The Broken Prince's Love

“Cedar? Can I hug you?”

Cedar shouldn't agree to that. The fact that they kept hugging was problematic enough since it only made it harder to define their relationship. And now they were outside. Agreeing to this would be the stupidest thing he could do.

There was no way that he would do that. He wasn't that foolish.

Cedar looked at Lucille for a moment before he began cursing himself. He was an idiot. “I can't really stop you.” He lifted his arms and allowed her to carefully step closer to him. When he pulled her into his arms, his head was filled with reasons why he had to be the most stupid person to exist in this world.

But after just a second, all of them disappeared, and he just focused on the strange sensation. He normally disliked being so close to other people, but when it was Lucille, it seemed to be fine. Especially since holding her made him feel much calmer than it should have made him feel. It was almost like he had found his peace while she was hugging him. Nothing around them bothered him anymore as he only focused on her presence. It felt like a small sun was cuddling with him and holding him warm. As if she offered some of her warmth to his cold life.

She was way too trusting, wasn't she? Lucille had just come into his arms as soon as he had told her that it was fine. Was it normal for strangers to do that? Not really.

So, why didn't it bother Cedar at all? Ever since he had hugged her once, she kept asking for it, and that might not be so good. After all, he never refused, even though he definitely should do it. That just confused him even more. He wasn't sure what he felt when Lucille was around. It wasn't good for him to lose sight of what he needed to do like this.

And yet, he had no way to do anything against it.

What would his options be? Pushing her away? Cedar couldn't do that. So, he just accepted her embrace and got lost in his thoughts

Lucille's hug felt so warm that it wasn't normal. Usually, he had never been joyful upon being hugged but had always pushed the concerned person away as soon as possible. To him, embraces had been nothing but a way to physically force someone to get closer. After all, his mother had only done that to manipulate him into obeying a bit longer.

But this was much different. Cedar could stay like this for much longer while just enjoying how Lucille's little figure cuddled against him, as if she trusted him with her life.

Weren't they both foolish?

Cedar closed his eyes for a short while before he forced himself to open them again. If he stayed like this any longer, it would make him even more unwilling to let go of her warmth. He looked around and searched for an excuse to ask her to move on. But when his eyes fell on a group of servants, he froze. Great.

Those people were all staring at the couple as if they were witnessing a miracle. Now all servants had seen how he had hugged Lucille, and he knew how fast rumors in the palace spread. He should have held back. Damn it.

A small voice in the back of Cedar's mind reminded him that he could simply hug Lucille a bit longer since it didn't matter anymore, but he quickly stopped himself. This much was already far more than he should have allowed. Cedar slowly retracted his arms while ignoring how his whole body protested. It felt cold again, but he would have to bear that. “I think it would be better for us to go to the winter garden now.” Even he heard that his voice sounded a little strange.

Lucille slowly let go and backed away. She pushed aside a strand of her hair as she looked to the side. “I...see. Alright. Let's go.” Her face was flushed, and she didn't dare to make eye contact with him.

The prince could swear that his cheeks felt a bit warmer than before as well, but he refused to acknowledge that. He put on a bright smile and spoke up while forcing himself to be as confident as he would normally be. “Then we'll leave now.” He walked toward the staircase, and Lucille followed him before catching up to walk directly next to him. He did his best to ignore the piercing stares of the staff and prayed that she wouldn't notice any of that.

Thankfully, Lucille kept her gaze on the floor and didn't look up once. She seemed to be embarrassed now, even though she had been the one to propose hugging. She truly was a strange girl when it came to things like this. Every sane person would stay away from the second prince, and she searched for his comfort when she was getting emotional.

Cedar didn't understand why that was, but he was grateful if it allowed him to be in her presence. He knew that this way of thinking was wrong, but he wouldn't be able to do that. So, he might as well enjoy what was bound to happen anyway. It wasn't problematic to spend time with her, was it? He told himself that while leading her to the winter garden.

