Saint, You’re So Vulgar!

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#004: It Was Stiff

The next day arrived.

Two days after the incident, it was once again the voice of a girl that woke Asher from his slumber.

“Saintess, it’s time for your cough medicine.”

I groggily opened my eyes.

An unfamiliar ceiling, a stark room devoid of decoration, and a woman with chestnut short hair.

It was only after seeing all this that I remembered what I had forgotten.

‘Ah, right.’

My body had changed.

Although I had harbored the hope that I might return to my original state upon waking, it seemed like a wild dream.

I felt a wave of lethargy wash over me, but what could I do?

Asher slowly crawled out from under the blanket, just as Darlin drew back the curtains.

Shwaaaak—

“Ugh!”

The sunlight made me squint.

Darlin flinched and bowed his head deeply.

“Ah, I’m sorry!”

“No, no… It’s fine. I’m glad to be awake. Thank you.”

“…Yes?”

Darlin’s expression turned strange.

It looked as if he was thinking, ‘Why is this person acting like this?’

Asher felt a jolt of realization hit him.

It was something I hadn’t considered while drowning in sleepiness.

– Maintain a somewhat oppressive attitude towards Darlin. If you ease up a little, he’ll start prying into personal matters.

Oh no, I made a mistake.

Asher felt a cold sweat trickle down his back.

My eyes spun, and in that state, I barely managed to blurt out something authoritative.

“F-from now on, please talk to me before opening the curtains!”

“…Ah, yes!”

Darlin seemed to understand.

Though he was still sneaking glances at him with suspicion, Asher remained completely oblivious.

‘Thank goodness!’

Having overcome the crisis, I relaxed a bit.

That was a quick lapse into slackness, a bad habit that Commander Weill of the Knights had also pointed out about Asher.

*

Darlin, the servant of Saintess Bershia, thought to himself.

Today, something felt off about her.

‘Something…’

Why does she look so gentle?

To put it more bluntly, why does she seem so loose?

Bershia wasn’t like this usually.

She would lie flat like a corpse with her hands resting on her belly. When gently awakened, she would just open her eyes and notify that she was awake.

After that, she wouldn’t say anything more.

The Bershia he knew was a person who usually maintained an expressionless silence unless it was a necessary public appearance.

Now looking back on today.

‘Her sleeping posture was odd…’

Today, she was curled up, clutching the blanket; that in itself was strange.

But who knows, she might have just been dreaming, so let’s overlook that.

– Ah, no… It’s nice to be awake. Thank you.

What was that considerate line spoken with a troubled smile?

– F-from now on, please talk to me before opening the curtains!

Why did she say that and then smile from ear to ear?

Putting aside those thoughts, something else felt really strange.

“Saintess, your arms…”

“Eep… yes…!”

It was bath time.

Normally, Darlin would go to the bath without a word, leaving the care of her to Darlin.

But today, upon being prompted, she let out a hiccup! and blushed.

After a while, she looked deep in thought and finally nodded, entering the bathroom with creaking sounds.

From the moment her clothes came off, she was rigid.

Her eyes were tightly shut, and when Darlin’s hands touched her body, she jumped in surprise.

Darlin knelt behind her, narrowing his eyes.

With her hair up, her bright red ears and neck were visible.

Watching her closely, she trembled slightly.

“…Saintess, are you feeling unwell?”

That was a nonsensical remark.

Bershia was a woman so overwhelmingly endowed with divine power that she had been said to be favored by the world.

Her body, as a result of that miracle, had become an impregnable fortress, unassailable by any malady, curse, or poison.

When she answered, it was just as expected.

“No… I’m fine.”

Is the water temperature strange?

Or could it be because of yesterday’s revelation?

‘Ah, that might be it.’

No matter how calm she is, the Bershia from yesterday seemed so rushed to dash out that morning.

She must have been troubled by the matters related to that revelation.

Darlin thought that and overlooked her unusual behavior.

Above all, wasn’t she a bit more talkative and expressive than usual?

For someone who hadn’t gotten close to Bershia like the other servants, this change was even welcome.

“If you’re uncomfortable, you should let me know, okay?”

“Uh-huh….”

Darlin smiled broadly and continued to attend to her bath.

This was indeed fortunate for Asher.

*

He felt like he was going to die from disgrace.

Could it be said that it felt like he was peeking into Bershia’s daily life?

