Synth

At first, TO insisted that they were fine, and that whatever went on between them and GiDi was something that they could and should deal with on their own. Unfortunately, DH was able to see that lie on TO’s ears clearly, and wouldn’t let it rest. When they went so far as to suggest that they’d check the security feed, TO finally told them exactly what had happened. They went from the point where they rushed out of the room to catch up to GiDi, all the way to the moment where GiDi went into the elevator and left TO alone, reeling from their words.

“And… I’m sorry.” DH said as they gave an odd, frightening chuckle, their ears pinning back as they paced before TO, “I’m certain I misheard you. Can you repeat to me what GiDi said to you?”

TO’s ears dipped down, flushing with shame. “It... you heard me the first time, I’m sure-“

“TO.” DH said, their voice far firmer than TO had ever heard it before. “Tell me.”

TO felt like they were in training again, like their overseer was demanding to hear them explain some of their own unacceptable behaviour, which had been reported by another overseer.

“They said…” They sighed and closed their eyes as they drew the words up in their head. They didn’t want to, but a part of them felt like they had to. It was as though remembering exactly what GiDi said was some kind of well-deserved punishment for them. “They didn’t need me. They don’t need my praise, my validation… And they don’t need me.”

DH gave another chuckle, their wings puffing up slightly, their arms crossed before them and their ears pinned back. TO worried for a moment that DH was angry with them for having messed things up so much, but the next words out of DH’s mouth quickly changed that misconception.

“I’m going to kill them.” They said, pacing once more across the room before they headed towards the elevator, “I’m going to-“

“DH!” TO leaned forward and grabbed the bottom of DH’s pants to stop them. When TO looked up, though, they quickly let go. DH had been angry before, of course, but never like this. This wasn’t an anger like a spark setting off combustion in an engine, or like a vast and sudden wind hitting them as they flew. This was quiet and focused, a star as it collapsed seconds before expanding out into a brilliant and destructive supernova; dark, silent, and full of destructive potential. It was a rage that TO could feel deep in their bones. Vaguely, they recalled the rage they had seen in GiDi the day they spoke to them from the indebted centre. That had been scary enough over the communicator, and they wondered if it had been more like this in real life.

When DH looked down, their eyes meeting with TO’s, the anger suddenly melted. They sighed and knelt down, helping TO back into position against the pillows and blankets.

“Obvious I’m not actually going to kill them.” They grumbled. “Probably I’d yell at them-“

“You looked like you might hurt someone.” They said, their ears twitching down, their wings pressing against their arms. Their stomach suddenly churned as they looked away. “B-but I know you’d never actually do that.” They said. Of course DH wouldn’t. DH wasn’t like that. TO was the one who would drive their claws into someone, who would shout over a man bleeding out on the floor.

DH sighed again and sat down next to TO, twining their fingers together as they lay back, focused for several long moments on steadying their breathing. “Why is GiDi acting like this?” They finally said. “I mean, ok, I understand in the moment, after nearly dying, being a little on edge. I can understand people - you and them- maybe saying things you wouldn’t have said otherwise in that kind of situation. But it’s been days. You apologized. I just…” they huffed and looked away, their ears pinning back. “For what they said to you, I can’t just shrug it off as the effects of a burst of adrenaline!”

“… It’s not about just the other day.” TO said quietly. “They’re upset that I’ve never really praised them or supported them.”

DH scoffed, “You’ve supported them this whole time.” They said. “You tried to keep them safe back in training-“

“Which I failed at doing.”

“And the moment you got here, the moment you found out what was going on, you just started helping. Isn’t that supporting them?”

“… I never said they were doing good.” TO said. “And Pearla says that it upset GiDi.”

“What, that you never specifically looked at them and said good job?” DH said as their ears flattened out. “You’re not GiDi’s overseer.”

“Apparently, they thought they’d never be as good as me.” TO said softly. “Which is stupid. They’re so much better than I am. I mean-“ they gave a breathy puff of humourless laughter, “I was good in training. When It came to being a tool, I was very good. I’m not good at anything else-“

“Don’t you dare say that.” DH said, now turning their gaze back to TO, “You’re brilliant.”

“If I was brilliant, I’d have realized that Avery would go see Kei. I’d have stopped Kei before Mark got there. If I was brilliant, I’d have figured out a way to get away from Kei when their ship approached ours and none of this would be happening now!’ They looked at DH, their ears pinning back in rage directed only on themself, “If I was truly brilliant, our pod wouldn’t be falling apart, GiDi wouldn’t be upset, and I’d still have my knee!”

DH was silent for several moments, simply staring at TO as they let the words roll around in their head. “TO.” They asked, their voice so much calmer than before. “Why do you think our pod is falling apart?”

“Because I-“

“No, no, I mean, why are you saying it’s falling apart?” They asked. “What brought you to that conclusion?”

“… Avery is unconscious because of me-“

“Because of Kei.”

“And GiDi refuses to stay with us at night.”