As he had remembered, the winter garden was gorgeous. The glass roof reflected the warm sun and only made the whole building glow even more, especially the small terrace in front of it. The inside of the winter garden was full of green and many different colors from all the exotic plants the emperor had ordered, which could already be seen from the outside and encouraged any passerby to enter.

Cedar opened the door and gestured to Lucille, who seemed to be dumbfounded by so much beauty. It took a while before she entered and looked around inside.

They followed a small cobblestone path to the middle of the building, where a terrace was tiled with gray stone. Multiple smaller paths led around the flowerbeds and soil that covered the rest of the floor. A table and some chairs stood in the center, from which one could see all of the wonderful plants that adorned this place.

Cedar watched how Lucille stood there in awe and sat down at the table to observe her for a bit longer. He had already seen this winter garden, so while he was impressed by it, he wasn't as overwhelmed as she was. Her reaction might have been the cutest thing he had seen in a while, so he was glad to watch it in peace.

Lucille spun around a few times before she eventually stopped and joined him at the table. “It's beautiful.” She breathed that out in awe while still scanning her surroundings.

Cedar smiled at her and forced himself to stop thinking about hugging her again. “It is. Even I have to admit that my brother is quite good at impressing women. He built this for Her Majesty even before she was his wife, and then he proudly announced that in front of everyone during his birthday. He didn't just give her a gorgeous winter garden, he also pointed out that it belonged to her. That was supposed to show that she wouldn't leave the palace any time soon. Apparently, most people got the message after that. This gift was a very thoughtful one. And as I said, it's gorgeous.”

Lucille looked like she vaguely remembered hearing how the emperor had reminded multiple people that his winter garden actually belonged to his lover, who had only been his concubine at that time. Doing that while the former empress had stood directly next to him had been rather daring. Despite that, Lucille described it in a romantic light. “Her Majesty was probably very happy about this gift. It's perfect.” It had to have taken a lot of time to prepare this too, which only proved how much Theodore cared.

The prince nodded at that. “Everything about their relationship is. Sometimes, I'm a bit worried about how close they are. You surely understand what I mean.” Theodore and Blanche acted as if they were the other's shadow and rarely appeared without one another. That was why it had always seemed odd to Cedar that they desperately did everything to prove that their love was real, as if anyone had doubted that. He remembered discussing this with Blanche numerous times. She had always been furious when he had questioned whether she truly loved his brother, which had made her easy to provoke. She had hated Cedar back then, so even two sentences had been enough to make her boil. The day before yesterday, she had seemed rather different though. Much like Theodore also seemed like a completely different person from seven years ago. Cedar pushed that thought away and quickly listened to Lucille's reply.

“I do. They cling to each other in public, so everyone would know. But I think it's cute. After all, they fell in love because His Majesty saved her. It's almost like in a fairy tale.” Lucille sounded rather happy while saying this.

Cedar almost let out a snort. Theodore's life was definitely like in a fairy tale. It probably would be perfect if it wasn't for the dowager empress and the second prince. Cedar was quiet for a moment before he spoke up. “It may be rather similar to a fairy tale. Which is weird. In my family, there seems to be a strange curse. My brother saw Her Majesty in the pavilion and fell in love with her at first sight. She loves him back, and they are happy together. My father met Althea at a ball and had her move in with him a few weeks later. She also liked him back, even though he was only focused on his work. It's almost a miracle that the two of them found their beloved partners without any issues. And then there is my mother.” He didn't intend to say any more. He hadn't wanted to complain about this anyway, but now it was too late.

Lucille already watched him with curiosity and could barely hide that she waited for him to continue.

So, Cedar gave in and resumed. “While those two really loved, my mother claims to be full of love too. I don't think she feels love though. I think it was the desire to possess her husband instead. But either way, her feelings were never returned. When Father met Althea, Mother's sanity disappeared like it was crumbling away every second he spent with that other woman. Of course, I didn't witness that since I hadn't been born then, but I heard about it from enough sources. And since I saw how she was later, when she was forced to see how Theodore grew up with Althea, I know that her so-called love wasn't anything but the desire to own others too. She didn't truly regret losing her child. She hated the fact that my brother wasn't hers and was angry at Althea for taking him away from her. And before that, she was angry because she hadn't gained the favor of the most important man in the nation. So, she isn't romantic, even though my father and brother were blessed with great relationships.”

