Stars Dancing [Dreams-To-Lovers Romance]

SHAH

I twisted a few of my curls away from my face and secured them with pins while I pondered my reflection. I'd told my dad that I was different since Euri, and I was. I looked different too. I looked like a grown-ass woman who knew what she was about.

And part of me felt like that. But another part didn't. Sigh.

I thought about Ronnie's green river— the confluence of everything. If I interpreted it correctly, from my brother's perspective, things were coalescing. I could be a part of it or not, but other people had already made their choices, and they would do as they wanted. It was up to me to decide how much I wanted to be a part of.

I wasn't sure. I didn't want to be left out, but I wasn't convinced I should participate. I was different with Euri, but a big part of me still wanted to live the life of a sphere-hopping good timer.

I saw now that Ronnie didn't want that life anymore, and that ached inside of me. Partly for myself. But mostly because for two years, he'd been loving Cyn from a distance, and that whole time, I'd kept him running from sphere to sphere, never settling down, never putting down roots. Avoiding life because I was too afraid of it.

I smiled at my reflection. Ronnie's girlfriend and I actually had a lot in common, didn't we? Both of us hiding from life, not trusting anyone or anything but Ronnie. I snickered, and realized that Cyn and I would probably be best friends for all eternity, no matter what sphere we lived on.

I nodded at my reflection. Okay, let's do this. Whatever is coming is coming. I love my brother and Cyn and Frank and Mom and Dad. Bolstered, I grabbed Euri by the arm, and we headed down the hill to Ronnie and Cyn's place.

"Mom!" It felt so good to hug her. She swayed me back and forth, hanging on.

"Honey! Oh! I missed you so much!" Dad wrapped his arms around both of us.

"I missed you too, Mom. So much. Did Dad tell you? That I love you and am so glad you're my mom?"

"I'd rather hear it from you, Portia. Say it again."

I laughed, "I love you, and I'm so glad you're my mom." I said it in Trauton, not Universal. Because in Trauton, we had a gender-neutral word for "mom."

"I love you too, Portia. I missed you so much. You look so grown up, honey. Euri really suits you, doesn't he? Well, come on, your brother has dinner all laid out. I can't believe you did all this, Cyn, Ronnie. You just got here today, and you've made this wonderful meal. This is just so nice. Thank you for having us."

We all sat down and dug into salad and pasta and bread.

"Ronnie," dad began, "you showed Cyn the footage from Uno?"

Ronnie and Cyn nodded, smiling. Dad smiled back at them.

"Isn't he so talented, Cyn? Everything I did came straight from his mind. He made it so easy for me. All I had to do was focus on the 3D specs he sent me, and it just flowed."

"Really, Borden?" Euri asked. "It was that simple? Or, wait, if you make a mistake, can you just back up and correct it?"

Dad nodded, "Of course, it's sort of like pottery. Well, actually," he chuckled, "I've never tried pottery, but let's pretend like I know what I'm talking about."

We all giggled at him.

"But yeah, think of it like clay. I can mold it and shape it, but that didn't happen on Uno. I just studied Ronnie's images over and over, and then I had it in my mind. So, when I was ready, it was just there, at the edge of my mind, waiting to grow into existence."

My dad glowed with the memory of it, and I was suddenly struck by the realization that his whole life had been about smothering himself. And now, with the Ayela Arcana Sanctuary in Euri's backyard, and Uno City, he was finally able to flex his muscles and show people what he could do.

How suffocated he must have felt. Always. For over thirty years.

"Daddy," I started. "Did it feel good? To use your Talent? Did it push you, or were you barely trying?"

Now that was a thought. He'd grown a city— buildings enough to house seven million people, as well as all the shops and office complexes out of bare soil with only the focus of his mind and his supernatural sense of minerals.

He laughed, fully, "Clouds, Shah, yeah, it felt awesome, and no, it didn't push me. Next time, we'll do twice as much in one go. I think I could've probably done three times as much, but we aren't aiming for cities of that size."

"Woah," Euri said, "seriously, Borden? You think you can grow a city for fourteen million people no problem?"

