Surviving marriage in yandere world

The Velvet Academy Dining Pavilion was supposed to be a serene morning retreat. Sunlight spilled across high-arched windows. Birds sang outside in carefully curated magical trees. The smell of butter, honey, and cinnamon floated through the air, accompanied by the soft clinking of noble students pretending they weren't still traumatized from last night's semi-finals propaganda circus.

At the center of this idyllic calm sat Rei, who was, as always, already sweating bullets.

"Why do I feel like this table is a landmine?" he muttered, eyeing the silverware as though each spoon might explode.

Emilia, seated across from him, smiled sweetly—the kind of sweet that made Rei suspect cyanide was hidden somewhere in the sugar bowl. "Relax, Rei. It's just breakfast."

[System Advisory: "Correction. Statistically speaking, breakfast is the most dangerous meal for hosts with multiple yandere wives. 83% of recorded homicides occur before 10 a.m. Probability of survival: … don't ask."]

Rei groaned. "See? Even the System agrees!"

The table was set like a royal banquet—fresh fruit, fluffy croissants, pitchers of enchanted orange juice that never ran out, and… a stack of suspiciously golden waffles steaming like they had just descended from the heavens themselves.

Except Rei knew better.

"Oh no," he whispered. "Not waffles. Anything but waffles."

The culprit arrived on cue.

"Good morning, my beloved brother-husband-fiancé-Rei~!" sang a voice that was way too chipper for sunrise.

Lilia floated in, clad in immaculate holy robes that sparkled with embroidered golden thread. Her hair gleamed like spun sunlight, her eyes practically glowing with divine fervor. In her hands, she carried a silver platter upon which rested… the waffles.

Emilia's smile faltered. "…Why are you here, Sister Lilia?"

"To bring blessings, of course!" Lilia chirped. "This breakfast was too… mundane. I have prepared waffles infused with the grace of the heavens themselves. Holy waffles! Waffles of fate! Waffles that bind the soul in eternal matrimony!"

Rei visibly paled.

[System Critical Alert: "WARNING: Object identified—'Lilia's Holy Blessing Waffles.' Effects include: (1) Divine calorie entrapment, (2) Semi-permanent marital vows, (3) Guaranteed loss of free will. Side note: They look tasty."]

"I don't want to eat divine handcuffs!" Rei hissed.

But Lilia ignored him and set the platter in the middle of the table with all the solemnity of a coronation. "The syrup," she added, producing a crystalline flask filled with shimmering golden liquid, "is made with sacred honey gathered from bees that fed only on lilies in my personal shrine garden."

"Suspicious," Rei muttered.

[System Advisory: "Correction. Composition detected: 70% honey, 20% concentrated truth serum, 10% liquid obsession. Side effects: Uncontrollable confessions, accidental proposals, emotional bankruptcy."]

"WHAT?!" Rei yelped.

Emilia's eyes narrowed dangerously. "So… if Rei eats this, he'll confess his innermost thoughts to whoever asks?"

Lilia beamed. "Exactly! Isn't it romantic?"

Emilia's smile sharpened into a blade. "Romantic for you, perhaps."

The tension between the two women immediately grew thick enough to be cut with a butter knife. Rei, sensing imminent death, raised his hand timidly. "What if… we just skip breakfast and go train instead?"

Neither of them answered. Just as Rei thought things couldn't get worse, a soft, polite cough came from behind him.

"Would the young master like fresh tea with his cursed waffles?"

Rei froze and he knew that voice. It's too calm but also too dangerous.

Then he turned and there, dressed in the uniform of a humble academy waiter, stood Rosette.

His supposedly loyal, quiet maid who had promised to "disappear" whenever he needed space. Except she never really disappeared—she just changed disguises and stalked him more effectively.

"ROSSETTE?!" Rei choked. "Why are you—no, how are you—no, WHY are you here?!"

Rosette tilted her head innocently. "One must adapt to circumstances, young master. When enemies flood the castle, a maid blends in as the floorboards. When rivals infiltrate the Academy, a maid blends in as the staff. When breakfast is served…" Her eyes flicked to the waffles. "…a maid blends in as the waiter."

["Congratulations, host. Your household staff now doubles as an assassin's guild."]

Rei buried his face in his hands. "I just wanted eggs and toast…"

"Come, Rei," Lilia urged, sliding a waffle onto his plate with terrifying enthusiasm. "Let your sister-wife feed you the first bite."

Emilia's fork stabbed the table so hard it left a dent. "Over my dead body."

Rei quickly tried to hide behind his glass of juice. "Uh, actually, I'm kind of full already—"

But before he could finish, Rosette smoothly poured the shimmering syrup across the waffle, the golden liquid glistening in the morning light like liquid temptation.

