Reincarnated as a Phoenix

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“So… here’s the deal prisoner. You will reveal everything you know or, you will experience pain on a level you’ve never experienced. We are firm believers in torture around these parts”

“H--, --is --ems unne-----ry Ik---s”

“What was that Petra? Already told you I can’t hear or see shit wearing this thing”

“Heh… said we’ll have to use this place someday”

“Urgh, why is it you always have to spoil the mood!?! Just go away if you’re going to be like this”

“Heh, love you too Ikarus”

Already pouting and knowing my plan has fallen to ruin, Petra has to spoil everything fun! I didn’t even get around to dragging an axe along the floor, or shouting we will ask the questions in a Russian accent yet!

Context is probably needed for what’s going on and no, this isn’t some roleplay involving the wife and Aesa. Right now, I’m interrogating Demeter down in a prison that was built over the past five years.

Boy, it really does set the scene with all the torture equipment around the place. Apparently, it was built as a gift for the two queens for when we get back? I have no idea what would give the cultists that impression that we’d want a dungeon…

Why I’m doing this specifically for Demeter comes down to her basically being one of Zeus’s favoured. She must have important information as she is considered one of the oldest Gods left remaining, that also isn’t batshit crazy. Sure, this is more of a show because we are trying to recruit her to our cause. Asmodeus has made that clear she’s important for anything farming related… this does feel like a lost cause though. We may have to resort to actual torture at some point.

Anyways, actually looking at the prisoner in question tied to a chair, she has a surprisingly puzzled look considering the situation she’s in. I was hoping we could have a good cop, bad cop thing going along but Petra always turns everything into a tease.

“I’m not really sure on the point of this. If you’ve got questions to ask, then ask. You’ve already taken everything from me so I couldn’t care less about giving you more”

“Fine then, guess we’ll just skip the torturing part… wasn’t curious on that at all. You best tell us where Zeus, Hera and Ares are hiding?”

This is the golden question that needs an answer. Since the settlement is already going into overdrive rebuilding what was destroyed and the never-ending council meetings that are better off unseen, we need to stop this ever happening again. This is it, there are no more delays or destroying entire worlds. We need to hunt the fuckers down at all costs, especially Ares who has a soul as bad as his parents.

Don’t even ask how many innocent people the God of war slaughtered in that ugly day, bodies are still being found even now, some unrecognizable beyond belief. Just seeing a few of them makes me understand why Nathan panicked and retreated to the tower, just getting his attention off killing innocents makes sense enough.

“I’m unfortunately unaware on my paranoid brother’s whereabouts. Hera and Ares however, they should be holding up inside the dungeon we arrived in, as well as the other Gods who didn’t join the invasion”

“Well great. Where is it?

…

Instead of answering, Demeter pauses and continues to look confused. Is it really that weird we’re asking her questions like this?

“I’m still not sure why you’re asking me this. You’ve got the demon who seems to know everything already. I’d prefer it if you would just ask what you really want to know”

‘But this is what we really want to know. This depressed woman can sound so condescending at times’

“We’ve got a few more things to ask but that is important. We’ve also got the matter of discussing what comes next… what story lies in wake for the Goddess Demeter?”

…

Unsurprisingly enough, Demeter pauses again from confusion but this time around, it’s Petra causing it. Continuing on, I think the wife is trying to get through to her.

“Do you plan on wallowing away over the fact your daughter has found love or the fact the world isn’t how you like it? You have the chance to rebuild your life down here anew”

“Rebuild my life? Don’t make me laugh… things were simpler before you two came around. Sure, Zeus would get paranoid and try to destroy a world or two every now and then. He’d always end up forgetting after a controversial affair. Things were easier”

“*Sighhh*… I really wouldn’t bother with her Petra. She’s as stubborn as a mule, your words of wisdom won’t work on someone like this”

Petra may seem dejected about not being able to get through to her but until Demeter truly understands what Hades and Persephone are like in person, this is a lost cause. Asmodeus may say she’s important and that may be so in the future. For right now though, she’s a problem we haven’t the time for.

“What game is this now? You’ve allowed an angel to come visit? I’d rather have the physical torture promised than hearing this one preach”

Turning around both to our surprise, Uriel of all people enters the dungeon. Sure, she’s the only angel left but still, she shouldn’t be down here.

Nudging Petra and whispering, maybe she might know why she’s here. I’m doubtful she put her up to it considering how I still can’t stomach Uriel even at the best of times.

“Petra… what is she doing down here?”

