Yakumo Yukari Gapped Me to Another World; Now I'm Trapped in the Human Village Full of Pathetic Touhou Maniacs

“Maribel and Renko… who?” I asked from the floor.

“Maribel Hearn and Renko Usami,” said Wiki, his face falling. “C’mon man, I thought you listened to the music!”

“On Youbifinity, yeah.” The antitrust/acquisition cycle had done a number to streaming services, both video and music. Wiki’s reminder was tickling something at the back of my mind. “Wait, Maribel and Renko… the album-only characters?” Renko was glaring daggers at me while Maribel examined the architecture of our dorm.

“That’s right,” said Wiki. “And written works too, of course.” I struggled to my feet. Wiki introduced Sasha and myself to the pair. They gave polite Japanese bows, so I did the same.

“I’m sorry about your leg,” said Maribel, the blonde one in a lilac dress.

“What happened?” asked Wiki.

“I broke my ankle. I was fighting youkai earlier.”

“By kicking them?” asked Renko.

“Shooting them with bullets,” I said, when I’d mostly run away.

“Odd. I was told that magic wouldn’t hurt you, here.”

“It’s complicated,” I said.

An awkward silence fell. I stared at the pair. They stared back.

They weren’t Touhou characters per se, but characters whose written philosophical discussions accompanied Zun’s album releases. I’d glanced at a few of the texts once. They were university students that were way into coffee, or something, and I was pretty sure that one of the tracks had been about an imaginary satellite full of birds.

Renko and Maribel often visited Gensokyo in a hallucination or a dream, always with plausible deniability regarding its actual existence, and talked about it with each other both before and after. Each original song corresponded to a conversation between them. They were in a paranormal club together in the Outside World–or so I thought.

Many of my assumptions were about to be challenged.

“He seems slow,” said Renko.

“I thought the opposite!” said Maribel with a smile. “We can’t see what he’s thinking, can we?”

“True,” replied Renko. “I hope he has intellectual dark matter. For the sake of humanity.”

“Even the humans in this land will have secrets,” said Maribel. “Unless he’s one of the monsters?” She was looking at my wings.

“I’m borrowing these,” I said.

“Forgive me if I don’t feel like setting up a graviometric experiment!” said Renko, who was apparently still talking about dark matter. She looked around our bare dorm. “Is this really the center of human resistance?”

“It is,” said Wiki. “We recently relocated.”

“I see,” she said with a frown.

“I told Maribel and Renko about our efforts to protect the humans in the human village,” explained Wiki. “They agreed to ally with us right away.”

“What would we do otherwise?” asked Renko. “Ally with the monsters? That seems terminally unwise.” That she called them monsters and not youkai made me strangely uncomfortable. At least the candy taste of fear was fading; I inferred that Renko simply didn’t like meeting new people.

“Maybe!” said Maribel. “We haven’t gotten an offer from the youkai yet.”

“Be skeptical of any offers,” said Wiki, “Although, I have to admit that they have shown an amazing adherence to promises and rules… so far. We’ve found the vampires to be particularly valuable allies, if a bit particular.”

“Particularly particular,” said Maribel.

“Wiki is the best person you could have run into,” I added. “He knows all there is to know about Touhou and Gensokyo.”

“I’ve noticed,” said Renko with a frown, and my uncomfortable feeling worsened. Shouldn’t she know a lot already? Only two people in the Outside World even knew that Gensokyo was real, supposedly, and it was these two. And they were Touhou characters themselves, or almost!

“This must be a dream come true for you, huh?” I asked. “A paranormal club, transported to a magical land.”

“More like a nightmare,” said Renko.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to explain this again. Winston, why don’t you tell your friends about us?”

“You can call me Wiki,” he said.

“Can I call you Winston?” countered the dark-haired girl.

“Fine,” he said. “Anyway. Renko isn’t into the paranormal at all, and she deliberately avoided learning anything about Touhou in the Outside World–”

“What?” I asked. “Why not?”

“I know, right? If I were a Touhou character, I’d learn all I could!” As a matter of fact, he’d learn all he could even if he weren’t.

“I’m not a Touhou character,” said Renko. She went on to explain, apparently not content to listen to Wiki and I go back and forth. “Dad named me after one, because he was a big fan, at least when I was a baby. My family name happened to match, so he just went for it, and Mom didn’t notice until it was too late.”

The existential dread of knowing that college-age people were named after Touhou characters made me dizzy. It had been around for a long time, hadn’t it? Also, I cringed on Mister Usami’s behalf. Everyone I'd met who was named after popular media (and also revealed that fact to me) had chosen to go by a nickname, or to have their name changed. Renko must have been stubborn if she stuck with it.

“I forgave him for it,” she said. “Eventually.”

“So…” I said.

