NOVEL NEXT WiWi 3, Chapter 20
Today's Earth date: June 30, 1992
The boredom is physically painful at this point. There's nothing to do. There's nothing left to talk about. If we sit too long with one another, we start trying to imagine what's happening back home, and then we get into talking about where we would be if we hadn't been summoned here.
Horcus doesn't participate in any of that.
He only talks about the quest, and he's got this idea that we'll find an airship deep in the Free Continent because that's what happened in Final Fantasy. Pointing out that none of the other Chosen Heroes found an airship did not deter him.
-The Journal of Laszlo the Paladin
With the addition of Kryss and the Queen–who insisted the Zeroes drop the decorum and call her Sarah–the Groper was especially crowded. Where before sharing the Groper felt like riding a tandem bike where everyone had their own distinct seat, it now felt like sharing the back of a horse. Close and tight.
Though it was socially uncomfortable, Wayne felt fine physically for the time being.
At the rate the tower of light grew in size, Wayne believed they wouldn't be groping through the desert for very long.
Not surprisingly, Fergus and Sarah sat together, her in front and him behind. Wayne hadn't seen her face forward since the journey began. Instead, she twisted around to speak with Fergus. What they discussed, he couldn't hear, but they giggled like children from time to time.
For a moment, Wayne was jealous of Fergus and wished that Sheeri wasn't here. He very much enjoyed the ease of their conversations. It brought about a kind of relaxation that only a female companion could.
A HUD change interrupted Wayne's daydream. He pulled the Groper to a stop.
"Spawner ahead, right where the light touches," Wayne said, jumping off the vehicle. "I don't think we've triggered it yet."
"Spawner?" Kryss asked.
"This is a trade secret," Fergus answered, "but there are dormant dwarven monsters buried all over the continent. For some reason, our Diaries trigger them. Before that, Heroes and people walked all over them with no problem."
"How do you know one of those is ahead?"
"Magic," Wayne answered. "Sarah, Kryss, if any of this looks hairy, take Groper and run back to Tarsis as quickly as you can."
"Hair?" Sarah asked.
Fergus leaned in and explained, "It's a human phrase for 'dangerous' or 'complicated.'"
"Me fight."
"Throw me in orc jail or whatever, but no," Wayne replied. "You're not fighting. I'm not going to be the human that gets the peaceful orc Queen killed."
Fergus took her hand in his. "Please?"
Sarah nodded.
"Alright, this could be a Charybdis-scale monster like before. Be ready to switch tactics if it's something weird."
"Yes, sir," Armond said. The other Zeroes nodded.
Armond buffed Wayne with protection spells, and the Zero Hero blitzed across the sky, toward the light, and toward the mass of red dots surrounding gold dots on his HUD. Expecting a colossal monster like they saw in the Cuts, he went high. Instead, he saw five shadowy figures appear around the beam of light.
Flag Girl activated, pausing the scene. The health bars that appeared on Wayne's HUD all had the same name: shadow.
"Might be incorporeal, but hard to say," Wayne observed. "I don't see any other enemies except these ones."
Flag Girl expired. Four of the shadows ran toward the Zeroes.
The fifth traveled… up?
"Shit!"
Easy-Out.
A silhouette of perfect black shot by. This wasn't a monster with dark fur or dark skin. The black was total, so much so that the figure appeared two-dimensional.
Wayne heard the buzz of Skycat, his summonable mini fighter jet, zipping across the sky. Fergus had a magic staff that enabled him to recreate any spell known by a party member and had used that to summon his own Skycat in previous battles, but this Skycat wasn't coming from the direction of the Zeroes.
It was coming at Wayne.
A lit stick of Dynamite hit him in the chest.
Homerow.
The party reappeared as a group on the ground. Wayne looked to where he was and saw the black cloud of a detonated explosive. That was all he needed to see to be certain.
"We're fighting clones!" he shouted to his party. "Copies of us. Anything we can do, so can they."
"What?" Fergus asked. "Really?"
"No time to explain. We-"
A red dot suddenly sped toward them, but Wayne didn't see any corresponding entity.
"They just Upsi-Tossed their Margo. She's coming in for a Backstab."
As the red dot soared overhead, Margo said, "I see her."
"Wayne, go get yours," Armond said. "You have too many big spells. We won't be able to dodge them all."
Wayne dropped Linebacker bot and Runningback bot, gave them instructions to guard the party, and then Blitzed into the sky, summoning both of his Skycats along the way. Two sci-fi fighter jets buzzed by, shooting lasers at the still distant Shadow Wayne.
A cannonball smashed into Wayne's ribs. He spiraled through the sky. He checked his system menu.
HP: 279/349
That son of a bitch hit him with the Fire a Broadside! ability from Pirates.
Suddenly, Wayne's world warped into a sort of forced tunnel vision. He could still see all around him, but his mind insisted that he focus on the black dot speeding toward him.
