Synth

DH was crying.

DH was alone, hiding with their wings wrapped around themself, and crying. When they looked up at TO there was a moment –only a fleeting moment–when their ears perked up and their now stifled whimpering softened. However, after that second passed their ears dropped down again and they looked away.

“Go away.” they muttered.

TO walked over towards them, ignoring their command.

You have to talk to them.

“I said GO AWAY!” DH snapped as their ears pinned back. Their ears didn’t pin back in anger though, it was in fear.

Fear. Of course; TO hadn’t had the opportunity to tell them that they had known it was only a simulation, and that they wouldn’t have acted as they did otherwise.

“DH.” TO whispered as they knelt down in front of DH, “Back then...During the exam-”

“It doesn’t matter, I-”

“Listen to me!” TO said as they took DH by the shoulders. Despite the tears still falling from their ears, DH’s ears relaxed and quirked up ever so slightly at the contact. They caught TO’s eyes quickly, but looked away.

That was fine; DH would still hear them even if they refused to look at them.

“I knew it was a simulation.” TO said, trying to keep their voice calm and soothing, “I knew it was a simulation, and I shot you so quickly because I didn’t think you knew. I was so worried that you wouldn’t have figured it out-” they were starting to speak too fast, and they couldn’t stop it, “and you wouldn't have shot me and then the same thing that happened to GiDi would have happened to you!” They froze as they said that, feeling the pain of the loss of their friend all over again.

“... I’m sorry I couldn’t help them.” TO said, their voice cracking, “I… I tried. I couldn’t tell them it was a simulation. I didn’t have my multigun at that point, so I couldn’t shoot them...not like I did you.”

“...I knew it was a simulation.” DH said. They shrugged TO’s hands off their shoulders and scooted away, but their back came up against the wall behind them, “I knew. Well, I knew once we were out of the simulation, and I figured you knew.” They looked away, their eyes focused on the platform, “You’re smart. I knew you must have figured it out if you attacked me like that.”

“Then why.” TO demanded. In the middle of everything, in the middle of all the sorrow and the guilt, they felt angry once more. If DH knew, then why didn’t they speak to them?

“I just… It’s better.” They said, looking away, “It’s better.”

“Is it because… I mean.” They looked away, their ears flicking down in shame. There was only one other reason that DH would hate them so much. “It’s because it’s my fault that GiDI’s gone, right?”

“It’s not your fault!” DH said quickly, their voice cracking, “It’s not your fault! You didn’t do anything wrong!” They looked right at TO now, their ears back, their gaze fierce, “If anything, they only lasted here as long as they did because of you! I’m only here because of you! It’s not your fault it’s-...” They cut themself off, and suddenly realized how close they had gotten to TO, how much they had leaned forward, and how close their hand was to TO’s leg as it rested on the floor. They pulled back, “It doesn’t matter.” they said.

“Wait…” TO said, straining their mind to think back to the day previously, “You... You said that the reason you didn't want to be around me was because of what happened in the simulation.” They frowned, “But it’s not because I shot you, and it’s not because of GiDi.”

DH didn’t respond. They kept their gaze away from TO as their hands clenched into fists and their wings tightened around them.

“Why?”

DH didn’t answer.

You have to talk to them.

TO reached out, and took DH’s chin in their hand. They turned DH’s head towards them so that they had no other choice but to face them.

“Why? You said it’s for the best. You might think it’s for the best.” TO hissed, their eyes burning, “But I don’t. Do you have any idea how I’ve been since GiDi was taken away!?” It had only been a day, but it seemed so much longer, “I lost GiDi. I thought I could help them, but I couldn’t. They’re gone. Do you know how much that hurt? Do you know how much I miss them!? I’d hope you do, because I imagine you miss them just as much!” They narrowed their eyes, their ears pinning back even though their tears were threatening to spill over their eyes, “So how could you leave me alone? How could you say those things to me? Maybe you didn’t need me, but I needed you!” There were the tears, though at this point TO didn’t know if it was from frustration or sorrow or pure anger, “I needed you.”

