Synth

After crying for a long time in TO’s lap, Constance succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep. DH stayed near them for a while longer before TO assured them it was fine and that they could go back to their work. Of course, TO knew that if they really needed DH here that their mate would drop what they were doing just to sit in silence next to TO. However, they could tell just from the way DH’s ears twitched and flicked that they wanted nothing more than to get back into their programming work. After a few more reassurances that they were fine, DH went back to their workstation and dove into programming once more.

With DH engrossed in their work with Vik and Constance asleep on their lap, TO wasn’t sure what they could do. They didn’t want to put their show back on in fear that they’d wake Constance up, so now they had nothing to watch. Listening to DH and Vik talk about programming was soothing at first: seeing DH so excited about something, seeing them light up, would never fail to make TO happy. Still, DH and Vik were dealing with complex programming, and TO was quickly lost in the information.

After a while, their eyes landed on the now abandoned children’s tablet that Constance brought with her. They picked it up and began poking around the settings and saw that it was as Flit and Snout had said: These tablets were highly limited in their capabilities and most access to the galactic network was filtered to the point where, for TO, it was almost unusable. They could have bypassed all that, of course, but since Constance was going to have it back soon, they didn’t want to fiddle with any of the safety settings.

They could still make use of the tablet to occupy their mind, for a while at least. They activated the drawing program that Constance showed them and began drawing once more. First a fish, just like Constance had told them, then they attempted their own ship, but it wasn’t quite right. It didn’t look like it did in their mind. Closing their eyes, it was easy for TO to pull up an image of the massive ship, but somehow creating it with basic shapes wasn’t working as they hoped.

They were still fiddling with the program, trying to fit together shapes in the right way to represent their ship, when Pearla came along. TO was so engrossed in their work that they didn’t even notice her at first. The constant opening and closing of the elevator and the stream of people going to the showers were background noise now, so hearing her enter their sleeping area and pushing aside the curtain didn’t alert TO. It wasn’t until she cleared her throat that TO looked up, momentarily dazed from being pulled from what they were doing.

“Pearla?”

“I came down to ask if you’d seen her.” Pearla whispered with a nod at Constance. “I was looking for her all over upstairs. She hides sometimes and often falls asleep in the oddest places.”

TO’s ears fell as they put the pieces together in their mind. Seeing Constance fall asleep so quickly after crying so hard led them to believe that in the weapons bay–or perhaps they should call that the new dormitories?–Constance was hiding and crying herself to sleep all alone. Memories of the time when DH was trying to put distance between them and TO was sleeping alone and crying themself to sleep slipped into their mind and even now filled them with a terrible lonely dread. It was an awful feeling, and it made them feel much better to know that this time at least poor Constance hadn’t been alone.

“What is it?” Pearla asked, her normally soft voice even softer than normal. “What’s wrong?”

TO sat in a moment of confusion before they recalled that Pearla could more or less read their ear movements thanks to her closeness with GiDi. “It’s… it’s just that she fell asleep here after crying a lot.”

Pearla nodded as she stepped forward, sitting down on the bed. “Yeah…” she said, “I was worried that’s what she was doing.” She sighed and brushed the fin from Constance’s face so she could see her more easily. “I’m just glad she was with someone this time, not alone.”

“Yes, that is preferable…” TO said, surprised that her words mirrored their own thoughts so perfectly.

“What was she doing down here, anyway?” Pearla asked. She glanced behind at DH and Vik, both who had long ago set their headphones to a specific frequency so they’d hear nothing but one another. Apparently, the constant movement of people in and out of the small living area had been too great a distraction for them both. “DH said they didn’t want her to come down here until you were awake and aware-“

“I think they forgot about that.” TO said, smiling softly. “But they’re just being protective. DH is like this when someone is hurt, you know?” They turned back to their tablet. “They take their medical practice very carefully.”

“Think they might want to be a doctor or something?” She asked, “I’m sure Goretta would like a more long-term partner in crime, so to speak.”

TO glanced over at DH, watching the way their mate’s ears flicked and twitched happily as they and Vik talked over complex programming problems and puzzled through difficult to understand scripts. It seemed that once they had gotten into the thing they both loved, the former wall between the two had dropped. “I don’t know.” They said, “I think they like knowing and learning about medical stuff so that they can help others, but I don’t think it’s something they’d want to do long term.” They nodded to DH, “Programming, on the other hand… I’ve seen them throw themself into that for hours on end. Sometimes I wonder if they even breath when they work!”

“Well, that’s good.” Pearla said, smiling, “I mean, there’s no harm in knowing some medical stuff, and it’s good to see them excited about something.” She chuckled, “I say that as though I actually know them.” She looked over to TO. “What about you though?”

“Oh, I’d be no good in any medical field.” TO said, suppressing a shudder, “And even if I had a similar interest in programming as DH does-“

“Oh, no.” She said, “Not what I meant. I meant, what about you? Any ideas what you might wanna do once things settle down?”

The idea of things settling down hadn’t crossed their mind in the least. “Well, I suppose that depends on what Apoikia is like!” they said. “I don’t really have enough information to think about what I might do before then.”

“Right... But is there anything you enjoy doing?” Pearla asked.

