NOVEL NEXT #45
#45
While Ji-woo was grateful and happy to have a friend visit and keep him company during work, he wondered what Hyun-joon found so enjoyable about voluntarily putting himself through this trouble. He was particularly curious about this because he had a lot on his mind lately. It felt like he almost understood, like he was just a little bit away from understanding, but he couldn’t quite grasp it, so he wanted to hear more details about anything.
“Can I ask why you like it?”
“Are you curious about that?”
“Yeah. Can you tell me a bit more?”
“You’re so smart, why are you clueless only at times like this?”
“…About what?”
“I’m saying I come because I like being with you.”
“But why do you like being with me? I’m just doing part-time work every day, I can’t hang out well like your other friends, and I’m not fun. I’m not even good at sports, and I don’t smoke…”
Ji-woo tilted his head slowly as he watched Hyun-joon, who was just smiling without answering. Once again, he felt like he almost understood, but it wasn’t quite clear, which was a bit frustrating.
“I guess I just like being with you even though I know you’re just working every day, can’t hang out well, and aren’t fun.”
“But why… Oh…”
Just as he was about to ask once more, a light bulb went off in his head. Liking to be together for no particular reason, just ‘because’. Hyun-joon’s clear words of liking it shone brightly in his hazy mind.
“Do you… like me?”
“Ah, shit. Do you think I’ll feel better just because you finally figured it out?”
“…Really?”
“Yeah, really fucking true.”
“……”
“Don’t forget it now that you’ve figured it out with difficulty.”
Ji-woo, who had absentmindedly nodded, belatedly felt his ears heating up and quickly covered his right ear, the one closer to Hyun-joon, with his hand.
It wasn’t that he had never received confessions before… but it was his first time receiving a confession from such a close person, a close friend, and it was also his first time directly facing the feelings of someone who meant a lot to him, so he was flustered and found it very difficult to know how to react.
“…Then should I give an answer now?”
“Will you?”
“Usually… you’re supposed to answer something. Like saying I like you too or I’m sorry.”
“Looks like you’ve received a lot of confessions.”
“Not a lot, just a few times.”
“Have you ever accepted any?”
“No.”
“Why didn’t you accept them?”
“…Because I didn’t like them.”
Ji-woo, who answered as if it was obvious, suddenly realized for the first time that he was ‘pondering’ about something related to this. Until now, as he had just said, he didn’t like anyone, so he would reject and conclude whenever he received anyone’s confession, but this time… he didn’t think about how to reject without hurting feelings.
“Then have you ever liked anyone?”
“In the sense of wanting to date?”
“Yeah.”
“In that sense…”
Ji-woo, who was about to say no, hesitated for a moment as Hyun-joon’s face filled his mind. He felt so frustrated not knowing why he was hesitating to answer at this moment. When he finally managed to sort out his complicated thoughts and looked up, he saw Hyun-joon’s slightly stiffened face.
“Did you?”
“But what does it mean to want to date? Wanting to become a special relationship…? For example… um, if you’re in the same school, you can meet every day without necessarily dating, right? So why… do you want to date? Is it wanting to be bound in a special relationship?”
“It’s wanting the other person to think of you specially. Differently from others.”
“…Differently from others…”
Ji-woo, who was mulling over Hyun-joon’s words, looked up again. In some ways, he might be asking about something too basic and it could be frustrating, but Hyun-joon showed no sign of that and was just quietly looking at him.
“…What if I’m already thinking of someone… a bit differently… specially?”
“Are you talking about me?”
“……”
“No?”
“…Yes. I’m talking about you.”
He had no idea what expression he should make, so he couldn’t control his expression at all. The more he spoke, the more he felt like Hyun-joon was discovering one thought after another in his mind and heart.
“Well, there are fucking many kinds of special. Just because something’s special doesn’t mean you want to date, so you need to think about it. Whether you’re thinking of me specially in a way that you want to date me or not. Teachers think I’m fucking special too, you know? As a special surveillance target. Think carefully about whether you’re like that too.”
“…True. Just because teachers think you’re special doesn’t mean they want to date you.”
“Hey, don’t elaborate. It’s gross.”
The slightly serious atmosphere was eased by Hyun-joon’s snarky comment. Ji-woo, who let out a small laugh, nodded once as if he had made up his mind.
“I’ll think about it carefully.”
“Do you know what standard to think by?”
“Standard? Is there such a thing?”
