Shadows before dawn.

I've been battling loneliness and depression lately...

It's hard to live alone when nightfall can be so debilitating...

I wonder if people really love me or are they discreetly hating? 

I've been selfless for the entire ride, of that there's no debating...

I site alone and ponder till my thoughts become berating...

To many things to filter, my hearts always contemplating.

To many days gone by, my mind is getting tired of waiting.

My heart is beating but each beat isn't saying the same thing.

I wonder

 Wonder

 Wonder

What I'm really on this world for.

I don't want fame

 Attention

 Validation

 Or a world tour.

Don't seek celebrity, I just need wealth to open some doors

I could care less about me, it's who I'm trying to hold the door for. 

Cause poverty is part of me

I grew up here, I'll die here...

I'm just a realist

The thought of death, it grants me no fear.

I fear being forgotten

All we have is what we have here..

My stories are my legacy

The only thing I hold dear...

I heard that people wont remember what you said

They only hold on to the way they felt inside their head...

And

It doesn't matter what you did for them or how...

Your actions trump your words but it takes words to move the crowd.

I don't know why I should be proud.

I write to keep my demons down.

I don't want validation

 But I need your love or I might drown.

I write to cancel out the static,

 All my thoughts translate to sounds

And I can't always catch the beat 

 The bass it pounds

 And pounds 

 And pounds

So I step back

And watch my fingers work

They type

 And type 

 And type.

 And I think I channel high spirits

When I set myself to write.

I don't know why I have this gift

But it can keep me up at night...

I mean this curse 

This way with words

Caused I can never say shit right...

I could never save my relationships

It always turns to fights...

And in my head 

I said the right things

But perception knows whose right...

I wish I could do it all over

Maybe you could stay the night...

Maybe it wouldn't have faded 

If our love had been the sight...

I mean the goal...

I mean the endgame

Never thought that I was right...

I just wanted all the love

You had to give

That's selfish right? 

I love unconditionally

I've never been the selfish type.

I would have killed myself for you

I would have gladly gave my life...

But I've been battling loneliness

 And depression lately...

It's okay 

 To feel this way

Don't need your love to save me.

It's barely there regardless

Look me in the eyes and say it.

Until the smoke settles 

In the grey zone is where you like to play in...

If you can't have me

Why would anyone else here deserve me?

Don't need it anyway 

I don't need the feelings to hurt me.

I don't really talk

Because all of my thoughts are to wordy...

I said it with my heart 

So loud that I thought that you heard me...