Surviving marriage in yandere world

Lake Serenya, supposedly the most romantic spot in the entire capital. Couples strolled the marble bridges, serenaded by enchanted harps. Swans glided across the shimmering waters. The air smelled faintly of roses, cinnamon pastries, and the underlying stench of impending homicide.

Rei rowed. He rowed like a man fleeing taxes, mother-in-laws, and divine lightning combined.

Emilia sat across from him on the gondola-style boat, her parasol tilted delicately, her platinum hair catching the sunlight like a goddess out of a romance painting.

"Rei," she said softly, her voice tender as rippling water. "You didn't have to rent the entire lake just for us."

"I didn't!" Rei wheezed, pulling the oars so fast the water splashed into his face. "That was someone else's idea. I just wanted a quiet—"

BOOM.

The lake surface trembled. A ripple of heat surged across the water.

Above them, the sky split open in a torrent of red and gold flame. A dragon-shaped heart—yes, a literal fiery heart the size of a mansion—plummeted from the heavens like a celestial bomb of affection.

On its trajectory: their tiny, fragile, definitely-not-fireproof boat.

"...date," Rei finished weakly.

[Incoming: "Drakana's Airstrike of Love."]

[Target: YOU.]

[Collateral Damage: Your romantic prospects, your lifespan, and potentially the swan population.]

[Recommendation: Row like hell.]

Rei didn't even bother to argue. His arms blurred. The boat sliced through the water so fast it left a wake bigger than a warship's.

"Rei?" Emilia tilted her head, completely unbothered by the apocalypse descending from above. "What's wrong? You're rowing like a panicked goose."

"That—THAT THING!" Rei pointed up with the desperation of a man filing a complaint against the laws of physics. "Do you not SEE the literal dragon-heart-bomb coming straight for us?!"

Emilia glanced up, blinked, and smiled. "Oh. It looks like a pretty light show."

"LIGHT SHOW?! Emilia, that's not fireworks—that's arson in a romantic shape!"

The fiery heart continued plummeting, its edges trailing sparks like molten rain. People on the shores screamed, couples running for cover as petals, pastries, and picnic baskets flew.

[Ah, love. It's so beautiful, fiery and likely to turn you into barbecue.]

[Side Note: Please stop rowing like that. You look like an angry crab.]

"I AM an angry crab!" Rei snapped, sweat flying from his forehead as the boat shot forward like a possessed torpedo.

The swans shrieked indignantly as they were overtaken. One even glared at Rei with the beady-eyed fury of someone being cut off in traffic.

"Rei," Emilia said again, her voice calm, composed, completely detached from reality. "If you're tired, I can take over the rowing."

He turned to her with wild eyes. "No. No, you can't. Because if you touch these oars, the world will implode."

She blinked. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Neither does a DRAGON HEART-BOMB, but here we are!"

[Impact in: 12… 11… 10…]

[Casualties projected: 1 panicked duke's son, 1 serene princess, 24 ducks, and possibly your dignity.]

"EMILIA. DUCK!" Rei yelled.

"But I'm not a duck," she replied politely.

"I MEAN—" He grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her down just as the blazing fire-heart roared overhead, exploding into a shower of crimson flames.

The shockwave rippled across the lake, tossing the boat like a cork. Water sprayed everywhere. Rei clung to the oars, his lungs screaming, his muscles trembling from sheer terror.

The flaming sparks hit the surface of the water, fizzing harmlessly into glowing lotus flowers that floated gently. The entire lake lit up in radiant, shimmering red petals.

Emilia sat up slowly, blinking at the sight.

"…How romantic," she whispered.

Rei stared at her. Stared at the glowing lake. Stared at the still-smoking sky.

Then slammed his forehead into the oar. "I hate my life."

[Congratulations! You survived "Drakana's Airstrike of Love."]

[Survival Reward: -1 sanity. +2 trauma. +3 swan enemies.]

[New Side Mission Unlocked: Pretend this was romantic.]

"Rei," Emilia said warmly, eyes reflecting the crimson glow, "thank you for arranging such a magical moment. It's beautiful."

Rei's eye twitched. "Yes, It's beautiful. Nothing says romance like imminent cremation."

"Cremation?"

"I SAID—celebration."

She tilted her head, smiling sweetly. "You're so thoughtful."

"I'm so tired," he muttered.

Meanwhile, in the skies above—

Drakana soared, wings gleaming in the sunlight, arms crossed proudly as she hovered with flames licking her lips.

"That'll show him my love!" she declared, tail lashing happily. "A fire-heart bomb, handcrafted with passion, destruction, and 99% chance of property damage! He'll definitely notice me now!"

Below, Rei sneezed from stress and nearly tipped the boat over.

[Romantic Progress: Emilia believes this is a date.]

[Rival Aggression Level: Drakana believes this is a declaration of war.]

[User's Stress Bar: Leaking faster than your boat.]

"Rei," Emilia said gently as the last embers drifted down around them like falling stars. "Promise me one thing."

"What now?" Rei groaned.

"Promise me that when our next date happens… you'll let me row."

Rei opened his mouth to argue. Then he realized something horrifying.

If Emilia rowed… Drakana's next attack would probably miss.

"…Fine," he croaked. "You can row next time."

Emilia smiled, radiant as the flames reflecting in her eyes. "Then it's a promise."

