Synth

“They won’t really be repurposed, will they?” TO asked E45 once they were alone.

“FR43?” E45 said as they looked up from the notes that they were taking, “Potentially. Most likely, if I’m honest.” they went back to their notes, “You saw them; they’re very old, they’re in pain, their hands shake, they’re going blind, their performance has waned. They’re not much good to King Decon like that.”

“But if all that were treated?” TO protested, “If they were treated and sent back to work?”

E45 sighed as they glanced up from their files again, “They were right.” they said, “Hypothetically, if they were to qualify for treatment for all their issues - and I assure you that a synth in Fabric Recovery would not qualify for such extensive treatment - then a span or so from now something else would happen.” They shook their head, “Like I said, It’s far better to repurpose them now while some good can still be taken from their body. Though to be honest I don’t know what can still be used. Segments of skin, perhaps? Teeth? They really should have reported to medical a while ago.” They finished their notes and then closed their files, “I might have to suggest mandatory examinations for older synths every span. Still, Most synths will report themselves if they’re unwell.” A frown passed over their face and their ears flicked out every so slightly with confusion, “I wonder why they didn’t.”

“Because they wanted to keep serving King Decon.” TO said, “That’s what they said.”

“Yes, but if they really wanted to keep serving King Decon, then they would have reported themself earlier. Besides that, they had a good, long life of service. Most synths only get 100 cycles out of the tank so they should have been pleased with what they had managed to accomplish already. ” they tilted their head at TO, “Do you think it might be simple ignorance?”

“What?”

“I would like to know your opinion.” E45 said, “Do you think it’s possible that they were simply unaware that more good could be gotten from their body after they had degraded to a certain point?”

TO just blinked at the question, and they answered before they could really consider if their response was appropriate, “Maybe they just didn’t want to be repurposed.” they panicked as the words left their mouth but to their surprise E45 nodded.

“You think as I do then.” they said, “Ignorance. Maybe it’s enough to teach synths the benefits of being repurposed.”

“Benefits?”

E45 frowned at TO, their ears pinning back, “Clearly, we do need to teach that a little more.” they said, “Yes, the benefits. As I said to FR43, if you’re repurposed while much of your body is still useful, then you extend your own usefulness to King Decon far longer than your natural body could. As well, for some synths it’s the only way to be properly productive for King Decon. Even a young synth who must be repurposed should be glad that they’ll be more productive afterwards.”

“But they wouldn’t be alive.”

“Does that really matter?”

It did to TO. Being alive mattered a lot to TO. However, if they were to look at it purely from the point of view of being productive, from the numbers and stats they’d been seeing the last few days, and from the idea of simply being as productive as possible for as long as possible for King Decon…

“I suppose not.” TO finally muttered as their ears flicked down.

If E45 took note of TO’s somber tone or the way their ears flicked down then they didn't mention it. They simply nodded.

“Well, you’re done for the day.” was all they said, “I’ll finish up the paperwork; there’s no point in starting a new interview right now. We’ll continue tomorrow.”

TO nodded and left, feeling sick and dazed.

======

DH was leaning against the wall before the cafeteria when TO arrived. They didn't see GiDi anywhere nearby. Even though they were still feeling out of sorts because of their discussion with E45 they were instantly driven to a slight panic they realized that GiDi wasn’t there.

“DH, where’s GiDi?” TO asked as they approached their friend.

“No idea.” DH muttered. They glanced away from TO, their ears down in shame, “I sent them several messages, but they just said that they’d meet up with us later in the Flight Training room.

“Did you go look for them anywhere?” TO asked, “The observation deck, or the showers, or-”

“No. I didn’t” DH snapped, “I didn’t because I figured that no matter what they’d end up here for their meal, no?” they slid down to the floor, their face in their hands, “I didn’t mean to hurt them. I didn’t want to upset them, I just-”

TO could hear others approaching; This wasn’t a good place to sit and talk. They gently pulled DH back up to their feet, “Come on.” They said, “Let’s get food and go to Flight Training. That’s where GiDi said they’d be, right?”

“Right.”

“So we should wait there. If we don’t show up there and they do then they’ll think we’re avoiding them.”

“Fine, but what if they’re avoiding me?” what if we go to the Flight Training room and they don’t show up?”

TO had considered that. “I’ll send them a message.” they said, “Maybe they were just being a little short with you because of earlier. We’ll find them, talk to them, and everything will be fine.”

“...Will it?” DH finally said. There was a sorrow to their voice, a painful desperation. “Will it be fine?” they looked up at TO, watching their ears carefully.

“I believe it will be.” TO said firmly. GiDi loved them. They loved GiDi. they were family; all the family that the three of them had. A little issue like this wouldn’t change that. No, at the very worst everything would be back to normal before they went to sleep the next day.

TO truly believed that.

======

They took their meals and went to the Flight Training room as quickly as they could. As they turned the corner TO expected to see GiDi waiting for them. If GiDi wasn’t there, then TO was certain that they’d be inside.

They turned the corner and saw that there was a synth leaning against the wall next to the door, but it wasn’t GiDi.

“Avery!” TO exclaimed as they ran forward, “I didn’t expect you’d be here! Are you ok? How's your stomach? I heard-”

“My stomach’s fine… Thank you.” Avery said, “They put something in my food, and it doesn’t hurt anymore at least.”

“That’s good.” TO said.

“Yeah.” Avery said, “And I... I was wondering if it was alright if I flew with you. Though-” They looked past TO and DH, “I was expecting GiDi to be here as well.”

