Inescapable Escapism

The pirate froze, and I saw irritation cross her face, but I knew she wouldn’t refuse my request. She couldn’t. It was an international law. Everyone had to follow it, and if anyone found out that she hadn’t, it would be an issue. More than just an issue. No one wanted to work with a pirate who had no morals and wouldn’t obey the rules. Especially if she went against her captain, which was exactly what killing someone who had requested an audience with the captain counted as.

That’s why I had yelled it. It made it more likely that she’d listen to me. The chances of someone else overhearing us and coming to investigate were too high for the pirate to risk doing anything other than agreeing to my demand. She knew that too, and I was certain she also knew what the punishment would be if she didn’t. If she was lucky, they’d just brand her and drop her off at the nearest port, but…

The woman growled at me again and sheathed her knife, a glare marring her features. It was a challenge for me to keep the scared look on my face. I wanted to smile. My plan was working perfectly. She’d walk me through the ship, either to the captain’s quarters or to his cabin on the deck, and I’d get a good look at everything. That would be enough for me to confirm my suspicions, and even if my crew weren’t able to decode the information in time, I’d still be able to decide what to do next. They’d be able to act based on what I did. I wasn’t sure how, but part of me knew that for sure.

I cringed back as the woman walked towards me.

“Don’t be such a coward,” she spat as she seized my bicep, her fingers digging in much tighter than necessary.

She squeezed me hard as she dragged me forwards, out of the cargo hold and into the corridor. I stared around, making sure to keep my expression wide-eyed and full of wonder. It wasn’t particularly hard. Although in this world, I had seen countless ships even more grand than the one I was on, the real me hadn’t. The majesty of it took my breath away.

The floor was lined with a spotless crimson carpet with some kind of golden motif design that I didn’t entirely recognise. The walls were mostly bare but made of a dark and gleaming cherry wood. It would almost be a crime to cover them, but the captain had still decided to. Oil portraits with ornate gold frames of people some part of me vaguely recognised were dotted around. The expressions were stern; they sneered down at whoever walked past.

It wasn’t until we’d climbed a set of narrow stairs that we came across another person, though. They did a double take when their eyes fell on me before quickly dipping lower and focusing on my chest for a solid few seconds, making the urge to cover up grow within me. I stepped closer to the pirate holding my arm, pretending to be scared.

“Who’s this?” the guy asked. “Someone escaped?”

I refused to react to that, but it confirmed a suspicion.

“No, you idiot. Wrong route,” my pirate told them. “They snuck aboard.”

Confusion crossed their face before being replaced with concern.

“When?” they asked sharply.

“Embarked in Verander. Apparently,” she said, hissing that last word at me.

I cowered away from her, struggling weakly to free my arm from her grasp as if suddenly changing my mind about joining the crew. Her grip tightened, and her smile turned cruel.

“Where you taking her?”

“She demanded an audience with the captain,” the woman said, her voice taking on a mocking tone as she repeated my words.

The other pirate laughed, the noise hacking and loud.

“Well, let’s see what he has to say about that!” they spat gleefully.

Panic flared briefly in my chest, but I pushed it aside. There was no need to be scared. I knew who the captain was. I couldn’t recall his name or face, other than the not entirely accurate oil painting of him I’d passed earlier, but I was still certain that I knew him. Part of me did, at least.

I let myself be dragged forwards, the grip on my arm even tighter as we continued our journey through the ship. Countless jeering pirates joined the procession, and I examined their faces carefully, but luckily I didn’t know a single one. Every single pirate had plastic tubes disappearing up their nostrils, which made it even less likely that I knew them. There were a few that seemed vaguely familiar, but none were familiar enough for me to be concerned. They wouldn’t know my face. Not the one I was wearing, at least.

Eventually, we climbed a final set of stairs and emerged onto the bustling open space. Even more faces turned to look at us as I was hauled forwards across the perfectly shined wooden deck, and I stared back, glad that I was pretending to be awe-stricken and new to that world. It was a good character to play and gave me the perfect excuse to be looking around so much.

