Where the Dead Things Bloom [Romantically Apocalyptic Systemfall Litrpg]

"Why am I so short and you're so tall and curvy?" I asked, critically examining her sketch.

"Artistic license. Also, I'll outgrow you pretty soon, dummy."

"You wish."

"Digitigrade legs, my dude. Look at 'em n' weep!" Nessy pointed at her clawed feet.

I looked at her lopsided drawings, trying not to stare at her slender, muscular legs. The figures were uneven, rough, incomplete, lacking shading and proper anatomy.

"Gimme the chalk," I said.

"No! You'll make them all anatomically correct and boring!" Nessy clutched the pink stub protectively.

"Just let me fix the hands. Your cheetah has like... seven fingers."

"Maybe she NEEDS seven fingers! For... finger things!"

"Finger things?"

"You know! Counting to seven! Playing piano with extra notes! Aggressive pointing!"

I lunged for the chalk. Nessy yelped and tried to dodge, but I managed to snag it during her dramatic spin move that accomplished nothing except making her dizzy.

"Betrayal!" she gasped. "Chalknapping!"

I approached her drawing and started adding proper proportions to the raptor figure. Defined the curve of the skull, the way feathers would actually lay, how broad the shoulders would actually be on a tall prad.

"Nooo!" Nessy wailed. "You're making her look like actual Kristi! That defeats the whole purpose!"

"Actual Kristi looks nice though."

Nessy made a sound like a deflating balloon full of indignation. "EXCUSE ME? Did you just call THAT GHASTLY RAPTOR 'nice looking'? In front of your BEST FRIEND? This is TREASON!"

"Uh-huh," I rolled my eyes. "What are you gonna do? You have no power here."

Nessy grumbled something about biting my shins under her breath.

"I meant 'pretty' aesthetically—" I said, worrying about her actually biting me.

"Oh, so now you're using fancy words to hide your raptor… infatuation!"

"What? I don't have a raptor…"

"Then why are you drawing her chest so carefully?! Huh? HUH?!"

I paused mid-stroke. I had been adding a bit too much detail to that area. "It's called anatomical accuracy. And it's not Kristi. She's taller and curvier and has a sharper face, see? And she's wearing… a diamondust dress and magic armor with runes on it. No such thing exists in reality obviously."

"Whatever dude, I can sniff right thru' your devious sneaky hooman lies. Stop making my imaginary friend hot! She's supposed to be friend-shaped, not… girlfriend-shaped!"

"There's a difference?"

"YES! Friend-shaped is like—" Nessy made vague blob gestures with her paws. "Comfortable! Like a bean bag! Girlfriend-shaped is all—" She made aggressive hourglass motions that nearly took out my eye. "Dangerous! Distracting! Leads to poor life choices!"

"You literally drew yourself with massive—"

"Shush! Stop making them 3D! They're supposed to be flat! Flat friends! Two-dimensional buddies! No depth!"

"That's literally the opposite of what you want in friends."

"Not imaginary ones! Imaginary friends should be simple! Like chicken nuggets! Nobody questions chicken nuggets!"

I snorted, trying to fix the tree-person's proportions while Nessy hung off my other arm like a furry boat anchor. "Your tree-me looks like he got struck by lightning and decided to photosynthesize about it."

"That's his AESTHETIC! He's post-apocalyptic chic!" Nessy defended her art.

"What apocalypse has he even encountered?" I wondered.

"I dunno. The doom kind! The kind where someone opens a door that can't be closed! With fractals!" She explained.

"Yeah, okay. Sure, dude. Seriously, though, why does future Alec have eyes on his hand?"

"I told you. For SEEING THINGS BETTER! It's practical!" She insisted.

"It's disturbing."

"You're disturbing! Your whole face is disturbing!"

I frowned.

She paused. "Wait, no, I take that back. Your face is actually okay. Adequate. Satisfactory at best. Tolerable."

"Thanks for the ringing endorsement. You probably think my face is lickable if anything."

"I...!" She let go of my arm to examine my corrections. "Ugh, you made them all look... competent. Realistic. Where's the whimsy?"

My stomach growled loudly.

"Ooh, the human needs feeding!" Nessy spun toward the Superstore entrance. "MacPaws time! Race you!"

"You always win races. You have four-leg drive."

"Technically I run on two legs, but whatever makes you feel better about losing!" She was already bouncing toward the automatic doors. "Last one there has to pay!"

"We always split it anyway!"

"SEMANTICS!"

The Superstore's excessive air conditioning hit us like walking into a refrigerator made of fluorescent lights and ads.

"Nuggets nuggets nuggets," Nessy chanted. "Twenty piece. No, FORTY piece. No wait—"

"They don't sell forty pieces."

"Then I'll get two twenties! MATH!"

"You're going to explode."

"I will not! I have goals!"

"What goals? To be round?"

"I…" Nessy froze again, her brain clearly overheating trying to outthink me.

. . .

