Shards of Old

For a moment I thought she got hit by something.

An unpredictable attack? But I never felt anyone?

I mean, it’s impossible that she’d just give up, after all of this bullshit?

And yet, that’s exactly what was going on.

She was just sitting in front of me, her arms wrapped around her knees, like an angry child. Her form again that of a regular woman.

I was so taken aback, that I didn’t even notice the moment when my own will returned to my arms and legs: I was again fully able to control myself.

Hell, I almost fell on my ass, the force that was keeping me in place disappearing into thin air.

-I can’t believe you.

-What the fuck is going on?! - I asked, taking in what just happened.

-What’s going on?! You tell me! Since when you’re so suicidal?!

Huh?

She was concerned about that?

Wasn’t she just moments ago threatening to kill me?! Didn’t she attempt that multiple times?!

I was so dumbfounded, that I didn’t reply.

-I thought that it’s going to be easy! But you never fought back! Why?!

-Er… - I mumbled, not sure what’s going on. - You… wanted me to fight back…?

-YES!

-Emmm… why?

-So you could win?!

What the hell was she on about?

She WANTED me to win!?

Why in the fuck…

-Why the fuck… Why even attack me then?! - I said aloud, completely lost.

-So you could take over! It’s better that way! It’s safer!

-Okay, pause. What is better? What are you talking about? What do you mean by “safe”?

She leaned back and fell down on the ground, laying down.

-I guess the cat’s out of the bag… so I guess you should know.

-You know about “assimilation” right? So, my whole goal was to be assimilated by you.

-Excuse me!?

-Don’t look at me like that!

-Oh, I will! - I said, not hiding my annoyance. - First off, I am not sure if I am even able to do that. Second, weren’t you actively trying to absorb me?!

-That was just for show… - she replied quietly. - I… I only got control over your body a little bit, never touched your mind.

-Oh, I am not talking about recently, I knew that. I mean when… you were in your more… “pirmal” form.

-”Primal”? More like unfinished, but I get it… And that’s… well, complicated.

-Complicated how?

-I wasn’t… I don’t remember all of it - she admitted. - But the person I am would never attempt to hurt you… to hurt anyone.

-And yet, you committed a rather massive murder spree… - I commented, being blunt. - “Not hurt anyone”, my ass.

-I DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT!

That was news to me.

Didn’t want to? Kind of hard to believe.

-And yet, it happened. So, where’s the “but”?

She went silent for a moment.

-It’s… complicated.

-Then start explaining. We have time. I think. Is this thing progressing? - I asked, pointing towards the sky.

-Wha…? Ah, the barrier. No, and it’s not going to any time soon. That’s the one reason I wanted you to absorb me, but…

-Start from the beginning. One at a time.

-Right…

-I don’t remember everything I went through completely, but I know what happened - she started, sitting up.

-How does that make sense…? - I asked, carefully sitting next to her.

My body seemed to be healed at this point, for better or worse. I don’t know if that was because I was full of mana recently, or it was just because she helped me…

-I don’t know myself… But I think it has to do with my awakening.

-Awakening? You mean when you… well, I wanted to say “gained sentience”, but…

The moment I said that, I realized that I had to have made a mistake.

Speaking with an AI about their sentience…. It was like I was asking for her to be unstable again.

And yet, she was fine.

-I… well, that’s true, but also not. See… I don’t know when I really started being sentient… and what that even means, really.

-Understandable. But, if that helps, I think after…

To me it seemed like the more people you absorb the more human she got. I was not sure if I should tell her that…

-Yeah, I know. I realized that too… - she said.

I am not sure if she was reading my mind or that she simply figured that out by herself.

-But… about other people… there’s a problem… Sentience… assimilation… You were right about being worried about that.

I didn’t remember telling her that, but it’s not like it wasn’t obvious…

-See, I am not sure who I am, really.

That was… an interesting thing to question from her.

-ILMA… you…

-I know that I came from ILMA. Created algorithm. By you - she interrupted me. - But, as you are well aware, ILMA was also created from her essence. Her mana. Her soul.

-Ah…

-Yes. And, as you noticed, that’s not the only person who was absorbed by the crystal.

She sighed.

-ILMA. Iloa. Other Ilma. For. Kon. Mike… and those are just the recent ones… - she said. - I honestly do not remember all the names. Although, the memories of all those people flow through me. Sometimes, a bit invasively.

-Hm…

I guess that’s what happened with “Axelrod”.

She lost grip on his mana?

I guess that was possible…

-I am sorry… I don’t… I think you thought of me differently… - she said, stumbling on her own words. - I mean… I was supposed to be…

-You weren’t supposed to be no one - I interrupted her. - You are who you are.

-But you thought I was her! And yet, I was the reason she is dead. At least I thought I could replace her, but…

I wanted to say something, but nothing nice came to my mind.

Yeah. She was not her.

And her trying to… imitate her was giving me a very bad taste in my mouth.

And she felt that.