“So Touhou is this weird anime thing that strangers keep referencing right after they meet me, as if I’m supposed to know.” She tossed her hair back, even though it was short and she was wearing a fedora with a bow. “Every time someone talked about it, I became more determined to ignore its existence.”

I looked at her, then at Wiki, then back to her.

“I’m so sorry,” I said.

“Why?” she asked. “Is it your fault?”

“I like you,” said Sasha. “I pity you, but I also like you.”

“That’s the first thing you’ve said so far,” responded Renko, pointing toward her. “And it wasn’t about Touhou, so I suppose the feeling is mutual.”

“Oh, I pity you because of Touhou.”

“Nevermind, then.”

“And you became friends with a Maribel and made a paranormal club and didn’t think that was weird?” I asked.

“Ugh, of course not,” said Renko.

“She wouldn’t have thought it was weird, if she truly knew nothing of Touhou,” said Wiki. “But it’s worse than that. She met Maribel yesterday, when they were both transported to Gensokyo. They aren’t in a club. The real Renko and Maribel are different from the canon pair in several significant ways.”

“I’m the ‘canon’ Renko!” said Renko.

“At least she’s still a physics student,” said Wiki.

“I’m studying unified field theory because it’s cool, and astronomy for the same reason, but I wouldn’t ever join a paranormal club. I’m an atheist!”

“Oh!” said Maribel. “Me, too.”

“I’ve got really, really bad news,” said Sasha.

“Why the heck did you take Yukari’s offer, then?” I asked. “Did you think it was just a dream?”

“She didn’t ask me!” said Renko. “I went to bed in my dorm, and woke up here! When I hit the ground!”

“And that is the real mystery,” said Wiki. “Miss Yakumo asked all the other humans—exactly thirty-five hundred and five, by the way–for their consent before sending them to Gensokyo. Maribel and Renko are the only two people who were brought here against their will, bringing the total human population to four thousand… and two.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” said Maribel. “I’m happy to be here, even if Miss Usami doesn’t like me!”

“I–I didn’t say that,” said Renko with a frown. “If we’re supposedly fated to be friends, it rankles a bit, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll hate you just to spite fate. Material determinism is impossible to defy anyway, so it’d be doubly-foolish to take on a principle of maximum resistance for its own sake.”

“Nevermind, then,” said Sasha. “I no longer pity you.”

“I’m glad,” said Maribel. “Because you’re really cool, and we have a lot in common, since yesterday.”

“That’s undeniable,” said Renko with a sigh.

“Wait,” I said. “I was watching Yukari the entire time the sigil was going off. She didn’t disappear to interview people.”

“She’s been asking them for weeks,” Wiki said. “I’ve been interviewing the new arrivals myself. All day.” He put a hand over his head.

“What’s wrong?”

“We need a debrief, later. Incidentally, most of them disagreed on the date, so I think Yukari was putting them… somewhere where time doesn’t pass.”

“I see.”

“Anyway,” said Renko, “Wiki’s been getting us up to speed, and he asked us to come back to his base and demonstrate our powers, and also see some demonstrations ourselves.” She crossed her arms. “I’m still not convinced that magic is real, but like all proficient scientists, I’m willing to change my mind in light of new evidence.”

“That makes sense,” I said. “Unfortunately, we can’t do danmaku inside the village.”

“How convenient.”

“You already have powers?” asked Sasha. “Atheist powers?”

“Yeah,” she said. “It’s called mathematics.”

“And I can see boundaries!” added Maribel.

—

After a few demonstrations, I didn’t believe that either of them had powers.

“It’s not my fault none of you have memorized the wave equation,” said Renko.

"The second time derivative of u equals c squared times the Laplacian of u?” asked Arnold.

“No, no, the other one,” said Renko. “It’s ‘i h-bar times the partial derivative with respect to t of Psi of t equals H-hat operating on Psi of t!’”

“My bad,” said Arnold. He had arrived at our dorm during our discussion and was politely waiting, but he kept glancing out the window. We were running out of time to pick up our new bench. All the shops in Human Town closed at sundown, naturally.

Arnold started tapping his foot as Renko talked about the powerful math she could do. We gave her a few numbers to multiply. She was indeed phenomenal at mental math, which was about as useful as writing cursive or developing photos.

“Wait, how do you even know that?” Wiki asked Arnold. He was talking about the wave equation. He hadn’t been paying attention to Renko’s mathematics demonstration.

“I don’t know what she said,” said Arnold. “But the wave equation I gave was relevant for geophysics. I studied geology, remember?”

“Of course,” said Wiki.

“Oh yeah?” asked Renko, her eyes narrowed. “What’s a Laplacian?”

“I don’t know,” said Arnold. “What’s a psi?”

Renko laughed. “You got me! It’s the wave function, but that’s not an answer, is it? Nobody really knows.” Renko turned to Maribel. “I don’t suppose you know Shrodinger’s equation?”

