The Will-Breaker

Felitïa rolled the Pearl between her fingers. Every now and then, a bit of candlelight glinted on its smooth, white surface, but it didn't shine like the ones in the Room in her head—the ones that formed the eyes of the Staff.

When the Staff and Pearls were present, at any rate.

The Room had been empty for what seemed like an eternity now.

"You stare at that a lot."

Felitïa closed her fist around the Pearl and looked up. "Do I?"

Miana stood in the library door, holding their sailor cap in their hands. "I've come here every day for the past week, and you've been staring at it every time I arrive. You also hide it in your hand every time."

Felitïa chuckled. "I suppose I do." She held up the Pearl between her thumb and forefinger. "I've been a bit obsessed with it lately. Agernon says he's done all he can with it."

Miana approached the table and stood across from Felitïa. They placed their cap on the table, and reached out their hand. "May I?"

Felitïa placed the Pearl in their hand, lingering a little longer than she probably should have, enjoying the touch. If Miana was bothered by it, they didn't express it, though they also didn't show any pleasure from it either. Gods, she wished the shield was gone so she could sense emotions again.

Miana held the Pearl close to their face and peered at it. "What have you figured out?"

"Agernon's certain it's mind activated. You probably have to think about, or rather, imagine your destination in your head, and it takes you there."

"But that hasn't worked?"

Felitïa shook her head. "Agernon thinks it also needs a command word of some sort. You have to also think the command along with the image of your destination. We've tried hundreds and hundreds of commands and nothing's worked. We'll keep trying, of course, but it's...exhausting."

Miana raised an eyebrow. "Exhausting?"

"Not physically exhausting the way your work on board a ship might be, but mentally."

Miana nodded and returned the Pearl to Felitïa's hand. "I understand."

Returning the Pearl to the pouch she'd been keeping it in, Felitïa smiled at Miana. "So, what can I help you with today? More funds requisitions to sign?"

Miana shook their head. "No, I'm out of those. I just thought I'd come to visit today. That is, if you're not too busy. After coming here several days in a row, I suppose I've just gotten used to it."

A little thrill shot through Felitïa, and she motioned for Miana to sit down. "Please, sit with me then." She'd hoped for time when she could just talk to them.

With a smile, Miana sat down across from her.

"You really must be off duty," Felitïa said. "I don't think I've ever seen you sit."

"I'm a small person in a position of authority. Standing makes me look a little bigger and more intimidating. It's useful in my job."

"I gather you've been very successful with that. At least according to Meleng."

Miana chuckled lightly. "Yes, I suppose I've gone a bit hard on the boy at times. How's he doing, by the way? I saw him once shortly after the incident, but I must admit, I've been a little afraid to visit him since. I know how intimidating he finds me."

"He's doing reasonably well. He's up and about now, and doing some work for me at the Hall of Knowledge."

Miana smiled. "I'm glad. He's a good lad, if a bit naïve at times, and Sinitïa clearly adores him." They leaned forward, placing their elbows, then hands on the table.

Hurriedly pushing the papers in front of her aside, Felitïa leaned forward and placed her own hands on the table. "She really does."

Miana nodded to the papers. "What are they for?"

"Just bureaucracy. Papers to sign and such. Like you usually bring me." She reached forward and touched her fingers to Miana's. "When you came in, I was suppose to be writing a letter to Cerus, but as you saw…"

"You weren't doing a very good job." Miana ran their fingers over the tops of Felitïa's, sending a shiver along her arms and down her chest.

"Too easily distracted by other things," she said, staring into Miana's grey eyes. "Mikranasta's always criticising my lack of focus. With good reason, I suppose."

Miana smiled and wrapped their fingers around Felitïa's hands. They broke eye contact momentarily to look around the room. "Speaking of which…"

"Hedromornasta's on the other side of the west doors. We're still in mental contact, obviously, but he does give me some privacy these days."

"So you can be a little less inhibited," Miana said, sliding their fingernails lightly across Felitïa's palms.

Felitïa's heart pounded and her mouth went dry. "A little. I don't have a lot of experience with…"

"I gathered." Miana clutched Felitïa's hands and looked her in the eyes again. "Look, I know you're reluctant to do certain things with your overseers present, but surely there are other things we could do together, and I get the impression you could use a break."

Felitïa nodded. "Yes, of course. What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know. You could come see me for a change. I could show you the ship. You could show me around the city. I don't know it very well. We could talk."

"I'd like that."

Miana smiled and let go of Felitïa's hands, causing Felitïa's heart to skip a beat. They stood up, came around the table, and held out a hand to her again. "When would be a good time?"

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

Felitïa took the hand and stood up. "I'm not sure." They were standing very close together now, Miana looking up at her and Felitïa hoping her loudly beating heart wasn't so loud Miana could hear.

"How about tomorrow?"

Felitïa nodded slowly. "Tomorrow's good. I'll clear my schedule."

"Good." Miana smiled and rose on their toes.

Shaking in a manner it was impossible to believe Miana couldn't see, Felitïa lowered her head. Their lips touched.

And then parted just a moment later. Miana lowered back onto their flat feet and pulled Felitïa down to them. Then they kissed again, this time longer.

