Rising Shards

Chumbler Shards #22: “Chumb-Laid Back Gamp”



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Chumblerosa was never clean even after Chumbler and Z.O.K. attempted to pick up, but as of right now, it looked particularly desolate, with dust coating every machine and cobwebs in every nook and cranny.

“So are we still doing this?” Chumbler asked, holding up a blender.

“I dunno, I feel like ‘pick a card and if you guess wrong you have to stick your hand in a blender’ isn’t gonna bring people in.” Z.O.K. said.

“Hm.” Chumbler said. “I disagree but I’m hearing you out. I just think people will gamble violence.”

“Yeah and how are they gonna explain it to the teachers when they come back from Chumblerosa with their hands all cut up? To their families?”

“They can day they did something very cool but didn’t win?” Chumbler said. “And then give out stickers to them, and get more customers. Or, or! We could make exclusive bandages for their wounds that they could also use to get in here. Eh? Like for the cuts? Like we give them the cuts that maim them enough to need bandages branded by Chumblerosa that allows them to return for more?” Chumbler groaned. “What’s the use? Outside of a trickle of like five students, we’ve got no customers. Or gamblers? Is it gamblers when it’s a casino? Whatever. Super Chumbler probably forgot about us already.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t forget about her already.” Z.O.K. said.

“Yeah, me too.” Chumbler huffed and sighed.

“Can we find that pirate girl?” Z.O.K. suggested.

“Who?”

“Wayfarer Saga or whatever?”

“Why?”

“She was kinda hot.”

“Tread your next words carefully here, Zorta. Cuz you’re sorta pissing me off.” Chumbler said, pointing while putting an extra oomph on the 'p' of 'pissing' to really show Z.O.K. she was sort of upset.

“And she was a pirate that traveled the void and stuff? Maybe she knows where Super Chumbler is.”

“Right and just for clarity’s sake, Super Chumbler was that alternate version of me?” Chumbler asked.

“You forgot about her after talking about her like a minute ago?” Z.O.K. asked.

“Yes.” Chumbler said. “Oh!” She stood up suddenly. “That’s it!”

“What’s huh?” Z.O.K. asked.

“We just need to make a wish to Queceilitrex!”

“To…whomst? To what? Are you feeling alright?”

“Queceilitrex, you silly goof poop dummy. You make a wish to her and she grants it!” 

"A wish?"

"And this isn't some phony business like that wizard Razmus Marne, this is the real deal. He stole his whole promotional tactics dealio from Queceilitrex, anyways." Chumbler grasped her hands together and screamed. “Hey Queceilitrex!”

“Uh. What is happening?” Z.O.K. asked.

“Z.O.K. Shut the hell up. I’m trying to make a wish to Queceilitrex here.”

“Are there…paint fumes seeping in from somewhere? Were you painting something?”

“Hey Queceilitrex. What’s good with you? It’s Chumbler. I am making a wish, as it states in the prophecies that we are allowed to do such a thing. I wish Chumblerosa had way more customers? Gamblers? Whatever, I just want more action here! And then that more action leading to Super Chumbler and her three Zortas showing up so I can kick their asses, and get the thing they took from me back. I forget what exactly that was, but I remember I wanted it really bad. And then…” Chumbler ran around in a circle five times, then stomped on the ground. “OK, I think that’s everything. Oh, wait, almost forgot.” Chumbler gnawed on her wrist for a bit with her fangs, making little sounds like a dog playing with a bone until she drew blood.

“Whoa, uh? Wait.” Z.O.K. said.

She let a few drops fall on the ground.

A painful, awkward silence followed. Z.O.K. wondered if she should contact a counselor to help with whatever had gone wrong with Chumbler that was much more than the usual levels of wrong with her.

Then the lights went out. And came back on, but with a like disco ball aesthetic with blaring blinking lights. Z.O.K. thought she fainted. That this was some kind of paint fume induced dream state she was in now.

The lights got brighter, and smoke filled the room. A few moments later a woman with glistening, iridescent skin rose from the smoke.

“See? Queceilitrex!” Chumbler said as the woman, who had to have been at least ten feet tall, danced in place just a little bit.

“OK, wait.” Z.O.K. said. She looked the giant woman up and down, noticing the woman had similar clothes to Chumbler’s sexy form for some reason, but her fabric was more of the flowy robe variety. “Holy…uh. Hi, ma’am.”

Was she a Cani? An Echela? Something else? Z.O.K. had no answers. Nor did she really care, she probably would never get them.

“Hi Queceilitrex! I’m actually surprised that worked, I read about summoning you in one of those Endoran cult zines I got at a zine festival.” Chumbler said.

Normally that’d be very concerning for Z.O.K., but she was too busy staring at Queceilitrex to think about it deeply.

“I have heard your wish,” Queceilitrex said in a soothing voice, that almost sounded like it was coming through speakers. “If you wish me to grant it, you must complete these challenges.” She snapped her fingers. In an instant, Chumbler and Z.O.K. were in somewhere else. Z.O.K. guessed the void, given the floating walls and spikes as they seemed to be in some kind of demented fantasy game inspired castle deathtrap factory type place. Directly in front of them were a bunch of moving platforms, with purple lava sizzling below.

“Wait, did you just put us in a thing that’s gonna get us killed?” Z.O.K. asked.

“If you don’t complete my challenges, you will die, yes.” Queceilitrex said.

“Well, you win some, you lose some.” Chumbler shrugged.

“You’re lucky she’s really really hot or I’d be so mad at you right now.” Z.O.K. said. “Excuse me, miss… Qu—q…quell…er. Ma’am?”

“Yes?” Queceilitrex asked.

“First off, your like rainbowy skin is really pretty, great work there,” Z.O.K. said. “Second, will you be like impressed with me in particular if I win these challenges?”

“Perhaps.” Queceilitrex winked.

“OK, I’m in.” Z.O.K. said, gearing up to jump on the platform part of the challenge immediately. “Let’s do this.”


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