“Don’t know Ikarus… think we might be giving the new Gods too much freedom”

“Salvation can be found in the strangest of places Goddess, even if it involves something as simple as magic. Strength can be always be rebuilt, just going on a training regime will speed things along”

Oh right, should I point out Uriel has been hanging around Hecate and Eris ever since they met? They seem to have a lot in common and keep discussing anything related to magic. I knew I was right about her, freaking witches are going to make a coven at this point.

“Pfff, don’t make me laugh angel. Can we get on with the torture already?”

‘Don’t tempt me Goddess because I’m a conflicted and curious individual. All this equipment around isn’t helping’

“Please, place her care to me and I’ll make sure she regains her sense of worth and becomes useful around here. You have my word on this”

Uriel seems awfully eager to try and take Demeter under her wing, is that suspicious? I doubt it’s anything sinister and just her trying to do a good deed. Problem is, I know what this angel used to be like.

“So wait, are you going to train her to get stronger or something? You really think that’s a good idea with what’s happened before?”

A huge sense of shitty nostalgia rides over me as I remember the hell I endured training under the evil mage. We’re trying to get Demeter on our side and with how I was treated, that seems like a terrible idea. Only one person can ride me and that person is by my side! I don’t even care how stupid that sounds.

“Please Ikarus, I can only apologize if I’ve harmed you in the past, but I have no recollection of those events that may have transpired”

“Do you plan on beating and breaking her into submission? Or sitting on her if she says something funny?”

“Heavens no! Why would I ever do such a thing?”

She genuinely seems shocked at such a suggestion which I guess is a good sign? I know I need to let it go and I guess this seems like a good way of getting over that past. It’s just annoying that I can’t.

“Do what you want… as long as you take responsibility if things go wrong. Before we head off, presumably to find the dickhead, can you point out where this dungeon is Demeter?”

You know exactly what’ll happen when we go to speak with Mr Vagueness, so if this grumpy woman can save some time, then we’ve got to try.

“Give me a map and I’ll do it… it just confuses me Hera hasn’t concerned both of you more. Are you all even weaker than I thought not to have picked it up?”

Now calling the both of us weak, the urge to get my inner torturer out is becoming troublesome. What is it with old Greek Goddesses being rude anyways?

“*Sighhh*… what is there to ask? She’s strong as fuck but then again, so are we. What did we miss?”

Surprisingly, her depressive atmosphere fades a touch when I ask that question. I guess Greek Goddesses are know it all’s as well… I exclude Petra because she’s sexy and her words are basically wisdom after all. I think she technically counts because she took Athena’s power after all.

“Both of you won’t be able to land a scratch and would be better off focusing on Zeus. Problem is, you won’t get to him without going through her first”

“So… she’s very powerful? What, you make it sound like she’s resistant to all damage or something”

I was getting that vibe when we last fought, but I swear I’ve seen her weakened after I nuked them all. Did I check my status screen then? Maybe she wasn’t but just looked beaten.

“Partially correct, orange phoenix. To all mortal women, she can’t be touched. The same thing applies to dragons or anything of the like sharing that gender. With Zeus as well, men cannot harm him. That’s the reason they’re so powerful, half the population are unable to do a thing”

Hold up, does this mean what I think it does? By the sounds of it, this must be a secret even the most knowledgeable of Gods have no idea on. Zeus can only be defeated by women and Hera, by men. It’s definitely an odd plot twist that I guess makes sense considering they are supposed be rulers over men and women.

You’d think that would be a big problem but I’m a walking contradiction that breaks plenty of rules. Petra unfortunately picks up on what I was thinking as well, but needs to ask something else first…

“Heh, so does that mean only someone of a different gender would be able to stand against her? Did the younger Gods not know of this?”

“True, but that didn’t exactly work out for the offspring of Zeus, did it? Even if they knew, none are strong enough as you must’ve seen already”

“Heh… you thinking what I’m thinking Ikarus? It’s a simple solution, no? You’re extremely powerful and have a cute but masculine form in the background”

‘And of course, called it! The inevitable Brooklyn teasing again!’

I can’t help but sulk knowing I’m now going to have to fight Hera as a dude. I’ll have to kill her privately because Petra will have a field day staring at my extreme manliness… who am I kidding? I like the attention but I hate myself. Already stated… walking contradiction…

“*Sighhh*… let’s just round this up then. Even the fates will let you get your way Petra. If you can remember your birthdate someday, maybe I’ll stay like that for entire day or something as a gift”

“Heh, funny you should say that Ikarus. Just remembered and it’s my birthday today”

“Haw haw, very funny… why I love you so much is beyond me…”

__________

“…Blah blah blah blah, Queen Ikarus, blah blah blah?”

