When Immortal Ascension Fails Time Travel to Try Again

"Everyone, you know the drill! Counting Sheep!" I yelled as I sent my flying band toward the middle of the battlefield.

My percussionists hit the sides of their drums, tapping out the intro. Everyone not immediately playing clapped out the beat.

I grinned.

This song always brought back memories.

***

A group of my students formed a band together and called themselves 'Senior Lin's Favorites' to try to get on my good side. They were cute.

One time, I played A Perfect Circle's Count Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums for them.

One of my students spoke up, "Senior Lin, the song you just performed was amazing, but it was so hauntingly disturbing, and furious. I'm not sure how I should feel about it."

Another kid practically jumped from where they were sitting. "I agree. Can you give us a lecture on it, Senior?"

I stored my guitar in my spatial ring and clasped my hands behind my back. "Well, to understand its artistic message, you need to know about what the people who wrote it were going through."

Shit. How did I explain ‌something that happened in another world? "The band wrote it during a time when those in power constantly lied to manipulate the way everyone else thought. They wanted to turn everyone into unthinking sheep — this way, they could start unnecessary conflicts for profit. They made millions fight in their place while their clans increased their wealth and power."

The band gasped.

Yes, they should be shocked. "Some wars are necessary. But if you're going to take part in them, you should first ask who benefits the most. If the answer is the wallets of those at the top of the world, then fucking avoid it. Because those people in power won't give a fuck about you. They'll use you up and not even remember your names when you die. No matter what lies they say."

A spark formed in their eyes. They looked damn determined.

Yes! Finally, I had some students who were thinking critically! If they kept this up, I might even introduce them to my rational alchemy!

Of course, a few weeks later, they came back with Counting Sheep — a song that invaded the listener's psyche by repeating words that triggered serenity, making the listeners believe they were somewhere safe, then aggressively forcing them to pass out even in mid-fight.

Apparently, they learned a different lesson from my lecture: that to be in power, they first needed to control the narrative.

Whatever. At least the song was useful. The only drawback was that it needed a couple of minutes to build up energy.

***

Gold String Delicate Touch led my bassists as they played a deep, repetitive chord. I, and the others on vocals, began to sing a throaty melody. Energy built in a spot just behind and above us.

Formidable Tiger came in with a badass chord, followed by the rest of the disciples on guitar.

We flew in an ever-moving formation over the heads of the Irrepressible Beast Blood sect's Qi Condensation fighters.

I split my mind into six. Each part focused on either the song, the battle formation positions, the war, communication, or the other units. I acted as the hub that kept everything together.

The smell of dust, blood, and sweat increased. Those cultivators on the front line either killed each other or shot off a barrage of attacks before retreating and letting someone else try. Individuals shouted out their techniques. Beasts growled and tore at each other. Young poisoners pelted trick pills at tamers and musicians. The noise of all that would have drowned out our music if it weren't for the amplifier enchantments on our instruments.

Our defending lions roared out an attack, intercepting several stray music Qi slashes that almost hit us.

The Lion Guards directed those on flying tools to move out of our way, clearing a path.

Fuck. I was glad they joined up. No badass band could go without a good security team.

Our vocalists sang a haunting melody. It seeped into the consciousness of those in front of us.

We were getting closer to the peak power of the song, but we needed another minute to finish building energy.

I took this time to have one part of my mind analyze the current war situation.

The unorthodox cultivators had a large variety of skill sets. They also had more life-and-death experiences than their opponents thanks to the harsh sect rules.

The orthodox side's young warriors weren't used to fighting against so many strange styles. Their line started to pull back.

Noticing this, a wave of Foundation Establishment musicians and beast tamers left their ships and rushed to the front lines. The sky filled with the black and dark red robes of the Leashed Claws sect first. Thousands of tamed beasts surged forward.

Fuck. I needed to stay far away from those things. Or at least hoped our guards did their damn job.

The beast tamers on our side in the same realm loosed their own pets. They charged past us before ramming their opponents.

A flying alligator bashed into an eagle, almost hitting one of our defenders. He made a hand gesture, and his lion intercepted them. A few other bird-types attempted to reach the band. They were quickly picked off in a similar way.

As expected. War was fucking chaotic!

Just to the right of the beast tamers, thousands of Foundation Establishment musicians came closer to the front line to meet our demonic musicians. Their green robes floated ethereally around them as they plucked out notes on zithers and pipas, or blew through flutes. Since they weren't playing together, their noise grated against my ears like a thousand heavy construction vehicles joining forces with nails on a chalkboard. It was worse than the sound Qi they threw at us and the poison body cultivators in front of them. Their classic instruments worked best when performing as individuals or in small groups.

Obviously, they were trying to counter our song. But we were louder. I made a hand gesture, and my bandmates increased their volume.

