Tactical Embarrassment

[OBJECTIVES SYSTEM]
• Find your way to Crossroads
• Locate Naomi-san and your classmates
• Discover the purpose of your summoning
• Pet the deities

I stared at that last objective with the same expression I'd use if someone suggested I try juggling live piranhas. Pet the deities? Was this some bizarre cosmic joke, or did the Twelve Divine Aspects actually expect me to... what? Give them head pats and belly rubs?

"I'm going to pretend I don't see that," I muttered, blinking away the HUD display.

A small notification popped up in response:
[System Message] Completed objectives remain visible for 24 hours as a record of accomplishment. Would you like to change this setting?

"There are settings?" I muttered, suddenly intrigued. "Um... menu? Options? Settings?"

A translucent menu materialized in front of me, offering various customization options for my HUD. I spent a few minutes adjusting it to be less intrusive, moving elements to the edges of my vision and reducing the opacity of certain notifications.

"At least they made the user interface intuitive," I conceded as I packed up my tent.

Morning had arrived with irritating cheerfulness, sunlight filtering through the trees and birds chirping with the kind of enthusiasm only beings without existential crises can muster. After a quick breakfast of divine ration bars from my inventory (tasteless but apparently nutritious), I packed up camp and prepared to set out.

Opening the Maps of Voluptaria app on my phone, I plotted my course to Crossroads. The map showed my current position as a pulsing blue dot in a sea of mostly blank terrain—only the immediate area I'd travelled was filled in with actual detail. Golden threads appeared, overlaying my vision thanks to my Arcane Interface Lenses, showing the optimal path through the forest. Distance markers floated as ethereal runes at regular intervals, with Crossroads marked as a pulsing arcane sigil in the distance.

"Well," I said to no one in particular, "at least I know which way to go."

As I started walking, my Appraisal skill activated automatically, tagging everything in my field of vision with floating labels and information:

[Common Oak Tree]
Age: 37 years
Properties: Suitable for construction, furniture
Special Notes: None

[Emerald Toadstool]
Type: Mildly toxic fungus
Properties: Causes stomach upset if ingested; can be processed into green dye
Special Notes: Favoured nesting material for Whisper Sprites

[Forest Squirrel]
Type: Ordinary rodent (not an Elder Beast, thankfully)
Properties: Edible meat, soft fur
Special Notes: This one is carrying three acorns and has a nest approximately 12 meters north

The constant stream of information was both fascinating and slightly overwhelming. I quickly discovered I could mentally "dim" the Appraisal notifications to only highlight items of actual interest rather than cataloguing every pebble and twig in my path.

After about an hour of steady hiking, following the river as Rurielle had advised, I noticed a strange sensation in my body. It wasn't unpleasant—more like a gradual awareness of improved physical condition. My strides felt longer, my breathing more efficient. A notification appeared in my HUD:

[NEW SKILL UNLOCKED: Calisthenics]
Description: Physical conditioning that improves overall athletic capability through progressive exercise.
Equipped Effect: Automatically enhances running, jumping, climbing, and general physical activities over time through regular movement.
Passive Effect: Body naturally builds muscle more efficiently; improved cardiovascular health; reduced fatigue during routine physical exertion.

"Interesting," I murmured, flexing my arms experimentally. They didn't look dramatically different, but there was a definite improvement in tone and definition. Apparently just walking through this world was enough to trigger physical enhancements.

Curious about the extent of these changes, I spotted a fallen log across my path. Instead of walking around it, I decided to try jumping over it. Gathering my momentum, I leapt—and sailed over the obstacle with surprising height and grace, landing perfectly balanced on the other side.

"Whoa!" I exclaimed, genuinely impressed. My Perfect Balance skill had complemented the Calisthenics upgrade perfectly. "This could actually be useful."

I experimented for the next few minutes, testing my improved physical capabilities with short sprints, jumps, and even a few pull-ups on a low-hanging branch. Each movement felt more natural and required less effort than it should have.

"If only gym class back home had been this easy," I mused, dropping back to the ground.

