Wishlist Wizard: The Rise of the Zero Hero [Isekai LitRPG / Now releasing 3x weekly!]

Today's Earth date: June 28, 1992

Another day of nothing but still water. Horcus wrote down the entire script of Alien from memory and is making the ship crew act it out. I guess it's something to do.

-The Journal of Laszlo the Paladin

Armond and Vanilli needed two and a half days to treat the entire orc city. That seemed impossibly short to Wayne, but all of the treatments were based on some kind of magic. Nobody had to wait for test results to come back from a lab. No one had to take several weeks of antibiotics to overcome an illness.

The Diagnose spell was instantaneous, and whichever healing spell Armond chose to use after was also immediate. Even Vanilli's work, amputating limbs and then appending brand new ones, happened swiftly and without pain. The only exception was more advanced glitch sickness. If the disease sat for a time but had not yet spread to the whole body, the patient still needed several days of rest.

On the third day, Hoggle informed the Zeroes that they, as well as their colleague Miss Kryss, were invited to a meeting with the Queen that afternoon. They accepted and met Hoggle in the treatment shack where Armond and Vanilli had spent the last few days treating sick orcs.

"Follow," Hoggle said.

"What does the Queen wish to discuss?" Fergus asked.

"I no Queen," Hoggle replied, barely looking over his shoulder. "Queen speak for Queen."

And that was that. The rest of the brief journey through winding orc streets was mostly silence, except for when locals stopped the group to hug and thank Armond for his kindness. By proxy, their being associated with the cleric meant that the other Zeroes received similar displays of graciousness.

Wayne, meanwhile, waited for his chance to use Resource Values. They weren't venturing directly to the plane he spotted when they first arrived, but their path to the steamboat brought them close enough that Wayne could briefly step away from the group and touch the plane to activate his skill.

Lockheed L-1049 Super Constellation Propliner (Ruined), Average Value of [no sales data available].

If only Wayne had been an airplane nerd in his previous life, that new information might have meant something. But he wasn't, so it didn't. All it did was confirm what he already knew: the plane came from Earth. How did planes and boats from Earth end up in this world? When they did, why were they clustered in remote locations like the Deadzone or the Bata Desert?

Whatever force or incident made that connection between worlds likely wasn't good. The presence of glitch sickness in the Cuts and here in the desert made that clear.

Wayne's daydreaming was interrupted when Hoggle led them down a lane flanked on either side by scraps of metal stuck into the dirt to stand upright. Though the style was more crude, it gave him the feeling of entering a Blackwell estate, traveling down a long straight path lined by trees and statues to impress guests. The material itself looked similar to that of the ship they approached, so Wayne reached out a hand.

Resource Values.

Blue Anchor 1908 Passenger and Cargo Steamship (Ruined), Average Value of 370 Achaemenid Persian Kandyes.

Persian?

"What do you know about Persia?"

"Is it something to do with cats?" Fergus asked back.

"It was an empire back on Earth. My skill says this boat was traded at one time for 370 Achaemenid Persian Kandyes. I don't know what a Kandyes is or are."

"Nor do I, unfortunately. Perhaps Hoggle would know?"

Actually…

"Excuse me," Wayne said, stepping forward to put a hand on Hoggle's shoulder. The orc jumped and spun, gripping his spear with both hands and landing in a combat stance.

Resource Values.

Achaemenid Persian Kandys (Fair), Average Value of 0.003 Blue Anchor 1908 Passenger and Cargo Steamships.

"Sorry!" Wayne exclaimed, raising his arms. "I just wanted to ask what you knew about this boat?"

"Boat?"

Wayne pointed at the steamboat ahead. The party was about to pass through a curtain-covered hole in the hall.

"No boat. This first home."

"First home?"

"Yes. First."

"What does that mean?"

"Mean first. Shh in home."

"I think the orcs are wearing clothing from Earth," Wayne said.

"But you're not certain?"

"I'm sure it's from Earth, but I don't know what a kandys is precisely. I'm assuming it's that style of tunic-robe Hoggle is wearing."

"How curious. Lends more credibility to your theory that an Earther is involved in this somehow."

"Sort of. I can't think of any ancient Persians who would make Alien or Blade Runner references."

When Wayne imagined what the inside of an abandoned steamship would look like, he could only picture scenes from the film Titanic or scenes from the dozens of documentaries exploring the wreckage at the bottom of the ocean. So, he expected to see an old but once-fancy 1900s-style interior or an interior that had been so ravaged by time that it was little more than a dirty skeleton.

Neither ended up being accurate.

Instead, the interior of the ship continued the found-materials architectural style of the city outside but did so with respectable craftsmanship. The colors and textures may not have matched, but the walls of wood and scrap metal looked well constructed, and the stairs they climbed definitely weren't ship-original. They were made from stone and cut across multiple levels.

Whether it was a result of the orcs or the accident that brought the ship here in the first place, these stairs punched through the ship with little regard to the original floor plan. When they reached the top of the stairs, daylight came in through holes in the ceiling, giving Wayne the impression they were just beneath the main deck.

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They turned and followed Hoggle to a door manned by four orcs. The door itself looked to be original, though the wood veneer that used to hide the rusty metal beneath was mostly gone. The door had the rounded shape Wayne associated with cabins on a ship, and only one person could step through at a time.

They entered.

In its prime, Wayne could imagine this room being the captain's quarters. A few remnants of the original carpet clung to the floor; one whole wall of wood paneling had managed to survive, though the rich stain it likely once had was long worn away by the desert climate, revealing warped, gray wood beneath.

The far end of the cabin was all windows. None of them were of equal dimensions, which suggested that these had been added by the orcs. There was no glass in them, but there were heavy shutters that could be closed in the event of a sandstorm.