They had no idea what was coming for them. Muahahaha!

Might as well start with their side before they found a method that would actually cancel our attack.

I reached out to Cajoling Catnip, Little Spring, and Hidden Dagger. ::Shadow and Tagging teams, get ready! The Harmonious Sound Sect wants to go first, so we'll let them. We're heading to the right.::

::Ready, Sister Lin!::

"We're just behind the Tagging Team."

The guards quickly cleared out of our path. "We have your back, Elder!"

I used my control over everyone's flying swords to send us strafing to the right as the vocalists powerfully sang, "Sleep!"

Enough energy had gathered. It shot to the front of our group, forming a physical illusion of thousands of cotton-looking white sheep. They were offensively adorable, sure to make everyone below us lose face.

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As we continued to play and sing, the herd stampeded forward like an avalanche of white fluff. Their hooves touched each head, crushing the consciousness of the orthodox cultivators. The herd turned right and moved along with us, keeping pace.

They trampled over everyone we passed, causing even those in the air to drop onto the Qi condensation disciples below. The fallen either face-planted into the ground or dropped on top of the unorthodox enemy they were fighting, who had also passed out.

This song did not give a shit about which side the cultivator was on; it made everyone go to sleep. Which was what we needed since we were trying to save lives, not start a massacre.

We continued to move right toward the outer end of the battlefield. I weaved us forward and backward in a complex serpentine pattern to avoid getting hit from a distance.

Some of the cultivators below tried to retreat, but we easily caught them. Nothing could stop our billowing cloud of sheep!

Little Spring's group sent out their beasts, who disappeared.

I wasn't sure what the kid used for their stealth, but he'd really handled what I'd asked him to do! While I couldn't see them, I knew that the treasure-seeking mice were dashing into the slumbering cultivators to mark the disciples with the most or best treasures with their scent. Then the invisible wolves and Xiao Bai ran in to place talismans on the marks.

These talismans were new and not even close to the cheap ones they'd practiced with. Each one was damn expensive… for the sect. We'd had to use Wrathful Waterspout's connections to order them from the sect's few dread painters who were also talisman masters. Little Spring had only picked them up the night before, since it had taken the poor guys a full week to make them all.

Not only did they mark our targets, they left a painted illusion of the person they were placed on while bending the light around the victim for a few minutes…just long enough for the shadow team to kidnap them!

"First treasure is being transported," Hidden Dagger said. "Second and third have been acquired."

::Excellent! Steal them all! Muahahaha!::

"… Yes, Elder."

Our illusory sheep continued to trample over the Harmonious Sound's front line while other teams worked tirelessly, tagging and bagging.

The only way anyone could visually tell anything was happening to the downed individuals was from how the talismans suddenly vanished from our target, once only the illusion was left.

Those Golden Core cultivators in the ships finally responded to our strike by rushing out and charging forward. Their expressions ranged from shock to fury.

They plucked their zither and pipa strings, hit their drums, and blew their jade flutes, sending a barrage of sound Qi stabbing towards our sheep like a thousand arrows, trying to break up the energy. Unfortunately for them, their chaotic, individualistic notes, though stronger by themselves, couldn't overpower the battle-formation-enhanced music we produced. A few of the lions fell from a stray blade of Qi.

Then, the Golden Core experts came closer. I had the band surge forward, directing the herd to overwhelm them with fluff. They dropped like rocks… at least temporarily. Long enough for our sheep to reach the edge of the frontline.

We'd done it. We'd finished our first attack on these fuckers!

I pulled us back, retreating deeper into our side, avoiding the open field.

Another wave of fighters from the bottom three realms exited their ships and rushed to save the ones we just dropped.

::Everyone, scatter as planned! Regroup at the opposite edge of the front line at the rendezvous point I'll send to you. Be careful. While the Leashed Claws cultivators are more susceptible than Harmonious Sound's, they're also more dangerous.::

"Yes, Band Leader!"

After scanning the field of battle with my divine sense, I created a mental map and marked it with the location we'd need to reach. Using my telepathic technique, I sent the map out to all my band members and the leaders of the teams working with me.

It caused my nose to bleed.

"Incredible," Three Harmonies to the Wind, one of the musicians in my node, said next to me.

This was the most dangerous part of the plan, but it prevented our group from continuing to be a massive target. This also gave our supporting teams a very necessary break. They only had so many puppets to carry our stolen treasures to the hidden drop-off point.

Everyone scattered into the crowd and blended in as best they could. I joined up with Dread Lotus as we headed toward the opposite end.

With a big smile, Dread Lotus lifted her fist toward me.

Hell yeah! I gave it a quick tap and grinned.

One side down, one to go!

We must have pissed off the Harmonious Sound Sect because another team of Golden Core Cultivators exited the ships and started attacking with handfuls of war talismans.