Continuing my journey, I kept an eye out for anything useful along the way. My Appraisal skill proved invaluable for foraging, highlighting edible plants and beneficial herbs:

[Azure Bellflower]
Type: Medicinal herb
Properties: Increases mana regeneration when brewed as tea; mild euphoric effect
Special Notes: Popular ingredient in mage academies; prohibited in competitive spell-casting events

[Golden Cap Mushroom]
Type: Culinary fungus
Properties: Highly nutritious; enhances stamina when consumed
Special Notes: Can be dried and preserved for up to six months

[Crimson Vitality Root]
Type: Medicinal herb
Properties: Promotes blood flow and increases energy when consumed
Special Notes: Often used in "adult enhancement" tonics; particularly potent when combined with Azure Bellflower

[System Message] Most natural performance enhancers in Voluptaria affect multiple bodily systems simultaneously. This is a feature, not a bug.

I raised an eyebrow at that last note. "Of course," I sighed, adding the root to my collection anyway. "Because what this adventure really needed was fantasy performance enhancers."

By midday, I had gathered a respectable haul of useful items. My inventory system organized everything neatly, categorizing the plants as "Ingredients" and helpfully adding recipe suggestions based on my Appraisal information. Apparently, I could make everything from healing potions to stamina brews to... other concoctions I decided to firmly ignore for now.

The river widened as I continued upstream, eventually opening into a small, clear pool fed by a gentle waterfall. It was the perfect spot to refill my water container and take a short break. As I knelt by the water's edge, my Heightened Dust Perception detected traces of magical residue in the air—nothing threatening, just the ambient magic that seemed to permeate this world.

While washing my hands in the cool water, I noticed something unusual across the pool. What had initially appeared to be a natural rock formation was, upon closer inspection, the entrance to a cave. But unlike the rough, irregular openings I'd expect from natural erosion, this entrance was suspiciously clean and well-proportioned—almost like a doorway.

My Presence Detection pinged negative for any nearby entities, suggesting the cave was uninhabited. Still, caution seemed prudent. I circled around to investigate.

"Hello?" I called from a safe distance. "Anyone home?"

Silence answered me. My Enemy Tracking detected no hostile intent within range. Either the cave was truly empty, or whatever might be inside wasn't actively wishing me harm.

As I approached the entrance, my Arcane Interface Lenses automatically adjusted to the dimming light. To my surprise, night vision activated once I stepped inside, bathing everything in a soft, greenish glow that revealed more than my human eyes should have been able to see.

The cave was remarkably spacious and dry, with a high ceiling and a relatively flat floor. Natural rock shelves lined the walls, and a small underground spring bubbled up in one corner before disappearing back into the earth. It wasn't just a cave—it was practically a ready-made living space.

My Appraisal skill confirmed my suspicions:

[Ancient Wayfarer's Sanctuary]
Type: Naturally enhanced shelter
Properties: Magically stabilized structure; temperature regulation; natural water source

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Special Notes: Created by ancient nomadic mages as safe havens; only visible to those with magical sensitivity or in genuine need

"Convenient," I murmured, thinking of all those isekai novels where the protagonist just happens to stumble across the perfect base. Then again, with my luck stat maxed out, perhaps this was simply statistics in action—both the good and bad extremes manifesting in my journey.

I grinned to myself—this was the perfect chance to really stretch my Transform skill, the same one I'd used to craft my sword just yesterday. The cave's natural magical properties would make it an ideal canvas for more extensive applications of the ability.

I concentrated on the skill, feeling it connects with my awareness of the space around me. With deliberate intent, I focused on a section of the cave floor, visualizing a smooth, raised platform that could serve as a bed base.

To my amazement, the stone rippled like liquid before reshaping itself, rising up to form exactly the structure I'd imagined. The surface was perfectly smooth, the corners rounded, the height just right to serve as a comfortable bed frame.

"Incredible," I breathed, running my hand over the transformed stone.

Emboldened by this success, I set about transforming the entire cave into a proper living space. I created separate areas for sleeping, cooking, and bathing—the latter taking advantage of the natural spring to create a hot pool with cleverly designed channels for temperature control. I fashioned stone furniture, storage spaces, and even a rudimentary workshop area where I could experiment with my gathered ingredients.

The finishing touch was a proper entrance—thick stone doors that could be sealed securely from the inside, with a small observation window that could be covered or revealed as needed. For good measure, I added a simple alert system using my Arcane Interface Lenses to monitor the perimeter.

"No bugs, no uninvited guests," I declared, setting the parameters, "and especially no classmates or dangerous wildlife."

As I completed the final adjustments, another notification appeared:

[NEW SKILL UNLOCKED: Enchant]
Description: Impartation of magical properties to objects or spaces.
Equipped Effect: Enchant X with Y—if either component is known, the magic system can suggest complementary elements.
Passive Effect: Enchanted items maintain their properties longer and operate more efficiently when in your possession.

