The Human From a Dungeon

Nick Smith

Adventurer Level: 11

Human – American

"Fuck," I gasped, doubling over in exhaustion.

"We can stop and take a break if you need to," Garin said, wiping bug guts off of his chest.

"How much further until the boss?"

"I dunno. Hey Dosten, how long's this part of the dungeon?"

"Nobody fucking measures that, Garin," Dosten scowled. "All we know is that the enemies here are bugs, the plants aren't safe to eat, and the boss is a fucking scorpion."

My skin crawled once again at the mention of the boss. Scorpions had always been the subject of nightmares for me. Spiders and other bugs were fine, for the most part, but something about scorpions made my bones want to leave my body.

I didn't know if it was their wasp-like stinger, their crab-like armor and claws, or their spider-like ability to stick to walls that freaked me out. Maybe it was some combination of the three. It could also just be their general shape or the fact that some of them have deadly venom.

Thankfully, I'd never run into a real one before. A couple of my friends had pranked me with some fake ones, but the area I grew up in was blessedly free of the tiny monsters. But when Dosten and Yulk had initially described the boss of this portion of the dungeon, I immediately knew the horror that we would be facing. I'd even taught them the word for it.

"I'll never get used to how disgusting these things are," Nifth said, pulling an arrow out of an extra-large fly.

"Yeah, I think I'd rather have nearly any other job at this point," Kirea added, looking ill.

I held my breath for a moment so that I could stop panting and stretched my tired muscles. Then I let out a deep sigh and looked at my sword. I imagined that it looked like a bunch of kids had stolen snacks and oil-based paints, then tried to make art out of the blade.

There were greens, reds, browns, blues, and yellows with several disgusting chunks of varying size. I swung the blade, hoping that some of the viscera would fly off, but only a few of the larger chunks left the blade and hit the floor with a disgusting splat. Trying not to retch, I pulled out a rag and began to wipe it down.

"So are we taking that break or what?" Garin asked.

"I can push a bit further," I replied. "You?"

"Yeah... I guess."

We'd already taken two rests in this part of the dungeon. The insect enemies weren't nearly as durable as the robots had been, but there were far more of them and killing them had been exhausting work. To put it bluntly, the battles were faster but much more tiring.

It also didn't help that the mages had no area-of-effect attack spells that wouldn't turn the dungeon into a death trap. Dosten had a spell that would create a powerfully acidic mist, but it would stick around without any wind to dissipate it. Larie had a spell that summoned a wall of flame that was a few feet thick, but that would fill the hall with heat, smoke, and carbon dioxide. Since we would have to march through the aftermath of either spell, we'd decided against using them.

Instead, Dosten and Yulk were using fireballs to handle the hives and swarms of smaller insects while Garin, Nifth, and I handled the larger bugs. It wasn't a fool-proof system, but Kirea and Larie were on healing duty. They handled our injuries whenever a bug slipped through our offensive and took a bite out of one of us. As it turned out, Kirea was really good at handling poisons, something Larie admitted that the had always struggled with. This had made me wonder how healing spells worked, exactly, but I hadn't been given much time to fully think about it.

"Alright, are we ready to keep going and leave this mess behind?" I asked, sheathing my freshly cleaned blade.

A couple of hesitant agreements later, we pushed on. This part of the dungeon looked a bit like the entrance portion, but with a lot more wear and tear. Most of the lights had stopped working, random roots poked out of the walls, portions of the walls and ceiling were covered in thick webbing, and there were abandoned hives and nests littered throughout the corridor.

Not all of the hives, nests, and webs were abandoned, but it was very easy to tell which ones were active. The bugs were always moving around, skittering, flying, and making all sorts of noise. It was kind of a blessing that the fights were never a surprise.

What wasn't a blessing were the bugs themselves. Some were insects, some were arachnids, and some had ten or more legs. All sorts of nightmarish varieties that I'd never even imagined. I'd taken a few bites, too. Ten had been very helpful in managing the pain, but I knew that I'd wince every time I heard a fly or mosquito from now on.

The spider-type bugs were particularly off-putting. Most of them were somewhat translucent and kind of looked like ghosts. They would blend into their webs really well, if it weren't for the fact that they were bigger than Chihuahuas.

The ones that weren't ghost-like were the size of Great Danes and barely darker than the shadows they liked to hide in.

"I fucking hate this," I grumbled, finding another piece of bug on my armor.

"Same," Garin sighed. "I'm glad we haven't run into this section before, or I'd have been tempted to hang up my hammer and become a farmer or something."

"Which parts have you run into?"

"We usually get goblins, hollows, harpies, or sauroids. The sauroids aren't so bad because there's only ever one of 'em."

"Oh, right, heard of those. Ambush predators with big mouths," I yawned. "What are hollows?"

"Fuckin' horrifying," he shivered. "Empty shells of various things that try to turn you into an empty shell of yourself."

"What?"

"Well, imagine a suit of plate armor, right? Except it's moving around without someone wearing it. A hollow takes a thing, hollows it out, then wears it kind of like that."

