NOVEL NEXT 267: Making Men Eat Cow Dung In Lyrical Lines
"Sam!"
I grabbed Rhoda in a side hug as we made our way to a booth at the back of Quincy's On Tap.
"I haven't been here in ages, Rhoda, I'm sooo excited to be out and about. My ex loved Quincy's, but I've mostly forgotten about it."
"An ex?"
Rhoda had that eager look on her face like she couldn't wait for the dish, but I shook my head, laughing.
"Totally not worth talking about."
She grimaced, "That bad, eh?"
"Oh, there were good things, but the bad wasn't worth them."
Rhoda cracked up. "God, I can't wait 'til I can joke about Mike that way. How do you do it?"
"Cry into my coffee while I'm writing Moons Dancing then decide to laugh every chance I get. Alright, enough about that. What're we drinking?"
We put our order into the digital menu and quickly got appetizers of fried pickles with ranch dressing and pints of IPA delivered by the autocart.
"Damn, I forgot how hot these pickles always are," I whined, fanning my burning tongue.
Rhoda nodded, "Beer first, then pickles."
"What're you doing now that your life's been re-arranged, Rhoda?"
"Thankfully, I already had two new products to launch when Mike left, and I'm so glad for that because it keeps me occupied and focused. And when Filly's not around, there's always something to do—"
"Products?" I interrupted her.
"Oh! I didn't tell you about Wyoming Wild, did I? It's my skin care line. I forage for the herbs in the summer, dry them, and store them, then infuse them into oils for my products. I've developed everything, and it's doing so well. I'm even looking into launching off sphere, you know? Trying to get into a co-op with one of the Trade Guilds so I can sell to other worlds."
"Wow! Rhoda, that is, just— wow. How do you even know all that? And, good gods, that's why your skin is always glowing!"
"Ha! Thanks, yeah, but you're one to talk, you have the most perfect creamy complexion. What do you use?"
"Water and laziness. They're miracle workers."
Rhoda cackled. "No way! You're naturally gorgeous, then."
"Yeah, that's me, 100% nature. No, tell me about the products 'coz I could use something for winter when it's so dry."
This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
She nodded, "Absolutely, I'll give you a sample of my favorite all-around moisturizer that isn't too heavy, and it's infused with wild moutain roses."
"My favorite Wyoming flower. They're delicate and smell so good. Does the lotion smell like roses?"
"It's so faint you can't really tell, but you know what is amazing? Honey infused with wild rose petals. You get the scent and light flavor, and it's the most romantic thing you can imagine. I made brownies with it once, and they were outta this world. I've heard of hair conditioner recipes with honey, but every time I've tried it, it's too sticky, and I don't like it. What'd you do with your hair tonight? Don't think I didn't notice it's not in a bun. I've never seen it all wavy like that. What's your secret?"
"I washed it."
Rhoda snorted into her beer. "Gods, you need to put more funny stuff in Moons Dancing; your dead pan's awesome."
"Well, I did write a poo poem that's taking off," I said, opening my pad, snickering.
Rhoda roared as she read "'A Fella Called Shoe.' What the actual fuck, Sam? Where do you get this stuff?"
"Divine inspiration. I'm gifted."
"Oh my god, where have you been hiding my whole life?! I'm never letting you go. This is amazing!"
"The crazy thing is, I wrote that for a Poetry Contest on Purple Road, and it's number twelve for the Day 1 entries, and—
"Wait, how do they judge the winners?"
"Oh, well, the staff review the top 20 for each day and pick a winner for that day at the end of the contest."
"So, does the voice of the people matter? Do we get a say?"
I nodded, "It's the Ratings, Reviews, and number of Views that go into that, I think."
"Well, then I know what to do. You can count on me. We've gotta get this up to the top—
"Oh, one of my others is doing better than that one. It's, here, this one: 'Unwritten Dreams.' It's number four."
"Sam! This is AMAZING. You and dreams. That's really your thing, isn't it?"
"And making men eat cow dung in lyrical lines."
"And dead-pan jokes. Oh my god, we are so doing this. Wait, you got a message preview, sorry, I saw it."
"Oh, I just set up that Discord preview for the DMs—"
"Wait, you're doing Discord?"
"Yeah, it's how I got my book taking off and the Poetry Contest. Hey, do you know that graphic novel Red Phoenix?"
Rhoda shook her head.
"Oh, it's a WLW story I've loved my whole life, and you'll never believe this." Rhoda leaned forward, anxious for the story.
"My first day on Discord, I met the author, HC Maron, and we're writing pals now. He's like, the real deal, Rhoda, and he's totally cool. I mean, hilarious and rather hopeless at writing girl love scenes, but—" I broke off as we cackled.
"Oh god, Sam, that's amazing. You met your idol the first day you joined Discord? What're the chances?"
"Oh, not just that, but I'm a beta reader, and he's paying me to read the prequel to Red Phoenix."
"You can make money reading books? Who would've thought?"
"Totally. Usually not that much. Not enough to live on, but it's something. Mostly, I just love doing it. What's better than getting paid to do something you love?"
Rhoda nodded, "Absolutely. That's why I'm so invested in Wyoming Wild. It's all of the things I love combined into one business, and it can get overwhelming, but mostly, I do what I love, and it works out. Should we get dessert?"
"Absofuckinglutetly. I want coffee and chocolate death, but I can't eat the whole—"
"Let's share it. I love those!"
Rhoda and I polished off the chocolate death and lingered over coffee, and for me, it was the easiest night I'd ever had out with another person. She made it that way. The way she carried the conversation, and I didn't have to try.
It was easy to laugh with Rhoda, and my sense of humor sent her into giggles. It felt a lot like DMs with HC. Natural. And like she just enjoyed being around me, so I wasn't worried about what to say.
As I made my way home to my apartment in the moonlight and crisp evening air, I wondered if a night like that could inspire my next poem. Nodding to myself, I decided to give it a try.