I immediately tested this on the entrance doors, focusing on "Doors" and "Security." The system helpfully suggested several options:

[Available Enchantments for "Doors + Security"]
• Alarm Trigger (Alerts when unauthorized entry is attempted)
• Reinforcement (Increases structural integrity by 200%)
• Recognition (Doors recognize and admit only designated individuals)
• Concealment (Makes entrance less noticeable to casual observation)

I selected all four, watching with satisfaction as runes briefly glowed on the stone surface before fading to invisibility. According to my HUD, the enchantments were active and functioning perfectly.

Stepping back to admire my handiwork, I couldn't help feeling a surge of pride. In less than three hours, I'd transformed a simple cave into a fortified sanctuary that would put most fantasy inns to shame. Beds, storage, cooking area, hot bath, workshop—it had everything I could need for a long-term base of operations.

"Not bad for someone who couldn't even assemble IKEA furniture back home," I remarked, allowing myself a small smile.

As afternoon turned to evening, I decided to venture out again. My improvised food stores consisted mainly of dried rations and foraged plants—not exactly a feast. Fresh meat would be a welcome addition to my cave cuisine. I could have ordered from the Bazaar app, but after all the upgrades today, I was eager to test my enhanced hunting abilities in practice. Besides, there was something satisfying about the idea of catching my own dinner rather than having it materialize from my smartphone.

Using my Presence Detection and Enemy Tracking skills, I identified several potential game animals in the surrounding forest. Most were small—rabbits, pheasants, and the like—but I detected a larger signature about half a kilometre away that Appraisal identified as a wild boar.

"Perfect," I murmured, moving quietly through the underbrush.

As I stalked my prey, however, my Presence Detection suddenly pinged with multiple human signatures nearby. I froze, immediately activating Clairvoyance to survey the area without physically exposing myself.

The magical vision revealed a familiar group of faces—Kenji Tanaka, Ryo Sato, Taro Yamada, Hiroshi Nakamura, and Akira Suzuki, the delinquents from Class 1A. And with them, looking uncomfortable but trying to act tough, was Shinji Kato—the class's nominal bullying victim, now apparently running with the very boys who used to torment him.

Interesting development. Seems like isekai transportation had reshuffled some of the social dynamics.

Widening my Clairvoyance scan, I spotted two more groups within my detection range:

The "Populares"—Mei Takahashi, Rio Kondo, and Saki Watanabe, along with Keita Noguchi, Ren Sasaki, and Yuma Ikeda—were setting up an elaborate camp complete with what looked like magically enhanced tents and a colour-coordinated firepit. How they'd acquired such gear was anyone's guess, but they looked well-equipped and thoroughly pleased with themselves.

Further away, I spotted part of the studious group—Shota Fujita, Kaito Ishii, and Daiki Abe—huddled around what appeared to be a magical tome, arguing intensely over its contents. Their camp was functional but sparse, clearly prioritizing study over comfort.

"Where are Emi and Yuna?" I wondered, noting the absence of the two girls who usually completed their academic circle. Perhaps they were gathering supplies or exploring separately.

"Why am I not surprised they're all separated by clique?" I muttered, cancelling my Clairvoyance to conserve energy.

My hunting expedition temporarily forgotten, I decided to observe the delinquent group more closely—they were the nearest, and frankly, the combination of Kenji's gang with Shinji was too bizarre not to investigate.

I crept closer, using my newly enhanced physical capabilities to move silently through the forest. My Lone Wolf skills provided a natural boost to stealth, making me practically invisible in the deepening shadows of evening.

The delinquents had established a crude camp near the riverside, consisting mainly of hastily constructed lean-tos and a smoky fire. Kenji was loudly complaining about their situation while the others nodded along obediently.

"This whole isekai thing is bullshit," he declared, poking at the fire with a stick. "We should be getting cool powers and hot monster girls, not sleeping in the dirt and eating weird berries."

"At least we got these," Taro said, gesturing to what looked like primitive clubs and spears they'd fashioned from branches.

"Fat lot of good they'll do against actual monsters," Akira grumbled. "Ryo nearly got his ass handed to him by a rabbit yesterday."

"It had red eyes!" Ryo protested. "It wasn't natural!"