“... I did need you.” DH whispered. Their ears sunk down, “And… And I knew you were hurting. But…” They tried to pull away but with their back to the wall they couldn’t. “No… just leave me alone.”

“Do you really want me to leave you alone?”

“Yes!” DH snapped, though their ears twitched as they did,

“You’re lying to me!” TO snapped, “You lied to me the other night! Do you know what that did to me! I-” They suddenly choked on their words. They let their hand slip from DH’s face, and pressed their palms to their mouth.

GiDi was gone.

Blood, bones, DH’s horrified expression.

C12 was gone.

They were alone. They hurt. DH didn’t seem to care.

“Do you even know how much it all hurts?”

“...I do.” DH said, their voice cracking. “That… That’s why.”

TO wiped away their tears and looked up at DH. They were breathing erratically, their shoulders heaving as they tried to talk.

“I can’t- can’t do that again.” DH whimpered, “I thought GiDi was going to be corrected. And… and even though there’s a chance that they’re not, though there’s a chance C12 helped them…” they held their hands up to their face and took several long breaths before they spoke again, “That hurt so bad. I can’t see you taken away too. If I hadn’t been around, if GiDi hadn’t met me, they’d probably be fine. I can’t… and I told you. I told you! I TOLD YOU!” they lowered their hands and looked at TO, their ears down, but pinned back in frustration and anger, their eyes narrowed, “I told you! If I thought that being around you would hurt you, then I’d never talk to you again! I just want to know that you’re ok, even if you’re not with me! Even if I never talk to you again, or-”

Their voice cracked, and they held their hands to their face again, allowing themself to sob. Their shoulders shook and though it seemed like they tried to talk they just couldn’t. After a moment, they managed to whisper, “Just knowing that you’re alive… That’s enough.”

TO reached out again, and put their hands on DH’s shoulders. When DH didn’t recoil, then TO wrapped their arms and wings around them.

DH broke. They threw their arms around TO’s neck and cried into their chest. TO held DH close, a hand on the back of their neck, their chin resting atop DH’s head. They were too tired to weep as violently as DH was, but they let the tears run down their face as they held their friend.

This was all they had wanted. All they had needed, really. DH was the only one left who knew how they felt. Avery was great, but they didn’t understand them like DH did.

They hadn’t seen it all happen. They hadn’t said goodbye to GiDi.

DH was muttering, trying to talk while they cried but TO couldn’t make out what they were saying. They shushed them instead, and gently scratched the back of DH’s neck. They didn’t need to speak, not right now. It was enough to be able to share their sadness with someone that they loved.

It still hurt. It would always hurt, but with DH with them TO felt like they could endure it.

======

It took a long while for TO and DH to calm down, but when they did they still stayed in each other's embrace, holding onto one another tightly.

DH was the one who broke the comfortable silence and spoke.

“I’m sorry.” they muttered. “I… I wanted to go to you. I wanted to. I just thought you’d be better off-”

“We’ve had this conversation before.” TO muttered back, their chin still resting on DH’s head, “I’d rather get corrected then go without you.” They felt their ears flush, realizing that that was the kind of thing that lovers might say to another in one of DH’s romantic movies. If DH realized that, they didn’t mention it.

“I know. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I knew if I told you, then you’d tell me that you didn’t care. I know you don’t care, but I do.” they buried their face in TO’s chest, “I can’t lose you, TO.”

“You won’t.”

“How do you know?” they looked up at TO with their blue-rimmed eyes, “What if you’re told to attack me? What if that simulation had been real?”

“But I wouldn’t-”

“No... No what if all that actually happened? What if…” their grip on TO’s shoulders tightened, “What if King Decon himself told you to attack me? To kill me? Or what if you were ordered to bring me to get repurposed or corrected?”

The truth scared TO. They didn’t want to speak the truth, because once they did it was out there, and they knew that it was a truth that should have them corrected. They knew that if they were a proper synth, then they’d report themself.

