What Little Remains Of Terpsichore Ironheart

We'd just sat down for breakfast when Helen banged on the door. I sighed, and opened it with a quick telekinesis spell, allowing Helen to enter.

"How in the hell did you manage to put up a teleportation ward that could keep me out?" Helen demanded as she stomped in, followed by four girls who... Oh, I recognized them. They were that all-female adventuring party I sometimes saw around campus. I think they had an airship?

"I told my mother that I was going to a university run by an imperious old elf with no respect for privacy and the ability to teleport," I said dryly. "So, who are these lovely ladies with you?"

"Probably your mentors for this year," Volex said, taking off her apron and hanging it up in the closet. She had, for reasons that didn't take me very long to figure out, clung quite hard to what little remains of Terpsichore Ironheart, which did include an incongruously well-fitted apron with a High Elven dick joke embroidered into it. I'll admit I still didn't like the apron very much, but how I felt about it didn't matter- it belonged to Volex now, and I was just gonna let her have this.

"Yes and no," Helen said. "Allow me to introduce you to The Harpies, a gaggle of underachieving whores whose greatest ambition is to waste the education I've given them by quitting the Adventurer's Guild immediately after graduation to go get married. In recognition of your thoroughly impressive track record as Adventurers, you will be mentoring them for your freshman year. Whip them into shape, and convince me that they won't immediately quit the Adventurer's Guild to sell themselves to some nobleman or other and accomplish nothing productive except in the strictest sense of the word."

I winced a little, and none of The Harpies looked terribly pleased at Archmage Helen Rosewood calling them whores and asserting that they were less capable than a group of novice adventurers three years their junior.

"And if I am not satisfied with their progress by the end of the semester," Helen continued, "then The Harpies will be expelled from this university, and that will be the end of that. Any questions?"

"Would it kill you to be a bit more diplomatic about these things?" I asked. "Or at least not pointlessly antagonize people?"

"We'll never know," Helen said dryly. "Well, I've got other business to attend to. Play nice, children." And with that, Helen teleported out in a flash of blue fireworks- the wards were stronger from the outside in, as a deliberate choice explained by the sentence 'If Helen Rosewood is leaving your house, you usually don't want to slow her down.'

"...I'm very sorry about my grandmother," I said, turning to address The Harpies. "She's a huge shithead and my mom disowned her for a reason."

The Harpies consisted of four young women, presumably college-aged and in their senior year and therefore 21 or 22 years old, and they all had the sort of stunning beauty that made me think there had been some organic transmutation at some point, considering that they all had identical (and exaggerated) figures, with the sole exception of the one who was wearing a padded arming jacket, who very well could still have that build underneath it, and simply wasn't displaying it like the others were.

One of the others, a woman with deep crimson hair and pale skin- although they were all quite pale- wearing a very clingy black sweater that came down to mid-thigh, and matching thigh-highs instead of any sort of pants, simply rolled her eyes.

"Think whatever you want," she said, turning back towards the door with a gorgeous swish of her long, flowing hair, and strutting back out with a deeply unnecessary sway in her hips.

"Your judgement means nothing to me," another Harpy added. She had golden-blonde hair, and looking at her face, there was a hint of elven aspect among her features- nothing definitive, and nothing that didn't naturally arise in humans, but she might be a half-elf. She wore a classic, some might even say old-fashioned, Wizard's robe in deep blue, and she simply teleported out- or, at least, tried to, and ended up going nowhere. Sorry, girl. You're not good enough to beat Ariel Silver's wards. She ended up walking out instead, after a huff of annoyance.

The two Harpies remaining looked so similar from the neck up that, were it not for the obvious organic transmutation magic that had been done on all of them, I'd feel quite confident in asserting they were sisters or cousins. They also had a bit of an elven cast to their features, but their hair was a more silvery shade of blonde that didn't naturally occur in elves.

"Well, I accept your apology for your grandmother's behavior," one of them said. Of the four Harpies, she was the most salaciously dressed, wearing an obscene parody of the classical Wizard's robes, strutting about in what was more of a light blue evening gown, with a plunging "neck"line to showcase a cleavage that reminded me of Melody Redwater, and slits up both sides of the short skirt to expose her fabulously grabbable hips and thighs. Across her hips sat a cocked belt, and from the lower side of the belt hung a big pouch- or perhaps a small satchel- that I could immediately tell was a particularly spacious Bag of Holding, just from the magic radiating off of it. "I'm Vanessa Vega, and it's very nice to meet all of you. Would any of you like to touch my boobs?"

"Me!" Talia said, raising a hand with such vigor that she nearly fell out of her chair.

"Vanessa, for the love of god-" the other Harpy said, palming her face.

"Now now, Veronica, surely you understand the realities of the situation," Vanessa said, as she seated herself in Talia's lap, burying the lucky girl's face in her cleavage. "We're stuck with each other for the foreseeable future, and since our Bard isn't here to be diplomatic and friendly, someone has to step up to the plate and build a positive rapport with these fine ladies."

