Synth

Despite what happened with GiDi earlier in the day, TO found that the rest of their time had been wonderful and relaxing. Vik had been happy to show them the game he was working on, and learning about that had given TO something to focus their mind on when their thoughts wandered to something that might upset them. They found that it was relaxing to have a problem to work through that wasn’t a life-or-death issue! Yes, the game was important to Vik and TO knew that, but if they messed up or made the wrong decision while helping Vik, then the only thing it meant was that they had to try something else. Nobody would die, and they weren’t being judged or assessed by the results of their work. It differed from playing the games as well; the moment they started playing a game or simulation, their mind slipped into the same way it had been in training. They had to do well; they had to succeed because they had to prove themself. Had they enjoyed the games they played with Flit and Tham? Yes, but there was a certain anxiety at the prospect of failure. No matter how often they would tell themself that it was fine, and that a game was just for fun, the anxiety around the possibility of failure was still strong.

That wasn’t a problem when you were making the games. In TO’s eyes, that felt like something you’d have to fail at several times.

Then, of course, there was the sudden art lesson with Lendulin. That too was an endeavour that seemed to possess no stress for TO. They didn’t know why, but they didn’t feel as sick at the thought of failing with that as they did with simulations.

Time with friends and the means to occupy their mind without stress had helped them far more than they thought possible. Even before DH had come back to their room and questioned them about GiDi, TO felt better. In fact, had it not been for Vik, Petra, Lendulin, and Constance, TO was certain they wouldn’t have been able to handle relaying what happened with GiDi. Yes, it hurt to replay it all for DH, but they got through it without breaking Afterwards, with how soft and kind DH had been and how they held TO, the pain was quickly forgotten.

DH was especially good at distracting TO like that.

It was only as they were getting ready to sleep that the anxiety and hurt crept back. Their worries slunk into the room like some awful insect when the elevator opened on its regular schedule, but nobody came out. It curled up at TO’s feet when they settled into their nest of pillows, the space which Pearla and GiDi used to occupy oddly empty.

“GiDi knows they can come down here.” DH said as they saw TO looking at the elevator, their voice cool and their ears flicked back. “Nobody is keeping them away.”

“But you know they won’t come down here while I’m-“

“And if they want to be stubborn like that, that’s their issue.” DH said firmly. “I’m not sending you away because GiDi is angry. And if you were sent away, I’d go too.”

“We tried to talk to GiDi as well.” Snout said, glancing up from whatever they were reading on their tablet, “They’re not…. Hmm..”

“Being reasonable?” Flit offered. “Open to reason? Or simply not listening?”

“… They are hurt, and at this moment they cannot see past that.” Snout finally said. “Just give them time.”

TO wondered if that’s what they should have done. They hadn’t told Flit and Snout what GiDi said to them and, in truth, they didn’t want to. They felt a little better about what they considered being their own failing after talking to DH, but they didn’t want empty assurances from people who didn’t know the whole truth about what they did back on Arkane.

“… So, should I leave?” Tham said. Despite the fact that Pearla wasn’t here, Tham had continued to sleep in the chair on the other side of the room. Somehow, he found sleeping in a pile to be oddly awkward, and even when Pearla and GiDi had told him it was ok for him to sleep in the pile, he had refused.

“Of course not.” DH said, “You’re family, you’re part of the pod-“

“Well, I’m family only because of Pearla.”

“That doesn’t matter.” DH said. “I’ve been reading those files. Once you’re family, that’s it. You’re family. How you became ‘family’ doesn’t matter.”

“And you thought they wouldn’t actually read the files.” Flit said idly from where they sat in the pile of pillows, relaxing against Snout’s side.

“Yes, yes, you were right. I was wrong.” They switched to Synth Speak and added, “And you suggested we just give them the files so you could avoid having a talk about the whole situation,” Snout said in a light, carefree tone as they scratched the back of Flit’s neck. That was something that TO had noticed while on the ship; the back of the neck scratching was something both Flit and snout, and GiDi and Pearla did. They couldn’t help but wonder how they all had that same habit. Did other Chilacians have that habit as well? If they got to Apiokia, they’d know for certain.

“How does that even work?” Tham asked, frowning as their tail twitched idly. “I mean, I’m not a synth-“

“Chilacian.” Snout said firmly.

“Right, sorry. I’m not a Chilacian. And you lot haven’t really had pods or families before, right?” They glanced at TO, “I mean, TO told me a little about how it works, but this is all new to you, right? And you didn’t have pods in your training.”

“Well, we did, to an extent.” Flit said. “Synths with altered minds don’t form the same kind of connections; it’s impossible. Unaltered ones, or rather, ones that have had that part of their minds spared, will form such bonds, and will end up seeking out others who can. That’s how DH, TO, GiDi and Avery started associating.”

“Yeah, but again, I’m not Chilacian, so-“

Snout sighed and put down their tablet. “You want the big long scientific explanation, or the short and simple one?”

“Short and simple.” Tham’s words raced over Snout’s question, answering almost before the question was properly asked.

“Right.” Snout said, “Some species can. Some can’t. It’s a simple matter of compatibility. I’m looking for a pattern for it, but I’ve not found one yet. If your species can pair bond with a Chilacian, like GiDi and Pearla have, then that species will be able to form a familial bond as well.”

