The Broken Prince's Love

Lucille hated dreams like this.

She hated seeing the bridge in the back of the Valerian's estate while the sun shone down on them. She hated the fact that she knew that she was a little child and the woman in front of her was her mother. Sometimes, Emily's face would be blurred. Sometimes, it was clear. But no matter what, it was always horrible.

Lucille already felt like crying despite knowing that she was dreaming. So, she was more than relieved when her dream was suddenly interrupted by some kind of noise. She shot up in her bed and took a moment to orient herself. She was in her room in the palace, and the faint moonlight revealed that it was night. She slowly looked around but found nothing that would make this noise. So, she held still and already tensed in fear of someone being in her room.

But then she heard the knocking again. This came from the door.

And even though she had no proof, her heart told her that this was Cedar. No one else would come to her in the middle of the night. Lucille jumped up from the bed and rushed to put on a coat. Then she opened the door.

She had been right. But she didn't have much time to enjoy his presence. As soon as she saw his face, she understood that he was feeling horrible.

Cedar's smile was as bright as ever, which only meant that he was pushing back his emotions. Aside from that, he looked tired, as if he hadn't slept for days, and his hair was ruffled, which made it seem like he had run his fingers through it multiple times.

Lucille opened the door completely. “Do you want to come in?”

“That would be nice.” Cedar slowly followed her inside and waited until the door was closed. It only took a second, but it seemed like it felt like an eternity to him. Then he moved before she could even react. He caged her in his arms and pulled her into a tight hug.

Lucille quickly got over her shock and allowed him to press her against his chest. She hugged him back and tried to ignore how her heart clenched at the thought of him being this unhappy. What had happened? Something had to have distressed the normally calm man so much that he was shaking in her arms right now. Lucille pressed her lips together as she swallowed a few vile thoughts about the responsible person. Why was she getting emotional now when she was supposed to calm him down? That was ridiculous. So, she forced herself to speak up in the most steady voice she could muster. “Let's go sit down.” She carefully began walking backward and turned her head to look behind her.

There was nothing Lucille could do but give Cedar her support now. This would probably take a while. She considered bringing Cedar to the sofa first, but the distance seemed too far. So, she brought him to her bed.

When her legs reached the edge of the mattress, she tried to sit down without forcing him to let go. That didn't work very well, but Cedar held onto her as if his life depended on it, so she wouldn't make him let go.

Lucille pulled him down with her and hoped that he wouldn't misunderstand this as her trying to use his weakness to do strange things.

It seemed like Cedar didn't even question what happened though. He almost fell with her when she sat, which effectively made him land on top of her as she was pushed into a lying position.

She braced herself for the impact, but Cedar had used his hands to stabilize them so that he didn't crush her all of a sudden. But as soon as she had settled down, he gave up on keeping himself up and hugged her again.

Lucille felt how her heart threatened to jump out of her chest, and he certainly felt it too. Embracing Cedar in her bed was definitely a bad idea, but right now, she could ignore how close he was. The only thing that mattered was him calming down. Lucille guessed that talking wouldn't make it much better when he was in such a horrible mood, so she began brushing over his head. She raked her fingers through his hair while massaging his scalp and drawing small patterns into his skin. In the beginning, she wasn't sure whether this would work, but it seemed to.

Cedar slowly relaxed until he allowed his head to rest on her chest. Now he probably heard her rapid heartbeat, but that didn't seem to keep him from staying in that position with his ear pressed against her ribcage.

Lucille didn't stop stroking over his head while trying to pick up everything about his posture. If he was this exhausted, nothing good could have happened. She would have liked to deal with those things and get rid of the problems for him, but that would be impossible. Even though she had to admit that she wasn't good at consoling people, she did her best.

Minutes passed, and Lucille didn't dare to move around at all. She didn't want to keep Cedar from calming down. Maybe he could even fall asleep, and she certainly wouldn't risk preventing that because she stirred in that moment.