It was so different to kissing Maneshka, but just as thrilling. Where Maneshka had always been gentle and controlled, Miana was… wild? Animalistic? Felitïa wasn't sure she had the vocabulary to describe it. Intense worked though.

She put her arms around Miana and pulled her in closer so they were pressed up against each other, and—

"Whoops! Sorry. I'll just...uh…"

Shit. She'd completely forgotten she had an appointment right now.

They separated. Miana looked about to laugh. Felitïa tried to hide her face and definitely didn't look towards the door where Zandrue's voice had come from.

"I was going to say I'll go back in the hall, but…"

Felitïa took a brief glance. Mikranasta was standing in the doorway blocking Zandrue's retreat.

"It's all right," Miana said. "I was about to leave anyway." They collected their cap from the table, and headed to door. "I'll see you tomorrow, Felitïa?"

Felitïa turned around, nodding. "Noon. Meet me here."

Miana bowed their head, then looked to Mikranasta, who stepped aside. Then they headed out of the library.

Mikranasta closed the door, then looked to Felitïa. "I would remind you, Will-Breaker, that tomorrow at noon, we are—"

"I'm taking tomorrow off, and spending some time with Miana. You can stay close to us, of course—I'm not asking you to lower the shield—but I think I deserve a little break."

Mikranasta bowed her head. "As you wish, but you yourself have said you want to learn to use your abilities as quickly as possible. Every day off delays that."

Felitïa took a deep breath. "I know, but it's just one day. Okay?"

Mikranasta smiled. "Believe me, I am not criticising your choice. I have said before, I think your rush is ill-advised. These things need a measured approach. It is good that you take the occasional break. I just want to be sure you know what you are doing."

Felitïa nodded. "I do. Thank you, Mikranasta."

"You're welcome. Now, shall we get started?"

Felitïa sat back at the table, and Zandrue sat across from her, where Miana had been. They each reached across the table and clasped hands.

"It's about time," Zandrue said.

"What do you mean?"

"You and Miana, I mean. You've been lusting after them since your first saw them."

Felitïa's cheeks warmed. "I have not!"

Zandrue looked at her, an amused expression on her face. "Your blushing says otherwise."

"Okay, maybe a little."

"Who'd have thought the all-powerful Will-Breaker would be so embarrassed by a little sex and romance?"

"Hey, the all-powerful Will-Breaker has emotions too. And there's no sex. Not yet, at any rate."

Zandrue laughed. "Oh, I know, but there's definitely been the suggestion of it."

"Maybe." Felitïa looked aside to hide her still reddening cheeks.

"Are we ready?" Mikranasta said.

"One moment." Felitïa took a few deep breaths, and focused on calming herself and her heart, which, even though Miana was no longer here, was still beating ridiculously fast. Once it had slowed a little, she looked back at Zandrue and smiled. "Okay, ready."

"I am extending the shield now," Mikranasta said.

As Zandrue's presence appeared in the Room in her head, Felitïa closed her eyes. Eventually, she needed to be able to do this with her eyes open, but for now, as she worked everything out, she needed to focus on just the mental side of things and leave the physical world out of it.

Except the hands touching. The physical contact made it difficult to avoid slipping into Zandrue's head, and learning to avoid that was the whole purpose of these sessions. While she wasn't exactly good at it yet, she liked to believe she was getting better. She wasn't instantly falling into Zandrue's head like she had the first couple times, and it had been less than two weeks, so she could hardly expect perfection yet, as much as she might have wanted it.

She didn't slip straight into Zandrue's head this time either. Instead, she looked on Zandrue's presence in the Room, and followed that tiny thread through the hole in the grey walls.

How are you doing? she asked.

Fine, Zandrue replied. I think. It's like usual. I'm a bit nervous about you ending up in my head again, and still worried you'll take me over.

Hey, I haven't done that again.

I know, but I worry anyway, and you want the truth, right?

Yeah, I understand. I really do.

Communicating with Zandrue telepathically was also important, as it was another thing that could cause her to slip. The diamond walls of the Room could block that from happening, but unfortunately, they also blocked the communication. Felitïa had been trying to build a wall that would block the slippage, but not the communication, using the grey walls as a template since they let a little bit through. Unfortunately, so far, nothing had worked.

So, tell me about you and Miana, Zandrue said.

What's to tell?

Oh come on. You said Mikranasta has promised not to listen in on our conversations so, unless you think she's lying, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's just me.

I'm not embarrassed. One of the minuscule holes in the wall she was building grew larger, and she desperately tried to squeeze it smaller. Well, maybe a little. It came back under control. But honestly, there's not much to say, and you know most of it. We've exchanged little glances from time to time and said a few words. They've been coming around a little more often recently.

They've been here every day this week.

Yes, I did notice that, and was hoping it meant something.

But of course you waited for them to initiate something.

Yes, but I didn't want...I mean… She sighed. Okay fine, I'm not you, okay? I'm not good at this stuff. Anyway, today… As she tried to squeeze shut another expanding hole, another one ballooned to enormous size. Oh shit. It engulfed her and she fell into Zandrue's head.