Splinter Angel

Not too much later, as Ana lay next to Messy in the bed in Touanne's patient room, she reflected that she really should have been surprised that Touanne would take care of Deni, Rogher, and Tolgor before herself. Touanne was as practical as she was compassionate, and she knew very well by now how much Ana could take compared to the average person. At least, she thought, she had Messy to soothe the remaining ache in her belly.

Messy's reaction to Ana returning injured once again had been a combination of frustration and, as she'd once put it, unending affection.

"Goddess take you, Ana," Messy breathed into what remained of Ana's hair, as she very carefully spooned her angel. "How did you manage to find a way to almost get killed again?"

"I got overconfident," Ana admitted. "And I underestimated our enemies. They were smarter than I gave them credit for."

"'Overconfident'," Messy mused. "I imagine it's easy to get overconfident when you're you."

Ana's only response was a noncommittal grunt.

"I wanted to ask you to stay, you know," Messy continued, her fingers running feather-light up and down Ana's side, carefully avoiding the bandaged and mostly sealed wound under her armpit. "I wanted to tell you to let them run. That we'd know who they were soon enough, and they'd either die in the forest, or we could pick them up when they returned. But when the word came you were such a whirlwind of righteous anger, all for my sake, and… goddess help me, Ana, I don't think I've ever been more attracted to you. Seeing you come back injured, it killed me twice. Once to know that you got hurt, and for my sake at that; and again to know that I can't show you just what that does to me until you recover."

Ana chuckled, then clenched her teeth. It hurt to laugh even that softly. "Down, girl," she murmured, rolling onto her back. Looking up, Ana's world was reduced to less than a foot of space between Messy's face and her own, bordered by Messy's loose, dark hair as it fell around them. All she could see were Messy's eyes, concerned and hungry and such a bright amber that she wondered, not for the first time, if there was some kind of magic there that made them literally shine.

"I killed two people." Ana whispered, knowing that the only person who truly mattered would understand.

"I know," Messi replied. "Petra told me."

"I don't even know who they were, but they were our neighbors."

"I know."

"Two more of them died. Deni got one, and one died by accident. Friendly fire."

The hair draping Ana's face tickled her as Messy nodded.

"And all I feel is satisfaction." Ana finished her confession. Not that she'd felt any need to unburden herself, but she knew that Messy would hear her and not judge her. That no matter what, she'd accept Ana for who she was.

"Good riddance," Messy whispered, and Ana couldn't say when exactly the space between them had shrunk so much that she felt Messy's breath on her lips. "You did what you had to do. For me." Ana couldn't see Messy's eyes anymore; they were so close that their lips brushed. "My avenging angel."

Ana didn't wait for Messy to ask. She closed the sliver of distance herself. She couldn't even tell if it was the intoxicating feeling of the desire that permeated Messy's aura that drove her to seek Messy's lips, or the overwhelming gratitude she felt for Messy's unconditional acceptance. Messy gave so much, after all, and asked so little in return. And though Ana tried to be careful with Messy's split lip, Messy didn't.

Touanne was going to be very annoyed with them later.

Touanne was, indeed, annoyed when she interrupted them. Not that she showed it openly; she might not even be aware of it, for all Ana knew. But from her, a gentle suggestion that they refrain from any further kissing until Messy's lip had fully healed was as good as a scolding. They both promised that they would.

"I'm sorry for making you wait," Touanne said as she tended to Ana's wounds, her magic finishing what the healing potions and Ana's own enhanced body had started. "It's just, I know how durable you are, and—"

"It's fine," Ana told her, putting a hand firmly on the Healer's arm as she interrupted her anxious apology. "I understand completely. You can only be in one place at a time."

To put it simply, Touanne wouldn't be Touanne if she didn't prioritize those who absolutely needed her help over those who could merely use it. That didn't mean that Ana felt no annoyance at all at having to deal with the lingering pain of her wounds for… what? Half an hour longer than she might have? But she understood, and she valued Touanne and her friendship enough not to make anything of it.

"How are they doing?" Ana asked. "If you can tell me."

"They're all going to be fine with some rest." Touanne answered. "Denikla asked me to tell you not to worry. She already has full movement in her hand again, and after my healing there's no pain. Tolgor, Rogher, and Eria… their bodies will recover completely. That's all I can say in good conscience."

Meaning that they're not doing so hot, psychologically, Ana thought. She wondered if that would be an advantage or a problem — whether they'd shut down, stubbornly refusing to speak and not caring what might happen, or if they might go the other way, giving up and telling her whatever she wanted to know. She'd never studied or been taught interrogation, so she really couldn't say.

"Thank you for telling me that much," she told Touanne. "And the Stolen?"

"They'll be fine, too. I don't think I'm violating anyone's trust if I tell you that all they had were some scratches and bruises, probably from running through the forest."

