NOVEL NEXT Chapter 8: Divine Patch Notes
I had just settled into my divinely-gifted tent, marvelling at how something so practical could come from deities who'd otherwise outfitted me with skills more suited to a courtesan than an adventurer, when the thought struck me. I created a few perfect bubbles with my Bubble Creation skill, watching as they floated lazily around the tent interior, casting prismatic light patterns on the fabric walls. They were oddly soothing, but did little to quiet my troubled thoughts.
"This is all completely ridiculous," I muttered into the dancing lights. "Real magic that manipulates shadows, goblins that run from dancing sticks, and me with the ability to... what? Kiss perfectly? Create lubricant from my fingertips? What kind of broken system is this?"
Back home, magic systems in games and novels always had internal consistency—clearly defined rules, logical limitations, sensible progression paths. Meanwhile, I was stuck with a collection of abilities that seemed designed by a committee of horny young adults with attention deficit disorder.
My makeshift alarm system—divine rope stretched in a perimeter around my clearing—suddenly vibrated slightly. I froze, straining to hear any sounds over my own heartbeat. There it was again—a subtle disturbance in the wire. Something or someone had just entered my camp.
I grabbed Rurielle's dagger, still frustrated that my abilities couldn't even interact properly with its enchantment. For all I knew, the thing was magically unbreakable, and all I could detect was "yep, that's metal!" Creeping to the tent flap, I steeled myself, then unzipped it in one quick motion, brandishing the blade before me.
A figure stood in the centre of the clearing, seemingly admiring my tent in the moonlight. They wore a travel-stained cloak with numerous pouches and trinkets dangling from a leather belt. At my emergence, they turned, revealing a face that was... difficult to focus on. Not invisible, just somehow forgettable, like my eyes kept sliding away from it.
"Ah, greetings, traveller!" the figure called cheerfully. "Just admiring your dwelling. Excellent craftsmanship! Divine, one might say."
I narrowed my eyes, dagger still raised. "Who are you and why are you in my camp?"
"Oh, just a humble wandering merchant," they replied, voice neither distinctly male nor female. "I travel the byways of Voluptaria, offering rare goods to discerning customers." They gestured at their numerous pouches. "Perhaps you'd be interested in—"
"It's the middle of the night," I pointed out flatly. "And I set up warning systems that you deliberately bypassed."
"Did I?" They sounded genuinely puzzled, then brightened. "Oh! Those little rope tricks! How clever. I must have missed them entirely in the dark. My apologies."
Something about them nagged at me. My Temperature Assessment registered them as... room temperature exactly. Not warm like a living being, not cool like the night air. Just precisely, artificially neutral.
"You're not a merchant," I said, lowering my dagger slightly but keeping it ready.
The figure sighed dramatically, then straightened, their form subtly changing—growing taller, more elegant, cloaked in an aura of soft, shimmering light.
"No, I'm not," they admitted, their voice now resonating with otherworldly harmonics. "I'm actually here on official business. Divine patch management, as it were."
"Divine... patch management?" I repeated dumbly.
"Yes! I'm Aspect Seven of Twelve, but you can call me Seven." They made a flowing gesture that somehow resembled a bow without actually involving any movement. "I'm responsible for System Integration and User Experience. And I've come to apply some crucial updates we, ah, may have overlooked during your initial deployment."
I stared at them, momentarily speechless. Then: "You're one of the deities who dumped me here."
"Technically, I'm one-twelfth of the pantheon that facilitated your dimensional transfer," Seven corrected, clearly uncomfortable with my phrasing. "And 'dumped' is such a harsh word. We prefer 'divinely selected and transcendentally repositioned.'"
"You. Kidnapped. Me," I enunciated clearly, my anger rising. "And gave me what feels like beta test powers. Is this some kind of divine QA program where I get to work out all the bugs before you inflict this system on someone important?"
"Well—" Seven looked momentarily uncomfortable. "That's not entirely incorrect. But semantics!" They waved dismissively, ignoring my jab. "The important thing is, we forgot to complete your system initialization. You're running on partial protocols, which is why your abilities aren't integrating properly with native Voluptarian magic." They peered at me with interest. "For instance, that shadow-enchanted dagger should be connecting with your essence, but your Stain Resistance is treating the enchantment as an unwanted foreign element and blocking it."
Despite my anger, I couldn't help being intrigued. "So, my skills aren't working properly?"