“No, how would you know? How are you going to think about whether you want to date me, whether you’re thinking of me specially in that way? Should I tell you an easy way?”
“Yeah, what is it?”
Hyun-joon unnecessarily glanced around the empty convenience store once and gestured for Ji-woo to come closer. Ji-woo, who was already sitting right next to him as close as possible, leaned his body more towards Hyun-joon. Close enough for their arms to touch and shoulders to overlap. Hyun-joon lowered his voice as if telling a secret.
“Think about whether you could kiss me.”
“…D-Don’t say weird things.”
“Hey, how is this weird? If you don’t think you could kiss, you can’t date.”
“…T-Then do you think you could… do that… with me?”
“Yeah.”
At the very firm and clear answer that came immediately without any hesitation, Ji-woo was half dumbfounded and couldn’t say anything.
“You should think… think and then answer…”
“I’ve already thought about it so fucking much that I don’t need to think anymore.”
“…You’ve thought a lot?”
“Yeah.”
“About… k-kissing… with me?”
“Yeah. I’ve thought about it a fucking lot.”
His words seemed assertive and playful, but there was not a hint of playfulness on Hyun-joon’s face. There really wasn’t any sign of it, so Ji-woo couldn’t dismiss Hyun-joon’s answer as a joke at all.
“I can kiss you. I want to.”
“……”
“Do you know how hard it’s been for me to hold back when there have been several opportunities until now?”
“…What opportunities?”
“Opportunities to kiss.”
“…W-When were there such things? There weren’t any.”
Seeing Ji-woo turn noticeably red, Hyun-joon laughed playfully and brought the barcode scanner to Ji-woo’s reddened ear. Then he made a beeping sound with his mouth as if scanning, playing a joke.
“Beep, one cup of cherry tomatoes, 3000 won.”
“…Stop it.”
“Oh, it got redder. At this level, beep, spicy stir-fried ramen.”
Ji-woo, who covered his increasingly reddening ears with his hands, subtly moved away from Hyun-joon a bit. He felt like he should tell him to stop teasing, but maybe because even bigger shocks had entered his mind all at once, he couldn’t really hear the beeping sounds from beside him.
“Your hands are fucking red too.”
“That’s because you suddenly said weird things.”
“When did I? You asked, so I just answered. You’re totally blaming me. You’re the one who’s turned on by the kiss talk.”
“…I-If you keep saying things like that, leave.”
At the words to leave, Hyun-joon quietly put down the barcode scanner. Then he stood up with a slightly gloomy face. Ji-woo’s head followed Hyun-joon as he stood up.
“Okay. I’ll go.”
Watching Hyun-joon’s back as he really went out of the counter area, Ji-woo, who was just moving his lips, quickly reached out and grabbed the hem of his clothes.
“…Are you really leaving?”
“I was going to leave because I’m not confident I won’t say weird things. If I keep saying those weird things, my score will only go down, right?”
“You could just not say weird things.”
“No, why is that weird? I’m telling you, there were definitely times when it wouldn’t have been weird to kiss.”
Ji-woo, who let go of Hyun-joon’s clothes he was holding, shook his head.
“Go ahead.”
Thinking that Ji-woo would hold him back if he tried to leave, Hyun-joon had made a bit of a bold move, but now he thought he had completely failed. He looked down at Ji-woo, who had lowered his gaze, and then slowly came back inside the counter.
He might not know it himself, but Seo Ji-woo seemed to be born with a skill for training people. The way he made people feel so good by holding them back, then made them yearn by saying to leave as if he had nothing to lose, and then completely melted someone’s heart.
“You’re so fucking cold. You said you really liked being with me.”
“I didn’t say I liked it that much.”
“That’s the same thing. Anyway, think about it carefully and quickly.”
“Is that possible?”
“You have to make it possible.”
Hyun-joon grinned and slowly sat back down next to Ji-woo, resting his head on Ji-woo’s shoulder. It looked a bit funny seeing a big guy trying to lean on a smaller guy’s shoulder, having to crumple his body more, but that didn’t matter to Hyun-joon at all.
“Closing my eyes makes me sleepy. I’m going to sleep.”
“What if a customer comes?”
“Tell them to scan the barcode themselves, swipe their card, and leave.”
Ji-woo just laughed at the absurd answer, not knowing how to respond. He subtly turned his head and took in the sight of Hyun-joon’s hair resting on his shoulder. Suddenly, he felt the urge to stroke it, but he didn’t actually do it.