That was needed. I had to check and see if there were any girls there. They wouldn’t be kept below deck, not all of them, at least. I didn’t trust that crew, and I was almost certain they’d bring at least a few up each time. I couldn’t see them, though. There were no cages, no girls bound in bulky chains. There was nothing except crates and supplies, secured with thick ropes to protect them from the turbulence.

Finally, my eyes found the edge of the ship, and I gasped. It was a sight part of me had seen hundreds, if not thousands of times, but it still took my breath away. The ship coasted just above the clouds, meaning that all I could see was a vast carpet of fluffy white that looked so soft that I immediately wanted to feel them brush against my cheek. I could imagine falling into them, the gentle caress of the vapour as it cradled me softly, lovingly. Logically, I knew I’d fall straight through them and go plummeting towards the ground below, but that didn’t stop longing from gripping my heart.

I tore my eyes away from the clouds, returning to scanning the deck and the people on it. It was clear where we were going. I could see him already. He was standing on a raised platform, the mostly decorative wheel to one side. I’d expected him to be behind it, posing for his crew, but instead, he was leaning over a table, talking intently with another pirate.

They looked more concerning. Her clothes were nothing like the others. They were worn, clearly old and chosen for purpose rather than appearances. There was no tube in her nose, and she had a gun on her hip. I could see the sun glinting off it as we made our way closer. Could she be the final crew member we had no information on? I recognised her. Or at least, I was almost sure I did. She looked like someone I’d run into before. Or maybe I’d just seen her around. Her face could have been plastered on wanted posters all over the ports.

That would make sense. The captain was new and dumb, and the crew bought and inexperienced. His dad needed someone good. Someone who he could trust to run things whilst the captain kept up his foolish charade of leadership. There had to be someone actually making sure the ship took off and got to where it needed to be, but I thought we’d worked out who that was. One of my crew members recognised a name from the list of pirates onboard. They were certain he was the person actually in charge.

The woman was an unexpected variable, and that worried me. If she was as experienced as she looked, she could become a problem. It was clear she knew how to fight. She was small, short and petite, but her arms were chiselled. If it came down to a fight between us, I wasn’t sure who would win. But I had a secret weapon. Something she wouldn’t see coming. And I didn’t need to win to use it.

“Sir,” the pirate holding me said hesitantly as we stopped at the bottom of the short set of stairs leading to where the captain and the woman stood.

I recognised her. I was sure of it. But where from?

Neither of them looked up from whatever they were pouring over. I longed to crane my head to look at it, but I couldn’t. That wouldn’t be right for a terrified damsel who had mistakenly found their way onto the ship.

“What?” the man asked in a nasal and dismissive voice.

He’d never win the respect of his crew by treating them like that. It made me want to scoff. He was acting like he was so much better than them. As if they weren’t worthy of his time. Only a noble would be stupid or ignorant enough to do that.

“We…” the pirate started before trailing off and having to try again. “We found a stowaway.”

The use of the term ‘we’ was interesting. It hadn’t been a joint discovery; it had only been her. Was the crew so scared of him that they refused to take accountability for their actions? That would make sense too. Maybe he ruled with an iron fist and doled out punishments easily. Of course, punishments were sometimes necessary for a captain to use, but too many indicated that he had no clue what he was doing. That was a good thing to know. It meant that, in combat, his crew would fight desperately but not necessarily well. They’d be motivated by fear and nothing else. I could use that.

The captain finally looked at me, and I let my eyes widen. I wanted him to think I was shocked by his appearance. That he was so handsome, so dashing, that he’d taken me off-guard. Of course, that wasn’t the case. He looked like every other noble boy whose Daddy gave them a ship and told them to make a name for themselves whilst secretly bankrolling them.

