Synth

So much to do in the aftermath of their detour and, for once, TO could be helpful. While the others checked for potential damage to the ship and tended to the refugees, TO looked over star charts alongside listings of their fuel reserves, rations, and dietary needs for different species on their ship. Thankfully, TO and DH still have plenty of the tasteless, spongy cubes to eat, but they were so specific to their own dietary needs that they wouldn’t help the civilians much. Still, they made note of those civilians who would be able to eat it. At the very least, it might help make some stomachs feel full even if they didn’t taste good.

Their remaining fuel reserves gave them a general area they could travel, and within that they calculated the distance they could go in the time their supplies would last them on the strictest of rations. Within that shortened area, they still had options, but none of them were good.

The closest option was a civilian repair port. There, they’d have access to supplies that might be needed to repair any damage to their ship. They could refuel and even get more supplies. This would have been the best idea. This was a sanctioned repair port which meant it would have security, and wouldn’t be willing to help insurgents to King Decon’s reign. In fact, they’d have to contact the port with their identification codes, and that would likely identify them as the rogue Synth ship. Even if it didn’t, even if they masked the codes, their escape from Arkane had been publicized. The simple act of defiance had allowed them to escape, but it put a target on them. A synth ship unloading so many civilians would immediately draw suspicion.

There were a few civilian ports: small ones. The security there would be minimal, but who was to say that they’d be friendly to them? It would be a gamble-

You gambled there, and you lost, and now Mark is dead!

And the thought of making that gamble with the lives of all the civilians left on the ship made TO’s stomach churn. Still, they marked them off and sent the locations to Tham, asking if he knew of any which were friendly to the insurgency. Of course, even if one of them was known to be friendly to the insurgency, it was then a question of if the port would even have the supplies that they needed. They needed to refuel; they needed more food, and they needed a way to get the civilians out and into the galaxy with new identification codes.

The only place they could be certain of was Scraprock: a friendly, or at least a neutral, location with all the supplies they needed. The only issue with Scraprock was that Kei knew they were going there. If they went to Scraprock, how long would they have until Kei caught up again? How fast could they risk going before they ran out of fuel? How long would it take Kei to repair their own ship? What if Kei’s ship needed to go to a port first for proper repairs?

There were too many variables. The best estimate they could give themself was two days. If they kept their course for Scraprock, they’d have at least two days before Kei caught up to them.

TO leaned forward, groaning as they rested their head in their hands, clutching their scalp with a comforting grip. Everything was a gamble! Any choice they could make had the potential to end in the deaths of everyone on the ship! They had to make a choice, or at least make a suggestion for what they thought was the best option. They shook their head, and did their best to lay out all the facts as simple, objective truths.

Truth: They risked capture at any port they went to. Truth: they had limited supplies in terms of food and fuel, and running out meant death. Truth: Scraprock was the only location where they could be assured of finding the supplies they needed.

Laid out like that, it was all so simple, and the conclusion was clear. Still, as TO’s wings wrapped around their arms and their hands moved to rub their face just over the bridge of their nose, they still felt utterly frozen on making a decision. A part of them was certain they had made a mistake somewhere, or miscalculated some non-mathematical property to all this.

“... Are you ok?”

The words pulled TO from their thoughts they jolted and turned with a sharp in of breath, pulling their head from the comforting grip of their hands as they set their wide eyes on DH. Before everyone split up to get their tasks done, TO had requested that DH put up the blanket as a curtain to their little sleeping area so that TO could continue their calculations without interruption. They had been alone since then, with the blanket offering a comfortable force-field against the comings and goings of everyone else on the ship. That they hadn’t noticed DH slip in around the curtain surprised them. Now DH stood against the wall, their hands at their side as they watched TO, waiting for their answer.

“I’m...” they wanted to say they were fine, but that was an utter lie. They were anything but fine. They finally looked away, giving a heavy sigh as they slouched forward, scowling at the data they had been pouring over as though the numbers themselves were the cause of their turmoil. A hand went back up to their head, gently rubbing the bridge of their snout. “This is impossible.” They grumbled. “There’s no real choice here. “

DH pursed their lips, leaning against the wall for a moment longer before they stepped forward and sat down next to TO. “The numbers don’t work?” They asked as they glanced over the maps and charts that TO had on display."

“Of course the numbers work.” TO sighed as they brought their other hand to their face and rubbed against their closed eyes with their palms. “They’re numbers, they’ll work. Just the solution they give me isn’t something I can work with!”

“What solutions do the numbers give?”

TO sighed again and brought up a new file for DH to look at. This one had all the information they had collected about the potential locations they had access to, as well as the risks and benefits of each one.

“None of these are safe.” TO said after letting DH look over their notes for a while. Their fingers slipped up to their forehead and curled into a strong grip on their scalp. “Every single option here could leave everyone dead.”

