You Will Only Be Mine

"What do you mean, Kaz- " Ai started speaking in a loud tone, but was immediately stopped by Sensei. She looked at me and signalled to be very careful with my words.

After her entire talk about not being careless about one's words, my bringing action of up this topic out of nowhere in front of Ai would sound stupid. I know, it sounds stupid to me too, but Ai needs to know what is going on in my head, or her worries will grow way more. Especially if another episode like last time happens. I looked at Ai, and she had a dissatisfied look on her face. She wanted to tell me that it is not true, shake me to get myself in the right mind, and do everything in her power to convince me that she can take care of herself. I know you want that Ai, but things are not as simple anymore.

I looked back at Natsumi-san, and she opened her mouth, likely telling Ai to leave the room, but I shook my head, asking her not to. "Ai also needs to hear this; she deserves this," I said and looked up at the ceiling. I took a deep breath and looked at them yet again, patiently waiting for me to finish my sentence.

"The day before yesterday, there was an…incident between me and Ai," I started speaking, and Ai's body tensed up, hearing me bring that up. "I got too excited and ended up drinking her blood, but things went south really quickly. I couldn't control myself and thi- this horrible feeling of wanting to drink every last drop out of her overtook me. I tried my best not to give in, but I couldn't. I started to hallucinate, no, fantasize would be the better word. I fantasized about devouring her...r-ripping her throat up…"

A lump started to form in my mouth as I remembered the moment that made the dread rush right into my mind. I clenched my fist hard, trying my best to keep myself composed. My body was shaking as the guilt started to overcome me. I pressed my nails so hard against my palm that they dug into it and started bleeding. No, now is not the time to lose your calm. You have to get this out of your chest. Natsumi-san will know what to do.

I looked up only to see two pairs of arms rush at me, holding me close against them. The cool and warmth simultaneously felt so comforting. The sweet scent entered my nose, and I could hear both hearts beating faster than usual. I looked up to meet their eyes, and they had a look of worry on them. There was a hint of pity behind their eyes, but in that moment, it didn't offend me. I didn't need pity, but I needed them. I sucked up my stupid pride and leaned against them as little tears started to well up in my eyes.

"I-I didn't want to feel like that," I said, my voice trembling a lot more than before. "It didn't feel b-bad either. I-It's felt g-good. So good my body desired it. I knew I w-was hurting Ai, but I didn't stop. T-that nasty feeling took over any worry I had for her. I'm so sorry."

I started to apologize, reverting back to how I was after my parents died. The apologies didn't stop whatsoever, and the little tears turned into full-on sobbing. My heart was feeling like it was being crushed, my throat was going dry, and a puking feeling overtook me. Natsumi-san and Ai's hug was able to give me some comfort, and I clung onto it like my life depended on it.

"Kazu-kun…" Ai called out my name as her cold hand glided across my back.

"That wasn't the only incident," I confessed, not able to hold back any thoughts at all. I shouldn't talk about this. It's hypocritical to feel this way after going on how I didn't want to hide anything from Ai, but I didn't stop. No matter how much I begged myself to just keep my mouth shut. Ai doesn't need to hear this right now. You idiot, you should never have talked about this in front of her. "A-Another incident h-happened with Akira."

"What?" Ai said in a colder tone.

"T-this m-morning, I-I drank her blood after my head felt like it was bursting," I said, not able to hold back my words. Stop. "E-Even then, I didn't stop when I should have. I-I almost drank all of her blood; it was not supposed to be like that. I-I couldn't help but stop. My mind and body didn't want to stop. There is this voice that yells at me to drink more, to rip the neck and drain her. I almost gave in to that again. I-I'm not fit to be around you two, I'm so sorry."

You idiot, Ai didn't need to hear this right now. She is already not too comfortable around a lot of people; bringing this up will only have a worse effect on her. Especially against Akira, the person who saved your life. I could feel her grip tightening around my body. I just went and did it. Things were going so great, and I messed it all up because I couldn't help myself from saying anything.

"Kazu-kun…you hid that from me…?" she said, holding me closer. "How long has that been going…?"

"That is not the main concern right now," Natsumi-san talked over her and grabbed my face to make me look up at them. I could see the clear differences in their expression now. Natsumi-san still looked at me worryingly, yet Ai had a more neutral look on her face. This is my fault.

Both of them let me go, and I wiped my eyes; things were still a little blurry due to the tears. Natsumi san went and grabbed a desk and slammed it against mine. She put a chair behind it and pointed at it for Ai. "Sit," she commanded, and followed her order.

She sat down next to me, our arms lightly brushing against each other. Her hand grabbed mine and started squeezing it. I looked at her, and her expression completely changed.

"Firstly, Ai," Natsumi-san called her out.

"Sensei, didn't you say we had to first take care of Kazu-kun's worry?" she said, and Natsumi-san let out a sigh.

"We do, but I also know you well enough with the time we spent together," she said and leaned against the desk. "How are you feeling?"

"Sensei, I think Kazu-ku- "

"That isn't an answer to my question," she said sternly and continued staring at Ai. "If you don't speak up right now, things between you and Kazuki will sour. Is that what you want?"

"No…" Ai said, her hand squeezing mine tightly. "But can you really be blaming me for feeling this way? Kazu-kun went and did this without me knowing, behind my back. Is my blood not enough? Do I need to fix anything in my blood to make it more to his liking? I don't understand. If there is an issue, I will do anything to fix it. Kazu-kun just needs to look my way. I will give him everything he asked for."

"Ai, that's not- "

"Then why did you hide it from me?" Ai snapped back at me, and I pursed my lips. "What about this needed you to hide things from me? You could have told me, right? But no, you left me in the dark and went behind my back, drinking her blood. Am I not good enough?"

"No, Ai is definitely good enough. It's just that…" I stopped for a moment to look at he, and I could see the anger building up in her. Is she angry at me for going behind my back? Does she think I broke her trust? Or is she thinking I am not trusting her enough? Is that it? No, that is not the case. It's not that I don't trust her enough; I just know she may not take it the best way in her current condition, so I withheld that information. But holding it means I don't trust her, but that isn't the case. What do I even say?

"Kazuki," Natsumi-san called out to me, and I looked at her. I didn't know what kind of expression I was making. I didn't know who I even looked like, but she had a gentle little smile on her face. What did I do to have you look at me like this? "She won't know if you just keep on going in your head."

My eyes widened, and I looked back at Ai, who didn't say anything, begging me to say something in my defence and make her think it is not what she thinks it is. I took a deep breath and grabbed both of Ai's shoulders. She didn't look too happy with the gesture, but still let me do what I was doing. Ai wanted answers to everything.

"I'm sorry," I started and looked straight at her. No more looking the other way, no more hiding. I dug this grave myself, so I have to get out of it on my own. "I trust Ai, I trust her with my life."

"Then why did you hide it?" she asked me.

"Because I was afraid of hurting you," I said honestly and braced myself. No, stop holding back now. You didn't know when you needed to, so you'd better say everything out now. "I know Ai gets very jealous of other people who get close to me. I feel the same way about her, even to her level, so I knew if I were to bring this up, you would feel jealous and hurt, especially when you realized that I was doing this behind your back. I wanted to find the right time to tell you, so I waited for the right time only to realize the more I waited, the more I withheld from you, and the more I would be hurting you. So, I hid it even more. I didn't want Ai to not trust me, or think I am doing something I shouldn't. I'm sorry, please forgive me."

My eyes didn't drift from Ai's, and I held my breath, anticipating her answer. Please, Ai, trust me.

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