Clouds formed overhead, building up a field of lightning above all our heads.

Shit. Wasn't this a little too much of a response?!

Pearlescent Rose and her band flew over and played a powerful defensive song that created a shield over us all, right as the lightning began to strike. It blocked most of the thin bolts that lit up the sky brighter than daytime.

She coughed up a mouthful of blood and glared out at the orthodox musicians. They had a conversation I couldn't hear, then both retreated with some injured cultivators.

::Sister Lin! Help!::

"…" I stopped in midair and looked back, closer to the front line.

Fuck. I didn't have time for this. It wouldn't be long before they figured out what we had done and sent the message to their allies.

I quickly scanned the battlefield and found Little Spring. His white head stood out since the other disciples had opened up a small space where he could fight his opponents. As low realm cultivators, they couldn't help him.

A majestic Gold Coin Cougar, a venomous snake, and a giant purple rock crab attacked him together. He jumped back, dodging claws and venom, while throwing sword Qi strikes towards a pair of arrogant Leashed Claws sect disciples.

The man with lavender hair blocked every attack sent his way with a knife. He gestured forward, and the Gold Coin Cougar dashed over. It bit down on Little Spring's blade. He kicked out, sending the big cat flying back. It roared and charged again.

That was when I noticed the girl with long reddish-purple hair, who stood boldly next to her partner. She clutched Xiao Bai under one arm! His worryingly limp body swayed as she dodged a stray attack.

These motherfucking thieves were stealing our not-dog! They dare!

I examined them with my divine sense.

Shit. They were powerful Golden Core Cultivators. Neither of us had the energy to spare to take care of them and do the next part of the plan. Maybe we can separate them from Xiao Bai and then get away. But we had to make sure not to use too many reserved resources. Fuck.

I checked the space. It still wasn't back up.

Yeah, that would have been too easy.

After splitting my mind again, I pulled out the crab sword and a half-dozen sword-wielding puppets. Since the kid needed backup immediately, I had all of them drop down and block attacks from the three beasts.

"What can I do to help?" Dread Lotus asked.

Oh shit! She was still here!

I grabbed her sleeve. "Do you have anything that will separate those Golden Core assholes from Xiao Bai?"

She squeezed my shoulder. "I got you." Her hand twisted, revealing a talisman. "You'll have to get close to the one holding him, but if you can put this on her, it should cause her to freeze for a couple of seconds."

"That's enough for me to work with."

"And this Increased Force talisman should push them a dozen feet, which might help you escape with your dog."

"Probably not, but I'll take it, anyway."

She gave me a wry smile before punching an enemy hawk spiritual beast that had come too close. It was sent flying into the mass of warriors below. "Want me to help fight them off?"

I hugged her briefly while grabbing the talismans. In this life and the last, I had never had a better friend.

A tightness had formed in my throat, which I cleared. "No. We don't have time if both of us go. As my second in command, I need you to gather the flying band for me. If I don't make it back in ten minutes, start the song without me."

"Yes, Band Leader!" She bowed and then soared off.

I used my disguise technique to adjust my presence down to nothing. Once I flew into position, I dropped behind the girl, who started laughing like a spoiled princess as her partner took down one of my puppets, breaking it into pieces.

As soon as she breathed in to say something, I stuck the talisman on her. She froze. I pulled Xiao Bai from her arms. With a simple Impossible Leap, I appeared next to Little Spring.

The woman shrieked, tore the talisman off her back, and crushed it while pointing at me. Then she grabbed the violet-haired man and shook his arm.

"I can see that! You don't have to keep shaking me!"

Quickly, I examined the not-dog.

"How is he?" The kid sounded worried.

He jumped behind one of my puppets to avoid the snake's venom spray.

I frowned. "He's been put to sleep with a trick pill, but he'll be fine."

He let out a relieved breath.

As the giant violet rock crab crouched low, a green cloud burst from its scent glands and whooshed toward us. The stench of rotten fish hit us before it even came close.

Little Spring pulled out his flying fan, made a hand gesture, and waved it once. A massive wind blasted from it and sent the attack back, giving us another few seconds.

"Oh, that is horrendous!" the woman shouted.

The man gaged. "It's your rock crab, do something!"

I continued, "Xiao Bai will probably be asleep from anywhere between twenty minutes to six hours…"

The kid turned to me with wide eyes. "... Isn't that like a huge difference?! How do you not know the exact amount?"

I scowled. "I'm a physician, not a veterinarian."

Now I needed to figure out where to put the puppy until he woke up.

Goddamn it. This would be a really convenient time for that damn gold dragon to finish his upgrade… something that could absolutely happen for the universe's protagonist.

Hoping, I checked the space again.

Still not open. Fuck.

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