"That doesn't sound so sca-"

"Oh, it is. The armor thing might have been a bad example. They do it with skin, mostly. They hollow out the skin, removing meat and bones, then wear it and go after another victim. Imagine a sack of skin, vaguely shaped like a person or animal, walking toward you as if nothing was wrong. It's creepy as fuck."

"H-how do you fight them?" I asked, feeling a chill run up my spine.

"Thankfully they're not that tough. You crack open the shell and they fall out of it. And whatever they REALLY are can't interact with non-hollow stuff."

"They're conceptual beings," Dosten said. "So long as their 'shell' is what we would define as intact, they're able to inhabit it. So even a fairly small bit of damage can render the shell uninhabitable, so long as it creates a hole that you can imagine them slipping out of."

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"And they're a really profitable enemy," Nifth added. "So long as they're wearing armor and using weapons. Or wearing the skins of valuable monsters."

"What's the boss of that section like?" I asked.

"A heavily armored hollow with a great sword and the ability to cast magic," Yulk explained. "Nash and I fought it back when I still had hair."

"Didja win?" Garin grinned.

"Yes, actually. I managed to aggravate it enough for Nash to slip behind it and get a chop in at its rear joints, where the armor's straps are. Mother has its helmet in her room."

"That helmet's worth some decent coin."

"It is, but to her it has far more value as a sentimental piece," Yulk smiled. "It was the first time we fought a boss and won. She was very proud of us."

"Aw, shit," Nifth sighed. "Now I miss my mom. Hey Garin, you think after this run we can take some time off?"

"I ain't the boss of you," Garin laughed. "And so long as you've got the coin to get there and back, I've got no complaints."

"Huh..."

"What?"

"Come to think of it, you're right. You're NOT the boss of me... So who is?"

"I, for one, thought we were more of a democratic collective," Dosten said.

"What's that mean?" Garin asked.

"We all vote and do whatever we vote yes to," Kirean explained.

"Oh... Yeah, that's how we work," Garin laughed. "You guys usually make me do the talking, though."

"So... I've been completely misunderstanding our dynamic this whole time?" Nifth asked quietly.

Nobody answered, instead falling into an awkward silence. For a while, only the sound of our boots echoed from the dungeon's walls. Then we heard more buzzing and skittering.

"Here we go again," I sighed, unsheathing my sword.

"Yep," Garin agreed, hefting his hammer and cracking his neck. "Let's go."

Garin and I took the lead while everyone else fell into position behind us. We slowly began to march forward, prepared to strike the moment that the bugs came into view. A large hive was on our left, and a thick web was on our right.

A spider-thing pushed its way out of the web and launched itself at my face, but I slashed it in half without even thinking. A fireball flew over my shoulder and slammed into the web, igniting it. I turned my attention to a giant wasp-like bug as Garin's hammer thudded into one of the spiders.

I slashed the first wasp, but it was quickly followed by another. An arrow pierced the second wasp's abdomen, and it fell to the ground. Another fireball flew past us, igniting the hive.

Both the wasp's and the spider's hiding spots were ablaze, and they weren't very happy about it. Another thud from Garin's hammer, another slash from my sword, another arrow from Nifth, and a variety of spells attacked the bugs. They kept coming, though.

Pain flashed through me as fangs sank into my shoulder from a spider that had dropped from the ceiling. I grabbed one of its legs and flung it to the ground, then stomped on it. The pain in my shoulder had already started to fade by the time the wasp got me in the left ass-cheek.

"FUCK!" I shouted, spinning around and slashing it.

The wasp was dead, but spinning had been a mistake. My left leg locked up and I felt extremely woozy. I slashed at another wasp, and Garin moved between me and the rest of the bugs.

"Kirea!" he shouted.

"On it!" she replied.

"Allow me," Larie said, then cast his area healing magic.

I felt sensation return to my leg and watched a gash in Garin's back begin to knit. I stepped up next to him and began slashing at the bugs again. Some of the them tried to ignore us, but they were killed by spells and arrows.

A few minutes later, the last of the bastards died.

"Okay, now I'M tired," Garin sighed.

Nifth, Kirea, and Dosten gave murmurs of agreement. Yulk and Larie didn't seem phased.

"Fine, let's find somewhere to rest," I said, wiping my sword with the dirty rag. "Somewhere with fewer bug guts."

We continued on for a bit, leaving the mutilated bug corpses behind. We didn't get all that far before we noticed the walls getting wider. Part of me wanted to press on to the boss and just get it over with, but a glance at my comrades told me that we were too tired for that fight.

"This is a good spot," Yulk said with an air of casualness.

"Yeah, pretty sure the boss is the next fight, too," Garin agreed.

We set up the barriers and I managed to eat despite the knot in my stomach. I couldn't get the image of giant pincers and a stinger out of my mind. I knew in my heart that it would be the next thing we faced.

"So, Nifth, you're gonna go see your mom after this?" Dosten asked.