Shinji sat slightly apart from the others, methodically sharpening a stick with a stone. The careful, precise movements suggested this wasn't his first time creating tools—interesting for someone who'd been known more for his academic performance than outdoor skills.

"Hey, Kato," Hiroshi called out. "You think any of the class girls are nearby?"

Shinji looked uncomfortable. "How would I know?"

"You were always watching them, weren't you?" Taro jeered. "Especially Miyako and Airi. Too bad they only had eyes for that loser Ryuu."

I stiffened at the mention of my name. Miyako Yukihana and Airi Yamamoto were the unofficial leaders of the "gyaru" group—fashionable, popular girls who, contrary to Taro's claim, had never shown any particular interest in me beyond the occasional group project.

"I wasn't watching anyone," Shinji muttered, returning to his work.

"Whatever," Kenji snorted. "If we find any of them, they'll be glad to see us. We're the only ones who can protect them in this place."

The others nodded in agreement, clearly enjoying this fantasy of heroism.

"I'd like to find Hitomi," Ryo said with a leer, referring to one of the athletic girls. "Have you seen how she fills out her gym uniform?"

"Nah, Asuka's hotter," Hiroshi countered. "Remember during the swimming unit? Thought she was gonna burst out of that school swimsuit."

I grimaced at their crude commentary. Some things apparently didn't change, even in another world.

Their conversation continued in this vein, discussing which classmates they hoped to "rescue" with increasing vulgarity. Shinji remained silent throughout, but I noticed his knuckles whitening around his makeshift knife.

Suddenly, a crashing sound from the underbrush interrupted their banter. All heads turned as a massive wild boar—likely the one I'd been tracking earlier—burst through the foliage directly into their camp.

Chaos erupted immediately. Kenji and the others scrambled in panic, dropping their weapons and climbing the nearest trees with impressive speed. Only Shinji remained on the ground, frozen in place as the boar snorted and pawed the earth.

For a moment, I considered intervening. My Samurai skills would likely make short work of the beast, and fresh pork would certainly improve my dinner prospects.

But something held me back. Perhaps it was the opportunity to observe how my classmates would handle themselves in crisis, or maybe just the schadenfreude of watching the self-proclaimed "protectors" cowering in treetops.

As it turned out, intervention wasn't necessary. The boar, after demolishing their campsite and consuming their meagre food stores, simply wandered off downstream, apparently satisfied with the destruction it had caused.

"Is it gone?" Taro called from his perch, voice cracking slightly.

"No thanks to you cowards," Shinji muttered, finally relaxing his grip on his knife.

Kenji dropped from the tree, trying to recover his dignity. "I was just getting a better vantage point to attack from," he claimed unconvincingly.

The others returned to the ground, surveying their ruined camp with dismay.

"Great. Just great," Hiroshi groaned. "Now what do we do?"

"We rebuild," Shinji said firmly. "And maybe set up some alarms this time."

I'd seen enough. The delinquents clearly weren't in any immediate danger, just suffering the consequences of poor planning and worse teamwork. As they began arguing about how to reconstruct their shelters, I slipped away, returning to my cave sanctuary.

The wild boar would have to wait for another day. Right now, a hot bath and a decent meal from my foraged supplies sounded far more appealing than continued hunting or classmate observation.

Back at my transformed cave, I activated the Recognition enchantment and stepped through the doors, which sealed behind me with a satisfying click. The interior remained exactly as I'd created it—clean, organized, and blessedly quiet. The hot pool steamed invitingly in its private chamber, and my stored ingredients awaited preparation in the kitchen area.

As I settled in for the evening, preparing a simple but flavourful stew from my gathered herbs and mushrooms, I couldn't help reflecting on what I'd observed. My classmates had split into their familiar social groups, apparently defaulting to established dynamics even in this strange new world. Instead of coordinating resources and knowledge for mutual benefit, they remained isolated in their cliques, duplicating efforts and arguably reducing everyone's chances of thriving.

It was, I had to admit, exactly what would happen in a poorly written isekai novel—the transported class fracturing along predictable social lines rather than adapting sensibly to their circumstances.

"At least tonight," I murmured, sinking into the deliciously hot water of my private bath after dinner, "my home base comes with plumbing—and, so far, zero classmates."

Tomorrow would be time enough to continue my journey to Crossroads and the search for Naomi-san and the others. For now, I'd enjoy the small comforts I'd created and the surprising usefulness of my divine "gifts."

Even if one of those gifts was still, inexplicably, lubricating fingertips.