The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox

Oh no, I had not worked so hard and literally just sacrificed my life for Eldon so Lady Fate could call me into her office and chastise me for failing to meet whatever impossible standard she'd set and then never told me about.

In the sweetest and most respectful tone you can imagine, I said, I have done what we agreed on, Great Goddess. I have set Eldon on the throne of a unified Empire.

"Does a patchwork of squabbling fiefdoms count as an empire? A pretender rose to challenge the throne mere months after you set Eldon upon it."

Yes, about that.

Great Goddess, I have been humbled by the discovery of how much easier it is to destroy than to create, but in this case, I believe there was…interference. Someone told the Pretender that I was Flos Piri.

I stared at the stars, willing Lady Fate to tell me who it was so I could foil them next time. A ripple passed across the constellations.

"Ah, yes. That. Karma has a long memory, doesn't it?"

Karma had a long memory? Karma was not any god that I was aware of. Keeping my tone sweet and respectful, I replied, Indeed, Great Goddess. I have also been humbled by the discovery of how many enemies I have made, and how the enmity I earned pursues me as I attempt to carry out your prophecy. If I know who, perhaps I can make amends…?

The stars flashed in a burst of laughter. "Amends! There are no amends that can satisfy the one you destroyed so utterly."

The one I destroyed so utterly. A god bitter enough and spiteful enough to interfere in the reunification of the Empire…over which he had once reigned. Cassius.

But how can the Star of Heavenly Joy dare to challenge YOUR power?

A wave rippled across the stars like a shrug. "Anyone can challenge FATE. They will simply fail. The Emperor remains upon his throne, and the Empire stands."

For now, anyway. And hadn't she just accused me of stitching together a patchwork of squabbling fiefdoms and calling it an empire? But it was no use pushing in that direction. I had the name of the culprit, and forcing Lady Fate to admit her own illogic wouldn't gain me anything further.

Great Goddess, something else I learned during the Pretender's play for the throne is that human memories are long. They remember that the Jade Emperor once bestowed chimeras upon His chosen Sons and Daughters of Heaven.

Nope, totally not implying that He forgot this time, but Flicker's sharp breath echoed around us and bounced off the stars. The room started to tilt – no, it was the stars, drifting so subtly that you wouldn't notice it unless you fixated on them, but creating an unsettling, shifting mood. I felt as if I were spinning in place, or falling into the sky....

Stop that, I silently ordered my nonexistent stomach. No vomiting.

I pinned my attention to the two brightest stars and met Lady Fate's unblinking stare.

"Yes, you did throw yourself between him and the mage. That attitude of…self-sacrifice does merit reward," came her musing voice.

The firmament spun faster. Next to me, Flicker retched, and if I'd had hands, I'd have clapped them over my mouth. Or I would have, if I'd had a mouth, or a throat, or a stomach to contain anything that could be thrown up.

With an effort, I found the two brightest stars again and focused on them. They winked slowly.

"Tell me, Flos Piri: Given the choice, would you reincarnate with your mind as a cat, or without it as a fox?" She said it so casually.

Did I hear her right? Did she say "fox"? Maybe she'd really said "box." I'd never heard of anyone reincarnating as a box before, but who knew?

"Piri!" hissed Flicker. "She's waiting for your answer!"

Am I scheduled to reincarnate as a cat this time? I whispered back.

"Yes. You earned a lot of positive karma. It jumped you over a lot of animals."

Including dogs? I couldn't resist asking.

"Yes…and foxes."

Whaaaaat? No! No no no, that couldn't be! How could foxes be ranked below cats in the Tier system? If I'd known, I wouldn't have earned so much positive karma! I would have sabotaged myself! I would have – I would have – done what, exactly?

Killed a human? That might have plunged me to the bottom of Black Tier, if not all the way down into Green Tier.

Worked less hard to re-establish the Empire? As Lady Fate pointed out, even with all our efforts, a Pretender had started a rebellion within a year of Eldon's coronation. If I'd worked any less hard, the New Empire might already be a historical footnote.