Dad nodded. I felt Mom's gaze on me, keen eyes piercing me. I never lied to my mom. There wasn't much point in it.

"Mom, Dad, Ronnie and I are Talented."

There. I said it. I felt Euri's shock. Yeah, baby, me too. It just came out. I'm an idiot sometimes. But Ronnie, no Ronnie was thrilled! Asshole.

Mom just tucked a knowing grin behind quirked lips.

"You mean the telepathy, Shah?" my dad asked.

My jaw dropped.

Euri burst out laughing. "Sands! Sands! You knew, didn't you? How long, Borden? Nika?"

Stolen story; please report.

Mom rolled her eyes, "Since they were five."

My jaw was still hanging open.

Ronnie and Cyn cackled. I pointed at my twin across the table from me. "WHAT?! RONNIE?! Eighteen years I thought I had a secret. Eighteen YEARS. Did you know all this time that Mom and Dad were aware?"

He cackled.

"Fucking clouds. I'm so mad at you right now. You're an ass of a brother. Wait— Dad, Mom, are you telepathic?"

Dad laughed softly, "No one ever told us how to be, I'm afraid. Not Nayth. Not Ryst. Not Peydran or Ren. And certainly not our children."

I suddenly felt awful. Like I was the worst daughter in the world. Euri's arms were around me before the tears burst out. I rocked and rocked, quaking. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

I was terrible. I had the best parents. My whole life they had always told me to be myself, and all I had ever done was lie to them. They knew my secrets, but they'd never forced me to own them.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Euri let me go, and I felt something I didn't expect. A warm presence like cinnamon buns surrounded me and spoke into my mind for the first time, her small hands taking mine away from my face.

You're not alone, Shah. I'm hiding too. You wanna hide together?

Cyn pulled my head against her belly, and I wept against her, both of us in a telepathic union, both of us weeping because we were scared of life and scared of secrets and scared to not have them.

What're we gonna do, Cyn?

I don't know yet, Shah. I don't know how to do any of this. Do you?

I shook my head.

No, but with Euri, we started out just trying. How about you and Ronnie? How did you start to trust him?

Bitter laugh.

I didn't. But he didn't leave me alone. He just stayed right outside my mental gate, calm and peaceful, until I got curious. The second I touched his mind, I was hooked. I couldn't turn away from him. He felt too good.

Can we use that? I don't want to sense my parents. Can you sense them?

I'll try.

I felt her attention shift.

Oh! They're really closed. Like Peydran. Look Shah!

I relaxed and sat up a little. Cyn let got of me. My eyes closed, puffy and wet, I quested out. She was right. My parents' minds were closed. I relaxed completely and nodded.

"Mom, Dad, I don't know what to do now. But you both have solid minds. It's not easy to pick up your thoughts. I suppose my dear brother has known that our whole lives, but I have always intensely avoided your minds. I don't have any explanations for anything I've done. I just want to say that tonight, right here, right now, I feel so much better knowing that your minds are closed to me."

Mom died laughing while dad held a hand over his mouth. They were laughing at me? I was pouring my fucking heart out, and they were LAUGHING??

I narrowed my eyebrows at them, glaring.

"Honey!" Mom tried to be soothing, but it sounded fucking patronizing. I glared harder.

She tried again, softening her face. "Portia, I'm sorry I'm laughing while you've been crying your heart out. It must seem terribly insensitive, and for that, I really am sorry, honey. But you have to know that your dad and I have been watching you your whole life. We wished for this day for years, but we promised each other that we'd never push you. That we'd let you come to us when you were ready. And now that you've confessed all your dirty secrets, what you are the most worried about is whether or not you can read our minds?"

This did not compute. Of course I was worried about that. What else would I be worried about? My eyebrows screwed up.

There was anger in my voice when I accused, "Do you have any idea what it's like to walk around knowing what people want, even though they don't say it out loud? To know that they want you to praise them? To approve of them? To tell them that they are good enough? Or to tell them that whatever they are worried about is going to be fine? To never have a drop of mental peace because everyone, everywhere is forever and eternally insecure and in need of soothing?"