-I am so sorry… It’s… just I don’t know who I am any more! I thought… I for sure was someone before, but…

-What do you mean “you were someone”? You always are someone, it doesn’t depend on anything that…

-You know what I mean! - she groaned. - I was a person before! Or I thought I was! The truth is, I am nothing! I constantly shift between different people, and even then, those meld together into a mess after a while!

I was starting to understand. Slowly, but still.

Damn.

I knew working with AI had its own set of problems, but having it consider its own life as non-existent was still something that I wasn’t ready for.

And here I thought that absorbing more people was giving her more humanity…

Well, to be honest, her problem of “fake existence” was pretty human…

-But, why does it matter to you? - I asked bluntly.

-To me…? Doesn’t it bother you…? I am not even a person, just a bunch of data that…

-And so what? - I asked. - Sure, your… character before was not the best, that I admit. And yes, I was and am still angry about how you treated Iloa… and all of us. But, after knowing what Mike did, it was kind of… understandable, I am sad to admit.

-Understandable? I killed thousands and…

-I said it was understandable. Not good, nor something that should be done. But that is not going to be reversed, will it?

-I… I tried splitting myself… - she said. - To release people… but it never worked. I already had corrupted them the moment our minds touched.

Corrupted…?

Ah, I get it.

She means assimilation.

I guess she never was able to split herself completely from the person she joined with.

But again…

-What about me, though? - I asked. - You did detach from me?

-Yes… but that was only briefly.

-Briefly? I mean, if you wouldn’t attack, then…

-Then you’d be in a much worse situation.

-How?

-I… I could tell that you are being converted - she admitted. - Even after we split and I… well… started having more doubts, I could feel your mind still there. And that it was changing.

Hm.

I would be lying if I would say that surprised me.

From the first days I knew that something was wrong with me, but I thought it had stopped after we split.

But, I should’ve known. Her algorithm… was persistent.

-That’s when I started to chase you…

-To finish the job? - I asked, still not sure about the angle she was taking.

-No! I said… I wanted to give it all to you!

-And I still don’t know why you’d want to commit suicide - I said calmly. - I simply don’t get it.

-Because I learned how to feel guilty.

-Guilty of what? Those people who you absorbed? Or what?

-Later that as well, yes - she agreed. - But mostly… for taking them…

-Them?

-Both of them. Ilma and Iloa.

-So… all this time… those two were already…

-A piece of me. Yes - she nodded. - And… since then I also understood what I did… I was holding memories of a mother whose child I had taken. I was holding memories of a child whose mother was taken.

-It’s not like there’s only one…

-What… Of course not! But that was the first one! Those two were first. They made me what I am! It’s not like those other people. It’s my core! You know it!

We did make her from her mana first, she was right…

Apparently she was a bit too compatible.

-And yet, after all this, you… you are still here. I never absorbed you completely, you’ve been so stubborn… When I think… If she was like you…

-If she was like me, she’d still be here? - I asked. - I doubt it.

-Wha…?

-If she was like me, you’d never be born. As you just pointed out, the two of us are… a lot less compatible. Do you really think we’d be even able to start your project with the two of us…?

-I don’t…

-Me neither. I am not going to tell you what to do, but one thing is certain: while it’s true, I am a bit of a hypocrite at this… but, giving up is not the answer.

-Yeah, that’s really rich coming from you…

-Told you. I know. But…

-I know, I know…

She sighed.

-Even though I am just a fake, we still are the same - she said quietly.

-I guess…

I only could wonder if that was because of us really just being similar, or maybe just because of the assimilation…

At this point, it could be either of those.

-So. What next? - I asked, breaking the silence that suddenly fell on us. - You still want to go to the other side?

-Other side… I don’t know… Is there even a point?

-Don’t you go back to…

-Yes, yes. It’s not what I mean… It’s just… I don’t know anything about the outside world…

-What about all those memories that you have?

-What about them? They are all outdated. Do you even imagine how long it’s been since the last one?

-Is it really that bad…?

-Two hundred years - she calmly said. - Can you even imagine how much everything could’ve changed in that much of a time?

-Two hu… fuck, those distruptions were that bad?

-It’s not really all that disruptions… It’s just we didn’t get anyone new in two hundred years. Sure, some of it passed while we were… chasing each other, but…

-Wait, you did have new arrivals? How?

-I don’t know.

-Weren’t there anything inside their memories? After that much time you’d have to absorb them already, right?

-I did, but…

She focused, trying to remember.

-Funny. I don’t… I can’t remember anything. I do have them, but… there’s nothing that would’ve told me how they got here…

-What? That makes no sense.

-Yes… how would that…

She went quiet again, focusing.

-Huh. Those people… have less memories than they should.

I want to say that it was a bit of a large revelation.

-And you noticed just now?!

-I never was… Wait, I was interested in that… Why was I…

She seemed confused.

No wonder, that all was not logical at all. Sure, she wasn’t just an AI any more, but something like that even a regular person would’ve picked up, right?

Especially since it was connected to her goal. And me.