But despite her efforts, Cedar's body didn't indicate that he was sleeping. He wouldn't wrap his arms around her so tightly if he was unconscious. That didn't keep Lucille from trying to give him a chance to sleep. Still, Cedar didn't seem to even plan on resting.

At some point, he turned his head slightly and lifted it to look at her for a moment. From this angle, the silver moonlight reached his face, and it made him seem even more exhausted. For a few seconds, they looked at each other without saying anything. Then Cedar spoke up in a hoarse voice. “I'm sorry for disturbing you in the middle of the night. I didn't want to bother you.”

Lucille shook her head. “You don't have to be sorry. I told you that I'm here for you. You can come whenever you feel bad. I probably can't do much for you, but I can stay with you like this.” She carefully stroked over his hair, which almost seemed to glow in the moonlight.

Cedar met her gaze and stared into her eyes for a moment. He kept scanning her expression as he replied. “Aren't you going to ask about what happened?”

Lucille had considered it. But right now, she was glad not to have done it. She knew that people sometimes had secrets or didn't want advice when they told someone that they weren't feeling well. Some topics were horrible for her without others understanding the reason too. She would never force him to talk about it. “I won't ask. If you want to tell me, you will do so. If you don't, you will keep quiet. You didn't say anything to me, so I know that you don't want to talk about it. And that's fine. If you change your mind and want to speak, that's fine too. I only...” Lucille's breath hitched for a moment before she swallowed. She wasn't sure whether she wasn't too prying when she asked that already, but she was worried and wanted to make sure. “It...would just be nice if you could give me the most...general idea. Did something bad happen? You don't have to say what it was.”

Cedar didn't interrupt her, and when she was done, he stayed quiet for a bit longer. He only replied after a few seconds had passed. “No... Nothing bad. No, it was actually good. It was just...a difficult thing. But it should get better from now on. I hope.” He sounded so uncertain, which was completely unusual for him. That only made him seem even more vulnerable. He probably hated that, so the fact that he showed it to Lucille anyway was enough to make her heart skip a beat. If he trusted her, she would meet his expectations.

“Then I'm happy it's over. I'm sure that it will be better from now on.” Lucille couldn't really know that. She didn't even have the slightest idea what this was about. She just wanted to calm Cedar down, even if it probably didn't do much.

Cedar repeated some of her words in a much quieter voice. “I'm happy it's over too. But...unfortunately, it's only the beginning. It will get bad if I'm not prepared. And people could get hurt. So, I constantly need to have my guard up from now on.”

Lucille didn't like that thought at all. He was already closing himself off from everyone else. If he protected himself even more, no one would even be able to speak to him anymore. She knew that she probably had no right to interfere, but she still whispered to him. “You don't have to be prepared for everything by yourself. You can get help. That isn't a problem nor is it weak if you ask for support. The more we are, the easier it will be to avoid issues together.”

Cedar slowly closed his eyes and lowered his head onto her chest again. “Maybe.” He was silent for a moment so that she almost thought that he would fall asleep. But then he spoke up again in a low voice. “I just remembered. You wanted to speak to me a few days ago. What was that about?” That sounded like he wanted to change the topic. And if he did, she couldn't blame him. It was obvious that something bothered him, but she couldn't imagine him admitting what it was.

So, Lucille played along. Distracting him might not be a bad idea. “I...prepared a small gift for you. It's nothing special, but I put a lot of effort into it. I finished it a while ago, but I actually have no clue whether you could like or use it. It's not very practical either, so I would understand if you don't want it.” She ran her fingers through his soft hair while replying.

Cedar lifted his head again. He looked at her, and his expression seemed strangely empty when he replied. “Another gift? What did I do to deserve that?” He seemed genuinely surprised, which only made her give him a soft smile.

“You didn't do anything special. You were you, and that is enough to make me want to make you something. It's not a cake but something you can actually keep. Only if you want to, of course. I won't force you to take it if you dislike it.”

Cedar scanned her expression for a moment before he replied. “I...don't think that I'll dislike it when you gave it to me. I'm sorry for letting you wait that long. Can I see it now?”