[System Notification: "Truth Serum Active. Warning: Even casual questions such as 'How's the weather?' will result in dangerous oversharing."]

Rei stared at the cursed plate. His survival instincts screamed at him not to take a bite. His stomach, unfortunately, growled loudly.

"…Betrayer," Rei muttered in his own gut.

"Say ahhh~," Lilia cooed, lifting a forkful toward him.

Emilia's hand clamped down on his shoulder like an iron vise. "He said he was full."

"I heard no such thing," Lilia said sweetly, "and besides—truth syrup will reveal his real appetite, won't it?"

The two women locked eyes. Sparks practically flew across the table. Somewhere outside, thunder rumbled dramatically even though the sky was clear.

Rei, panicking, blurted: "Fine, I'll take a bite if it makes you stop glaring like you're about to stab each other with butter knives!"

And so, against his better judgment, Rei took a bite of the waffle.

It was delicious. Crisp edges, fluffy inside, just the right hint of vanilla. Which only made it worse.

Because immediately, he felt it—the burning compulsion crawling up his throat, the urge to confess.

"Oh no," he whispered.

[System Broadcast: "Truth Serum Engaged. Countdown to accidental oversharing: 3… 2… 1…"]

Lilia leaned in eagerly. "Rei, tell me—who do you love most?"

"I DON'T WANT TO ANSWER THAT!" Rei screamed, clutching his mouth. But the serum forced the words out: "…I love… sleeping alone!"

Both girls froze.

Rei collapsed forward onto the table, wailing. "Do you know how nice it is to sleep without knives under your pillow? Or without someone clinging so tight you lose circulation?! That's true love! My true love is solitude!"

Emilia's face twitched and Lilia's eyes glazed over.

Rosette calmly took notes on a little notepad. "So… the young master's greatest rival is a bed without company. Understood."

Rei pointed a shaking finger at her. "STOP TAKING NOTES!"

But the syrup wasn't finished. Another wave of confession rose in his chest.

"And another thing!" Rei blurted. "I—uh—I once pretended to be sick to skip Lilia's three-hour mass wedding rehearsal!"

"YOU WHAT?!" Lilia gasped.

Emilia smirked. "Hah. Pathetic."

"And Emilia!" Rei wheezed, unable to stop himself. "When you baked me cookies last week, I buried them in the garden because they tasted like soap!"

Emilia's smile froze. "…Soap?"

"I'm sorry!" Rei cried. "It was like chewing bubbles!"

Rosette raised an eyebrow. "Noted. Emilia's baking: lethal."

Emilia's aura darkened to abyssal levels.

[System Warning: "Host has achieved maximum chaos output. Brace for retaliation."]

It should have ended there. It could have ended there. But of course, it didn't.

Because Lilia, rather than despairing, immediately snatched the syrup flask.

"If it makes Rei confess his truths…" she whispered, eyes alight with divine madness, "…then all of us must drink it!"

"WHAT?!" Rei screamed. "No, don't—"

But it was too late. Lilia poured a generous helping over her own waffle and took a bite.

Her eyes widened. Then she blurted: "Sometimes I sneak into your room at night just to braid your hair while you sleep!"

"WHAT?!" Rei yelled. "That explains why I keep waking up with ribbon bows!"

Emilia, fuming, grabbed the flask. "Fine. If it's confessions you want—" She bit into her syrup-drenched waffle. "—then sometimes I switch Rei's cologne with dragon musk to keep other girls away!"

"YOU'RE THE REASON THE KNIGHTS WON'T STAND NEAR ME?!" Rei shrieked.

The syrup passed to Rosette.

Calmly, she bit into a waffle. "Sometimes I implant micro-tracking runes in Rei's socks so I can monitor his footsteps."

Rei slapped the table. "I KNEW MY SOCKS FELT CREEPY!"

[System Announcement: "Mission Update: Survival now downgraded to miracle required. Suggest writing will."]

The Dining Pavilion, once a peaceful hall of morning civility, now resembled a battlefield. Students from nearby tables whispered, gawked, and began taking bets on who would kill Rei first.

Knives clinked. Forks were raised like spears. Syrup dripped across the table like golden blood.

Rei threw himself to the ground. "I just wanted pancakes! Why couldn't it be pancakes?!"

Lilia slammed her hands together. "Silence, heretic! Confess your eternal love to me now!"

Emilia loomed over him. "To me, Rei. Tell the truth serum who you really belong to."

Rosette crouched nearby, expression blank but terrifying. "…Young master belongs to no one. That is why I will erase everyone else."

[System Panic Mode: "Danger Level—Unsupervised Wife Outrage imminent. Evacuation recommended. Oh wait, you can't leave. Good luck."]

Rei let out the longest, most despairing groan of his life. "I hate breakfast…"

And thus, the Breakfast Bombing began.

To be continued…