His appearance was too careful; I think that’s what gave it away. His curled hair was carefully coifed and styled to look windswept, despite not moving at all in the breeze that blew across the deck. It was clear he’d been deliberate in his clothing choice too. He looked like he’d walked into a tailor, who had probably never met a pirate before, and asked for whatever one might wear, making the outcome… impractical. Almost as impractical as what I was wearing, but at least I had a reason for that.

He’d layered a thick coat, speckled with too many shining gold buttons, over a waistcoat, a silk button-down top with a ruffled neck and what appeared to be both a cravat and an ascot. It was… a lot. I bet it took him so long to get dressed every morning. Hadn’t anyone told him how stupid he looked? Surely the woman standing next to him and watching me carefully would have mentioned it? Unless she was scared of him too.

“Oh?” the captain said, cocking his head as he examined me.

“Yes! She requested an audience… with you.”

The pirate’s grip on my arm had loosened so much that I could have pulled away easily, but why bother? I was exactly where I wanted to be.

The captain’s eyebrow raised.

“Oh, did she now? And what is that that’s so important you had to speak to me?”

I pressed closer to the pirate beside me, pretending to be too overcome by fear or anxiety to speak.

“She said she wanted to join the crew, but I think she’s a spy!” the pirate beside me said, their grip tightening again.

The crowd that had gathered behind us began to hiss and stomp on the deck, the noise deafening but nothing I hadn’t heard before. The captain’s lips twitched as he looked over the horde, clearly enjoying the situation. The woman I couldn’t place wasn’t, though. She just watched what was unfolding with a bored expression.

“Come up here,” the captain said, causing the pirate to drag me up the steps.

I intentionally caught my toes on one of the steps, stumbling and almost falling. Laughter broke out behind me, and I ducked my head, praying that my cheeks would flush. They didn’t, though, but it didn’t matter. The captain was barely paying any attention to me. It was almost entirely on the pirates.

The woman was looking at me again, though. An amused smile played around her lips as she met my gaze. I definitely recognised her. I was certain of it. But where from? And if I recognised her, would she recognise me? I wasn’t wearing my real face, but we didn’t have time to get a new one. It was a mask I’d worn a couple of times before.

I ripped my gaze away from the woman, looking up at the captain again. He was looking at me, a smirk on his lips. I looked down quickly, pretending to be unable to hold it any longer. I wasn’t, though. My gaze found the papers they’d been pouring over, and I began reading quickly, memorising as much of the information as I could. It was exactly what I was looking for. Suppliers, pick up and drop off dates. How foolish that man was to have it out in the open where anyone could see it.

“Too young to be a spy,” the captain decided, causing me to meet his gaze again. “And the clothing? Clearly, you’re wealthy, my dear. I assume you’ve run away from an arranged marriage?”

I flinched and had to look away. That hit too close to home, I realised with surprise. I could remember him, remember the man I’d been betrothed to without my consent. My parents planned the partnership, caring more about the impact it would have on their business than whether or not I wanted to marry a man so many years older than me. He didn’t care either. My would-be husband.

Memories crashed into me. The man, his hair already speckled with grey, smiled down at me as he wrapped a possessive hand around my waist, holding me too tightly. A phantom hand seized my wrist, squeezing it to the point of pain as he whispered in my ear that there was no escape.

But that wasn’t the only pain he caused me. No. The scars on my arms, hidden by my long sleeves, were a reminder of that. A warning to never let another man touch me or hold power over me. And I wouldn’t, regardless of the way the captain looked at me. He reminded me of the man I was betrothed to. It was the pitying way he was looking at me, like he knew everything about me.

I felt myself withdraw from that world slightly as confusion crashed into me. How old was I there? I could feel that I was older than in real life, but I had no clue how big the difference was. My memories were adding to the uncertainty, though. I remembered living at home, being betrothed to be married, running in the middle of the night, but none of that indicated how old I was or how many years had passed since I left home. It felt like it had been a while, though.