Lucille hadn't expected that. She froze before her eyes slowly wandered to the nightstand next to them. “Well, it's over there. If you want to, we could take it out. But it's really...not that good.” She was sure that it was acceptable, but she was uncertain whether a prince would like the random handkerchief she had made for him. He probably didn't need it at all, but she had taken so much time to finish it. Not giving it to him would be a shame.

Cedar replied much faster this time. “I will like it.” He sounded a bit more convinced now, which made her believe that distracting him worked.

Lucille inwardly cheered at that and quickly turned her head to her nightstand. “Then...would you...” She considered asking him to let go but refrained from doing that. Wasn't he here because he wanted to be close to her? Sending him away with that knowledge was ridiculous. So, Lucille tried it another way. She reached up over her shoulder and, surprisingly, was lucky enough to touch the nightstand on the second attempt. She carefully tried to open the drawer, and this time, she took a bit longer. Reaching into the drawer was the hardest part though. Her wrist felt like it would snap for a moment, so she paused for a bit until she managed to bring her hand down at an uncomfortable angle.

In the end, all of this was worth it because she found a small piece of cloth with patterns on it. She tightened her hold on it and carefully pulled it up while avoiding letting any other items scratch across it. She was successful.

Lucille brought the handkerchief next to her face and scanned it for a few seconds. It looked like it had when she had last worked on it. Even if she couldn't be sure in the darkness, it should be fine. So, she turned to Cedar.

He was already looking at the gift. The prince slowly removed one arm from her back to bring his hand to the present, and she gave it to him.

“This isn't anything special, as I said. But I always used to be good at embroidery, so I thought that you'd like it. Maybe. You're probably used to a much better quality, but it was the best I could do. I don't even know whether you need a handkerchief. If not, you can simply give it back. I mean...I would like it if you kept it, but...” She was rambling again. Lucille cut herself off and gave Cedar an expectant look.

Cedar examined the handkerchief with great care and took a lot of time until he finally looked up at her again. For a moment, their eyes met, and even in the dim light, she could see how determination showed on his face. “You gave it to me, so it's mine now. I won't return it.” He lowered his gaze to scan the gift again while she held her breath. Cedar slowly lifted his head again and then added another bit in a whisper. “I can't see too much right now. But what I see looks beautiful. I will make sure to take a closer look at it tomorrow when the sun rises. But even now, I can tell you that I like it a lot. Thank you very much. I will treasure it.”

Lucille might have thought that he was only saying that to keep her from being sad if his expression had been different, but she could see that he wasn't lying. That relieved her tremendously. Slowly, a bright smile formed on her lips. “Good. Then I didn't make it for no reason.”

Cedar's gaze met hers, and they held still for a moment. “Of course, you didn't.”

Then they just looked at each other. There was no need to say anything when it felt like their eyes told each other everything.

It took a while longer before Cedar slowly moved. He rolled to the side so that he wasn't lying on top of her anymore but next to her. That was actually a bit relieving. That other position had slowly but surely pressed the air out of her lungs.

Lucille turned to the side to look at Cedar again and just stared without being sure what to say. There was so much and so little that she wanted to express at the same time. Right now, her heart was beating out of rhythm, and it felt like her blood was rushing through her body with three times the usual strength. She could only hope that the strange lightning made it impossible for him to read her expression fully.

That eye contact had definitely given her the wrong idea. It wasn't good that she was so sensitive when it came to him.

For a moment, they were quiet again. In that time, Cedar alternated between scanning her face and looking at the handkerchief. Then he folded it and put it in his pocket before looking into her eyes again. For some reason, this felt much more intimate than it should be. He spoke up after a few seconds passed. “My brother's birthday is in three weeks. The emperor's birthday is usually the biggest event of the year. Unless you count the empress' one, of course. There will be a huge ball.” She knew that, and he was aware of that too. If he told her this anyway, he probably wanted to talk about something important regarding the ball.