"Oh, they're working exactly as designed," Seven assured me. "They're just not properly labelled, categorized, or integrated with your user interface. Speaking of which..." They glanced around nervously. "We should probably move this conversation elsewhere. Mortals aren't supposed to witness divine technical support. Bad for the mystique."
Before I could protest, Seven snapped their fingers, and the forest disappeared. In its place was a vast, featureless white space extending in all directions. The only objects in this void were me, Seven, and oddly enough, two comfortable-looking armchairs with a small table between them.
"Welcome to Patch Space!" Seven announced cheerfully, gesturing for me to sit. "A pocket dimension where we handle system adjustments outside the constraints of physical reality."
I remained standing, arms crossed. "I want to go home. Back to Earth."
Seven's expression turned sympathetic. "I understand your frustration, truly. But dimensional transfers are complex undertakings requiring full pantheon consensus. I'm just here for technical support." They produced a glowing tablet from nowhere. "Now, before we begin the patch process, I need your consent to the terms and conditions."
The tablet floated over to me, displaying a document that must have been a thousand pages long in microscopic text. The only legible part was the title: "Divine Intervention Agreement & Waiver of Liability."
"I'm not signing anything," I said firmly.
"Oh, you don't have to sign," Seven explained brightly. "Just verbally acknowledge that you've read and understood the terms."
"But I haven't read them."
"No one ever does!" Seven chuckled. "The important bits are: we're not responsible for any side effects, injuries, or existential crises resulting from divine gifts; you forfeit all right to refunds if devoured by tentacle monsters which we may or may not have created while drunk; and system updates may occasionally result in temporary reality fluctuations, spontaneous skill reclassification, or mild cases of non-linear temporal perception."
I gaped at them. "Did you say tentacle monsters?"
"That was mostly Aspect Three's doing," Seven said with a dismissive wave. "They get creative after celestial wine. The important thing is, do you accept these terms?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Of course!" Seven looked offended. "You can continue using the unpatched, partially functional system that's causing you so much frustration. Your call."
I sighed deeply. "Fine. I accept."
"Excellent!" Seven beamed. "Initiating patch sequence."
A spray of golden light erupted from their tablet, surrounding me in a swirling vortex of luminous symbols. I felt a strange tingling throughout my body, like static electricity but somehow pleasant. As the light intensified, information began flooding into my mind—names, descriptions, categories, interconnections between abilities I hadn't even known I possessed.
When the light faded, I gasped. The rudimentary interface I'd been seeing through my lenses had completely transformed. Floating before my eyes was now a sophisticated translucent display that looked like something from a high-end fantasy RPG. It showed my name, level (1), and a complete list of categorized skills that I could mentally scroll through. A small mini-map hovered in the corner of my vision, currently showing just a white dot (me) in an empty space.
"What is this?" I breathed, reaching out to touch one of the glowing icons.
"Your upgraded Heads-Up Display!" Seven announced proudly. "Fully integrated with your cognitive functions now. No one else can see it, of course. We've updated all your skill names to their proper designations and provided their full descriptions. Try selecting one!"
I tapped on the icon for what I'd known as "Basic Item Identification."
[SKILL UPDATED: Basic Item Identification → Appraisal]
Appraisal (Passive/Active)
Description: Analysis magic that determines exact properties, value, and history of examined entities. Can analyse items, living beings, structures—anything.
Equipped Effect: When activated, provides detailed information about target's properties, origins, and capabilities.
Passive Effect: Grants intuitive sense of quality and authenticity; provides sixth sense for valuable or dangerous objects.
"This is... actually useful," I admitted reluctantly.
"Of course it is!" Seven looked pleased. "All our divine gifts are useful in the right context. You just didn't have the proper documentation."
As I scrolled through the list, I noticed other significant upgrades:
[SKILL UPDATED: Spell Disruption → Counterspell Mastery]
Counterspell Mastery (Passive/Active)
Description: Complete spell negation allowing identification and countering of hostile magic with exceptional efficiency.
Equipped Effect: 90% chance to completely nullify targeted spells, scaling according to luck attribute.
Passive Effect: Sense magical attacks before they fully manifest.
[SKILL UPDATED: Familiar Place Daydreaming → Clairvoyance]
Clairvoyance (Passive/Active)
Description: Remote viewing capability allowing surveillance of known locations.
Equipped Effect: Can view any location within 100 meters that you're aware of, including seeing approaching entities detected by Presence Detection.
Passive Effect: Occasional flashes of insight about nearby threats or opportunities.
"Wait," I said, noticing a pattern. "All these skills are way more powerful than what I thought I had!"