I couldn't have done anything differently. I wouldn't have.

And wasn't this how the karma system was designed to work? With reincarnated souls acting according to their purest instincts, with no knowledge of the Accounting going on behind the scenes? Ugh, I hated it when Heaven's systems worked the way they were supposed to!

The stars whirled faster and faster.

"Piri!" Flicker whispered again. "Hurry up and choose!"

Think! Ignore the spinning, ignore the vertigo, ignore the feeling of tumbling, tumbling, tumbling through the void.... I was spinning in a circle – no, being swung in a circle, in the cup of Taila's palms, and she was chirping, "Ring a ring of rosies, pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down," that classic children's song about the Black Death….

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

The Black Death. North Serica. The Temple to All Heaven. Lodia and Stripey and Bobo, who were working so hard to spread it because I told them to, because I set them on this path. How could I abandon them?

But how could I give up being a fox again? I'd dreamed of it, yearned for it, fought for it with tooth and claw and stinger and wing all through these long, long centuries. Everything I'd done from the moment I asked the Goddess of Life to reincarnate me with my memories, every time I'd endured the ripping pain of reincarnation without the Tea of Forgetfulness to soothe it, every scheme I'd hatched, every demon I'd defeated, every spirit I'd cheated, every human I'd saved – everything had been in service of this moment, this chance to finally, finally step back into my rightful form, the form that fit my soul like a gown tailored by Lodia....

Lodia. Matriarch of a Serica-wide Temple when all she'd wanted to do was embroider and design clothing. It was my fault she'd left home, my fault she'd gotten tangled up in the South Serican court, my fault she now had to navigate and survive Imperial politics.

She has Stripey and Bobo, whispered part of myself. Stripey is the conscience, Bobo the heart. They'll guide her better than I ever can. They don't need me.

But who will guide them? another part of myself argued back. They both come from rural, backwater Claymouth. They don't understand courts or gods, not the way I do. And how about Floridiana and Den and Dusty? Am I going to leave a former traveling mage, a dragon from a pocket-sized pond, and a baby horse spirit to flounder through the capital of the Serican Empire?

They're clever. They're resourceful. They did just fine all that time I was recovering after the Goddess of Life shredded me, the first part of me insisted. I can be a fox again for one life. After I die, I'll ask Flicker how they're doing, and if the answer is "not well," I'll ask to reincarnate as a cat with my memories.

Yes. That was the best solution, the correct compromise. I'd be a fox again, just for a few years, until I got eaten by a wolf or a demon, or died from disease, or fell into a hunter's trap, or got shot by an angry farmer for stealing his chickens.

Chickens. The chicken coop I'd taught the Jeks to build, the one that had gotten them in so much trouble with their neighbors. But they were doing well now. Mistress Jek was even nanny to the Emperor.

The Emperor. Eldon. The screaming toddler kicking in the arms of a traitorous guard. It's all right! Don't worry! I'll get you out of this! I'd promised him. How was abandoning him so I could live a carefree fox's life "getting him out of" anything?

You already got him out of it, I told myself. You gave your life to get him out of it. What is this – one of Lady Fate's prophecies with no time limits? You fulfilled your promise, and that's that.

Yes. That was right. I didn't owe anyone anything, and even if I did, I could pay it back after I took a little vacation, a well-earned rest, just one short life as a fox in the forests and glades of Serica.

I'd made my choice. Now all I had to do was speak it out loud.

Great Goddess, if you wish to reward me for a job well done and a life well lived, then get Eldon a chimera, I heard myself say.

Wait. What? That wasn't what I'd meant to say...was it? But if not, then why did it feel so right? So much like what Stripey and Bobo would say?

Two lines of stars arched all the way up, like shocked eyebrows. "Oh? Is that truly the reward you crave?"

Lady Fate was giving me a second chance! An opportunity to take it back, to seize the gift she'd offered, to grab this one chance to reincarnate as a fox!