“Nope, sorry,” said Maribel. “I’m not a cat person.”

“That’d be Chen,” said Wiki, “Or Miss Kaenbyou. Anyway, Miss Hearn, can’t you come up with a better boundary to describe than the boundary between inside and outside the house?”

“Well, there’s also the boundary between the wall and the floor… “ said Maribel. She pointed, as if we didn’t know where it was. “If you think about it, the floor is a wall for keeping the ground out. Basements are just rooms with floors for walls.”

“Floors… that you can’t walk on,” I said.

“But you totally can! If your ankle isn’t broken, I mean.”

“That’s an interesting way to think about it,” said Arnold. “But I’m not sure if that's a magical power.”

“Me neither,” said Maribel, “Wiki was convinced I had one, and I believed him.”

“Ah, that was your first mistake,” said Sasha.

“She does have powers, I promise,” Wiki said. “I’ve been talking to her all day, and she picks up on the Touhou lore supernaturally fast compared to basically anyone. She can already tell characters apart really well, for example.”

“He ruined experimental blindness before introducing himself,” added Renko with a wave of her hand. “You shouldn’t have assumed you knew who we were.”

“I’m starting to see that, yeah,” said Wiki as he rubbed his temple.

“Anyway, let’s go pick up the bench before the shop closes?” asked Arnold. He’d commissioned the first piece of furniture for our new dorm. My muscular roommate frowned down at me; I was sitting on the floor again. “You can’t really help, so I guess it’ll have to be Sasha or Wiki.”

“I’ll help,” replied Maribel.

“You’re our guest,” said Sasha. “You don’t have to do that.”

“No, I want to see the shop. You never know when you’ll need a furniture store!”

“I’ll go with Maribel and Arnold,” said Wiki. “Sasha, Jake, you stay here with Renko.”

“Can do,” I said, giving a thumbs-up from the floor.

“Actually, shouldn’t you go to the hospital?” asked Maribel.

“Yeah… Nitori did tell me to do that,” I said, looking down at my ankle. I got up without using my arms, causing one of our two visitors to do a double-take. “Oh yeah, I can fly.”

“I find that unlikely,” said Renko.

“Did you not see the wings?” asked Maribel as she smiled and stepped outside.

“I think I’ll go with you guys,” said Renko, looking after Maribel.

“Nonsense,” replied the girl in a lilac dress. “We’ll all meet up here later. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, Renko, and I want you to grow fond of me!”

“I-if you say so.” My roommates left with Maribel, leaving Sasha, Renko, and I in the dorm.

“I think she’s into you,” said Sasha.

“Yeah,” said Renko, looking at the boundary between ceiling and wall. “I think that too.”

“Are you into her?” asked my roommate.

“It’s too early to decide, isn’t it?”

“To the doctor’s office,” I declared, since this conversation was far outside my area of expertise, and I was running out of daylight myself.

–

“How can I be sure that you aren’t just jumping weird?” asked Renko. I was way too drained and weak to fly properly. For the most part I’d stopped, and instead I was leaning on Sasha. We were walking toward the clinic on the edge of the Bamboo Forest of the Lost. I felt bad, because I was heavy enough that Sasha was too focused to converse much.

“Look, when we get out of town, I’ll blast you with danmaku. Then you’ll have to believe me.”

“I don’t have to believe anything,” said Renko. “There’s always the possibility that I’ve had a psychotic break, or that I’m hallucinating. Or stuck in a simulation, or that aliens are tricking me, or that I’m dreaming, or that you have some special effects tech, or–”

I blasted her as soon as it was legal.

“I believe you,” she said with a nod. We walked in silence for thirty seconds. “Wait, no I don’t!”

“Think about it some more,” huffed Sasha. “You’ll come around.”

“What was that?” asked Renko. “When you hit me with that red light, all my reasons for doubting you felt inconsequential… for a moment, so I decided to ignore them…?” She shivered, and I tasted cherry candy. “Then I realized I’d been stupid. That was very out of character. For me.”

“Danmaku causes compulsion,” I said. “I’m surprised Wiki didn’t explain this already.”

We explained to her that danmaku was the primary conflict-resolution system in Gensokyo. It would allow you to compel another person to do something. We tried to explain how the compulsion was temporary and fleeting, especially when it was contrary to one’s nature, but that it could be deadly nonetheless. Renko asked many questions, and to be fair to her, danmaku wasn’t entirely intuitive. She asked about conservation of energy when we said it fed youkai, and I could only shrug.

The trees increasingly gave way to bamboo as we traveled away from the village to the west. The sun was dipping on the horizon. I hated having to hurry; I hoped that I wouldn’t be sent away and told to come back tomorrow.

“So if you were compelled to jump off a cliff…” asked Renko.