"The capabilities were always there," Seven explained, "but without proper labelling and interface integration, you were only accessing their most basic functions. Like trying to run advanced software through a command line interface."
If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.
I continued scrolling, each revelation more surprising than the last:
[SKILL UPDATED: Grudge Sense → Enemy Tracking]
Description: Hostile intent detection that allows tracking of specific entities.
Equipped Effect: Track specific hostile entities with supernatural accuracy up to 1km, revealing their combat readiness, movement patterns, and vulnerabilities.
Passive Effect: Instinctive awareness of which detected entities mean you harm, including disguised or magically concealed threats.
[SKILL UPDATED: Mentorship Bond → Servitude]
Servitude (Active)
Description: Master-servant bond creation.
Equipped Effect: Place willing creatures under your service through mutual agreement.
Passive Effect: Shared experience between master and servants; servants may evolve and are capped at twice master's level.
[SKILL UPDATED: Never Gets Lost (Indoors) → Pathfinder's Intuition]
Pathfinder's Intuition (Passive/Active)
Description: Supernatural sense of direction and spatial awareness.
Equipped Effect: Instantly identify optimal routes to any known location regardless of environment. When wearing Arcane Interface Lenses, all Pathfinder's Intuition data manifests visually as elegant arcane symbols floating in your field of view.
Passive Effect: Always know your exact location and cardinal directions; Can perfectly retrace any path previously travelled; Immune to disorientation effects; Can mentally map terrain within a 1km radius after brief observation; Able to guide others through complex environments with perfect accuracy.
[SKILL UPDATED: Magic Dampening → Nullification Field]
Nullification Field (Active)
Description: Anti-magic zone creation.
Equipped Effect: Create areas up to 3 meters across where magic cannot function at all.
Passive Effect: Personal immunity to all minor and moderate magical effects.
[SKILL UPDATED: Personal Privacy → Obfuscation]
Obfuscation (Passive)
Description: Anti-detection magic that even blocks True Sight.
Equipped Effect: Automatically block all appraisal and scrying attempts.
Passive Effect: Personal items and stats appear common/unremarkable to passive observation.
[SKILL UPDATED: Roommate Awareness → Presence Detection]
Presence Detection (Passive)
Description: Universal entity detection.
Equipped Effect: Detect all sentient and animate entities within 30 meters (including undead, demons, constructs, etc.), providing basic information about their size, type, and general location.
Passive Effect: Constant awareness of energy signatures around you, preventing most conventional ambushes.
"And what about this?" I asked, pointing to what had been my "Weak Prescription Lenses."
[EQUIPMENT UPDATED: Weak Prescription Lenses → Arcane Interface Lenses]
Arcane Interface Lenses (Equipment/Passive)
Description: Advanced neural-linked visual enhancement system.
Equipped Effect: Projects a comprehensive HUD displaying status information, mini-map with entity tracking, targeting system, and integration with all detection abilities.
Passive Effect: Constant environmental analysis, threat assessment, and information gathering even in passive mode.
Seven nodded approvingly. "Much better designation, isn't it? Those contact lenses are actually sophisticated magical constructs that interface directly with your neural pathways and magical essence."
"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?" I demanded, still scrolling through my updated skill list.
"Well, there were twelve of us involved in your transfer, and communication got a bit... muddled," Seven admitted. "Some thought others had handled the user interface; others thought the skill labelling had been completed..." They shrugged elegantly. "Divine bureaucracy. It happens."
I paused at another entry that caught my eye:
[SKILL UPDATED: Opportunistic Strike → Finishing Move]
Finishing Move (Passive/Active)
Description: Wounded target exploitation.
Equipped Effect: Deal 20-120% bonus damage against wounded opponents, scaling with their injury level.
Passive Effect: Instinctive recognition of vulnerable states; 30% chance to instantly kill critically wounded enemies.
[SKILL UPDATED: Numbness → Pain Resistance]
Pain Resistance (Passive)
Description: Complete damage tolerance.
Equipped Effect: Reduce felt pain by 90% at all times and continue fighting at full capacity even with lethal wounds.
Passive Effect: 40% damage reduction from all sources; immunity to torture and interrogation techniques.
"These... these are actually combat skills," I said, genuinely shocked. "Real, useful combat skills!"
"All your abilities are useful," Seven insisted. "But yes, we did include some combat functionality. Voluptaria can be a dangerous place."
A sudden thought struck me. "What about my Stain Resistance? You said it was interfering with Rurielle's dagger."