An old leather recliner was positioned as though it were a throne, and the Queen stood from it as Hoggle led Kryss and the Zeroes in.

"Friends," the Queen said, gesturing to a variety of animal skins spread across the floor. "Sit."

As the Zeroes found reasonably comfortable spots on the floor, Wayne was surprised to see the Queen join them. She sat near Fergus as the group formed something resembling a circle.

"We thank," the Queen began. "You kind humans. Very rare."

"Perhaps, but not as rare as you might think," Fergus replied.

"You seek light tower?"

The party nodded, guessing that she meant the beam of light that appeared when Wayne used the Debug Cube in the elven castle.

"You welcome."

"That is very generous of you, your excellence," Kryss said. "Does that mean we are permitted to bring our people as well?"

"Yes. You no fight. We no fight."

"Agreed. Thank you very much."

"But one worry. Lord Humungus say no trust humans. We follow. This no follow."

Wayne attempted a subtle yet deep and calming breath. At this point, the entirety of their orcish side quest felt like a deliberate joke.

"Who is Lord Humungus?" Wayne asked.

But he already freaking knew. Lord Humungus was a hockey-mask-wearing gang leader in Mad Max 2. The rest of his fashion choices were akin to the bondage outfit Hector wore if Wayne switched his system to Naughty Mode. Of all the Earth characters to choose, why the one wearing a speedo and not enough leather?

"Human word… He big king. God. Yes, god. He build Tarsis."

This time, Wayne couldn't disguise his emotions. He dropped his head and rubbed his eyes. "This city is named Tarsis?"

"Yes."

"Is something wrong?" Fergus asked.

"Tarsis is from a fantasy book series on Earth. It's a port city that ends up in a desert."

"Ah. Sounds appropriate."

"Where is Lord Humungus?"

The Queen shrugged. "He no say."

"Say? Have you met him?"

She nodded. "He visit. Gone long time. Visit again."

"When was the last time you saw him?" Wayne asked.

The Queen and Hoggle exchanged a few words in orcish.

"Twenty," she said.

"Years?"

She nodded.

"What does he-"

"Wayne," Kryss interrupted. "Perhaps we should finalize our terms before discussing history?"

He wanted to argue, but she was right. He leaned back to show he would wait.

Kryss spoke. "What can we do to give you peace of mind? Your Lord Humungus sounds very wise, and he is right to be cautious. We want to show our respect."

The Queen and Hoggle conferred again.

"Trade. Humans, orcs, trade. Peace."

"What would you have worth trading?" Kryss asked.

Fergus put out an arm to hush her. "What we mean to say is that we are not kings or queens. We can't decide for humans, but we would gladly deliver a message. Knowing what you wished to trade would help with that."

"Fruit," the Queen replied. A moment later, Hoggle handed her an egg-shaped melon wrapped in yellow apple-like skin. "We grow."

She bit into the fruit with a crunch befitting of the apple skin exterior and handed the fruit to Fergus. When he hesitated, she circled her hand in a "go ahead" motion.

Fergus bit into the fruit and handed it to Wayne.

"Everyone take a bite and pass it," Fergus said. "This feels significant."

When Wayne took his bite, he found the apple texture he anticipated, but the sweetness was more subdued. With an apple, he immediately felt the sugar on his teeth and could rarely eat more than one apple at a time. This fruit had no such harshness. With one bite, he felt not just full but satisfied.

Resource Values.

Greater Life Fruit (Fair), Average Value of 1.7 Rattlesnake Skins.

"Ever hear of Life Fruit?" Wayne asked as he passed it to Kryss.

She seemed hesitant to eat the fruit when it was her turn, but Fergus glared at her, and she obliged.

"We are not familiar with this fruit," Fergus said to the Queen. "Where does it come from?"

"We grow."

"Excuse my ignorance, but where do you grow these?"

"Tarsis."

"Right, of course. Humans love foods, especially novel ones, but trading fruit might be challenging. The trip to Maliit alone isn't short. Most of this would spoil well before it reached a larger city."

"No spoil."

"Pardon?"

"No spoil. Stay good."

A magic fruit that never spoiled certainly explained how a city of orcs could survive in the middle of the desert. Like Fergus, however, Wayne hadn't seen anything that resembled crops or greenhouses. Thinking on it, he hadn't seen a single tree or bush his entire time in Tarsis.

Fergus turned to Kryss. "How do you feel about bringing this to your contacts as a first step in facilitating trade?"

"Me and not you?"

"You are the one with the mind and network for business. You could be the face of the first-ever orc-human trade agreement."

"I think we see the prestige of that honor much differently."

"If you want, you can play the role of messenger and stop there. If you aren't comfortable advocating, would you at least be comfortable delivering?"

Kryss thought. "I suppose."

"Where do you grow this wonderful fruit?" Fergus asked the Queen.

"Secret. We trade?"

"I will deliver the message to our leaders. I can't speak for what they will decide."

Hoggle appeared and put a fresh Life Fruit in Kryss' hands. "Message and gift," Hoggle said.

"Of course," Kryss replied.

"Thank," the Queen said, standing. "We go light tower?"

"Now?" Fergus asked. "With you?"

"Yes. We ride human worm."

"I'm fine with this if everyone else is," Wayne said in a party-wide Voice message.

"Same," Margo replied.

Hector said, "Yup."

"Makes no difference to me," Armond added.

Fergus stood and bowed deeply. "We would be honored to have your company. There may be danger, however."

The Queen laughed. "Humans weak. Orcs strong. Know desert."

"Very well. We will need an hour or so to ready ourselves. We can depart then, if that suits you."

"Yes," the Queen said, dipping her head back at Fergus. "It suit."