“Yeah yeah Marcus… just do what you want”

“Heh, he just asked if you’d liked to spend a week doing charity work Ikarus”

“Hold up… I ain’t signing up for that! Ohhh… you’re just being a tease again”

“Heh, then pay attention Ikarus. We’re nearly finished”

Right now, us lovebirds are huddled up in Marcus’s study while he runs through all the various bits and pieces leaders need to know, all the stuff that gets mentioned after such a demanding battle. If it ain’t obvious already, my attention span is limited at the moment and all this working we’ve been doing is tiring me out.

You have no idea on the amount of paperwork that needs to be signed off when it comes to buildings. Because of the mages island and the market receiving a load of damage, everything needs permission from the queens or the prime minster. When we’re not here, he can use our named but since we’re physically here in the flesh, there’s no getting past it apparently. No idea if we’re a democracy or a dictatorship by this point, either way ruling is mind-numbingly boring.

Why Marcus can’t just forge our signatures is beyond me… that’s really intelligent Ikarus. Give the potential corrupt politician license to be corrupt. I hate kingdom building crap so I’m not forcing you to get through this burden with me!

‘Sighhh… just listen through the rest and let’s be done with it for today’

“Well regardless if you’re listening or not, we’ve still got vast reserves of gold and treasures so rebuilding will be a breeze. Combine that with the fact how we’re rapidly developing technology wise, we can make the standard of living even better for the common folk. All that knowledge from your home, it’s the perfect time to start putting things to use”

Marcus and his political eyes seem to be glowing as the idea of a more expensive rebuild makes him happy. I still don’t think we’re close to getting electricity to work here and Earth style gunpowder is too unstable, might be something to do with the atmosphere but my point is, those books I brought back can now be read by lots of people.

If we start seeing steam engines, pistons pumping and that kinda of stuff from the machine age, then don’t be too surprised. Heck, this world and its oil reserves are untapped, even by the advanced dwarves. Zeki is going to get his dream come true if we turn into the land of the free. That being we’re free to steal everyone’s oil and you’re free to be happy for us!

Anyways, Marcus is clearly happy because of tax reasons. Just think how much we can raise the taxes if everyone lives better lives! That’s clearly what’s going through his brain right now… not like the hardcore cultists will mind because they’re happy to live in tents if it gets golden statues of us made… and rebuilt. Literally ten minutes after the lockdown was lifted and things were safe, they couldn’t help themselves and started fixing the damn things!

“Heh, could you two do me a huge favour and take him off my hands for a bit? I don’t remember him being so clingy”

“You’re so cruel master! I’ve been stuck down there for so long and you’re already trying to get rid of me”

Knocking and abruptly coming into the study, Asmodeus arrives with the beastkin Geld practically glued to his side. This guy really needs a hobb-, ah. Guess adventuring counts since he is one of the higher ups in the guild. It’s kinda weird that they use a real leader and just use headquarters spread around the world.

“No, you knew what would happen if you adopted a pet. He’s your responsibility Asmodeus… we’re leaving know anyways. I need a break”

Petra can’t help but shake her head but also smile from my stupid joke. Don’t care right now, we need some rest! All work and no play makes Ikarus a dull gal…

Just before we leave and as Marcus is sorting a bunch of papers, he nearly jumps out of his seat when something else comes to mind. By the sounds of it though, he looks slightly stressed and guilty about something small.

“Oh, nearly forgot something minor. Apparently, Eve has a gift for you two at home. She should be cleaning the place right now”

“Since you’ve brought her up… are we to expect wedding bells or little elven-human hybrid babies soon?”

Before you say anything, yes, I know you can’t mix species in this world. I may be a hybrid between a demon, a human and a phoenix, but natural mixed-race childbirth has never worked. I was making a joke, goddamn it!

“I have no idea what you are on about Queen Ikarus. Me and Eve aren’t an item”

‘Yeah yeah Marcus, keep lying through your teeth. We all know you like a little elven hussy on the side. Should I tell him I can detect lies? Nah… let him have his little scandal…’

__________

“Finally! We can kick back and have a second to ourselves”

“Heh, thinking what I’m thinking Ikarus? It has felt like a while”

‘Not even through the door and she’s already in the mood… I love her so freaking much at times’

“Save those thoughts for later, my sexy pervert. I’m more in the mood for a nap and a cuddle right now…”

We’ll be following that up but for now, we really need a break. Just anything to take our minds off all the crap that’s been happening. A nice lazy nap back at home will do the trick…

But, our lives are never that simple. I was thinking maybe a quick nap, then a little loving but with the state of our bedroom… this is absurd! How can anyone nap in a place like this? It’s ruined and not for the reason you expect.