We passed through the camping section on the way to the food court. I slowed down, eyeing the supplies. We were supposed to go camping this afternoon, and I wasn't sure if we had everything.

"Ooh, look!" Nessy had stopped at an endcap display. "Glow sticks! We need these!"

"We have flashlights."

"Flashlights don't make you look like a rave wizard!" She grabbed three packs. "I'm gonna tape these to my tail and spin around!"

"That's how you set the forest on fire."

"Glow sticks don't make fire, dummy. They make GLOW. Totally different element."

I picked up a pack of emergency rain ponchos. Last time we went camping, Nessy had insisted she didn't need one because 'fur is nature's raincoat.' Three hours later, she looked like a miserable mop and spent the entire night trying to steal my sleeping bag.

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"We don't need those!" She protested. "I've evolved since last time!"

"You literally haven't."

"I've evolved EMOTIONALLY. I'm now okay with being wet and miserable!"

"No, you're not."

"...Okay fine, but I promise not to whine about it as much!"

"You whined for six straight hours."

"I promise to keep it under five hours!"

I grabbed two ponchos. Then mosquito spray, because Nessy always forgot that mosquitoes could bite through fur. Some trail mix maybe—

"ALEC!"

I turned to find Nessy frozen in place, her hackles slightly raised. She was staring toward the electronics section with the intensity of a dog who'd spotted a particularly offensive…

"What?"

"Raptor at three o'clock."

I looked. Kristi Strand was examining phones at the display counter, her navy and emerald feathers catching the harsh fluorescent light. She wore a crisp white shirt and jeans with fake scratches.

"So?"

"SO?! She's clearly stalking us!"

"She's shopping. In a store. Where people shop."

"Nobody shops for phones at 8 AM! Is suspicious behavior!"

"You're literally buying forty chicken nuggets for breakfast."

"That's NORMAL behavior! For ME!"

Before I could respond, Kristi looked up and spotted us. Her amber eyes met mine, and she offered a small nod of acknowledgment. The gesture made Nessy's tail bristle.

"Don't wave back," Nessy hissed. "It's a trap."

I waved back.

"TRAITOR!" She hissed as quietly as possible.

Kristi approached with a smooth raptor gait, feathered tail swaying slowly.

"Hi Alec," she said. "...Nessy."

"Kristiiiii," Nessy drew out the name like it tasted sour. "Fancy seeing you here. In the place. Where things are sold."

"Yes, that's typically what stores are for," Kristi replied. Her attention shifted back to me. "Camping supplies? Planning a trip?"

"Yeah, heading to Clashridge Peak this afternoon," I said.

"Weather report suggests a 60% chance of rain."

"Rain is just sky water!" Nessy interjected. "We're not afraid of sky water! We LAUGH at sky water! Ha ha!"

"How... brave," Kristi's tone was neutral, but something in her eyes suggested amusement. "Though perhaps bringing adequate rain protection would be more practical than simply laughing at precipitation."

"We have ponchos!" I held up the basket full of stuff.

"Two ponchos," Kristi observed. "How thoughtful of you to remember Nessy needs one this time."

Nessy's eye twitched. "How did you—"

"Your Pawstagram story. Six hours of progressively damper selfies captioned with variations of 'existence is pain' and 'why did God make water?'"

"That was PRIVATE suffering!"

"On a public post."

"PRIVATE public suffering! Why you stalking me? Are you a stalky raptor up to no good?"

Kristi's attention hadn't left me. "Which trail are you taking?"

"The green loop, probably," I said. "Unless Nessy gets distracted by something shiny."

"I don't get distracted by—OOH, those keychains have LASERS! We need one of those."

Kristi smirked slightly. "The green loop is pleasant. Though the eastern fork of the orange trail tends to flood. I'd suggest the blue ridge trail instead."

"You've been to Clashridge Peak?" I asked.

"Several times. My family has a cabin near there."

"Of course you do," Nessy muttered. "Probably made of gold and condescension."

"Cedar and stone, actually," Kristi replied. "Though I understand how someone might confuse natural materials with precious metals. They're both worth more than chalk dust."

Nessy gasped. There was definitely chalk dust on her shirt. "This is ARTISTIC RESIDUE!"

"Is that what we're calling it?"

"Girls," I intervened, sensing the tension ratcheting up. "MacPaws?"

"I couldn't possibly," Kristi said, though she fell into step with us anyway. "I've already eaten. A balanced breakfast. With vegetables."

"Vegetables for breakfast is a crime against nature," Nessy declared.

"Says the girl who tried to eat a pine cone."

"How does EVERYONE know about the pine cone?!"

"Pawstagram."

Nessy groaned. "I need to make my account private."

"You won't," Kristi observed. "You crave validation too much."

"I crave NUGGETS! Totally different!"

"Is it though?"

We reached the food court. The wolf prad teenager behind the MacPaws counter looked like he'd rather be anywhere else. His nametag said 'Brad' but his expression said 'end me please.'