No, I tried to say, I misspoke. Reincarnate me as a fox!

But the words wouldn't come out. In my mind, Stripey watched me solemnly. Bobo wriggled with excitement. Not just Lodia's, but also my conscience and heart.

Yes, I said, and this time my voice was firm. Yes, Heavenly Lady. That is the reward I want. Give Eldon a chimera, and reincarnate me with my memories as a cat.

Gods and demons curse it all!

Flicker and I stayed quiet all the way back to the Bureau of Reincarnation. His golden glow was still tinged with green, and at points he stumbled as if he hadn't recovered his equilibrium.

I could empathize. I, too, was fighting to find my equilibrium and wrap my mind – no, my soul – around the choice I'd just made, not once, but twice. It was inexplicable and made no logical sense. Yet how could something so inexplicable and illogical feel so right?

I could have been a fox again, I said sadly as Flicker's office door clicked shut. After so long....

He staggered around his desk and thumped into his chair so suddenly that he left me floating midair. I sank onto the table and rolled across my file. Sure enough, it said "Cat" in some clerk's messy calligraphy.

Well, at least cats are cuter than rats. Not nearly as cute as foxes, but I'd have to take what I could get. What I had chosen to get.

Flicker hunched over his desk and splayed his palms against the wood, as if he were in unbearable pain. I scooted backward in case he were about to vomit all over me.

Whoa! Are you all right, Flicker?

His throat convulsed, but nothing came out.

Hey, Flicker? Do you need me to get help?

I hadn't expected Lady Fate's lightshow to disorient him so thoroughly, but maybe a fully corporeal star sprite was hit harder than a disembodied soul.

"I can't." The words were hardly intelligible, and I thought I'd misheard him – only he repeated them. "I can't. I can't I can't I can't."

I flew into his face, forcing him to see me. What can't you do? Flicker, you're starting to scare me. Do you want me to get someone? Glitter? Aurelia?

"No!"

His shout made me jump back so hard that I bounced off the door.

Flicker! Just tell me what's wrong!

"I have to do it. I can't do it. Don't you see?"

When he raised his head, his eyes were wide and crazed, like an aristocrat watching his ancestral estate burn down, or Marcius brandishing his dagger before he drove it into his heart.

Hey, it's okay. I petted his shoulder. Just tell me what you have to do that you can't do, and we'll figure it out together. Or if you want, we can go talk to Aurelia. I'm sure she'll help.

His hands rose to clutch his hair. I didn't think he heard me. I didn't think he even knew I was there. I was trying to recall the route to the Bureau of the Sky – I'd figure out how to get into Aurelia's office unseen once I got there – when Flicker moved. So fast that I could hardly follow his motions, he ground his inkstick, mixed in water, dipped his brush into the black liquid, and scrawled something on my file.

No, not just on my file. On the rune for "Cat." With a few brushstrokes, he modified the right-hand side so that it no longer said "Cat." Instead, it said –

Flicker! You can't do that!

My whole soul was caught in a vise, trapped between hope and terror.

There's no way you'll get away with it! They'll find out, they'll catch you, they'll punish you –

"It's done."

The words seemed to tear out of his throat, leaving a bloody wound. Or maybe I was panicking too hard about how Glitter, how Cassius, how Lady Fate, how all of Heaven would punish a second-class clerk for altering his instructions.

Wait! Wait! We should think about this…plan it out more…. But I wasn't arguing as hard as I could have.

If Flicker thought he could get away with it, Flicker, who knew the rules and regulations backwards and forwards and upside down and inside out, then surely, surely it was all right to let him do it, wasn't it? Surely he'd found some loophole, some excuse to grant him plausible deniability. He could tell Glitter that the original handwriting was too messy, that he'd misread it, that he was very very sorry and it would never happen again....

Flicker's lips cracked into such a horrible rictus that it took me a moment to realize he was smiling. "I thought about it already, Piri. It will be all right. Now hold still so I can reincarnate you as a fox."