Lucille was quiet for a bit before replying. “I see. That is...unfortunate. But this isn't a curse.” She wrung her hands as she looked at the table before resuming. “Earlier, you called falling in love because of a single meeting a curse. I don't think that this is bad though. It's wonderful. If both people are happy like that, isn't it good?”

Cedar smiled at her while memories of the past came back to him. “I didn't mean that by calling it a curse. That two people meet and become happy together is wonderful. I have to admit that I liked Althea a lot and that I was glad to see that she made my father happy. And I also believe that Theodore finding his true love is wonderful too. But there is still something that deserves to be called a curse. That is actually my mother. Because she was the one who tried to keep my father and Althea as well as Theodore and his wife apart.”

And Camille had ruined Cedar's life as well.

He didn't want to say it out loud because he was bitter about that fact too, but it was true. If she had focused on other things than her wrath, then he surely wouldn't be in the current situation. He wouldn't need to scold himself for letting someone close. But then again, Cedar probably shouldn't complain. He was still alive and well after all. Others had it worse, and he didn't deserve anything else anyway. He loved his mother still and would never regret the fact that he had been with her for so long.

Lucille looked up and was quiet for a moment. “That... I'm sorry to hear that. But that doesn't mean that you can't move on.” She was completely serious when she resumed. “I don't think that you'll be like your mother. You will be like your brother. You will live as comfortably as him too. And you will be lucky and find a loving partner as well.”

Cedar almost laughed at that. He wouldn't find someone he could confidently call his partner. He knew well that his mother had successfully raised a broken son. There was no chance for him to fall in love. If he ever got that close to someone, Camille would personally make sure that they didn't live on for long. So, he didn't have to imagine something that wouldn't happen. But he didn't admit that. “We'll see. I doubt it, but we need to wait for what the future will bring to us.” He probably wouldn't like what he would get then. The gods had never treated him well after all. But there was no way to struggle, so he would have to accept it.

Lucille looked at him for longer than she normally would before casting her gaze downwards. “I am sure that you will be happy. You're in the middle of cutting off contact with your mother, so you already made a change. His Majesty will not let her hurt you, so you can be free from now on. In just a few years, she won't matter to you anymore.”

Cedar doubted it. The conflict regarding the position of the emperor would continue. None of this would end until Camille died. But a natural death would never come to her when the thing that kept her alive was her burning hatred. She wouldn't give up so soon. “It would be nice if we were really safe here. I'm not sure whether that will be the case though.” He was quiet for a moment before resuming in an attempt to change the topic.“By the way. A group of servants saw us earlier.” He didn't want to tell her this, but he would have to do it, or Lucille would be surprised the next day. “I just wanted to give you a short warning when it comes to rumors in the palace. The servants here love gossiping, and if you say something, a hundred people know five minutes later. By tomorrow, everyone will look at you strangely. Just ignore that if possible.”

Lucille took a short moment to remember what could have been seen. Then her face was tinted red, and she looked at the table while nodding weakly. “I...understand.” She looked rather uncertain, so Cedar tried to cheer her up a bit.

“Don't worry about the rumors leaving the palace for now though. Theodore was clear about me officially not being here. We will see how long we can keep that facade up, but in any case, there shouldn't be any problems regarding your future.” At least as long as Viscount Valerian and Theodore kept their mouths shut about the relationship they believed to be here. Cedar wasn't sure whether he had calmed Lucille with this, but it was all he could say. He couldn't do anything against the rumors once they spread.

But to be honest, it wouldn't be an issue if the people here thought that he and Lucille were in a relationship. As long as the staff didn't treat her badly for that, it should be fine since this wouldn't influence the outside world. Merely the nobles finding about this could be problematic.

Cedar and Lucille had a long conversation at the table and talked about some different topics before walking through the winter garden for a while. After that, they returned to the palace, and Cedar brought Lucille to her room. He disliked seeing how she had to climb the stairs despite her wound, but she didn't seem to be in too much pain. So, he said goodbye to her and prepared to enter his room while already mentally preparing for his training.