Or from Kosh and her guys roughing them up when they didn't want to come along. Ana had been asleep at the time, but Kosh had been in none too kind of a mood when she went to round up the Stolen following them. And from what Ana had seen of Kosh, she'd been one of the few who'd flourished in their short conflict with Karti. She doubted that Kosh would have shied away from a slap here or a kick there to keep them in line.

"They're in the cells?" Messy asked.

Touanne nodded, looking uncomfortable with the whole situation. "They all are. I'd prefer to have Tolgor and Rogher where I could observe them more easily, but… well. They can't get to you now."

Ana wasn't so sure that was why Messy had asked. With Ana by her side, Messy was calm. Ana had felt anger and concern and lust and a host of other things from her lover since she returned from the forest, but no fear. If anything, she thought Messy might be weighing her options — or worrying what Ana might do once she recovered.

"How long do you want me to stay?" Ana asked Touanne. She knew full well that while the pain was gone, and the external bleeding had stopped before she was even brought back into the outpost, healing fully would take time. Any strenuous activity would just make it worse and take longer. And, if she was being honest with herself, Ana hadn't quite cooled down yet. She needed a good excuse to not go straight to the guard house and those cells.

"I want you both here until tomorrow morning, at least," Touanne said. "Then I'll take another look at you, and we'll see. I don't want either of you leaving this bed except to use the commode, and not without someone by your side, either. You may feel alright now, but the body can give out unexpectedly. And you, Ana, are on no food or drink until then, I'm afraid. Try not to exert yourself."

"I called a meeting," Ana protested. "All the Stolen, in the square. I should—"

"You should not," Touanne said firmly. "We've taken care of it. Telly sent Mirell and Varron to tell the two Stolen leaders that their announcement flushed out the culprits just as it was meant to, that they've been caught, and that the meeting is cancelled. Besides, imagine trying to look imposing when you're like this! No. Tomorrow morning, Ana."

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"Right. Tomorrow morning," Ana said, relaxing back into Messy's embrace. She couldn't even be mad; if anything, she was relieved. She was pretty damn tired. "I can do that."

"I'm sorry, but that's how it needs to be. I can bring you both some books, if you want, to stave off the boredom. Or, Ana, Telly suggested you might use this time to practice Channelling and Shaping. As long as you don't tense up it shouldn't do you any harm."

"Yeah, I might try that."

"I would like a book, if it's no trouble," Messy said. "Um… do you have anything in Saminel?"

Touanne smiled. "Of course, though there's not much to choose from, I'm afraid. Poetry or romance?"

"Romance, please," Messy said, pulling Ana just a little bit closer.

"So, now what?" Messy asked softly once Touanne had delivered the book. There was a script on the cover, presumably the title, which was entirely incomprehensible to Ana.

"Now we rest, and heal," Ana answered.

"And then? What do we do about the Sentinel's faithful, and the Stolen? There's no knowing who might be an enemy, just waiting to strike."

"I don't suppose we can just round them all up and drive them into the forest?"

"Ana!" Messy laughed with mock outrage. "That's awful! Most of them are innocent!"

"Or so we hope," Ana said grimly. "But yeah. That's a non-starter. But we have to do something. Something needs to change. And until it does, I'm staying by your side. And I want you to join me for training every day, alright? I know you… found it hard to defend yourself, but I hope we can train that out of you."

"Ana! I can't ask you to spend all your time looking after me! I refuse to be a burden!"

Ana turned — carefully — to her side so she could gather both of Messy's hands in her own. "Mess, look at me. Please," she said as Messy at first looked away in shame. She waited patiently until Messy did as she asked, and when they could look each other in the eye again she continued, "You'll never be a burden to me. But of all the people I can think of that they might go after to hurt me, you're the most vulnerable. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing, I would rather do with my time than protect you until you can do it yourself. I— there is nothing in this world more important to me than you. Okay? Not my time, not my life. Nothing. I can't bear the thought of you getting hurt again because I'm not there. Let me do this, Mess. Please?"

"That's not fair," Messy said, not breaking eye contact.

"Please," Ana asked again.

"It's not fair to ask me to let you put your life on hold for me, and then be so earnestly gallant. How can I say no to that?"

"Mess," Ana said, bringing Messy's hands up and kissing her fingers. "Please let me keep you safe."

"Yes," Messy said, laughing ruefully. "Fine. Yes. For as long as you'll put up with it. Just promise me you won't stick around out of stubbornness or a sense of duty or something if it becomes unbearable."

"How could it become unbearable?" Ana asked, only half jokingly. "I'll be with you."

It occurred to Ana, lying in bed with her head nestled in Messy's lap as her girlfriend read her borrowed book, that this might be an ideal situation for practicing her Shaping. She couldn't think of a single good reason why she hadn't always done it this way. Well, other than their apartment being on the second floor, and far enough above the ground that drawing on the natural source of Earth-aligned mana was practically impossible for Ana. But now that she needed to practice her Channelling as well, it really was perfect. She could see herself being perfectly content to just sit on a chair in Renvi's shop, practicing her magic as Messy did her job. No responsibilities, all the time she wanted to improve her Skills, and Messy's presence — just thinking about it relaxed her.