Shit. Shadow Wayne used Chicken from It Came from the Desert. Whoever veered off first would get a major debuff. No way would he be the one who flinched.
Wayne Blitzed headfirst toward his opponent. He braced himself for impact.
At the last second, his body lurched forward farther than his momentum should have allowed. A flaming sword sank into Wayne's ribs. The whistle for Personal Foul blew, but the shadow clone seemed unaffected.
Wink-Wing… Wayne had fallen for Wink-Wing. His own trick of pulling an enemy toward himself for a surprise attack just got used against him, and he hadn't seen it coming.
He had little time to think, however. Immediately after the sword ran him through, the Zero Hero collided with Shadow Wayne. They bounced off of each other, spinning out of control as they were both knocked in different directions.
Wayne landed in a sand dune. Even in spite of his elevation alarms, he couldn't think to use Brake fast enough.
HP: 76/349
He was kicking his own ass. In the sky above, four Skycats were locked in a dogfight. Somewhere behind the next hill the Zeroes fought their duplicates. And Shadow Wayne was on his way to finish the real Wayne off.
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If Shadow Wayne fought exactly like he did, Wayne needed to do something that he wouldn't normally do. So, he ran. Only two Blitzes in, Wayne's stomach churned violently, and he spewed flaming puke.
That fucker Hrglutted him and buffed it with Fire Bracelet.
HP: 59/349
Wayne went back to Blitzing, fishing for his Healing potions as he went. He couldn't remember ever being this desperate for a Healing potion before. He chugged and Blitzed. Chugged and Blitzed. And the whole way, the red dot of Shadow Wayne was on his tail.
Think, Wayne. Think.
Wayne used Fire Extinguisher to leave a trail of obscuring smoke. Then he used False Evidence to create a copy of himself as well as his smoke. He stole a glance at his health.
HP: 301/349
That was a little better, but Shadow Wayne was strong. That HP wouldn't last for more than a few attacks.
Brake.
Wayne sped back toward his Shadow. He used Castling to block a barrage of knife-like leaves–the Swirling Leaf attack from Ninja Spirit–and returned a salvo of Missiles in the direction of the dot, blinded by his own smoke.
Wayne and Shadow Wayne weren't perfect equals, Wayne realized. Shadow Wayne wasn't afraid to die. He could unload all of his power and fully commit to every attack, never having the voice in his mind say, "Please don't die, dude." That was an advantage.
Brake.
Wayne Blitzed straight down to escape the flames of Tyris-Flare Fire Magic (3 Pots).
He dodged two sticks of Dynamite and Braked right before he hit the sand. He took off across the desert, Blitzing so low that his toe grazed the peaks of dunes. Shadow Wayne's advantage was taking control of this fight. Wayne needed one of his own, something Shadow Wayne couldn't duplicate.
But if Shadow Wayne knew all of Wayne's moves and abilities, how was he supposed to do that?
Ah. That was the solution. Wayne needed a strategy he had never used before and only thought of just now in this fight. An information advantage was Wayne's best chance. Shadow Wayne couldn't actively read his mind.
…Right?
Whatever.
Brake.
Wayne switched directions and charged back toward Shadow Wayne.
"I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down!" Wayne shouted, compelled by the Insult Duel ability from the Secret of Monkey Island.
In return, he felt himself weakened as he heard, "Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?"
Shadow Wayne countered the insult with a comeback! That's bullshit, Wayne thought.
For the first time, Wayne decided to use Soul Seeker from Akuji the Heartless, one of his most recent unlocks. Having not tested it, all he had to go on was the description:
Soul Seeker - Unleash a tortured soul that hounds enemies to their death unless detonated by collision with objects.
Brake.
Soul Seeker.
A burning humanoid appeared in front of Wayne and sped away, running toward Shadow Wayne, who too had dropped low, near to the desert floor.
The tortured soul yelled, "Duke Nukem: Forever should have been good! Why did I hope for so long?!"
It collided with a shadow Linebacker bot a moment later.
A bush appeared directly in Wayne's path, too sudden for him to avoid it. Hitting his legs mid-Blitz, he somersaulted forward, bouncing across the sand.
Easy Out.
Wayne narrowly avoided another sword in his stomach. He parried the next attack as he came back to his feet. Shadow Wayne wouldn't relent. Slash, slash, thrust. He never stopped moving forward, forcing Wayne to desperately defend. Thanks to the Insult debuff, he wasn't as fast or as strong as Shadow Wayne, so he rapidly felt as though he were falling behind.
If his plan worked, that shouldn't matter. He just needed to stay alive.
Wayne Nudged the world, forcing the faintest of pauses in his opponent.
Animate.
"Mongrel cur! Unhand me- Ack!"
Wayne's parry had interrupted Shadow Wayne's sword.
"Thou will- Oof. Why- Ow!"
The sword wiggled, wrenching itself free of Shadow Wayne's hand.