He was stopped by a small group of servants that stood a few steps away from his door. One look at their nervous expressions proved that they were supposed to talk to him but didn't dare to do it.

Cedar would have liked to ignore them to avoid a stupid fight, but he needed to know what was going on. So, he turned to them and showed them his typical smile. “Yes? Is there something you wish to tell me?”

The people of the group exchanged uncertain glances. One of the men looked to the side to hide his face, and everyone else also seemed unwilling. In the end, the youngest maid stepped forward and lifted an envelope with shaky fingers. “A letter for you has arrived.”

Cedar stared at the red seal on the envelope and immediately felt on edge. Officially, no one knew that he was here. Which noble household would send him a letter? Was this from Viscount Valerian? If so, it would be fine, but everything else would be a problem. He quickly took the letter into his hands. “Thank you.” He scanned the seal for a moment and felt his smile widen.

The sender was Jenna Peril.

Reading her name on the backside was enough to almost make him smell the intrusive fragrance of her overwhelming perfume. That woman was without a doubt the most infuriating person in noble society if he didn't count his mother and himself.

Cedar considered giving the letter back without saying a single word, but he had to accept it. If Lady Peril contacted him, he could already imagine what was currently happening behind closed curtains. Sometimes, he really hated his mother more than anything else in the entire world. He clicked his tongue and raised his head again to stare at the man who had turned away. “Aren't you the blind servant?”

The man froze at that and finally lifted his head. “What?”

Cedar replied without looking at him while he scanned the letter. “I mean, you ran into me earlier without apologizing. I assumed that that was because of your weak eyesight. After all, no one would dare to push a member of the royal family before running away. Right?”

The servant tensed and took a little step back. He probably hadn't expected to be recognized behind all of those bedsheets and now feared punishment. How cowardly people like that suddenly were.

The prince slowly lifted his gaze and watched how the servants flinched. “Is Theodore in his office?” He received a weak nod as a response. “Good. Tell him that I need to discuss something with him. And don't ask me what this is about. It's important. Hurry up.” It seemed like he had managed to use the perfect tone again.

The servant ran off without questioning anything.

Cedar ignored the rest of the people and just opened the door to his room to go inside. He would have to read the letter before jumping to conclusions. But even the thought of opening it was revolting.

Still, he ripped the envelope open while making sure that he didn't damage the name and the seal before unfolding the letter. He just skimmed the lines and then put the letter away again. Nothing about this would have been suspicious if him being in the palace wasn't a secret. If his assumption was true, he should keep this to himself to use it to his advantage later. But he didn't care if this was the opposite of what he should do when a powerful person wrote to him. He refused to have contact with Jenna.

The prince glanced at the envelope again and fished out a second smaller piece of paper. There was nothing written on that piece except for Jenna's offer for help if he ever needed it and her signature in cursive letters. He didn't have to keep that.

Perfect.

Cedar pulled out a match from the drawer before he could think about it. Once he actually held it, he was reluctant but lit the match up anyway. He picked up the small letter with two fingers before setting it on fire. He watched as the flame danced around the white paper and slowly colored it black until the letters of Jenna's name were disappearing as well. The flame was nauseating. Cedar only let go of it to drop the paper onto an empty plate when the scorching heat had almost reached his fingers and threatened to remind him of unpleasant times. Then he watched the paper disappear while gathering the envelope and the other piece of paper.

Seemingly, he hated Lady Peril more than he had ever admitted. Otherwise, he wouldn't have felt the urge to destroy a piece of paper just because of a suggestive comment. Maybe he was so upset now because Lucille had shared his opinion in contrast to everyone else who had wondered why he wouldn't accept a woman who was interested in him.

Cedar wanted to get rid of the rest of this letter as soon as possible too, so he left the room to approach Theodore's office. While walking, he couldn't help but feel like it was cold, even though he had almost burned his hand just now.

He would be warmer if Lucille was here.