Star Wars: Lost and loging

Normally she persevered and managed to control herself, and she never lost control in front of others. She had always managed to keep it in, her personal shame never becoming public. Until now

She couldn't help it this time, as she felt her lip quiver first. She shut her eyes as tightly as she could, somehow hoping that if she couldn't see anything, then no one would see her at her weakest moment.

She held her breath without thinking, and then, when her lungs burned and she could take it no more, she gasped for air, only it wasn't the sound of a gasp that escaped from her lips, but a half sob. She put her hand to her head trying to control her sudden onslaught of emotions.

She never lost composure like this. Ever.

But… all those deaths. All those faces. Dying in shock and horror. And for a brief moment it felt that the fate of the Order and universe rested on her to avert that horror and that she was going to fail. That had been worse than all the faces she'd already seen die in this war. These were all personal. She'd not just seen them, but felt them all.

She'd never had a Force vision like that. It had destroyed her equilibrium.

Harry wrapped an arm around her shoulder gently. Aayla stiffened before relaxing slightly, he was warm and comforting and space was cold, so the closet they were in seemed chilly, without her having to deal with a further influx of emotions. She shivered before allowing herself to be comforted at least a little bit.

Harry's voice was soft and soothing, as he began to speak into her conical shaped ear, "To answer your question, I'm still rather… irritated with our slaver guests. Your presence and initial lie didn't help your case. Then you turn around and start asking me to show you something that, as far as I can tell, no one else that you're likely to run into can perform. All this, when you've already admitted to spying on me."

She pondered his words as she tried to ignore the sensation of more tears falling down her face and dripping from her chin. It was true, this couldn't have been counted as a 'normal' day by any stretch of the imagination, and her own arrival had no doubt complicated matters for him. Having to deal with an Jedi fraught with unrestrained emotion yelling about a vision no doubt only further annoyed him.

"Regarding this vision you've received, I wasn't entirely convinced that it wasn't just a manipulation to get closer and continue to spy upon me and Ahsoka," Harry went on as if he was reading her mind, "So I needed to know how honest you were." "I needed to know the real you, and you'd be amazed at what people reveal about themselves when they're worked up," Harry said as he chuckled a little bit.

"You mean when you get them angry?" Aayla said tiredly, looking up at him as she felt Harry once again wipe away some of the freshly fallen tears on her face.

"Well… angry, giddy, desperate, aroused. Any of those tend to work," Harry replied blandly, a small smile on his face. "Drunk can also work, but can also distort the personality. So I tend to shy away from that route."

Aayla blinked and looked up at him, shock riding freely on her face at the comment about arousal. Briefly, she wondered for a moment if he knew the last two moments in her vision, and found herself blushing a bit. But his expression was only amused, he didn't have a knowing look. She elbowed him lightly, and managed a small smile.

Harry took the nudge in good humor. His expression turned more somber, though his voice remained gentle. "I admit that I was deliberately trying to provoke you. So I pressed at spots that seemed like they might be sensitive. I do apologize, at least a little bit for the approach I took, and how I said what I did."

"So you didn't mean it?" Aayla asked, her tone a mix of confusion and accusation.

"I didn't say that," Harry replied, his tone gentle but firm. "I didn't say I was sorry for what I said, just how I said it, and how I was provoking you."

When Aayla looked at him, as she tried to understand what he was saying, Harry continued, "Ms. Secura, I know you barely know me. You don't know my history. You don't know what I've discussed or taught Ahsoka."

"I have made it very clear that I have a large problem with your Jedi Order. I see a great many things that are completely illogical or I just flat out don't like. I freely admit, I am biased and until I see counter proof, that isn't likely to change." Harry stated honestly.

"But don't think that I don't recognize that you've done in order to be here, and from what I heard from that holovid, you maneuvered that whole meeting with the Council so that you could push them into a situation where they would allow you to stay here," Harry said gently.

"The question I don't know yet is the real reason why. In your own words, without being provoked just short of attempting to stab me with your laser sword." There was a brief pause, "Do you want to tell me about it?"

Aayla frowned, she could read the sincerity in his tone and eyes. She ducked her head slightly, her eyes focusing on the floor. "You heard me mention my visions to the Council."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement, so Harry didn't say anything in response.

"I wasn't kidding when I said I had a vision of a possible future. It was one that showed me what would happen if I didn't stay with you," Her voice shook a little bit but she did her best to remain calm. "I saw things, terrible things. I saw the death of just about every single person I know and yes, even care about."

"I saw their deaths. I felt their deaths. I felt the emotions they were feeling as their life faded from their body. I felt them disappear and join the Force, every one of them in agony and feeling betrayed. One by one, and there were hundreds of them. Including almost everyone I know. Dozens of children I recognize from the temple," she shuddered again and felt Harry's arm squeeze her reassuringly over her shoulder.

"Then I saw my own death, and I felt every single bit of pain, confusion, and terror the others were feeling magnified a hundred times. I felt everything the moment I died. Heat from the world, pain from blaster bolts hitting my body."

"I saw and felt all of that in the span of a few seconds. I can't close my eyes now and not see them all staring back at me or feel what they were feeling." The tears had already begun to fall again as her mind once again turned to that bone chilling vision she so desperately wished she could forget.

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