The boat drifted onward into the burning sunset, surrounded by floating lotus flames and angry swans.

Rei quietly prayed for divine intervention.

Instead, the System pinged.

[Main Mission Progress: Keep Emilia Alive for 24 Hours → Status: 8 Hours Survived.]

[Warning: The next 16 hours will make this look like a picnic.]

[Motivational Quote: "Love is like fire—warm when controlled, lethal when thrown at you from orbit."]

Rei buried his face in his hands.

"This is only the halfway point?"

Somewhere far above, Drakana prepared her next bombardment.

Emilia hummed a love song and Rei… rowed on.

The boat rocked gently, carrying them across the glittering water as if nothing apocalyptic had just happened. The lotus-shaped fire-flowers bobbed peacefully, swans resumed glaring judgmentally, and the Academy's harp enchantments struck up again as though trying to reset the atmosphere.

Rei, however, was still clinging to the oars like they were holy relics. His arms shook from the adrenaline dump, his shirt clung with sweat, and his soul had fled three minutes ago.

[Vitals Check: Heart rate 198 bpm. Blood pressure "yes." Cortisol: illegal levels.]

[System Suggestion: Cry, scream, or fake your death. All are valid coping mechanisms.]

"I choose option D," Rei muttered hoarsely. "Permanent vacation in the afterlife."

Emilia, on the other hand, leaned back with the air of a woman enjoying a leisurely picnic. Her parasol twirled delicately as she admired the glowing water. "The way the flames turned into lotus blossoms… it's almost as if someone arranged this show just for us."

"Yes," Rei deadpanned, "because when I think of romantic gestures, I think of targeted thermonuclear strikes disguised as origami flowers."

Emilia blinked, serene. "You exaggerate, Rei. It's just fire."

"JUST fire?!" His voice cracked. "Do you realize that dragon-heart-bomb had the blast radius of an entire district?! It nearly flambéed us into couple's combo meals!"

[Note: He is correct.]

[Correction: Slightly incorrect. The blast radius was one and a half districts.]

[Additional Note: Would you like to enable "fun facts about how close you came to death"?]

"NO," Rei hissed at the empty air. "Shut up."

Emilia tilted her head. "Hmm?"

"Nothing!" Rei snapped, forcing a smile that was 60% pain, 30% sarcasm, and 10% pure despair. "Just—admiring the… the ambience."

And the ambience there was. The lake reflected the fiery sky like molten glass. Couples who hadn't evacuated were staring, whispering enviously at Emilia and Rei's boat, clearly mistaking Drakana's murder-attempt for an elaborate fireworks date.

Someone on the shore clapped. Then another. Soon, an entire group applauded.

"WOOOOOO!" a student shouted. "That's how you court a princess!"

"Show us how it's done, Duke's son!" another cheered.

Rei froze, horror dawning. "…They think I planned that?!"

[Correction: They know you did. Your reputation as a hopeless romantic has increased by +57%.]

[Achievement Unlocked: "Pyromaniac of Love."]

"I did not EARN that title!" Rei snapped at the sky.

Emilia giggled softly, hiding her mouth behind her hand. "See, Rei? Everyone believes in your romantic side."

"My romantic side is a casualty!"

The applause faded as enchanted fireworks—actual fireworks, not Drakana-grade explosives—rose from the Academy towers to celebrate evening festival hour. Soft golden sparks bloomed overhead, mixing with the drifting petals on the lake.

For everyone else, it was perfect but for Rei, it was hell.

He rowed slower now, partly because his arms were lead, partly because he half-expected the next explosion to come disguised as a pigeon.

"Rei," Emilia said after a long pause, her tone soft, almost hesitant. "You're… trembling."

"Observation skills: immaculate," he muttered.

"You don't have to keep rowing so hard. Look." She pointed across the lake, where the glowing lotus blossoms naturally carried their boat along with the gentle current. "The lake itself will take us where we need to go."

Rei stared at the rippling water for a moment. Then at Emilia's serene smile.

Then at the sky, where he was 99% sure Drakana was drawing another heart-bomb with her tail smoke.

"…Sure," he said weakly. "Let's just… drift."

And so they drifted. Slowly. Painfully. Surrounded by swans who kept circling like they were plotting his downfall.

[New Status Effect: Forced Relaxation.]

[Warning: User's paranoia levels remain incompatible with "romantic ambience."]

[Side Quest: Do not scream when nothing explodes for five consecutive minutes.]

[Reward: Dignity.]

Rei clenched his teeth. "I can do that. Five minutes. Easy."

Thirty seconds later, a frog croaked loudly from the reeds.

Rei flinched so hard he almost capsized the boat.

[Quest Failed.]

[Consolation Prize: Absolutely nothing.]

Emilia's soft laughter filled the air like bells. "Rei… you're adorable when you're scared."

"I'm not adorable. I'm traumatized."

"Same thing."

He groaned, burying his face in his hands. "I can't win. Not against dragons, not against the System, not even against you."

Emilia leaned closer, her smile radiant in the fiery twilight. "That's because… you're already mine to win."

Rei's brain bluescreened. His stress bar hit maximum, but for once, it wasn't from mortal terror.

[System Update: Emotional overload detected. User may combust spontaneously.]

[New Probability: 64% chance of blushing-induced stroke.]

"Someone," Rei croaked faintly, "please sink this boat."

To be continued…