"Yeah, I think so. My dad, too, unless she's beat his head in with a pan," Nifth laughed. "I've also got a little brother, but he's probably moved out by now."

"You don't write home?"

"I would, but they can't read. Most of our village can't, and those that can charge a lot for their services."

"Really? Must be a pretty remote village."

"Yep. Doesn't even have a real road. Just a path, and a bumpy one at that."

"Where did you learn to read?" Kirea asked.

"I lucked out. When I first got to Kirkena an elven smith needed someone to make copies of receipts. I've always had an eye for detail, so when I wasn't practicing my archery I was sitting in a dimly-lit room and copying symbols from one paper to another. First word I learned was nail."

"Wow. My master taught me how to read and write as part of my training to be a healer."

"Dosten and I had a tutor," Garin laughed.

We all looked at him in shock, except for Dosten, who sighed.

"Where'd you get a tutor?" Nifth asked.

"We grew up in Kirkena together," Dosten replied. "Both of our parents are somewhat wealthy. His are retired adventurers, mine are archeologists."

"Yep. I got my tutor the same place I got this big ass hammer," Garin grinned. "My mommy."

"Your mom used a hammer?" I asked.

"No, she just bought it for me. My mom's a mage and my dad's a martial artist."

"So you know martial arts, too?"

"A little, but my mom really didn't like my dad beating me up all the time. But my dad argued that I had the build for it, so they compromised and got me this hammer. What about you guys, what do your parents do?"

"My dad's a farmhand," Nifth answered. "Mom runs the house. With an iron fist, of course."

"My mom's a jeweler and my dad's a miner," Kirea said.

The four adventurers turned to us expectantly.

"My mother and father were both adventurers," Yulk said.

"I'd rather not reopen the subject of my parents, if it's all the same to you," Larie added. "What about you, Nick?"

"Oh... Uh, well, I'm not actually sure what my parents did for a living," I replied hesitantly. "My dad's job mostly involved doing paperwork, I think. My mom only worked part-time, but I don't know what she did. We never really talked about it."

"Is that common with humans?" Yulk asked.

"I don't know. Maybe. There weren't very many of my friends who knew what their parents did for work, either. Or if they did, they never brought it up."

"That's..." Garin paused.

"Weird?" I asked with a laugh. "I guess so. I don't know, maybe it's because most human jobs don't really pass from parent to child."

We continued talking about human customs for a bit, then the conversation turned back to families. Kirea told us about how her parents fell in love when her dad sold her mom some gems he'd dug up, giving her a deal in exchange for a date. Nifth's parents met in a tavern, Dosten's studied an ancient tomb together, and Garin's were members of the same party. By the time Yulk finished sharing his parent's story of love and loss, we were all ready to pass out.

My sleep wasn't exactly restful, though. I had a nightmare about being covered in scorpions and woke up covered in sweat. Everyone else was still passed out, so I tried to go back to sleep and had another nightmare. This time it was about being chased down a really long hallway by a giant red scorpion that shot flames from its stinger.

"Nick," Yulk whispered, shaking me awake. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah," I replied as I sat up. "Just... Just a bad dream."

"You sure?"

"Fuckin' hope so. C'mon, let's go."

We all got up, had another meal, then packed our makeshift camp and continued onward. The knowledge of what awaited us caused the pit in my stomach to sink further with every step. I thought I was playing it off pretty well, until Garin piped up.

"Don't worry, Nick," he said. "This is one of the easier bosses. Just don't get close enough for it to sting you."

"Yeah? And how are we supposed to do that while keeping it away from the others?" I asked sarcastically.

"Ah, shit. Good point," he laughed. "Gonna have to find someone who uses a shield when we get back. Well, in the meantime I'll do my best to pull its attention. Maybe you can try to sever its tail?"

"We'll see."

Normal scorpions have a tough exoskeleton, which meant that the boss probably had actual armor plating or some shit. No chance of my sword making it through that. The walls continued to expand until we were obviously within the boss chamber.

There were some glowing crystals which provided some illumination. Our lights were brighter, but the crystals helped keep me calm. That is, until I came to the realization that the boss was not in view.

"Where is it?" I asked with a higher pitch than normal.

"Up!" Garin shouted.

I looked to the ceiling and saw my worst fear realized. A scorpion, barely visible and much larger than I had imagined, was hanging above us like a spider. We quickly backed away as it dropped.

The ground shook as it landed in front of us. Its thick, black tail rose over its head it an arc, and the curved stinger pointed directly at me. Panic took hold of my mind as the monster snapped its claws and began crawling toward us at an unnervingly fast pace.

Without even thinking about what I was doing, I raised a finger toward it.

"Tellub leets tsac!" I screamed, admittedly in a similar manner to a little girl.

The spell fired, and the giant scorpion froze in place. Then it collapsed, a trail of blue liquid leaking from its face. We froze, trying to process what just happened.

"No fucking way," Garin said after a few moments. "I-I think you killed it."

"Good," I replied coldly and cleared my throat. "C-could you check, though?"

Everyone laughed.