Lucille had visited the emperor's birthday party each year during the past decade. She knew exactly how everything would go. Still, she had no idea what Cedar found important enough to tell her. “Do you have any plans for that day?”

Cedar shrugged. “I don't know. It will be the same as always. I went to the last one but missed all six before that and still don't feel the desire to attend again. Of course, I have to go. But it will be as uninteresting as always. We will need to talk to random nobles, bring Theodore a present and then sit around that day, and the next day will be a long tea party. I don't look forward to that at all. Maybe that is why we should make all of it a bit more interesting. Will you let me escort you that day? Then we don't have to stand around all alone.”

Lucille stiffened when she heard that. Cedar wanted to escort her? Surely, he had done so last time, but that had been a temporary solution because of an emergency. Now he was planning it from the very beginning.

There was a huge difference here. If he brought her to the ball and stayed by her side the whole time, people would naturally assume that they were a couple. Of course, she didn't mind that much, but she doubted that it would be good for Cedar. After all, he was still the prince. He needed to find a fiancée at some point, so it would be good for him to avoid escorting another woman. And surely, her father wouldn't be too happy upon realizing that Lucille would join Cedar either.

If she took all of that into account, she should say no.

But Lucille knew what she really wanted to say. “I...mean...if you want to...” She averted her eyes to stare at the mattress. “I would be honored to join you.” Slowly, a warm sensation spread from her heart and seemed to paint her face in an even darker shade of red. She could only pray that Cedar wouldn't see. “I would be...really, really happy to go to a ball with you.”

Cedar's lips were graced with a small and seemingly genuine smile, which was the most beautiful thing she could imagine in that moment. “That's good. Then I don't have to feel guilty about making you go with me. I would be happy if we can spend our time there together. Maybe we could even dance.”

Lucille inwardly shook her head at that. Of course, she had learned to dance, but actually doing that in front of others would make her faint out of nervousness. So, she just rephrased her response a little. “I'm not that good at dancing. It might be problematic for me...to dance in public. I have no experience at all, and the last time I repeated it was months ago.”

Cedar was quick to respond. “I'm good at waltzing. I might never have been as great as my brother, but I was always the second best. As long as you can do the basic steps, I will lead you without any issues. I really want to dance with you. If we can't do it at the ball, we can do it in private. We have a ballroom right here.”

Lucille didn't mind that. She still didn't doubt that she might end up tripping over Cedar's feet, but she could probably repeat the steps alone first to avoid embarrassing herself completely. In that case, it would be fine if she just learned to waltz again slowly while her mistakes wouldn't be seen by a crowd. And in all honesty, she wanted to dance with Cedar. Doing that sounded like a fairy tale. “That would be nice.” Lucille was quiet for another moment and didn't quite know what to say for a while. She only spoke up after a few seconds of silence passed. “We need to find gifts for His Majesty first, right? My father usually does that for me. If I show up with you, do I have to bring something else as well?”

Cedar shook his head. “It's fine if every family or couple brings a present. Your father will bring something, so you should already be covered, and since I will get a present ready too, it will be fine. The only problem is finding something that will please our emperor. I have no clue what Theodore likes. He has everything he could need. But I will come up with something.” He closed his eyes after saying that and simply let his head rest on the pillow. It almost seemed like he was a bit tired.

Lucille wasn't surprised after whatever he had experienced today. So, she carefully stroked over his hair again while watching his face and whispered to him. “I know that you will. You always do. Goodnight, Cedar.”

Cedar moved slowly as he put his hand onto hers. Her breath hitched as he intertwined their fingers and brought their hands to his face to brush his lips over her knuckles.

She thought her heart would stop at that moment. Had she misunderstood that? There was no way. Lucille's heart quickly caught itself and began beating with a doubled speed to make up for the lost seconds. Her mouth was open, but she couldn't say anything and only stared at Cedar.

He didn't open his eyes and just stayed in his position while holding her hand.

Needless to say, Lucille took a few hours until she could finally fall asleep.