"Welcome to MacPaws, what can I—oh god, it's you." Brad stared at Nessy with the hollow eyes of someone who'd seen too much.

"BRADLEY!" Nessy slammed her paws on the counter. "Forty nuggets! Stat!"

"We don't—"

"Two twenties! With ALL the sauces!"

Brad looked at me pleadingly. I shrugged, glancing at Krist.

"Stop staring at her, if you engage her she'll never go away," Nessy's bothered glare implied. I ignored her.

"I'll take… an orange juice," Kristi concluded.

"Just a JUICE? Breakfast fraud!" Nessy growled.

"That's not a thing."

"Brad, write her a citation! Breakfast fraud!" Nessy sought the McPaws employee's help.

"Miss," Brad said. "We do not write citations to customers."

"You should!" Nessy huffed. "She's obviously a villainous creature who should be banned from the Superstore for life."

Brad had already walked away to start our order, probably contemplating whether working at local McPaws was worth it with insane customers like Nessy.

. . .

We found a table. Nessy immediately claimed the spot next to me, momentarily practically climbing into my lap to establish dominance. Kristi sat across from us with a sharp posture that made me unconsciously straighten my own spine.

"So," Kristi said, producing a small bottle of hand sanitizer from her bag and offering it around. "You're going camping in potential rain with inadequate supplies and no backup plan."

"We have backup plans!" Nessy protested. "If it rains, we get wet! If it storms, we get very wet! If there's lightning, we hide under trees!"

"That's literally the opposite of what you should do in lightning."

"Then we hide BETWEEN trees! Compromise!"

Kristi turned to me. "How do you survive her?"

"Practice," I said. "And a lot of advil."

"RUDE! I'm delightful! Tell her I'm delightful, Alec!"

"You're... something."

"That's not delightful! That's vague! Vague is raptor territory!"

"Excuse me?" Kristi's feathers fluttered. "Raptors aren't vague. We're precise."

"Precisely vague!"

"That's an oxymoron."

"You're an oxy—wait, no." Nessy paused, regrouping. "You're a regular moron!"

"Wow you're so eloquent in your insults."

"Das' right!"

Brad arrived with our tray, practically throwing it at the table before fleeing. The nuggets were still steaming, and Nessy immediately burned her tongue trying to eat one.

"Ack. HAWT! HAWT! HAWT!"

"They just came out of the fryer," Kristi observed, delicately sipping her juice. "Were you expecting something else?"

"I WANTED TO TASTE THE DANGER!"

"Well, congratulations. How's that working out?"

Nessy was now frantically fanning her mouth while somehow still trying to eat more nuggets. It was like watching someone repeatedly touch an electric fence while complaining about being shocked.

"So the ridge trail," I said. "Any particular spots we should check out?"

Kristi brightened slightly. "There's a stellar overlook about two miles in. You can see the entire valley. The acoustics are remarkable too."

"Ooh, I could howl!" Nessy said through a mouthful of nuggets. "I'm gonna howl SO MUCH! Alec, remind me to howl! Put it on my schedule."

"Do you have to?"

"Valley howling is happening! It's been decided! Democracy!"

"That's not how democracy works," Kristi said.

"Is dogocracy! Alec does what I want. I do what I want. I vote that I'm always RIGHT!"

"That's—" Kristi paused, visibly deciding this wasn't worth pursuing. "Never mind."

I bit into my burger, watching them. There was something almost choreographed about their antagonism, like they'd rehearsed being irritated with each other. I could hardly imagine how much worse it would get once they were both adults and started to go into cycle. They would probably murder each other.

Nessy dropped a nugget and dove after it.

"If the storm gets too strong, come to my cabin," Kristi suddenly slid forward and whispered. "I'll keep the back door open."

"What are you hissing up there?" Nessy emerged from under the table.

"Enjoy your camping trip. Try not not to get lost on the trail," Kristi said loudly, retreating back.

"We never try!" Nessy declared. "Things gotta happen naturally, das' how we roll, right Alec?"

"Sure."

"That's… reassuring."

"Alec's pretty good at not dying, you kno'. He only fell off one cliff! Didn't even die, even though he drowned for a bit."

"WHAT?"

"Nothing!" I said quickly, elbowing the husky. "She's joking. No cliffs. No falling."

Kristi looked between us, clearly wanting to ask more but visibly restraining herself again. "Right. Well. Don't fall off any more cliffs."

"Can't promise that!" Nessy called as Kristi walked away. "Cliffs are sneaky!"

"See you later, Alec. Take the blue trail, it's less prone to flooding and goes right by my cabin."

When she was gone, Nessy immediately pounced on my fries.

"Hey! Get your own fries."

"No. Is tolerance tax!"

"What?"

"I successfully didn't bite her! Can't even enjoy a nice McPaws breakfast without freakin' raptor invasions," she huffed, demolishing my fries faster than I could stop her.