting close to him, and now I know why. But...maybe those compliments made him...made him think that I would go with him.”

Cedar brought her up yet another staircase, reaching the hallway containing their rooms. He listened to her words carefully and, thankfully, didn't seem to judge her. “It doesn't matter what he thought. As long as he doesn't receive your permission, he cannot make you go anywhere with him. And the fact that he doesn't know why it would be unacceptable for him to disappear into a garden with a woman of less than half his age only proves that you were right not to agree. It was good that you came to me. I apologize for not noticing.”

Lucille quickly whipped her head around to him. “That's not your fault! It's mine. I should have been a bit more confident, and then he would have left me alone. If I just-”

“That man didn't care. He wouldn't have stopped unless you involved other people. That he probably had to do that to avoid Lady Peril destroying his reputation means that you needed to go to the only people who could get rid of him forever. I wouldn't be surprised if whatever he was blackmailed with will be all over the newspapers in a few days because Lady Peril wants to eliminate the people she can't use anymore. You won't have to worry about seeing him in the capital again.” That was relieving.

And knowing that Cedar didn't accuse Lucille of overreacting was good too. That meant that everything was fine.

But still, she didn't want to be alone now. Lucille realized that as soon as they reached the door to her room. She would have to let go of Cedar's arm to enter, and then she would lie in her cold bed until she fell asleep. She didn't want that at all. She wanted to continue to speak to him.

Lucille slowed her steps as soon as they came closer and looked up at the prince.

Cedar already smiled down at her with a bright smile. “Do you want me to come inside for a while?” How wonderful it was that he seemed to be able to read her thoughts.

Lucille immediately nodded. She opened the door and slowly led him inside. She waited until he had closed the door again before bringing him to the sofa. “I...uhm... Do you want tea?”

Cedar gave her another soft smile. “No. Thank you, but I'm fine. You probably didn't want me to come here to drink tea. I'm guessing that you want to talk and get some comfort. I can do that.” He gestured for her to sit down.

Lucille quickly complied. Her breathing hitched a bit when Cedar sat down directly next to her. She could easily rest her head on his shoulder if she tried it. But she naturally didn't dare to do that and just settled for enjoying how their arms touched. For a few seconds, they were silent before she began. “Thank you for coming here. And for following my strange whims in general.”

The prince let out a huff at that. “I had to deal with much worse. Your whims are rather pleasant for me, so I wouldn't complain. I like talking to you too.”

Hearing that made Lucille happier than it should have. Of course, that still didn't mean that Cedar liked her suddenly hugging him, but he had offered that on some occasions too. So, he had to be comfortable with it to some extent. “That's good to hear.”

After that, it was quiet again.

Lucille put her hands onto her lap and began fiddling with them. She had asked him to come here to talk, and now she had no idea what to address. Suddenly chatting about a random topic was hard. Normally, Cedar was the one to come up with something. She could only glance at him and hope that he got the message.

As expected, Cedar only took a few seconds before speaking. “Have you ever been to the south? Artias has beautiful mountains there. I had the luck to travel there once, but I visited the north more often.”

Lucille would have been happy to share vacation stories with him, but that was impossible. She lowered her gaze. “We...did go on vacation too. But we always stayed close to the capital. I don't think we ever went further away than a two-hour travel by carriage.” That wasn't very far. She had barely seen anything of Artias, regretfully. “My father went on some business trips, but I always stayed home. And whenever I came along, he worried about sudden developments in the capital and insisted on remaining close to home.”

Cedar quickly showed her another smile. “That's unfortunate. But when you are an adult, you might be able to travel by yourself too. Of course, I wouldn't recommend visiting unfamiliar locations all alone, but you could have someone you trust accompany you. Until then, I could tell you about the places I visited when I went out. I only have limited experiences, but I did see some of the south and the north.”

Lucille nodded at him. “Please do. What did you like more?”

Cedar's response came immediately. “The north. We have a summer residence near the coast. Its layout is a bit...strange, but the building itself is comfortable. It's directly next to the beach and a cliff, from which you can look down onto the gorgeous blue sea. The estate around the building is big, so you can go horse riding or swim and take long walks at the beach. I think there is a port city close too, but I never managed to see it. It's called Ibela. Maybe that rings a bell with you? They are famous for their fishing.”

Lucille had been ready to tell him how gorgeous that had to be before she stopped herself. The name of the city did ring a bell with her. She froze, and for a moment, all thoughts seemed to leave her. She shouldn't address this now. After all, she knew that she would ruin her mood if she talked about it. But her mouth worked before her brain did. “My mother is from there.”

Cedar seemed taken aback by that, but he caught himself in a moment. “I apologize for bringing it up.”