“I wouldn’t.” they said. They remembered what GiDi had said in the simulation, how they refused to fight TO, and how they planned to take TO with them, even if it meant going to the insurgents.

If TO hadn’t known it was just a simulation, then they would have done the same.

“You wouldn’t?”

TO shook their head, “No… I couldn’t really hurt you. Not even under orders.”

“Even if… if King Decon himself ordered you directly?”

There was a hesitation to TO’s next words, as though they were afraid of them. “You… You’re more important to me than King Decon.” Their words filled TO with fear. Nobody was more important than King Decon! Nobody was worth more than King Decon, especially not a mere synth.

And yet.

“You’re more important to me than any order from King Decon.” TO said again, and though they were shaking as they spoke they held DH close, “And if King Decon ordered me to kill you, I’d refuse. I’d get you away. I’d kill anyone who tried to stop me.”

DH hid their face into TO’s chest once more. To TO’s surprise, they could see DH’s ears flush blue and for a moment they worried that they had spoken maybe too truthfully. Maybe they had embarrassed DH? Maybe they had made their real feelings too obvious? But… DH seemed only flustered, not bothered. Besides that, if they were bothered then wouldn’t they have pulled away?

“I’m glad.” DH muttered into the front of TO’s uniform, “I couldn’t kill you either.”

“I was so worried that you hated me.”

“I could never hate you.”

“Never?” TO’s hand stilled on the back on DH’s neck.

“Never.”

“No matter what?”

“No matter what.”

TO had the sudden urge to kiss the top of DH’s head, to gently stroke their ears. They suddenly wanted, desperately, to tell DH how they felt; how they really felt. Still, they recalled C12’s warning.

Our Overseers found out. We were separated. We were actually interviewed before we left the training center, and when you’re interviewed you can make an argument for someone to be sent off with. I made a great argument for why Snout and I should be placed together, but our files said that we were to be kept separated. I’d say wait until you’re out of the training center. Once you’re sent out you’re not watched as much.

TO contented themself to just hold DH for the moment. For now, having their friend with them, having them close, and knowing that they’d both go against King Decon for one another? Yes, it terrified TO, but it also somehow made them feel happier and safer than they ever had before.

For now, that was enough.

“... Don’t run away from me anymore.” TO whispered, “If you’re upset, or you’re angry, or you’re sad and you want to run away, just find me. Just tell me what’s happening. GiDi told me to take care of you, and to talk to you. So… Don’t run away, ok?”

“But-”

“No.” TO looked down at DH, holding them out so that they could see their face, “I don’t care if you think it’s for the best, or if you think it’s not my problem, or if you think it’s stupid. I don’t want you to be alone if you’re upset.” They frowned, “Would you want me to be alone?”

“No!”

“Then don’t run off.”

“Fine… But you can’t run off either, ok?”

TO nodded, “Alright.” They said, “I promise I won’t run off if something’s bothering me.”

DH gave a slight smile and leaned back into TO, “I promise too, then.” they muttered, “I promise I won’t run away from you if something’s bothering me.”

TO relaxed, and set their chin atop DH’s head once more.

“...I miss GiDi.” DH said softly.

“Me too.”

“Do you think they’re alright?” DH asked.

“I don’t know. C12 is gone.”

“I know that.” DH muttered, “There was another synth leading Combat Training today. Do you know what happened to C12?”

“The files say he had a heart attack, and died. His body was supposedly repossessed. but-”

“I feel like GiDi would say that’s a bit of a coincidence.”

TO nodded, “You’re right.” they said, “So… Either they’re both ok, and someone faked the file entry, or they got caught and C12 was dealt with.” TO frowned, “The Commander said that they could deal with C12, remember?”

DH nodded, “I… I think I’m going to believe that GiDi is alive.” DH said, “We might never know for certain, and I’d rather believe that they’re both alive.”

TO nodded; DH was right. Even if GiDi was alive, the galaxy was a big place, and they might not ever meet again.

“I’ll believe that too.” TO said, “I’ll believe they’re both alive.”