“....and which option is most likely to leave us the least dead?”

TO only just managed to stifle a joyless chuckle at that as they shook their head. “I don’t know.”

“... But which do you think-“

“I don’t know!” TO said, finally slapping their hands down against their thighs, wincing in pain as the strike came too close to their injured knee. “I don’t know.” They pulled up the charts and maps again, and began looking over it all again, as though there might be something they missed. “I need to figure this out from the other side. I thought I had a decent idea of how everything worked. At first I figured that maybe they’d avoid searching for us at locations least friendly to King Decon, but one which can guarantee a refuel and some food. But any of those are targets.” They leaned forward once more, their hands spread against their temples as they held up TO’s head. “And I don’t know which is safest.”

“I know you don’t know.” DH said as they set a hand on TO’s shoulder. For some reason, TO couldn’t help but flinch as they did, their shoulders stiffening, their wings tightening behind them. Still, they were glad that DH didn’t pull their hand away. “But.. which do you think is safest?”

“...I don’t know.”

DH offered some comforting pressure on TO’s shoulder, but said nothing for a while. TO expected them to say something, to tell them what had been going through their own mind for the last while! They had to make a decision; they had to pick and course and go for it because every second they wasted meant the loss of another option! Even if they were to go along with their training, their course was clear! indecisiveness would be death! They’d have to make the best decision they could, and go with it.

“Maybe we need to talk to GiDi...” DH said after another moment of silence. TO froze at first, remembering GiDi’s harsh words to them, the harsh truth finally thrown in their face... but then they realized that was the best option.

“You’re right.” They said, sitting up suddenly.

“I am?” DH said, “I didn’t think you’re agree-“

“I can just send GiDi my notes.” TO said as they gathered up everything they had along with their final notes on each planet and sent it all in one single file to GiDi. “They can make the decision.” Once everything was sent, they closed all the windows and gave a deep sigh of relief. “Yes... they can choose. They probably know better than I do in this, anyway.”

DH leaned against TO, their lips pursing as they spread a wing and gently wrapped it around TO’s shoulders. The faint weight and heat from DH’s wing was much like a blanket to TO, and they relaxed into DH’s side.

“... You know.” DH said, “I didn’t mean you should send GiDi your files.”

“I don’t think I need to talk to them.” TO said as they glanced away, “My notes are concise and clear.”

“I didn’t mean that you should talk to GiDi about where we should go.” DH said as they wrapped their arm around TO’s and pulled them closer, “It’s not a bad idea to get other input on this, but it wasn’t what I meant.”

TO’s stomach lunged again. “I... I know.” They said. “...I need to apologize to them.”

“... Well, yes.” DH said, “But they should apologize to you too!” They looked to TO, “I mean, you shouted at them. Ok. You shouldn’t have done that, but you were scared, and you thought you were going to die. We all thought we were going to die! I doubt that GiDi would stay angry at you for that, given the circumstances.” they looked away, their eyes fixing on a seemingly random spot on the floor, “But.. what GiDi said to you-“

“What GiDi said to me was the truth.” TO said as they closed their eyes and leaned against DO, “Mark is dead because of me.”

“Mark is dead because of Kei.” DH said, “Kei is in the one who shot them.”

“If I hadn’t brought Mark to the storage room in the first place-“

“You didn’t have many choices there, did you?”

TO shook their head. “It’s... not just that.” They said, “Maybe I could have saved him afterwards. Maybe I could have... I don’t know.” they sighed as they let their hand slide down DH’s arm and over their hand so they could lace their fingers together. “Maybe I could have done something... stopped the bleeding or-“

“You were unconscious.” DH said, “There wasn’t much of anything you could have done.”

TO’s grip on DH’s hand tightened as they remembered that awful right, and the moments that led to Mark’s death. “You don’t understand,” they said as they hid their face in DH’s arm.

“... I don’t, no.” DH said, “But... I know something is bothering you. You’ve not been yourself since we left the planet and I hoped it was just because you were in pain, because of the drugs, or because of Avery.” TO felt DH’s other hand reach up behind their neck and scratch at the place where their neck met their skull. “If there’s something else bothering you...”

“it doesn’t matter.”

“But if there is.” DH said, “You should tell me. Maybe I can help, or at least make you feel better!” they squeezed TO’s fingers gently, “Remember... I’d never hate you. You know that, right?”

They did. They were still worried about it from time to time, and they did worry that if DH were to learn how they had treated Mark in his final moments that DH would never look at them the same again.

Still, DH could never hate them. They had to keep that in mind. They had been through too much at this point, and while a part of their mind might fear that result, they had to hold that belief in DH as strongly as they held their belief in gravity- it was an objective, indisputable fact.

“Let me sit here another minute.” They said as they squeezed DH’s hand back, “Then I’ll tell you.”