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"You aren't exactly dispelling Helen's notion that we're 'underachieving whores,'" Veronica said, complete with finger quotes. "Ugh. Well. My apologies for my sister's behavior. I am Veronica Vega, the one and only person in the party who actually wants to be an Adventurer, and I would love to have your help in convincing everyone else to honor their commitments to the Guild, so that I can still have a party to Adventure with after we graduate."

"I'll... see what I can do," I said, eyes darting between Vanessa and Veronica. "It's... Mmn..."

"What's wrong?" Veronica asked. "And... may I join you at your table?"

"Oh, by all means, take a seat," I said, as Faith reached over and pulled out one of the empty chairs. "It's... Hrm. So, on the one hand, I think it's bullshit that Hikaano girls and women are taught that they're only valuable as wives to men who are important in their own right. Women should be free to pursue whatever lives they desire, regardless of whether or not that involves getting married. However, on the other hand is that caveat- if what a woman really wants is to get married, then who the hell am I to say she shouldn't want that? And, well, there's also the part where I strongly dislike the institution of the Adventurer's Guild and consider it to consist primarily of wealthy thugs who line their pockets by preying on 'acceptable targets,' and so anyone who decides that the Guild can fuck itself automatically has a measure of my respect."

Veronica mulled that over as she sat down, and Vanessa piped up.

"While I won't dispute that most Adventurers are deeply unpleasant and predatory people, I would like to remind you that most of our acceptable targets are bandits and pirates, who are also deeply unpleasant and predatory people, and are differentiated mainly by being far less discriminating about who they rob and kill," Vanessa said. "Now, personally, I am profoundly unopinionated on whether or not I continue to be an Adventurer. Whatever allows House Vega to recover from its current predicament is what I'll do."

"What predicament is that?" Emily asked.

"Our father died," Veronica said, sighing. "At this point, the two of us are all that remains of House Vega's bloodline, and if a viable Lord Vega is not produced before we turn twenty five, then our house will be dissolved and absorbed into a larger House."

"Ugh, twenty five," Vanessa muttered. "It's a stupid rule even for humans, let alone for half-elves like us. Or, well, three-eighths elves."

"Hang on, three eighths?" Talia demanded, her voice muffled by Vanessa's breasts, which were still enveloping her face. "Don't half-elves have serious fertility problems?"

"The Order of the Silver Maiden has its own secretive methods of curing those," I said. "If I had to guess, Vanessa, your mother was a member of the Order, and was party to a marriage contract for a million dollars or so?"

"That would be correct, yes," Vanessa said. "The other blonde in our party, Erica Silverpetals, is also a Silver Maiden who's been sold to a nobleman for a million dollars, and the terms of that contract stipulate that she will marry him immediately after her education at Mount Fate concludes."

"So that's why she can't keep being an Adventurer after she graduates," Emily said, connecting some dots. "But... why do you two have to quit?"

"Because, if House Vega is dissolved and absorbed into another House, that means we will belong to another House, and they will likely make us leave the Guild so that we can be someone's mistresses," Veronica said bitterly.

"Okay, so..." I hummed quietly. "...I might be able to salvage this. Does Erica want to keep being an Adventurer after she graduates?"

"Not really," Vanessa said. "She takes her studies very seriously, and her dream is to return to the Order's headquarters and join their academic wing. But she also doesn't want to get married, soooo..."

I nodded slowly. "Okay. Okay, what's the redhead's deal?"

"Natalia Valentine," Veronica supplied. "We call her 'Envy.' She's common-born, and is... Well, she has some resentment for us for being born noble, and wants nothing more than to marry into the high nobility."

"...Okay, three out of four ain't that bad," I said quietly. "I can... I can work with this."

"Also," Vanessa added. "Who did the spatial enchantment on this caravan? It's amazing."

"Oh, I did that myself," I said. "Mom made me learn my pocket dimensions real thoroughly; said that if I could do those well enough, I'd never go hungry."

"Your mother sounds very wise," Vanessa said sagely. "Well, I am taking Arcane Architecture to learn how to do this sort of thing, because our airship is not the most spacious house in the world, and we'd like to put in some creature comforts."

"I'm also taking Arcane Architecture," I said. "And, uh... Well, I'm taking Organic Transmutation, too, and if you don't mind my saying so, you look like you're pretty good at that."

"If you'll share your notes, I'll gladly share mine," Vanessa said.

"Deal."

"Okay, I need to say this," Faith said, standing up from the table. "Cat. Honey. Doll. Where the FUCK do you keep finding these people?! Do you just have something in your spellbook called 'Summon Buxom Women'? Or is it just a Bard thing that lets you find the most curvaceous needles in whatever haystack you're rooting through?"

"I didn't find The Harpies in the first place," I pointed out. "Helen brought them here."

"You... I... That..."

"So..." Veronica glanced around the table, politely ignoring Faith's tantrum. "...How do we feel about our chances?"

"Ehhh..." Faith began. "Cautiously optimistic."

"Mmn. Better than nothing."

"Don't worry about it just yet," I said. "We've got time. Just... Go to class, put in the work, and we'll figure it out one step at a time. Alright?"

"Alright," Veronica said, sighing. "Thank you... uh... What's your name, again?"

"Catherine," I said. "Catherine Ironheart."

"Thank you. Good luck with your plan. We'll all need it."