======

Epilogue: Volume I

As soon as they had entered the planet’s atmosphere, they had been shot at. Missiles hit the cargo ship and sent them spiralling as one of the engines gave out. They had jumped into the emergency escape pods right away, but another missile hit the ship just as they ejected, and the force of the explosion had sent the two escape pods spinning in opposite directions.

They hit the water and their pod shattered and released them. The pods were supposed to be stronger than that, but GiDi supposed that they had taken damage when the missile hit. They had expected to be attacked, and C12 had told them what to do if they got separated. There was a plan in place, and as long as GiDi followed the plan then everything would be fine. Still, as the water rushed into their pod, they found it hard to focus, hard to act. They felt the shattered remains of the pod cut through their skin as they tried to swim, their arms, legs, and wings beating against the water.

They wished they were stronger.

They burst through the surface, coughing and gagging and gasping for breath. Some floating remains of the old cargo ship floated atop the water, illuminating the area in fierce red light. GiDi spat out the putrid tasting water; salt water, but something foul was mixed into it. Fuel from the ship? Sewage? Some planets used their oceans to dispose of sewage. Would it make them sick?

It didn’t matter at the moment; they could worry about that later. They had to get to the shore. They had to get out of the water. They had cuts all over them and the longer they stayed in the water the worse potential infections would be.

They looked around, and saw dull orange lights of a nearby city or town which were thankfully not too far away. GiDi hoped that they could swim to the lights. If they were stronger, like DH, they wouldn't be worried about the swim. If they could fly like TO they knew they could rise out of the water and be just fine.

They swam. They swam to put some distance between them and the burning remains behind them which could explode at any moment, and to get out of the awful water and to the shore. Yes, they were weaker and smaller than their friends and most of the other synths, but they had still passed their training.

Mostly. Up until they didn’t.

They managed to get to the shore, but there was a problem; a large rock wall rose out of the water before GiDi, and it was so covered in algae and slime that they couldn’t hold onto the wall to climb it. They could dig their claws into the stone, but they couldn't pull themself up by just their claws and they couldn’t get a foothold with their feet.

If TO was here, they’d be able to fly out of the water. If DH was there, they’d think of some way to get out.

But they weren’t TO, or DH. They were just GiDi; Small, weak GiDi.

They had failed their training.

A failed Synth, separated from their friends. What was the point of a failed synth? Useless. Broken. Defective.

They started to slip back into the water when they felt something wrap around their arm. They saw something long and scaly wrap around them, and at first they thrashed against it. They knew that there were all kinds of things hidden deep in the planetary oceans; Most planets had no idea what was lurking in the deeper waters of their own oceans and were constantly surprised to see the horrors that arose from time to time.

What horror was this? After everything, was this how they died?

“Hold still now!” someone said in universal common. It was such a vulgar language, but there was something about the way the words were said that almost gave it a musical lilt and made it sound pleasant and beautiful.

The scaly appendage twisted down past their arm and around their chest. They were pulled out of the water and dropped onto the cobblestones that formed the sea-side path. GiDi coughed out the nasty tasting water and gasped for breath.

“You ok?” the person asked. GiDi looked up and saw a person - no… a woman? Perhaps a woman, they had characteristics that would suggest that- leaning over them. She had a lot of dark, black hair that hung around them in giant curls, and vibrant purple eyes. Even her skin had this tint of purple to it, which matched the long, snake-like tail which made up her lower half.

GiDi had never seen anyone look so rounded or so soft. Every part of them seemed to lack the firm, toned bodies that they were used to seeing.

“You alright there sweets?” She asked as she leaned down. “I saw the accident; the ship. Were you in that?”

Before GiDi could respond, there was an explosion behind them; the fire had found one of the fuel tanks. The night was illuminated in brilliant blue light. The women looked up and out over the water. Her face was bathed in the blue light, the reflections from the water below danced across her skin and played through her hair.

“Beautiful.” GiDi whispered. It would be the last word they spoke in their own tongue for a long time.