“Petra… what the actual fuck is this? There’s being funny and all… this is not funny”

Our lovely bedroom at home, it’s ruined! The pinkness levels, it’s rancid! What in oblivion has happened!?! I know Petra made a joke about me needing more pink in my life a little while ago… this is too far!

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“Heh… this I did not expect. May have made a slight joke to Eve about making the place a little pinker and feminine… this is too much”

“It honestly looks like a girl’s room or… someone with an odd fetish might have”

Look, we know I’m weird when it comes to comparisons but this has to be it, right? Eve, our busty elven maid clearly has a thing for pink then. Or doesn’t understand the concept of subtleness.

“Heh, an odd comparison Ikarus? I hope you’re not expecting me to become your mommy or something”

“D-Da fuck? That wasn’t what I was implying! And don’t ever say that again! I meant someone with a colour fetis-… not like a race thing! An actual attraction to the colour pink… just how the hell do you even know what that mommy thing is?”

Instead of getting an answer, Petra just giggles and makes me pout at her even further. We go to some odd places when we’re in the mood but this is something I’m not okay with! Thankfully, I can tell Petra’s the same but damn, don’t be messing around about something like this! The whole daddy and mummy thing actually scares me, don’t they say it’s down to lacking parental figures? Shit, I grew up in foster care and never once did I ever feel like that shit is hot!

“I’m telling you right now Petra, that’s a hard no even for my standards”

“Heh, same Ikarus. We’ll definitely have to speak wit-… there she is. Eve, me and Ikarus were just saying how much we like the place, don’t we Ikarus?”

‘You damn two face traitor! I don’t care how much you glow when you laugh! Now I’ve got to break the news alone that this place is horrible’

Arriving to come check up on us like the pain in the arse eavesdropper she is, it appears she wasn’t listening in on us this time around. The only time I wanted her to, the stupid elf doesn’t! If I ever become truly evil and aim to oppress the elves, she is the reason!

“Queens, how do you like your surprise!? Queen Petra gave me license to redecorate the place, so I did! Your friends Miss Penelope and the Goddess Aphrodite would love the place as well, wouldn’t they!?”

“It’s… a bit much, isn’t it?”

Like a beastkin wagging her imaginary tail, Eve has that happy puppy like face from what she’s accomplished. And hearing my words makes her face drop in an instant…

“Y-You… don’t like it?”

‘Damn you Petra! How dare you make me empathetic! Nuking an entire city would be easier than telling this stupid elf that I don’t like this at all!’

“I didn’t say that! It’s just awfully pink, that’s all! I might become allergic to the colour with all this… pinkness”

Normally, I wouldn’t give a tiny rat’s arse about people’s feelings, but, if you consider this elf cooks, cleans and basically cares for us when we’re here, I can’t bluntly come out and say it’s disgusting, can I?

Seeing me like this is making Petra struggle to hold back laughter, I guess she expected me to just blatantly come out and say how I really feel. You’ve corrupted me woman and made me think before I speak, life officially sucks now.

“Hehe, so you’re okay with it for now then, right?

“Yes… it’s fine… good actually”

Grinding my teeth, I manage to get the words out and only make myself feel shitty inside. Being nice makes me feel sick!

“So great then! If you ever get bored of it, your old furniture is down in the basement! Or I can decorate it even more if you’d like, I could make it lover’s paradise next time around! Or bridal, or even make it themed like a sexy time dunge-”

“NO! No… ahem. Thanks Eve but this’ll be enough for now”

Instantly needing to shut that down in an instant, Petra cannot be allowed to agree with our maid because it’s inevitable she will. I’d honestly prefer it bridal themed more than this. The quickly we get this decorating phrase gone, the better. Oh well, it’s not like we’re going to be here for long anyways. We’ve got some hunting to do.

Anyways, the maid scurries along clearly happy with what she’s done, leaving me alone with the glowing wife. She found that way too funny… she really is too cute when she smiles like that though. I can’t help but want to kiss her even if I’m still sulking slightly. She’s always been too kind to our maid and now, I am as well apparently.

“Come on now. Since you find this so funny, how about we get on with it and… assume the position already?”

“Heh, guess you’re feeling frisky Ikarus. You going to lead then?”

…

“E-Erm… let’s just see how things go. Might want to draw those pink curtains first… our room sucks so much…”