Lucille weakly shook her head. “No. You couldn't have known. You...just mentioned a city.” She was silent after that and lowered her gaze. Her heart was already telling her to let out a bit of the bitterness that had built itself up on the inside. But did she really want to overwhelm Cedar with such a sudden topic? That would make their conversation exhausting instead of relaxing.

But Lucille felt the need to talk to one person about that. Aside from her, only Fiona knew a portion about what was going on in Lucille's head when it came to her mother. It had been so long since she had told someone. She slowly dared to turn her head to gaze at Cedar.

He was already looking at her. When he spoke this time, his voice sounded even softer than normal. “Do you want to talk about her?” As always, he seemed to notice what she wanted before she did.

That one question was enough to make Lucille's lips part, and seconds later, everything came rushing out. “There isn't much to say about my mother. People say we are very similar, but I can't be too sure. She left when I was six. She was just gone overnight without even feeling the need to say goodbye to me. I think she did it because Father was...harsh...on some occasions. But she could have taken me with her. Instead, she left me behind so that I could face all of that on my own. I think...Father was nicer to me than to her, but...still, leaving me with him when she herself was scared is horrible. She...never even sent a letter. Not even a single one. I don't know where she is. She couldn't even give me her address so that I could visit her. I don't have any idea why.”

Now she had done it.

Lucille pressed her lips together to force herself to quieten down, but her true doubts were already threatening to spill out. And when she felt tears pricking in her eyes, she couldn't hold herself back anymore. “Even if she couldn't be bothered to take me with her, why did she have to ignore my existence? I don't know anything. Was she too scared of Father? Or did she just dislike me that much? Was I a bother to her because I was her husband's child? I have no idea. Of course, I still love her. But at the same time, a part of me hates her. Because she left me behind without a single word. She couldn't have cared for me. She just said goodnight like every other day, and when I woke up, she was gone. I...still know exactly how much it hurt...” The tears were slowly rolling down her face by now, and Lucille let out a shaky breath. She stopped herself in an attempt to calm her breath.

A pair of arms wrapped around her. Cedar pulled her against his side and allowed her to lean against him. He stroked over her back with one hand, and that only tipped her over the edge.

Lucille began crying for real and turned to him to bury her face in his chest. She vaguely noticed that she shouldn't do that since she would only dirty his clothes, but it was too late. She wanted to cry right now. If she didn't let it out, she would only end up falling apart when she was lying in bed later. Her shoulders began to shake, and she dug her fingers into his clothes in an attempt to keep herself from wailing. It had been a stupid idea to tell him. First, she insisted on speaking, and now she couldn't deal with it, even though a decade had passed. He had to be so annoyed with her now.

But Cedar only hushed her with a quiet hum and gently patted her back without loosening his hold on her. His embrace felt so warm and safe. As if he would protect her from everything that could happen. Even that didn't keep her heart from aching, but it was much better than usual.

Lucille didn't know how long they sat there in silence. It took a while for her to calm down. And even then, she didn't want to let go of Cedar and just stayed by his side. She wasn't sure why he allowed it, but cuddling with him was the best thing that could happen while she was feeling down. So, they sat there together for another while.

In the end, Lucille's grief ebbed away as it was buried under exhaustion. She was tired, but even so, being in Cedar's arms made her feel like she was in a good position. Her body didn't want to be awake at the moment, but her mind would have favored sitting here to enjoy it for much longer.

Cedar had begun stroking over her hair in slow methodical movements, and she didn't want to miss even a second of that. Minutes passed, and still, the prince never bothered to push her aside. He just continued to brush over her head until he was sure that she was completely calm. Then he whispered to her. “Thank you for telling me. I am here for you if you ever need help. Just remember that. For now, it has gotten quite late, so I would suggest going to bed. We still have our formal attires. Shouldn't we go change before you fall asleep?”

Lucille knew that he was right, but she couldn't bring herself to agree. She didn't want to stand up now. She also didn't want to send Cedar away. But admitting that would be hard too. So, she didn't say anything at all. She just stayed quiet and let him console her.

Cedar was silent for a bit too before he responded. “I assume that means no. Then we won't change. It will be rather uncomfortable for you to sleep in the puffy dress, but we'll manage.” He slowly shuffled around a bit so that his back was leaning against the backrest and allowed Lucille to move a bit closer again.

She was almost lying on top of him by now, and while she felt bad about crushing him, she couldn't bring herself to offer to let go. She just held still and closed her eyes.

Then silence followed again. Lucille didn't pay attention to how much time passed, but she noticed that it was dark outside by now. The ball had ended at midnight, so it had to be at least two in the morning by now. And yet, she wasn't allowing Cedar to leave but bothered him by clinging to him. She forced herself to move around a bit when she noticed that, but it only ended in her staying still afterward. She didn't want Cedar to go now. Maybe because she liked cuddling with him. Maybe because it felt like he held most bad thoughts at bay. So, she couldn't help but want him here.