“That’s GiDi’s choice.” DH said, their ears pinning back once more. “I don’t doubt that they’re upset, like you said. And I get that. It was a rough moment, and everything happened all at once! I also I get you being scared! You’re normally the one who handles that kind of thing, and not having that control-“

“I said it’s not just about the other day-“

“And I heard you.” DH said. “And I also know that you *do* care about GiDi. You care about me, GiDi, Flit, Snout-“ They sighed as they leaned against the wall, “You don’t say how you feel often. I think the only times you did with me was when you absolutely had to. When you told me…” They glanced aside, their own ears now deepening, “When you finally told me how you felt about me after all those silly attempts to flirt.”

TO’s ears burned vividly as DH brought that up. “I was just trying to-“

“I know.” DH said as a grin crossed their face. “And the only reason you told me exactly how you felt was because you had…” They cleared their throat, their ears flushing, “You had clear, visual evidence of how I actually felt about you.”

That was true: TO could still remember how DH’s ears looked when they fell, with TO still wet from the shower and naked as DH practically pinned them down. As they remembered it, their own ears flicked, giving a sign of their own interest. They looked aside, eyes closed tightly as they tried to focus on anything else, to pull their mind away from those kinds of thoughts. Those feelings had been dulled as of late thanks to the pain and the drugs, but they came up now and then, and TO had to fight to keep them away. They didn’t have space in the shower to take care of any needs that might come up, and they knew that after a certain point—if they ‘popped’ for lack of a better word—they’d have no other recourse except to find a way to ’handle’ the situation.

Given how crowded the ship was, and their injuries, that would be rather awkward and painful.

DH gave an awkward chuckle and glanced aside, “Right. Well..” They said, clearly trying to calm their own mind, “You didn’t say anything until you knew for certain, and even then, you really only *say* how you feel when you have to. When you know it’s something I need to hear-“

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize-“

“Shush.” DH said, “Did I say it bothers me? No. I mean, maybe if I didn’t know you as well as I do, it would. But I know you better than anyone, and I know how you show that you care.” They squeezed TO’s hand. “It’s the soft touches when nobody looks, the way you worry about people, the way you just try to fix everything for people you care about.” They tightened their fingers around TO’s. “That’s not necessarily the best thing to do, of course. You can’t fix everything! But that’s how you are. That’s what I see.” They shrugged, “Pearla says how she feels more, and at this point I think GiDi has spent more time with her than they have us, so of course that’s how they’re used to things being. Of course, Pearla wouldn’t understand how you show you care, because it’s not how she shows she cares. It’s not how GiDi is used to being cared about.”

“But it wouldn’t hurt me to say how I felt more…” TO said, “I mean, it’s only words. I could-“

”And If I said I don’t trust words?” DH said, “I mean… Ok, I trust them, with us it’s hard not to, but if I said that your actions told me that you cared about me more than your words did?” They chuckled, “I uh… didn’t say this, because I didn’t want to encourage you… but once I realized that your weirdness back then was from attempts to flirt with me…” they trailed off, their flushed ears twitching gently.

“…You enjoyed it?”

“Once I knew what it was!” DH protested, “I mean, I didn’t have any more experience in this than you, and I had given up on you feeling the same as me before we left training! but once I looked back on it all…” they shrugged, “I don’t know… just knowing that you did all that for me. That you researched ways to let me know you had romantic feelings, that you were doing all these silly things just to signal to me how you felt? Yes… Yes, I liked it.” They shrugged as they looked away. “And if GiDi recognized how much you did, how much you worried, then they wouldn’t need you to tell them.”

“… I still had to tell you in order for you to understand,” TO said. “So…”

DH sighed, “Maybe.” They said, “But, all that aside, I don’t think our pod is falling apart... GiDi’s angry, and Avery is unconscious… but Avery should wake soon, and you and GiDi will be fine, eventually.” DH wrapped an arm around TO, “It’s hard now, that’s all.” They leaned against TO, “And honestly, I thought that once we got on the ship, things would be easier. But they’re not. Even outside of what’s going on among our pod, the illness upstairs is spreading, and people are getting more and more restless. A fight nearly broke out yesterday, and I’m just worried that an actual fight might still happen.” They glanced up at TO, “How long until we make it to ScrapRock?” they asked, their eyes big and pleading as though TO could dictate how long it would take. Despite themself and all their worries, a smile crept over TO’s lips.

“Well, let’s see,” TO said, realizing that they’ve not recalculated their path since GiDi confirmed where they were going. In fact, TO realized then that they hadn’t even checked GiDi’s response about their destination. They pulled up their messages and went through the ones GiDi had sent to them. Amid the lengthy messages and pleasantries, the last message stood out as a single, indifferent response.

= Confirmed: Destination remains ScrapRock. =

They did their best to ignore the curt response to their question, to not think about the tone in which it might have been intended, and how there has been no further communication between the two of them since. They flicked to their maps and did the calculations from their current point to the time they should arrive at Scrap Rock. Their acceleration, while it took them in the opposite direction they wanted to go in, also served to speed them up while they caught up.

“Five more days.” They said once their calculations were complete. “Five days, and we should arrive at ScrapRock.”

DH leaned against TO, draping an arm and a wing over their shoulder as they groaned. “I can’t wait.” They said. “I can’t wait to get you a new knee and see you well again.” They pressed their snout into the crux of TO’s neck, avoiding their ears for the obvious reasons. “I can’t wait to have privacy again...”

TO closed their eyes and rested their head against DH’s, enjoying the quiet moment and the closeness. For now, they could just enjoy their mate’s company.