"Ah, yes." Seven tapped their tablet, and another notification appeared:
[SKILL UPDATED: Stain Resistance → User Control Added]
Stain Resistance (Passive/Toggleable)
Description: Cleanliness enchantment repelling unwanted substances.
New Feature: You may now selectively enable/disable this ability for specific items or specific types of magical influences.
"Try disabling it for the dagger," Seven suggested.
I focused on the blade, visualizing its enchantment being accepted rather than repelled. To my surprise, the dagger suddenly pulsed with violet light, and I could feel a subtle connection form between it and my essence. The runes along its blade glowed faintly, and I instinctively understood that the weapon would now respond to my intentions far more effectively.
"Now for some additional upgrades we've been meaning to implement," Seven continued, tapping rapidly on their tablet. A cascade of notifications appeared before me:
[NEW JOB ADDED: Samurai]
Samurai
Description: A disciplined warrior who combines spiritual awareness with lethal precision, embodying the way of the sword and the spirit.
Active Skills:
• Iaijutsu Strike: Draw and strike in a single motion, dealing 150% damage with 25% Armor penetration. Chance for critical hit scales with user's focus and opponent's surprise.
• Zanshin Stance: Enter a state of total awareness, increasing dodge and parry chances by 40% for 30 seconds. While active, opponent's positions are highlighted even when not in direct line of sight.
• Flowing Water Cut: Perform a series of five rapid strikes that appear as a single motion, dealing damage to multiple targets or focusing on one opponent.
• +30% to all sword attacks
• +25% movement speed during combat
• Meditation restores HP and MP at triple normal rate
• Immune to fear effects
• Can detect killing intent within 50 meters
"A Samurai job?" I asked, stunned. "You're giving me an actual combat class?"
"You already had the foundations," Seven said with a smile. "Something in your natural movement patterns and spiritual alignment made you particularly suited to this path. Your innate discipline and focus made this a natural fit—we're just unlocking potential that was already there."
"But I don't have a sword," I pointed out.
"Ah, that's the next item on our agenda," Seven replied, materializing a shimmering bar of metal in midair. "This is a special alloy of silver-celestium-umbranium—a combination of mortal silver, astra-aligned celestium, and umbra-aligned umbranium."
The bar floated down into my hands. It was unexpectedly warm, with a weight that felt significant but not cumbersome. The metal shimmered with a peculiar quality, as if it couldn't decide whether to be brilliantly reflective or shadow-absorbent.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" I asked, turning the bar over in my hands.
"You have a skill called Transform," Seven explained. "It's one of those we just properly labelled. Focus on that skill and visualize the weapon you want this metal to become—one that resonates with your spiritual essence and combat style."
I closed my eyes, focusing on the skill Seven mentioned. To my surprise, I found it immediately in my mental inventory—a skill I hadn't even known I possessed. As I activated it, I felt a strange resonance between myself and the metal bar, as if it were somehow listening to my thoughts.
Without conscious decision, I found myself visualizing a katana—elegant, balanced, with a slightly curved blade and a simple but refined hilt. I could feel the metal responding, flowing and reshaping itself according to my mental image.
When I opened my eyes, the bar had transformed completely. In my hands was a katana exactly as I'd envisioned—approximately 72 centimetres of gleaming blade with a slight curvature, the metal a mesmerizing blend of silver brightness and shadow-depth. The hilt was wrapped in dark blue cording with silver thread accents, and the guard was a simple oval shape with subtle engravings that seemed to shift when I wasn't looking directly at them.
"Impressive," Seven nodded approvingly. "The weapon has formed a bond with you during its creation. It will respond to your intentions and grow in power as you do."
I gave the sword an experimental swing, marvelling at how perfectly balanced it felt—like an extension of my own arm rather than a separate object.
"One more thing," Seven said, touching the sword lightly. "I've linked it to your inventory system. Unlike your other possessions that had to be handled manually, this will automatically respond to your mental commands to store or retrieve it."
I tried this, visualizing the sword vanishing, and it faded from my grip like smoke. When I reversed the thought, the katana materialized instantly in my hand, as if it had never left.
"That's... incredible," I admitted, genuinely impressed despite my lingering resentment about the whole isekai situation.
"Now for your smartphone applications," Seven continued, seemingly pleased with my reaction. "They've also been updated."
I pulled out my phone to find several new icons on the home screen:
[APP UPDATED: Maps of Voluptaria]
Description: Detailed cartographic information with real-time position tracking. Map data loads gradually as you explore regions.