While the sword continued to curse at Shadow Wayne, the real Wayne jumped forward and wrapped his arms around his double.
Given that this was an entirely new tactic, Wayne wasn't certain his plan would work. In his head, he attempted a mental "button roll," which was how some gamers described hitting a sequence of inputs on a controller with one thumb motion. Usually that roll was on the directional pad, quickly hitting down, down right, and right in one swoop, for example.
Was mental button-rolling the system possible? Wayne hoped so. He fixed the idea of "Easy Out" in his mind without activating it and then hit his button roll.
Insect Flute.
Dum Dum.
Lightly Snacking on Humans.
Wayne's attempt would only need a few seconds to execute but was actually quite complex to explain.
Dum Dum was where the risk began:
Dum Dum – Reduces a foe's IQ to 3. If the spell should fail, then the caster's IQ will drop.
This was a spell from Tunnels & Trolls, and the last time he used it was against Fergus in a bar. It had completely incapacitated Wayne for a few seconds. Wayne and Shadow Wayne should have equal intelligence, even in spite of the Insult debuff, but the system didn't display an Intelligence stat for him to confirm. All he knew was that he didn't feel any dumber than normal.
Wayne's gamble was on the word "fail." Tying in the IQ contest would mean that the spell didn't succeed for either of them. Wayne banked on the system being an asshole and declaring both of them losers.
If that worked, the next gamble was on how Dum Dum synergized with his new spell from Legacy of Kain:
Lightly Snacking on Humans - Raziel can "embrace" non-combative humans and drain their souls without the need for combat. He can also "sip" at a human's soul, leaving some of it to recover.
In theory, anything with an IQ of 3 should be incapable of being combative, enabling Wayne to Lightly Snack. That was the major reason why the button roll was so critical. He had to cast Dum Dum before he attempted a soul drain; otherwise, Shadow Wayne would have very clearly been a combatant. Anticipating that he would also be affected by Dum Dum, he couldn't expect his mind to remember it needed to Lightly Snack once it took effect.
Hence, the mental button roll.
Being in the shadow man's arms was comforting, Dum Dum Wayne found. He was strong. Powerful. Wayne didn't have words to describe those feelings. All he knew was that he was embracing something completely capable of protecting him. It was safe. It was peaceful. Feeling the man hug him back tripled his sense of security and brought him a great deal of calm.
As his IQ points ticked back up, Wayne heard his own brain yelling Easy Out. He didn't know why he yelled that, but it sounded important. Very important and very urgent. If he couldn't trust his own voice, could he trust anything at all?
Easy Out.
The world froze, and text flashed across his screen. Wayne had to sound the words out in his head to read it.
Loading…
Transferring Soul…
Transfer Soul. [Failed]
Soul Container Not Found.
Compatibility Search…
No Match Found.
…
Generate Soul Container. [Failed]
Glitch artifacts flashed across Wayne's vision, and the text continued to scroll. Despite the system pause, it seemed that the duration clock for Dum Dum continued to run. Wayne was now fully aware of himself. If this reboot knocked him unconscious, he could be in great danger, so he used the pause to focus as hard as he could on staying in control of his mind.
…
Generate Soul Container. [Failed]
…
Generate Soul Container. [Failed]
…
Refactoring Soul Transfer.
…
Revise Character Sheet. [Failed]
System Override.
Character Sheet Revised.
…
Soul Transfer Resolved.
Diagnostic Scan.
Installation Success Confirmed.
Reboot Recommended.
Rebooting…
When the world unfroze, the rest of Wayne's Easy Out executed. He stopped a few yards away from Shadow Wayne, feeling faint and disoriented but having stayed conscious. Shadow Wayne presently looked down at its own body, as though confused.
Then Outlawson finished his fall and crushed Shadow Wayne.
Ha! It worked.
"Homerow!" Fergus called.
Wayne didn't hesitate.
Homerow.
Reappearing among the Zeroes, Wayne saw that they were all badly wounded. That reminded Wayne to check his own health:
HP: 349/698
What the hell?
No time for questions. Wayne lunged forward at the Shadow Zeroes racing toward the party. Shadow Hector raised his shield to block, but Wayne's sword cut it right through, traveling unimpeded into Shadow Hector's chest.
Skulduggery.
-10,000 Gold Pieces.
Shadow Margo sank her knife into Shadow Fergus' back, the rush of Backstab damage turning the black wizard form to mist. When Shadow Margo looked up, she had enough time to recognize that something was coming toward her but not enough to realize it was Wayne. His sword cut the shadow in half.
Tyris-Flare Fire Magic (3 Pots).
Rising into the air in his red bikini, flaming specters raced out of Wayne and into Shadow Armond. The false cleric survived the attack but only barely, leaving him on his knees. Though Shadow Armond had no face, Wayne saw reluctant acceptance in its body language. It looked up as Wayne's sword came down.