The Human From a Dungeon

Li'Lord Simeeth

Adventurer Level: N/A

Kobold – Unknown

I had trouble getting to sleeps. My bed was comfy in an uncomfy way, and I couldn't decide if I wanted my blanket or not. I also felt like I should be doing something, but I had done everything I needed to do.

I could choose to be awake and bored for longer, then be very tired tomorrow. Or I could choose to keep struggling to sleeps and hope that I don't end up tired tomorrow. As I was trying to decide, though, the door to my room opened and the smell of stinky bakobold slid its way in.

"Wake up, Li'Lord," Gar nudged me a little.

Gar, who needed to have a swim, had turned himself into my waker upper. I don't even know how it happened, but every time I needed to be woke up it would be him. He said the same thing every time, too.

"I didn't even get to sleeps yet!" I protested.

We had spent the day trading goods and shinies with elves and dwarves and orcs, and spent the almost-night celebrating all the deals we made. We made a lot of shinies, too, but the deals were the fun part. We'd done so many deals and made so many shinies that we were already going to be able to make our second more gauge payment! And so soon after our first!

I had laid down a while ago, but I always had trouble falling asleep when I had boozes. Unless I had too many of them. Then I wouldn't even make it to my bed.

"Oh," Gar scratched his chin. "Uh... Get up, Li'Lord. No, that doesn't sound right."

"Why do you need me to get out of my bed?" I asked with a scowl.

It was an expression I had been practicing really hard in the shiny mere roars we'd bought from the elves. You have to scrunch your face, almost like doing droppings. But if you overdo it, you make a funny face and people laugh at you.

"Tomash said to get you. Somethin's going on."

"Sssomething?" I hissed angrily. "What sssomething?"

"Dunno. Some of the adventurers are in the store, and they're dressed for a fight," Gar shrugged, then put his hands up when I looked shocked. "They don't wanna fight us, though. I asked."

"Wha-"

I didn't bother finishing my asks because I realized that there wasn't anything more that Gar would be able to tell me. Instead, I grumpily pulled off my blanket and got off of my bed. What could adventurers want with a slightly-drunked kobold Li'Lord at this time of night?

We left the dungeon through the not-quite-a-secret secret passage and entered the manor-turned-mall, as the mayor called it. He had suggested that we start serving food, too, but nobody wants to eat kobold cooking. Dwarves and elves turned green when they tried the free samples. Orcs are already green, but they also didn't like it.

We did sell fresh goods that people could cook on their own, though. A lot of it came from nearby fields, and we used bins with an enchantment to keep them fresh. There was also the meat that the hunters would bring in, though not much of that survived our own eatings.

"This had better be important," I grumbled as Gar led the way.

"Don't blame me if it isn't, Li'Lord," Gar replied. "Tomash is the one who made me go and get you."

"I'll slap up his face with his own tail if he's just messin' around."

"Yes, Li'Lord."

We made our way toward the manor's entrance, and I saw that there were still some kobolds and dwarves working on the renovations. I wanted to stop them and tell them to go rest, but then I saw Grinler and Marpi, who liked to sleep during the day and work at night. I realized that it was probably the same for the rest of the workers and decided to leave them be.

We entered the entrance-room thingie and saw the adventurers. Just like Gar said, they were equipped for a fight. Not just a small fight, either, they were all wearing expensive armor and weapons. I hadn't been scared of the Western Wasteds since I first met them, but these adventurers were kind of intimidating.

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

It kind of pissed me off, and I could tell Tomash was also upset.

"What's happening?" I asked.

"The city is about to be invaded, Li'Lord," Tomash said with a bow. "These adventurers are begging our aid."

"Not begging," the tall elf in front said. "We represent the mayor, who is willing to pay for your help in defending the city."

"How much?" I asked.

"Uh... Li'Lord," Gar scratched his neck. "Shouldn't we-"

"No, shut up," I scowled at him, then turned back to the elf. "How much?"

"He's willing to cover half of your remaining mortgage," the elf said with an expression of superiority.

That made me even madder.

"Oh, he needs our help so much that he's willing to pay without really paying, eh? Why isn't he here, then? Is that part of his plan? He thinkin' that I won't try to negotiate if he's not here? That I'll just roll over and accept whatever offer a bunch of well-armed adventurers-turned-sssoldiers bring to the ssstore?"

"I-"

"He expects me to ask my people to risk their lives without even giving us no shinies? Just sssaying that we owes his friends at the bank less shinies?"

"W-w-well," the elf stammered.

"That doesn't sound like a really good deal if you're one of the sssoldiers, right? Even if they come home after the fight, they gets no shinies to show their kin. That's ssstu-"

"Li'Lord, if they take the city they'll take our store, too," Gar interrupted, saying what he was gonna say earlier.