[APP UPDATED: Bazaar of Wonders]
Description: Access to interdimensional marketplace with expanded inventory and customization options.
[APP RETAINED: Hotties in Your Area]
Description: Location-based social connector for compatible entities within proximity.
Note: Working as intended. No updates required.
I glared at Seven. "You kept the dating app?"
"Aspect Three insisted," they said apologetically. "They believe it adds... 'flavour' to your experience."
Before I could protest further, a new notification appeared:
[OBJECTIVES SYSTEM ONLINE]
Current Objectives:
• Find your way to Crossroads
• Locate Naomi-san and your classmates
• Discover the purpose of your summoning
• Pet the deities
"Pet the deities?" I read aloud incredulously. "What does that even mean?"
Seven coughed delicately. "Aspect Five has an unusual sense of humour. You can ignore that one."
They glanced at something invisible, then straightened. "Our time is almost up. The patch is complete, and your system is now fully integrated and properly labelled. Oh! One last thing you should know—your Luck attribute is currently set to maximum value."
"That sounds good," I said cautiously.
"Well, high Luck increases both positive and negative statistical outliers," Seven explained. "So, while you're more likely to find rare items or survive improbable situations..."
"I'm also more likely to encounter bizarre incidents and complications," I finished, suddenly understanding why my brief time in Voluptaria had already been so chaotic.
"Precisely!" Seven beamed. "Now, before I send you back..."
The deity reached into what seemed like thin air and pulled out a gleaming amulet. It was a circular pendant on a silver chain, with twelve distinct gemstones arranged in a perfect circle around a central opal that seemed to contain swirling galaxies within its depths.
"This is the Amulet of the Twelve," Seven explained, holding it out to me. "It's a prototype artifact we're testing before considering it for future isekai transfers."
I took it hesitantly. "What does it do?"
"It grants a single-use auto-resurrection effect," Seven said casually, as if discussing a minor software feature rather than literal life insurance. "If you happen to die—which we sincerely hope you don't—it will activate automatically, resurrecting you on the spot. You'll be alive but barely—in critical condition. Once used, it breaks, and we'll require an item exchange at our next meeting to retrieve the parts."
"So, I get one free death?" I asked, slipping the amulet around my neck. It felt surprisingly light, almost as if it weren't there at all.
"Essentially, yes. Consider it our way of beta testing the artifact while providing you an additional safety measure." Seven smiled. "We've added our divine help desk number to your contacts. For emergencies only, please—we're quite busy with cosmic affairs."
With another snap of their fingers, the white void disappeared, and I was back in my camp, standing outside my tent exactly as before. The night was peaceful, with no sign that anything unusual had occurred. Only the glowing interface still visible in my field of vision and the weight of the amulet against my chest confirmed I hadn't hallucinated the entire encounter.
Curious about my newly-upgraded Appraisal skill, I turned it toward a nearby tree.
[Generic Oak Tree]
Age: 43 years
Quality: Common
Properties: Wood suitable for basic construction; acorns edible but bitter
Special Notes: None
Satisfied it worked as described; I tried it on a small squirrel watching me from a branch.
[ELDER BEAST: THE UNDYING CHITTERTOOTH, ACORN LORD OF THE SEVENTH REALM]
Age: 9,752 years
Classification: Immortal guardian disguised as woodland creature
Threat Level: EXTREME if provoked
Properties: Impervious to conventional damage; capable of devouring souls; hibernates for centuries between awakenings
Warning: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CAPTURE OR HARM
"What the—" I stumbled backwards, staring at the innocent-looking squirrel, which twitched its tail at me before scampering away into the darkness. "Is EVERYTHING in this world trying to kill me?"
Slowly, I retreated into my tent, carefully zipping it closed as if thin fabric would protect me from an immortal soul-devouring entity. As I settled back onto my bedroll, I couldn't help but think about Seven's words regarding my maxed-out Luck attribute. High statistical outliers, both positive and negative.
"Great," I muttered to myself. "So, I'm either going to stumble across legendary treasures or get eaten by squirrels. Those divine patch notes really should have come with a warning label."
I closed my eyes, trying to process everything that had happened. At least now I understood why Rurielle's dagger enchantment hadn't worked properly with my abilities. With Stain Resistance now selectively disabled for the blade, the connection between us felt stronger, more purposeful.
As sleep began to claim me, I couldn't help wondering if this "patch" had made things better or just more complicated. Either way, one thing was certain—when it came to divine technical support, reading the EULA was definitely the least of my concerns.