"Well no, you don't fucking know, do you? Maybe you would have if your daughter had been brave enough, bold enough to stop cowering and fucking tell you. Well, Mom, Dad, today is your lucky day. Let me school you in what it is like to be a telepath: IT FUCKING SUCKS."

"No one is happy. Everyone is miserable. An entire Cosmos full of unhappy people are just waiting for you to pick their surface thoughts out of thin air and reassure them that they are okay. Because they don't know how to do it for themselves. Happy now? Now you know what it's like to be in my brain and why I ran across the stars hiding from life until I found Euri and decided to girl up, grow up, and get real. You know now, are you happy?"

"And now that you know that, you wanna know the rest? I can't do anything. I can help no one. All those people. All the time feeling miserable, and I can do nothing to help them. Yeah, I have special powers. Great. I'm completely powerless to help anyone. All I can do is know how much they're all suffering. Aren't you glad I told you all about me?"

Audiovisual equipment rose from all over the room. Lifted out of pockets. Pulled off of countertops. Drifted to the table, and rested in front of my parents. Text rolled across every screen:

Here's my secret. I'm scared too. This is Cyn, if you're wondering. I'm like Peydran. Only, I'm a nonverbal telepath too. And I love your son. Thank you for making him. He's more than I ever dreamed, and I'm going to be a part of your screwed up family. Somehow.

Mom and Dad came around the table and mashed me and Cyn together.

"We don't care, Portia. Cyn. We don't care that you're different. We don't care that we may not always understand what it's like to be you. We don't care that you're scared. We don't care that you're mad. We just want you to be who you are. And if that means you need to go jump on your starliner and run somewhere, well, then you go do it. We'll be here whenever you want to come home. We're not going to stop loving you, no matter what you decide," Mom declared.

And I believed her.

"Don't worry, Borden, Nika. Neither of them actually wants to run away right now. But, they're both relieved that you'd be okay with it if they did," Euri said into the quiet.

The anger faded.

"Ronnie, it appears that Cyn has some abilities like Peydran?" Dad asked.

Ronnie nodded.

"Do you two feel safe here in Shurwinn, son?"

Ronnie nodded.

"Okay, that's all that matters to me. You feel safe, Cyn?"

She nodded.

"Shah, you feel safe here in Shurwinn?"

I nodded.

Euri laughed. "Oh for fuck's sakes! Yes! Dear suns, Borden, everyone feels safe, even if they're all mute at the moment. Argh! Is it wrong that I want to shake them all right now? You three know how much I love you, right?"

The three of us nodded at him, and he lost it.

"Oh fucking stars in the night sky. You can at least tell me telepathically. All three of you are perfectly capable—"

"But you're doing such a great job of making an ass out of yourself, baby. Eeeee aaaaaw," I brayed.

Everyone collapsed into gales of laughter. Thank you, Euri. I think he might've done it intentionally to blow the tension out of the room. I hugged him, and felt all of him wrap around me, body and soul. And I knew then that Ronnie had been right.

Somehow, someway, it was going to be okay.

I love you, I told Euri.

I love you too. So proud of you, Shay.

"Alright, Mom, Dad, this has been one hell of a night. I've confessed. Cyn has confessed. And none of it really seems to matter all that much. It's been emotional and a bit out of control. Is it over? Can we do something else? Like— anything else? Watch a movie? Play some video games?"

"Peydran said you're animating Ryst and Nayth's story?" Dad asked.

Ronnie cackled.

"You wanna watch cartoon porn of your childhood friend?" Euri asked.

"Uh, well, could we get it to go?" Dad said as Mom giggled into her hand.

"Okay, that's it. I'm going home. Ronnie, Cyn, it's been lovely. Thanks for having us. Mom, Dad, I love you. See you— ah. Well. Whenever. Goodnight," I grabbed Euri's hand and fled.

Once we got home, we put on a rom com and cuddled in our PJs. We were asleep before they got to the meet cute.