The captain must have seen me flinch because he laughed. The noise was cold and cruel, exactly what I expected from someone who dealt in trafficked people and helped reunite abusive husbands with their runaway wives. The other pirate’s reaction was interesting, though. Something flitted across her face before it became carefully blank again. I wasn’t quite sure, but it looked almost like hatred. Unadulterated and burning hatred.

“Well, you might still have some use to us,” the captain said, his tone edging towards condescending. “Have you been on a ship before?”

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed since we started speaking. It felt like it had been long enough for my crew to have gotten the information they needed, but I had to be certain. Dragging out the conversation would help.

“Once,” I said, my voice purposefully meek. “My father took me on a ship when I was a child.”

“And have you had any training?” he continued. “Can you tie knots or fight?”

I looked down and shook my head.

“Pardon the interruption,” the pirate holding me said hesitantly. “But how can we be sure she’s not a spy?”

It was a valid question, considering the fact that I was.

“Too young,” the captain said dismissively. “How old are you, girl?”

His use of the term ‘girl’ made my stomach turn. It was so belittling. He wasn’t much older than I was, anyway.

“Twenty-four.”

That felt true, but it still surprised me. Twenty-four was the oldest I’d been in any world. I was an adult, and that felt so… strange. It felt so old and grown up compared to real life, where I was just fifteen. Nine years. I was nine years older. In that world, I’d done so much with my life. I couldn’t remember everything, but the flashes of memories that I had seen made that clear.

And it made me think about real life. What would I be doing when I was twenty-four? I’d be finished school, obviously. University, too. Then what? I didn’t have any kind of plan for afterwards. I’d never really even considered it, despite our teachers telling us that we had to start thinking about the future and working towards it. I didn’t want to, though. The mere thought of it made my skin crawl.

“Ah, I assume you came straight from your parent’s estate?” the pirate asked, interrupting my thoughts. “They told you a marriage had been decided, and you didn’t like the man? Or maybe you decided that you didn’t want to be a kept woman, worrying only about the latest trends and whether your maids will be able to pick everything up from the market?”

A laugh shot through the pirates behind me at his words. Fury built within me, but I just looked down. His tone was so dismissive and condescending, even though it was clear that he too came from luxury. The ship was handed to him, nothing more than a present, yet he mocked me for wanting the same things he had? He hadn’t earned his ship, not like I had. I’d started from nothing, worked my way up until I commanded a crew. They were more than that, though. They were my family. And, unlike my real family, they actually loved me. They would never sell me.

My hands curled into fists as I fought to keep the anger from my face. The captain in front of me smiled smugly, certain that he had figured me out. Bartholomew, I remembered slowly. That was his name. Son of Nathaniel, shipping merchant and purveyor of fine goods; Herbs, spices, and other exotic items from the far-flung regions of our fine empire. He had questionable business dealings, but his paperwork was too good. His accountant covered a lot for him, making it hard to pin anything on him. But not his son.

Bartholomew was a different story. He must have refused to work with the accountant. Maybe he thought he didn’t need to, that no one would be looking into his dealings too closely. Or perhaps it was just pure arrogance. It wouldn’t surprise me if he truly believed he was above it all. So wonderful that no one would ever doubt or question him. But he was wrong. We knew better than that. We’d been watching him for quite some time, just waiting for him to slip up.

I looked up at Bartholomew just as he shook his head pityingly.

“No, you wanted to go out and see the world, didn’t you? You had to run away and get your hands dirty without any thought of how dangerous it could be here,” he hissed, bringing his face close to mine.

It was then that I remembered something important. Something that had been floating around at the back of my mind, not quite in my consciousness, though. There was a reason why I’d dressed as a rich woman, clearly on the run from her betrothed and not a desperate commoner, looking for any opportunity to make some money. Bartholomew’s wife had run away from him less than a week after their wedding. Our estate was on the other side of the country, but even I heard about that.

