The Love They Never Had

I do not know which part of what I said offended him so much that he actually dropped my arm from his grasp, but he suddenly did with such force that I almost fell onto the floor if I didn't manage to catch myself on time. I couldn't help myself but to glare at him momentarily before I just stormed off without saying a word. But he actually caught me by the arm again and just dragged me back to his quarters for a talk about the servants, completely ignoring what happened earlier. "How was your first day at work? I really do apologise for dinner..." "I have managed to find new servants, but so has the new maid. I do not think that I need to tell you where she got them from." "Young Master? What about work..." "...those maids are either punished subjects from the palace or those with signed slave contracts, but either way they do not have much foundations. You should look for any excuses to sell them off and handle the rest later." "Hang on, why wasn't I informed of this earlier?" "Because you are still invisible and even if you were informed, you would have found a way to reject them from the start, right? And then it would have created a scene from my father and lead to a drama that they could not answer to. And here, in terms of managing the household; here are some mock accounts I have drawn up to test you. You can ask Dal if you are having any troubles understanding anything at all. But more importantly, I need you to expel as many of her people as possible as fast as you can in order not to leave any future trouble. It will not be easy, but you have my full support. But be careful not to do it in a distasteful way, even the Emperor himself fears gossip from his citizens. You can even try to assign them to manual labour outside. But they should not be in this home for more than a few weeks, before they can start leaking out information from inside this manor. And something else." "Yes?" "I do not want you to have any male servants. At all. Just keep Dal close to you, ok?"

To say that I was completely taken aback by that statement amongst his ranting was an understatement. What on earth was he talking about? I usually stayed inside my quarters and I hardly needed the servants services and he knew this. I was carrying out all of my chores by myself at this point just to keep myself busy, so what made him think that I was talking to any male servants at all? "...they can stay outside. And as for the maidservants, you cannot really disallow them to enter the inner courtyard, but try as hard as you can to exaggerate any fault, exploit any weakness you can and always find the right timing." "Yes, Young Master. I will help you as much as you can with these never-ending battles..." "You will never be a part of those. I just need your assistance with this one single task and I promise you that I will never rope you into a game like this again. And I apologise for it in the first place." "So why did you chose me? So soon after I had just woken up..." "it is because your existence in this household has made me aware of some issues I could have dealt with a lot earlier. If I did, I wouldn't be as pitiful as I am now maybe, who knows. And I have you to thank for that. You have given me a purpose to keep pushing through when I am at my lowest. And I promise you that you will be rewarded for this, just be a little patient." "And what sort of reward do I get? For helping you?" "Security, stability in this house, and maybe the freedom you have always longed for if everything goes right." "What do you mean?" "You are different Seo Yeon. No matter how eloquent you are now, I know more than anyone that you are stuck inside this prison, as am I. A noble life actually suits you more than most, but you do not want it, do you?"

He really wasn't stopping himself with the surprises today. 'You really know me that well?" "To be honest, apart from your clothing and attitude, your personality and temperament hasn't changed at all." "Great wealth and a high position, of course it has its benefits. But that is only for the surface, that is covering numerous compromises, cheating and hidden battles just for survival. It can be said that you and I are capable, but it is exhausting and not worth it if it costs us our peace of mind."

Once again, I had no idea what I had said to make him bury himself in his books once again, but it was still too early to read him, so I just decided to focus on the task at hand instead of sticking my nose in somewhere in my past when I still had not regained my own memories yet.

*********************

I really couldn't say if Yeon was doing this purposefully or not, but she kept unknowingly kept winning me over with small gestures that I never thought anyone would do for me. Despite my current plans, I was still in mourning over my now ruined friendship with her bother Hwi and I was barely able to eat anything at all. But not after our little talk, the maid herself came over to serve me some food which already tasted quite familiar. And the wide smile on her face really wasn't doing her any favours either. "What are you smiling about?" "I have noticed that you are more withdrawn than usual one your first day or work, so I have made something especially for you." "Forget it, I already know what you're cooking is like" I mumbled, instantly remembering the fried egg dish that I had to throw away. "I have spent hours on this dish Young Master and I have improved it especially for you. Please try a little bit, especially before you return to your work." I knew that she wasn't going to give up, so I tried the food that she gave me. From the moment that I tasted this new dish, my memories almost immediately took me back to the time that I lived with my mother and she always gave me sugary foods that she could barely afford, to make up for everything else that she lacked in life to help raise me on her own.