“You’d do it,” said Sasha. “Then, maybe the compulsion would wear off on the way down.”

“That’s essentially what happened to my ankle,” I said. Renko nodded. Then she wordlessly turned around and started back toward the village. Sasha almost dropped me as she rushed to stop Renko from leaving.

“Where are you going?”

“Back to the dorms,” replied Renko. “It’s not safe here.”

“Sorry,” said Sasha. “You need an escort. That’s a non-negotiable rule.”

“Ah, I’m starting to see why,” said Renko with another nod. “So you can protect me from youkai, right? Compel them to spare us?”

“Yep,” I said, with as much confidence as I could muster. We were approaching the doctor’s office. I saw Reisen standing outside. The bunny-eared woman in dress clothes quietly watched us approach. I smelled cloying smoke and wondered why she might be afraid, before noticing that she was actually holding a cigarette. I didn’t smoke, but something about the rabbit lady with her pink skirt, red tie, and glowing cigarette spoke to me.

“Don’t you know that’s bad for you,” said Sasha. She was looking at the cigarette like it was a stick of beef jerky, and she hadn’t eaten in three days. “Wearing a skirt in the autumn, I mean.”

“I stay warm enough,” said Reisen as she put out her cancer stick on the ground. Sasha mentioning the skirt reminded me of Doctor Yagokoro’s illusory clothes magical item. To my ghostly sight Reisen appeared to be genuinely-clothed, which was probably good for staying warm. “That ankle looks particularly bad. I’ll get the doctor, you wait right here.”

“Is that a youkai?” asked Renko a second too early, while Reisen was still in earshot. To be fair, she had big ears. The rabbit’s face hardened a bit, but she didn’t say anything as she went into the clinic.

“Yes,” I said. “Her power is to manipulate insanity. She can make you hallucinate anything.”

“I… I hate this place,” said Renko.

“She’s not even the most dangerous,” I said, remembering a conversation I’d had with Wiki months and months ago.

“Who is, then?”

“We, uh, don’t know yet.” A moment later Reisen opened the door.

“The Doctor says that you two should return to the village,” said the moon rabbit. “Mister Thorne, come with me.”

—

I learned two valuable things about Doctor Yagokoro that evening. First, she could see through flesh, and second, she had some very, very powerful drugs. She took me straight into surgery, to fix my broken ankle bone with titanium screws and metal. Not bad, for a small clinic with limited staff.

“You can watch if you want,” said Eirin as she worked on me. I felt a numb vibration through my leg. She had a drill. There were wet sounds. Reisen stood beside Eirin with a tray of tools. I wondered if her nurse outfit was her own idea, or the Doctor’s.

“No thanks,” I said as I stared up at the ceiling. Like a dentist’s office, the surgery room’s ceiling had a painting on it. It was two monkeys standing on a rocky outcropping. One had its hand on the other, as if asking it to leave from danger, but the other looked at something on the cliff’s edge. It was a small animal of some sort. I thought the indistinct blur could be a bird, but it didn’t quite make sense to me.

“Do you like the painting?” asked Doctor Yagokoro, conversationally. “Mori-Sensei's rabbits are properly skeptical, which is why I prefer them to his monkeys, but all of his paintings are wonderful.” She pushed something, causing me to feel pressure up in my not-numb hip, and material popped into place.

“Do I have to be conscious for this procedure?” I asked with a yawn.

“Conscious patients have better outcomes,” said Doctor Yagokoro. “I also get something out of their speculation, you know? Their respect for my tireless legwork?” The doctor waggled her eyebrows at my surgical site.

I looked down at what she was doing. Reisen had bloody tools on her tray. My lower leg was open like a gutted fish with its spine exposed, a piece of metal partially attached. The wound was spread with other metal implements, like an eye stapled open. A red eye with a white pupil.

I decided to look at the ceiling again before I fainted.

“You aren’t even a little bit curious about the procedure?” asked Doctor Yagokoro. “About the workings of your own body?”

“I’m tired…” I said. My cheeks and face felt hot. “Uhhh….”

“Oh. I’m so sorry,” said Doctor Yagokoro. She stood up, pulled off a glove, and put a cool hand on my forehead. “I hadn’t considered the comorbidities. You’ve already done so much today. Fed so many, today.”

“I have… huh…” I stared at a swimming ceiling.

The creature in the painting was a crab, I realized. The monkeys weren’t standing on a cliff, it was a pond, but without reflections. The curious monkey was watching the crustacean crawl out of the water, pinchers-first, and the frightened monkey was well away from it. I wondered if the curious monkey was going to pick up the crab. Maybe the other one knew better, or maybe they were going to eat it?

“We can handle hunger better than most,” said Doctor Yagokoro. “So don’t worry about a thing.”

She put a finger on my lips, one that was wet with some medicine, and I lost consciousness almost immediately.