Rising Shards

Kalei squinted at her phone for a while before asking us the next question on her self-discovery questionnaire.

“OK, so. Zates and Oka.” Kalei said. “What’s it like?”

“What do you mean by it?” I asked.

“Like…dating in general?” Kalei asked. “I guess like. Like is it different now that you’re for real together?”

“What’s it like dating Zeta?” Oka gulped. “To start, it’s a whole lot of wow! She just makes me all…zoom, and like—”

“Maybe I should just start with you, Zates,” Kalei said, throwing a pillow at Oka. “Since Oka’s all busted talking wise and you’re a super nerd for all this gay stuff.”

“I had a really good point I was getting to,” Oka pouted after throwing the pillow back. “I would’ve gotten there, and it would’ve really blown your mind.”

“Sure whatever," Kalei said. "Let’s just hear Zates first until you can describe it without wowing and zooming all over my basement.”

Oka’s soft smile made answering very easy on paper.

“It’s…good? Like really good!” I said.

“How is it different than when you were just friends?” Kalei asked, making me realize saying “it’s good” didn’t really answer what she was asking us. “I mean more in the like. Deep feeling kind of way rather than…”

“The hickey kind of way.” Lillia said.

“Yeah.” Kalei said.

“We don’t need to keep bringing that up…” I said.

“Like how do you know it’s not just a friend thing?” Kalei asked.

“My feelings for Oka are like…” I thought to myself. “They’re like this soft, fluffy feeling deep inside me that brings me peace when I think about it. And that fluffy peaceful feeling is different than how I feel about anyone else.”

Oka made a “Hnnnngh” type noise from how cute she found that.

“It’s different when you really can feel it for someone.” I said. “When we were just friends, I dunno. It’s like. It’s kind of hard to explain but the fluff needed time to grow. We went from friends to a couple, which I think is a good thing. Because we got to like each other before we really liked each other.”

“That makes sense, yeah.” Kalei said. “This is starting to make me feel like I’m a robot learning emotions for the first time so let’s move on to the next one.” She typed a bit on her phone, and it looked like she still had the note app up.”

“Are you taking notes?” I asked. “You’re taking this really seriously.”

“Well, yeah.” Kalei said. “I dunno, I wanna make sure I do this right, I guess. Anyways, what’s it like kissing?”

“Wait, you can’t just drop that one like that!” I said.

“It’s late-night groggy question time, it’s fair game.” Kalei said.

“Do you mean like compared to a boy?” Oka asked. “Because Zeta’s the only person I’ve ever kissed so I can’t really compare.”

“Right, yeah, guess I didn’t think this one through…” Kalei said. “I guess I was wondering if guys were like scratchier or something. Still, any secret I dunno tips or something?”

“What, do you want a play-by-play of what us kissing is like?” I asked.

“No, but like. I don’t even know what I’m saying.” Kalei said. “It’s so dumb, but the only people I ever got kisses from are my mom and like other relatives and obviously those kisses aren’t like…” She groaned. “I’m so glad we’re doing this when I’m beat and it’s this late or I’d punch something from how stupid I sound.”

“I’m curious as well if you two have any tips on this,” Lillia said.

“Just make sure you brush your teeth!” Oka said. “That is the basis of a good kiss. And watch how you lean your head in, because I headbutted Zeta when I tried a bit ago. It was a rookie mistake.”

“Just give it your all!” I said, flexing my arms for some reason.

“Zeta…” Oka giggled. “Not to bring up…you know. But it made me laugh so hard. How’d you describe Jeans kissing you again?”

“Oh!” I said. “Like getting a kiss from a ham sandwich, I think.”

Oka kicked her feet in her sleeping bag as she laughed. “So…so don’t kiss like a ham sandwich, friends.”

“I think that’s enough specifically for you two.” Kalei said, poking Oka’s sleeping bag with her foot and rolling her over.

“Ah, hey!” Oka said. She rolled back. “Caterpillar style!”

Kalei winced on one side of her face as she scrolled to her next question.

“This is kind of a two parter,” Kalei said. “Or they flow into each other.”

“Lay it on us.” Oka said.

“How’d you know?” Kalei asked. “Is it bad I’m only figuring it out now?”

“When you figure it out depends on the person.” Lillia said. “I didn’t realize until middle school.”

“That was about when I knew too.” Oka said. “Giavi in Streetwind Rainfallers, oof. She woke me up.”

“Oh my god,” Lillia said. “Yes.”

“Right?” Oka said.

“Uh…” I said.

“We’ll have to show you that sometime, it’s fantastic.” Oka said. “But I might drool over Giavi more than a bit.”

“Her determination is just so…” Lillia said, clenching her fists. “And those perfectly trimmed bangs…”

“You put up with Zates thirsting over Raina Starlight.” Kalei said. “I think she can handle you thirsting over whoever the hell Giavi is.”

I sighed. “Fair.” Kalei had a good point there.

“I’d love to see the original cast live someday…” Oka said longingly. “The main showings are on hiatus now, but maybe it could come back with the originals…”

“Wait, is this some theater thing?” Kalei asked.

“It’s a musical.” Oka said.

“Pass.” Kalei said.

“Hey!” Oka said. “It’s really good! It’s about street sweepers!”

“Uh…pass.” Kalei said. “Zates, when did you know? 

"For um..." I said. "Which 'knowing' are you referring to?"

"Liking girls thing, not the trans thing.” Kalei said. "You already told us your whole trans awakening thing."

"Right, right, I figured." I said. 

"I wouldn't mind hearing it again, it's a cute story!" Oka said. "I like how Zeta tells it."

"Maybe later, I'm interested in just 'the gay' right now." Kalei said, putting on a weird, warbly deep voice when she said 'the gay.'

“Ahhh…there was this girl I had class with that I got a crush on a few years—”

“Who was this now?” Oka asked.

“Don’t get jealous, she just said years, this was like way before she even met you.” Kalei said.

“Fine…continue, Zeta.” Oka said.

“Yeah, it was like…seventh grade?” I said. “Deep down I like knew all along really, I mean, I have drawings I did as a kid of me and Raina Starlight in wedding dresses…but Delilah Diare’s purple hair made me go ‘oh I really like girls.’”

“I don’t think I like this Delilah girl.” Oka said.

“I like never spoke to her and she moved away right after I realized I had a crush on her.” I said. “Don’t worry, she’s not competition for you or anything.”

“Still.” Oka said.

“Did you tell your sister?” Kalei asked. “I mean, I assume she knows you’re gay now, unless she just thinks you and Oka are really good friends.”

“No, she’s known about me being gay since pretty close to me figuring it out.” I said.

“I feel as though there’s a story to this.” Lillia said.

“Yes. Do tell, Zeta.” Kalei said.

With all eyes in the room on me, I couldn’t not tell the story, even if it was an incredibly embarrassing one. A moment so embarrassing that it could only be revealed late in the night of a sleepover, only to the company of very close friends (and girlfriend).