"Young Master? Master? Did you like it? I have also sewn your clothes so you do not need to waste money on new ones and I have even crafted new shoes for you..." "Who made this dish? Tell me the the truth." "I...i told you that I..." "...that you made this dish for hours? Just for me? Do you not think that I can see you running around trying to run this place after I have already told you that you have no place in managing this household? I even have witnessed you serving my father on many occasions just this afternoon, so how can you have paid attention to this? And I have tried you're cooking before and I know that it does not compare to this. So how dare you lie to me?" "I...I..." "if you do not tell me right now, then I promise you that I will personally have you flogged before selling you off into the slave market myself! We have plenty of servants here and we do not need liars and thieves here." I made my way into the kitchens for probably the first time during my move into this home and I was surprised to see Yeon of all people really cooking her own food whilst the rest of the maid's servants actually had the damned nerve to taunt her as if they were somehow better than her. I had thought it was just a rumour that she was feeding herslef, but I guess not. "Well well, the lowborn has been living like a noble woman his entire time, and now she thinks that she can cook? Just who does she think she is?" "Do I need to explain myself to anyone? If your cooking and your service wasn't as awful as it is then why should I be toiling like this to take care of myself when I could just relax all day in my quarters?" Yeon replied firmly, which I had never heard come from her before. And honestly, I could not deny that she had become a source of entertainment for me that seemed to relieve my loneliness and constant remorse in this miserable home of my father's.

"...Are you saying that we cannot do our jobs properly?" "That is exactly what I am saying." "You...how dare you..." "how dare I what exactly? You cannot season your food properly because I have been throwing it up ever since I woke up here, you clearly cannot wash clothes properly since mine are alway returned to me damp and you cannot for the life of you clean. That is why your children in your quarters are always falling ill, because the dust that you cannot clean simple surfaces thoroughly enough. And the fact that you have all pounced on me for serving to the Young Master only a handful of times does speak volumes, doesn't it."

It was completely rare in this household for anyone other them my father to voice his opinions or even talk at all, so witnessing this scene in front of me was honestly refreshing to see. But as soon as I had fully understood what was going on, they all started going in on her again.

"Do you think we are all stupid? You don't think that we know what you are hoping to achieve by doing all of this?" "You mean by taking care of myself?" "Chun-Ae was right, all you want to do is to seduce the Young Master." That comment caught me by surprise, I actually felt the corners of my mouth twitching into a smile for a second before I realised what was happening. I was going to step in, but evidently my best friend's little sister who apparently wasn't so little anymore, because my help was the last thing that she needed. Any question of a woman's chastity was the biggest humiliation that she could receive and I was honestly applied at how everyone was being towards her...because it wasn't her fault that she ended up trapped here in a world that she didn't know. It was my fault, but my father long threatened me that if I got too close to Yeon that he would have her killed in front of me. For a man with a large stature as his, having a young unmarried woman with a disability like Yeon's must have brought back very bad memories for him from the time that he was a mere stable boy for the Emperor instead of the important councilman that he was now. "Is that really the best insult that you can come up with? I am taking care of myself for who? The young master? But of course, only illiterate and narrow minded people such as yourselves can only think of such a lowly act of seducing one's Master to better your lives, isn't that right? Isn't that why Chun-Ae always used to flatter the Young Master and fail every time? And isn't that why all of you wear so much makeup in the home that you serve and douse yourself with perfume around him? Well, since you cannot even perform the simplest of chores properly, I wish you all the best to see which one of you can marry him whilst I just mind my own business in my quarters." "You bitch!" One of the servants actually had the nerve to lunge at her, but again, before I could intervene on her behalf, Yeon actually grabbed the servant by her hair and slammed her down onto the ground with such force that i had no idea that she possessed. The doctor did mention that when a person looses their memories, that sometimes the person's personality will change, but had to admit that I was starting to no longer recognise this person in front of me. But I had no idea if it was a bad or good thing at all, since i wasn't too close to the girl that she used to be before this..."Do any of you really think that the Young Master is so stupid and desperate as to bed a maid? Are you serious? Do you really think he will fall for any of your tricks? He is a fine man with talent in weaponry and literature, he has a moderate temper and he...he deserves to be with a good noble woman that can love him and help build up his career. Just because he is illegitimate does not mean he will integrate himself with maids. Give me a break."