Lucille had to gather all of her courage before carefully whispering to him. “Can you...sleep here tonight?” She was aware of what she was saying, but she didn't stop herself.

Cedar didn't react as shocked as she had expected him to be. He was quite calm. “I'm not sure whether that is a good idea. Isn't this a bit too close?” He was right.

She knew that, but right now, she didn't want to care. So, she used the worst argument she had. “Last time, you slept in the same bed with me.”

The prince let out a small chuckle at that, which made his chest vibrate for a moment. “You made me do it because you were drugged, remember? I don't think you drank that medicine again. I'm a bit worried about you lying on your stomach, to be honest. Does it hurt?”

Lucille hadn't even noticed that she was resting on her wound. “It doesn't. But I can turn around if you want me to.”

Cedar was quiet for a little moment. That already made her worry about whether he would leave now despite her asking him to stay. She wouldn't blame him. But the prince seemed to have some sort of pity for her. He didn't force her to get off him and only helped her turn so that she was lying on her side instead of her stomach. He had to feel uncomfortable with how her weight was resting on top of him, but he didn't say that. Instead, he just spoke about the general issue again. “I still don't think I should stay here. We're in the palace. Everyone knows what happened just a day after it occurred. We shouldn't do this if we want to keep your reputation clean. And aside from that, I'm not sure if us...being like this is a good idea. You may not see this as anything overly intimate, but it comes close.”

Lucille tried to lift her head, but her body barely responded. She just managed to raise her head to make eye contact with the prince. She had to refute this, even though she felt like her cheeks would probably be glowing with red in a few minutes again. “I do. I mean, I do see this as something...intimate.”

For a change, Cedar wasn't smiling. He seemed serious and stared into her eyes, as if he would be able to read her emotions in the dark. For a few seconds, they just looked at each other before he whispered. “Then do me a favor. Don't carelessly invite others into your bed like this.”

She nodded. “Of course not. I only get so close to you. Because...you're special to me.” She didn't know whether her exhaustion made her be so open or whether Cedar consoling her just made her want to be honest. She was quite content with the room being almost completely dark because he would have seen embarrassed she was otherwise. It almost felt like he could see it right now too though.

Cedar closed his eyes for a moment before replying in a barely audible whisper. “If you say things like that, there is no way that I wouldn't misunderstand. We're walking on a thin line right now. If I go just one step further, I don't think I will be able to turn back anymore.” He removed one arm from her waist and slowly brought it to her face. He brushed aside some of her hair before resting his fingertips on her cheek.

Lucille's skin prickled when he touched it. She could only stare at him without being sure whether she locked perplexed or hopeful right now. Was she interpreting this correctly, or was she just worrying because of nothing again? She had no idea, and right now, she could barely focus on that. She just scanned the man in front of her while trying to read his expression in the dim candlelight coming from the other side of the room.

He was perfect. There was no way to deny that. Cedar's features were refined so that he had to be the most handsome man she had ever met. And the fact that someone like him was the prince would only make him more attractive to others. Even when they had never talked to him, many nobles would see him as a potential marriage partner for their children.

Someone wonderful like Cedar had surely had contact with women before. It would almost be ridiculous if he didn't. He had probably liked someone in the past already too.

Lucille held herself back for a few seconds before she spoke up. “I...don't know anything about whether you can turn back. I only know that I...like you. It's...a strange feeling. But a very nice one. I can only guess what it is. Were you...” She hesitated for a moment before revealing her question. “Were you ever in a relationship?”

Cedar let out a barely audible laugh, and his smile slowly came back. “No. I never met anyone nor do I have experience. Unless you count being bothered by some noble ladies like Lady Peril.” That response shouldn't have satisfied Lucille, but it did. It didn't matter much whether Cedar had already had a partner. But thinking that he might experience whatever this was for the first time along with her was nice. And it got even better. Cedar gazed straight into her eyes when he spoke up again. “What about you?”

Lucille weakly shook her head before giving in to her complaining neck and resting her chin on Cedar. “No. No romantic experience.”

Cedar stroked over her head for a moment, and that was enough to make her eyes fall shut before she forced them open again. He still looked at her and whispered his response. “Good. I think you should go to sleep now. It's getting worse with every minute.”

Lucille wanted to nod but didn't have the energy to do so. So, she just told him her reply. “Yes. Goodnight.”

Cedar was silent for a moment. Then he responded in a low voice. “Goodnight.”

She hadn't noticed how tired she had actually been. As soon as she closed her eyes, she felt her consciousness drifting away slowly. She only stayed awake for a few more seconds before she fell asleep.