"Who'sss to sssay that they will?" I demanded. "A kobold-store isn't a kobold-store if it isn't run by kobolds, and they might want a kobold-store. It's the only one around! Maybe even in the whole world! Plus, you don't even know who's is invading."

"It's the daemons," the elf said quietly.

Everyone went silent.

"Huh?" I asked.

I could tell by the shock on everyone's faces that the elf had not mentioned this before. Tomash's face was the first to go from shock to fear, then a grim determinations. I hadn't seen that look on his face since the elf traders told us that hard candies was bad for the teeth.

"I hope I am mistaken, but I believe he said daemons, Li'Lord," he said.

"Daemons are invading the town?" I asked, still not believing it.

"It would seem so."

"They will be," the elf said. "They have formed a camp outside the main walls, just out of spell and arrow range. We have maybe a day or two before they begin their assault."

"Oh, good," I sighed in relief. "Good, good, good."

"G-good?" the elf asked with a horrified look.

"Yes, good. I thought they were attacking right now, but it looks like we've got some preparation times."

"Wait, you were trying to negotiate even when you thought we were currently under attack?!"

"Of course," I scowled at the elf. "Mayor was rude, you was rude. How do you expect me to be nice? Tell the mayor I'll take his offer but in shinies, and WE will decide how much of that goes to the more gauge. And I get to decide how kobolds fight daemons. We'll have a plan in an hour or so."

"I-I'll tell him, then. If you'll excuse me," the elf nodded, then began to leave with his party. After a few steps, he looked back over his shoulder and said, "I am sorry for my behavior, for what it's worth."

I didn't really know what to say, so I just nodded in the wise-seeming way that Tomash always did. The door closed with its usual banging noise, and we stayed in silence for a moment. The silence was broken by me cracking my knuckles.

"Gar," I turned to my big bakobold guard.

"Yes, Li'Lord," he replied, snapping out of his shock.

"Run and tell everyone what's happening. Everyone who's able to hold a weapon and the will to wield it needs to be in this hall as soon as possible. Everyone else needs to start prepping the empty rooms in the dungeon."

"Huh? For what?"

"The shi- erm... City people will need a place to stay while we fight the daemons," I explained. "We have lots of empty rooms that they can stay in. They'll need beds and piss-pots."

"Yes, Li'Lord. Anything else?"

"Not yet. Go."

Gar was gone in the blink of an eye. Tomash looked at me with squinted eyes.

"You plan to evacuate the town, Li'Lord?" he asked.

"What? No! I'm not gonna eat anyone, let alone the whole town," I shook my head. "I wanna move the peoples from the town into the dungeon."

"That's what evacu- Never mind. Why do you want to move them?"

"I don't know how the daemons fight. But if I remembers the stories, they want to hurts people. The mayor wants to hire us and has already hired the adventurers. That means there's probably lots of daemons. I don't think the wall around the town is gonna be able to hold them off, and I don't want them to hurt our customers. They can't give shinies if they's hurt."

"I see... But we don't have enough food reserves to supply everyone. We'll need to..." Tomash looked around at the store and sighed. "We'll need to use the food from the store to feed them."

"Maybe," I shrugged. "We should have all of the shinies moved into the dungeon, too. We'll leave some guards for it, tell them to save as much food as they can without letting anyone starve. Maybe four guards. Two can hunt and forage."

"If we fight off the daemons, we can always move everything back and write it off as a loss, I suppose. What do we do if we lose?"

"If we lose, it won't be our problem anymore," I grinned.

"It will still be mine, Li'Lord," he sighed. "I'm far too old to fight, and I didn't do enough of it in my youth to be of any use as a strategist."

"What's that?"

"Someone who thinks of ways to beat the enemy."

"Oh. Okay, well, I thinks we can do that without you. So you'll stay back with the hatchlings and city folk?"

"Yes, Li'Lord," Tomash bowed his head.

"I didn't expect that," I admitted. "But it makes sense. Fine. If I gets killed, you be the new Li'Lord. You can waits until the daemons move on and then send the city folk on their way with the shinies, so they can buy food and houses in a different place. Then you and the others guard the dungeon and wait for the Lord to return. Remember, the city folk are not kobolds. They don't care about you being Li'Lord and they don't know the Lord that good. They might not want to listen to kobolds, so it's best to get them moving as fast as you can."

"Yes, Li'Lord."

"And name a sucker as soon as you can. You're pretty old, and you might not make it until the Lord gets back."

"I think you mean a successor, Li'Lord."

"I saids what I saids."