There was, and it was something they felt robbed of since leaving the training center, something which came to them only in tiny crumbs of joy amid the chaos. “Flying,” they said. “Back in training, we had an enormous room to practice in, and it was my favorite thing to do.” They sighed as they leaned forward, remembering how the air rushed over them as they soared in the dim fight room. “But I haven’t been able to fly a lot on Arkane, and never without my armor on.” They frowned. “Well, never without my helmet. The coverings on the wings are optional depending on the situation, and I prefer to fly without the wings covered.”

“GiDi would sometimes want to stretch their wings too from time to time.” She said, “Now and then, they’d get an itch to fly. They said it made them feel better.” She shook her head. “Before I knew they were a synth, all they’d say is that it reminded them of home, where their ‘older sibling’ would take them flying all the time.” She grinned at TO. “I suppose that ‘older sibling’ was you, and that it was less ‘home’ they missed and more their ‘family.’”

TO’s heart seemed to hum harder than before, growing in their chest even as their ears flicked back and they felt the tears prick at the corner of their eyes. They looked away before Pearla could notice that, acting as though they were suddenly interested once more in the mess of shapes on the tablet. They had never really consciously worried that GiDi had forgotten about them once they left and found Pearla. Their fears that their new family might replace their own were entirely separate from any underlying fear of being unimportant to the smaller synth, and forgotten. Still, hearing that GiDi had spoken of them back before Pearla even knew they were a synth and hearing how they’d want to go fly to ‘feel better’ even though they never had a strong affinity for flying back in training made them realize that it was indeed a worry that lay hidden inside them, and one which was needless and false.

“TO?”

“I... Imagine that there will be plenty of place to fly on Apoikia.” TO said in an effort to move the conversation forward. “Maybe even on ScrapRock?”

“I don’t know.” She said, “I’ve never been there myself.”

Their knee didn’t hurt, not really, but they could feel an odd sensation in it, one which had come and gone frequently enough in the last few days for them to recognize it. The sensation was a loud, constant vibration as the hum of their heart seemed to sound in the injured limb. They imagined that the space where the shattered parts of their knee which DH removed contained some kind of motor that revved up ahead of the pain. Well, they assumed that anyway. In a few minutes, they were certain an alarm would go off somewhere and DH would get them the medication.

“Well... Even if there is, I have to get this dealt with first,” they said as they reached out and gently rubbed the area above their knee. “I can’t fly if I can’t stand.”

“Do you need something? Is it hurting?” she looked around, “I can get DH-“

“They’ve got alarms. They’ll know when to give me the medication.” TO said. “For now...It’s hard to think about what I might do after this is all ‘settled down’, as you put it.” They rubbed their leg for a moment longer before pulling their hand away. “I don’t know what shape I’ll be in by the time I get there, and I don’t know what Apoikia might be like.”

“But... you’re determined to go there?” She asked.

“I am.” TO said, “Avery... I’m worried about them, and I’m hoping that if we get there, the Chilacians there can help them.” They looked over to DH, smiling as their mate typed away furiously, their ears dipping and flushing, “Besides... it’s a safe place, isn’t it? DH and I could stay there. We wouldn’t have to worry about what’s next, or about who might find us and separate us. We can just relax and be together.”

“And... what about GiDi?”

TO looked up at her, “I’m... Hoping that GiDi will stay with us.” They said, “And yourself, of course!” They added as soon as they saw a flicker of panic in Pearla’s eyes, “I’d never ask GiDi to leave their mate behind!”

“R-right. well.” She cleared her throat as her face flushed. “I don’t know about that. I mean... We could be safe there maybe, but we could also do some good and help other people. We could go back to Arkane and help people there!”

“...Would you be safe there, though?” TO asked as they leaned forward. “You and GiDi?”

That made her falter for a moment, and that was all that TO needed to understand. They both wanted to fight against Decon, yes, but they also wanted to keep each other safe, didn’t they? Fighting a Galactic King wasn’t really ‘safe.’

“At the very least, you could stay there for a while.” TO said, “We have a ship, we could bring you two back later on, but if you stayed on Apoikia for a while, you’d have a little time to rest and just...”

“Just be together for a bit,” she whispered.

“Exactly.”

She fell silent, her eyes going to her clasped hands. “Well... GiDi wants to go to Apoikia now anyway, just to see it, and make sure that you two are alright there. And I know they don’t want to leave you behind there, so... “ She glanced up again, “Maybe staying there for a little might make things easier?”

TO nodded and tried not to smile too widely. They’d have their chance to convince GiDi when they got to Apoikia and once GiDi had been able to spend some time with Pearla in a more peaceful environment. If they could convince them both, then maybe things would be ok. “Of course, Tham could stay too.” TO said. They knew that Pearla wouldn’t want to leave her brother behind. “If he wants to stay-“

“On that note...” she said, suddenly frowning, “I have a favor to ask of you.” she glanced over at DH, “If DH says it’s ok, of course. I wanted to ask you about this earlier, but DH said you weren’t really able to talk.”

TO looked over Pearla, saw the way her tail was twisting slowly on the ground, how her eyes seemed to flick about, and how despite clasping her hands she was still fidgeting by clenching her fingers and relaxing t hem over and over. Was she anxious, angry, or just uncomfortable?

“Alright.” TO said, “What do you need? Once DH says I can get out of bed for longer than a half hour at a time, I can help! I want to help!” With a low chuckle, they tapped on the child’s tablet. “drawing on this tablet is fun, sure, but I doubt it’ll occupy me for much longer, and I’m desperate already to do something!”

Pearla nodded, took a breath, and looked up.

“Do you think you could try to be friends with my brother?”