On some distant level she was both aware and worried that this attachment she had to Messy was as far from normal for her as anything could be. She'd been aware of it for a long time. It might even be unhealthy — she just couldn't bring herself to care. Either this was some kind of personal development, where meeting the right person had unlocked something inside her and filled a void she hadn't known was there, or her Class had gotten so far into her head that it was overriding fundamental parts of her personality. And if that was the case, so what? If the effect of that was to bring her joy, peace, and comfort, what was the problem?

Something else did occur to her then. Wayfarer, are you there? she asked silently.

I can spare a moment, came the reply a few seconds later, along with the sense of presence that always accompanied it.

Could my Class and Abilities make me accept that they're messing with my head?

Maybe? I can't say, the goddess replied.

Thanks, Ana deadpanned back. Learning to take a tone with the goddess was a skill she'd developed early.

The goddess' reply was patient. We divinities get no extra knowledge about the System. I only know what I and my faithful have observed. And while I've told you before that a Class can incentivize you to behave a certain way, I couldn't tell you if it goes another step beyond that. The goddess's voice got weaker as she spoke. There was a pause, as though she was gathering strength, before she finished. What I can say is that I doubt it could make you this infatuated with anyone. You like the girl. Enjoy it.

Then the presence withdrew, and Ana sent a more sincere Thanks after it.

Enjoy it, the goddess said. Well, Ana would. For as long as Messy allowed it, she'd enjoy her own unfamiliar feelings, and the radiant warmth and light that was the affection Messy held for her. One day Messy would dismiss her, or release her, or whatever one might call it, and then they'd know for sure how real Ana's feelings were.

She had no idea what she'd do if she found that it was all the System's doing. She'd been content with her life for the past several years; looking back now, all she saw was a cold emptiness. She couldn't imagine going back to that.

But that was a problem for the future. She snuggled in deeper and focused on her Channelling, and on the weight-changing Shaping she'd been holding and tweaking. Messy's hand settled on her head, her thumb running idly through the patchy stubble where Kaira's accident had left her a styling disaster, and for the moment all was right and good in the world.

The day passed slowly. Petra, Deni, Mirell and Varron all came to visit them at various times, as did Captain and Mistress Falk. Tellak was there the entire evening, and she and Touanne checked on them every so often. All in all there wasn't a whole lot of uninterrupted time for reading or practicing, but Ana didn't mind, and Messy didn't seem to, either.

The next morning Touanne declared Messy well enough to return home. Ana was allowed all the water and tea she desired, along with some light breakfast, but Touanne wanted her to stay until midday. Messy stayed with her. When Touanne said that Ana had also recovered to the point that she was comfortable letting her leave, Ana again forced her to accept a Medium Crystal as thanks, if not payment, for her time, effort, and room and board. It took Ana and Messy about five minutes of off and on attempts before she relented, but relent she did. Honestly, getting that woman to recognize her own worth was like pulling teeth sometimes.

Stepping out into the noon sun, Ana did not expect the first person she saw to be a bald, very irate themion Evoker. Irate and concerned, she amended after taking another look at Kaira and tasting her aura.

"Hello, Kaira," Messy said, putting her hand around Ana's arm uncertainly.

"Hey, Messy," Kaira said curtly. "You okay?"

"I am now, thanks to Touanne."

"But it was… bad?" Kaira asked, her concern showing on her face for a moment.

Messy nodded. "It was bad," she confirmed, her voice small as she hugged Ana's arm tighter.

"Right." Some of the irritation left Kaira. "I'm glad you're okay."

"When did you get back?" Ana asked. So far things were going much better than expected. She'd expected Kaira to yell at her when they finally met, possibly even slap her or something based on what she'd heard about the Evoker's temper, but despite the irritation that still clearly simmered inside her Kaira was being very restrained.

"Couple of hours ago. The others are probably at the bath. I…" Kaira frowned. "I came here to cuss you out a bit, but…" She gestured to Ana and Messy and sighed. "You're not making it easy to stay mad, looking so cute together. For real, though, Ana? Taking off, I understand. I told you to. But dropping the Party like that… do you know what that does when you're not ready for it?"

"Yeah," Ana said, looking away contritely. She'd used the shock of losing all that Endurance and Vitality as a weapon against Trig, stunning her for long enough that she couldn't react when Ana drew her gun. "For what it's worth I thought it was necessary, and I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I don't doubt it in the least. But, Ana? This… this isn't going to work. As great as the rewards were, your whole mood, the way you had to take off suddenly… it's not going to work."

"What're you saying?" Messy asked incredulously.

Kaira sighed, fidgeting nervously. "I'm saying… We've talked about it, Om and Tor and me, and nobody's happy about this. We all like Ana, and she's a goddamn monster in a fight. But you two are a package deal. I'm not going to shit on your happiness with each other, but Ana's just not reliable without you. Either you're in, or Ana's out. Sorry."