“Were you looking for GiDi?” TO asked.

Avery shook their head as they looked down at the floor, “No… no not specifically. I just-” their ears flicked down, “Just I don't want to be alone right now.”

TO nodded and went to the door, gesturing for DH and Avery to go in first. If Avery was ready to talk then TO didn’t want them to be out in the hallway. Even if they didn't want to talk it was better to be somewhere private; Avery had this look about them like they were about to break and in case they did TO didn’t want them to be out in the hallway.

They got inside and the door slid closed behind them three of them. Before they even went up to their platform, TO turned to Avery.

“You don’t often just not want to be alone.” TO said, “You’ve wanted company the odd time before, or you've wanted to talk, but today you just don’t want to be alone?” TO took a step towards Avery and put a gentle hand on their shoulder. They couldn’t forget the last time that they had been alone with Avery and how they had just sobbed into TO. For a moment TO worried that maybe Avery would shrug them away or start sobbing again but all they did was place their hand over TO’s and give them a quick flicker of a smile.

“I know…” they said, “I’m normally fine alone. I normally like being alone and I thought it would make me feel better.” They lifted their hand to their head, “I thought if I could just sit and think about things I could figure things out and I’d be fine, but I’m not. I can’t stop my brain. I just keep thinking about things over and over and over. I keep-” They cut themself off, stifling a sob as they put their hand to their mouth. They took a few long, deep breaths before they continued.

“I keep thinking about… About things.” They said, “About the simulation. It’s like I can’t ignore it. I was hoping that if I was around people maybe it’d distract me.”

“Well… It was only a simulation.” DH said, “I mean, I know it was hard and I understand that a synth was corrected from it… I’m just glad it wasn’t you.” They gave Avery a big smile, “Besides, you passed. You’re fine, right?”

TO didn’t know what the right thing to say was, but they were certain that DH had said the wrong thing. from Avery’s expression, TO was clearly right. Avery turned on DH, their wings puffing out and their ears pinned back despite the tears that were welling up in their eyes.

“No.” They snapped, “I’m not fine. Nothing’s fine. You haven’t been tested yet, you have no idea what I went though, and you just wave it off like it’s nothing?”

“H-hey now.” TO said as they took a tentative step between DH and Avery. They had never seen Avery angry before and it left them startled.

“Well.” DH snapped back, their own ears pinning back, “Maybe I’d have some idea if you bothered to tell us what happened!” They pointed at TO, “You think they haven’t been through rough things? They at least told me what happened!”

That was true… But TO recalled that DH had still gotten angry at them. They hadn’t understood how TO had felt, even though they had been told. They had gotten angry at TO when their attempts to cheer them failed. It had been TO who had to run after DH to talk to them about it.

They had done it because they loved DH. TO wasn’t sure that Avery wouldn’t do the same.

“DH.” TO said as they took a step towards their friend, “Look, you need to stop.”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong!” DH insisted, “I was trying to help, and they just-”

“I know, but… but you really didn’t. Help, that is.” TO didn’t know how else to say that, and they didn’t know what else they could say.

DH looked from TO to Avery, then stepped away, “Fine… Fine, I get it.” they said, “I get it.” They turned and headed to the door.

“DH, don’t leave-”

“No. No, I will. I’ll go find GiDi.” They looked back at TO and Avery, “I’ll leave the two of you alone; clearly that’d be better.” They turned away suddenly and practically fled from the flight training room, leaving Avery and TO alone with their ears down.

TO wanted to run after them. They wanted to run after DH and apologize even though they knew that DH was in the wrong. They didn’t want DH to feel bad and they didn’t want DH to be angry at them.

Still… Avery was upset too and TO couldn’t help but remember how they had felt after they had participated in repurposing a synth. Of course they couldn’t; the idea was fresh in the head now, floating around since they knew that the older synth they had met today was likely going to be repurposed. An older synth who had fought for King Decon, had been injured, and who had worked hard until their body started to fail was now going to be repurposed.

Repurposed. Not as punishment. Not because they didn’t work hard. Not because of any failing that they could help. Repurposed, just because they got old and couldn’t keep up anymore.

Was that the best a synth could hope for? Well, that or dying in combat, apparently.

TO shook their head and turned back to Avery who was standing with their hands clenched into shaking fists. TO walked to them and put a gentle hand on Avery’s shoulder. They’d talk to DH later and work everything out. Maybe this was for the best anyway; DH could find GiDi and they could work out their problems while TO talked to Avery.

“I’m sorry about that.” TO said, “DH...means well-”

“I know.” Avery said, their ears flicking back with shame, “I know. I Shouldn’t have snapped. I just…” They reached up and wiped at their eyes, “They don’t even know what happened. Nobody does.”

“... Do you want to tell someone?”

“I wish I could. I can’t. I’d be corrected. Besides that, you’d hate me.”

“I won’t.” TO promised.

“You don’t know that. You can’t know that unless I tell you.” They looked away, “I know what happened. I hate myself for it. But I shouldn’t? I…” They put their hands to their head, “It’s all so confusing. I don’t understand and I don’t know if you could.”

“That’s fair.” TO said, “but… I’d try?” they gestured around the Flight Training room, “And remember, we’re apparently safe here from being listened to.”

Avery was silent for a few long moments, their wings wrapped around their arms. Finally, they nodded.

“Fine.” they said, “I’ll tell you.”