“Right…” Tham said as they considered this. “… Does that mean that they’re compatible, then?”

“I should hope so,” DH muttered, “Given they’re already bonded.”

Tham’s tail lightly slapped the ground as their eyes narrowed, the reddish color on their face darkening. “I mean, could they have kids? Will I be an uncle, or-“

“No.” Snout said firmly. “You won’t be an uncle.”

“Because they’re not compatible or-“

“Oh!” TO’s ears perked up, worry replaced with knowledge, “You mean *Interspecies compatibility*” they said. “That’s when two different species can produce offspring.” They beamed as they looked to DH. “Do you want to guess the species with the highest level of Interspecies compatibility?”

“Uh.. homosapiens?” They asked.

“Close! They’re third. First is Virionids! That was a species that TO had never encountered before, but they knew that their kind had become the dominant species-mix in the second quarter of the galaxy. “Second is Perisoa; a kind of thinking plant species.”

“And I have no idea where we fall on that scale, and we may never know because all of us have had surgeries to prevent that.” Snout said as their ears pinned back, flicking down too much to be simple anger. “The essential organs are harvested for materials to make more synths. Each of us has had that surgery done well before we left the tank.”

“… Shouldn’t that mean that you can’t bond then?” Tham asked as their frown deepened.

“That’s more complex than reproduction, and the surgery would be far more invasive and risky. Also, the chemicals and hormones that affect bonding also affect healthy growth even after a synth has hit maturity. Such a surgery was considered non-essential, and the ability to form bonds was cut off from the mind.” They huffed and grabbed their tablet again. “So, no. None of us can have offspring. Not naturally.”

“Though…” Flit frowned as they glanced at TO, “I imagine your batch should be prepping soon.”

TO sat up, “What?” They asked, “What do you mean, our batch?”

“Just like how you’re Flit’s offspring, and DH is mine.” Snout said, “The genetic material harvested from the two of you may be put into production soon.”

It took TO an extra few moments to understand what Flit meant. Of course, material had been harvested from them, that had been part of the process of their in-tank development. They knew that, and they knew that they couldn’t reproduce and thought no more of it; it didn’t bother them. Still, the thought that their genetic material might be used to create offspring without any input from them bothered them more than they expected.

“Will they be like the lot of you?” Tham asked. “Or more like Kei.”

TO bristled at the thought that any creature even remotely related to them could be like Kei, and they were about to express just that, but Snout spoke first.

“They’ll be more like Kei.” Snout said as their ears dipped slightly. “With Flit and I, it was pure luck that our minds weren’t corrected. A solar storm hit the training center when we were in development, and that caused some malfunctions. Most of them were caught and repaired, but ours weren’t.”

“And we’re the ones who disconnected the system for specific individuals in this batch.” Flit added. “So, unless there’s another synth there who knows the secrets that Flit nearly died to uncover, hasn’t been discovered yet, and has gotten far up into the system there with the right combination of knowledge to disable the systems without getting caught and without damaging the synth…” they shrugged, “Then yes, the next batch will be considered ‘normal’ synths. Fully corrected.”

It wasn’t important. There were synths every few cycles being detanked, who were all more or less normal by synth standards. There were synths in training right now that could still be their siblings, and there was nothing that TO could do about that. They didn’t think about it that much; it wasn’t something they could change. Even if they could change things, what would that accomplish? Most of them would be corrected or repurposed in training and even if they survived, what waited for them after that? TO knew, or at least they had a hint of what would await such a synth: a lifetime of longing and loneliness, or wanting something so badly and feeling so terrible for wanting it. That was the life that waited for them unless they were lucky enough to find others, like TO and DH were, and unless they were lucky enough to have people free them from King Decon’s grip. No, unless they could be there to help and guide them like Flit had been when they were in training, TO knew that it was a terrible idea to do that to a synth.

So why did it bother them to think that their own offspring might be corrected like that? Blood relationships didn’t even matter to Chilacians, not really.

“At any rate.” Flit said, “The point stands. Your specific species of Nagarajin are compatible with Chilacian, so you’re able to join a pod like you have, and you’re able to bond with a Chilacian, like Pearla has.” They finally looked away from Tham and went back to their own tablet where they were playing some kind of strategy game by themself. “So, if TO and DH consider you family, I’m fine with it. In fact, I’d rather you stay here if that’s the case. It’s… Odd without GiDi and Avery here.

“If you’re sure.” Tham said as they began their nightly ritual of trying to get comfortable in the chair before the computers. “… and for what it’s worth, I know Pearla is trying to convince GiDi to come back down here. She’s just not pushing them.”

That surprised TO, who considered that information long after the conversation tapered off, and everyone else fell asleep. They had thought for certain that Pearla would have been firmly on GiDi’s side in this, given how she had berated TO the other day. They pulled up the conversation they had that day, but this time, they focused on how she had ended their little chat.

*Still pissed at you for hurting GiDi, and I’ll stay pissed until you talk to them! But GiDi shouldn’t have said what they did. You’re both idiots, as far as I’m concerned.*

Maybe she wasn’t angry at TO anymore. Maybe it would be ok. Though, as they fell asleep, they considered just how angry GiDi had to be if not even Pearla could convince them to come back downstairs.