Asher trembled with guilt, feeling as if he was doing something he shouldn’t.

Once the bath was done and he was dressed, he immediately began to pray.

“Please do not lead me into temptation…! May the grace of my parents watch over me…!”

In truth, resentment and irritation rose within him toward the divine parents.

But what could he do?

If he begged desperately, perhaps they would see him in pity and restore his body.

His mind finally calmed about 20 minutes later.

Asher slumped his shoulders in exhaustion.

“Saintess, please give me a moment to tidy up.”

“Uh-huh….”

Asher sat in front of the mirror, entrusting his body to Darlin.

He needed to get used to this quickly, but why was it so embarrassing?

Swish, swish, as Darlin brushed Asher’s hair.

Asher stole glances at the reflection of Bershia in the mirror.

Truly, no matter how much I look at her.

‘She is beautiful. The Saintess is.’

Her transparent, light blue hair cascaded like silk under Darlin’s touch.

Her sharp eyes and long eyelashes evoked an air of mystery and elegance.

Her skin was unnaturally white, making the redness on her cheeks stand out even more.

Asher bit his lips.

As he did so, it seemed that the Bershia in the mirror was shyly looking back at him, and his heart raced.

I was oddly drawn in.

Asher stared at the reflection of Bershia like a person lost in narcissism, and then he focused on her lips.

At that moment.

“Wow, a cucumber.”

Thunk!

Asher froze.

The embarrassment that had filled his face instantly turned cold as ice.

He tightly shut his eyes and cursed Bershia.

‘Ah…!’

Asher imagined her saying such vulgar words with that face, and it crushed any admiration he once had for her.

With a mix of shame and self-loathing, Asher trembled.

Just then, Darlin finished combing.

“Saintess, it’s all done.”

“Thank… um, yes.”

I shouldn’t express gratitude to others.

Suppressing a habit I had unintentionally indulged in was not easy.

With a deep sigh, Asher staggered to his feet.

That was when Bershia arrived.

Knock knock—

– Saintess, may I enter?

“Ah, starting today, you will be under the protection of the knight?”

“Uh-huh….”

“I’ll go tidy up the bedding! Good luck with today’s schedule!”

Darlin answered with a cheerful smile.

How could she be so kind while acting this frustratingly?

Asher felt a twinge of guilt at her kindness.

Thus, with a faint smile, he replied.

“Yeah, see you later.”

Darlin giggled at that response, clutching the blanket as he opened the door.

There stood Bershia, elegantly dressed and smiling just like the day before.

Asher felt unsettled.

‘Why… why does she look better than me…!’

What was this crushing sense of defeat?

Fists clenched, trembling, Darlin bowed his head and greeted her before leaving.

With just the two of them left, Bershia finally stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her, washing all semblance of knightly dignity away.

“Good morning. Is it not? Anyway, did you sleep well?”

Asher also relaxed his shoulders and replied.

“…Yes, have you, Saintess?”

And then, at that moment.

“Haha, well.”

Bershia smiled with her eyes sparkling.

She looked so full of life that it made him uneasy.

Tension swelled once again.

‘…Why?’

Why is she smiling like that?

Asher knew the answer.

Shivers ran down his spine—

It was a learned fear.

It was only the second day, but having been tormented by Bershia all day, Asher instinctively thought that something inappropriate would slip from his lips.

He needed to keep his mouth shut.

Thinking that, he broke into a smile, but again, Asher was slower than Bershia.

“When I woke up, my cucumber was stiff.”

“……!”

Splash, Asher froze.

He was engulfed by a sensation that transcended shock and felt like his very self was collapsing as he blankly stared at Bershia.

One second, two seconds, three seconds.

As time passed, Asher’s skin began to turn beet red.

His eyes turned glassy.

Overwhelmed by an embarrassment beyond imagination, his hair stood on end.

However, Bershia was cruel.

“I was about to pee, but the angle was just right….”

“Ahhh!!!”

Asher covered his ears and screamed, dashing to the corner of the room.

Bershia followed behind with long strides, adding to his humiliation.

“Should I let it out then? It tends to shrink when left untouched, you know…”

“Ah! No! I don’t want to!!!”

“It’s your own body. What’s so embarrassing about it? Ah, you’ve washed up? How does it feel to be naked in front of a girl….”

“Ahhh!!!”

Asher wished to die.

He could confidently say.

“If I were to die, it would surely be from a suicide born from shame.”