She’d never been found. His dad sent ship after ship out after her, but there was no trace of her. Not even a whisper. Some people said she’d made it to the free realms, far from the reach of our empire, but… I wasn’t so sure. Actually, my eyes found the woman standing behind Bartholomew and barely suppressing her grin, I was pretty sure she hadn’t gone far at all.

But how had she gotten onto this ship? Bartholomew couldn’t know who she was. He was treating her too well, like she was an equal, and he would never do that if he knew. And his father must have hired her. How? How has she managed to convince him? Unless she’d tricked him. Forged documentation or something. That made more sense, especially with the new memories that were floating to the surface of my mind.

I did know the woman; I’d run into her before, in port and in the sky. She was already making a name for herself at that point, but I still offered her a place on my ship. She refused, of course. She had a plan, something to do before she’d be willing to hang up her hat and take a place on a ship. I was assured that she’d find me again, when the time was right.

“Actually, I did think about how dangerous it could be here,” I said coyly, peeking up at Bartholomew through my lashes.

His eyebrows drew together, and he looked confused for a moment before covering it.

“You did, did you? And, what? You decided it was worth the risk?” he asked, his tone mocking.

Behind Bartholomew, Amelia brought her hand to her hip, tapping the butt of her pistol as she maintained eye contact with me. A smile pulled at my lips, and I let it. I’d been on board the ship for long enough for my crew to decode everything, but that no longer mattered. Bartholomew would be dealt with.

“In a way,” I said, letting my chin and my volume raise. I wanted his whole crew to hear me. “Or maybe I realised I’m not at risk at all.”

Bartholomew’s expression bordered on anger, and he stepped closer to me. He was clearly trying to intimidate me, but it wasn’t working.

“Are you not?” he asked.

I looked around and shrugged.

“No,” I said as Amelia slipped the pistol from her holster. “But you are.”

No one was even looking at her. They were all looking between Bartholomew and me.

“And why is that?” Bartholomew asked, his tone slipping dangerously low.

I ripped my arm free from the pirate who was still holding me and started to back away from Bartholomew, the edge of the ship wasn’t too far. No one had moved. I could get to the railing before they’d be able to stop me, and then it would be too late. They wouldn’t exactly jump overboard to stop me; that would be certain death.

For them. Not for me.

The hard wood touched the back of my legs just as Bartholomew noticed what I was about to do. Finally, I let my lips pull up into a wide grin and spread my arms wide. With a small hop, I was sitting on the railing and, from there, all I had to do was lean back.

“Stop her!” Bartholomew screamed, panic entering his voice.

“Not so fast,” Amelia said, her voice barely audible over the wind that rushed past me.

I didn’t hear anything else that was said. I was too busy focusing on tucking my head in tight and making sure my body was as small as possible to avoid hitting the solid hull of the ship. It wasn’t the first time I’d jumped off a ship, though. I had practice.

Before long, the noise of the wind intensified, and I knew I was out of the danger zone. I kept my eyes squeezed shut as I stretched out, fighting against the rushing air to get into the right position. It wasn’t easy, but before long, I was stretched out, facing the distant ground. I didn’t open my eyes yet, though.

Part of me panicked, hating the unknown, but I couldn’t open them until I had my goggles. Luckily, that didn’t take long. I slapped a hand against my face, the wind making it hard to control my flailing limbs. My head spun from the impact, but I forced it to stay in place as a creeping sensation moved slowly along my arm before reaching across my face.

Hesitantly, I opened my eyes, my lips stretching into a wide grin as I took in the world before me. Warmth gripped my heart. My ship was there, just in the distance. My family, those I had chosen, were waiting for me. I let my arm leave my face, returning to an outstretched position as the mechanical device on my back began to whirl, the wings unfurling through the hidden gaps in my clothing.

“So?” a voice asked, yanking me backwards as dizziness crashed into me. “What did Rodgers talk about today?”