Rising Shards

After her terrible Thursday, Oka desperately tried to keep her eyes open just starting class Friday morning. She just played the scenes from Teensly Street over and over in her head again and hated that her mind put her and Zeta in the places of Evonne and Delphine, sitting at a lunch table, casually and bluntly and terribly saying how they were done. She put on a brave face in her morning class with Zeta (there was a weird moment where Oka caught Zeta looking at her, but Zeta made a strange expression before quickly turning away that made the brave face tough), but choir was a lot tougher to muscle through. Oka also couldn’t find her Elka resistant pills in her room and wondered if she actually had brought them to the Kilanders and misplaced them. She didn’t ask Lillia to borrow one of hers as she didn’t want to be a bother.

As she was leaving choir, she repeated a mantra that had been putting in overtime dragging her through the week. Deep breaths. It’ll all be OK. They’re just thoughts. The sleepover is this weekend. Everything will be OK then. That mantra got some additional parts after the Teensly Street fiasco. That was just a show. I’ll be with Zeta again, and—

Oka felt a familiar pat on her shoulder. It was Clover. She had been so distracted by how badly Teensly Street had gotten that she forgot that Clover was hyping up that whole thing.

“How far are you now? Season 3 yet?”

Oka had to think of something good to say, because she couldn’t say she’d never hated anything on a TV show that much.

“Looks like you got to the good stuff,” Clover said. “That remind you of anyone?”

“H-huh?” Oka asked.

“You know…” Clover said. “Didn’t Evonne’s ex thing remind you of someone?”

“No…” Oka said. This wasn’t going the way she expected. Clover didn’t sound sinister or anything, she sounded casual.

“Well, it reminded me of Zeta.” Clover said.

Oka felt a surge of panic and anger.

“I don’t appreciate you talking about her like that…” Oka said. “About—"

“I keep thinking about how you’re gonna get hurt and it’s kinda eating me up inside.” Clover said.

Clover and Oka stood in a quiet hallway now, and Oka didn’t even remember walking over there.

“And conveniently, you were watching one of the best tragic arcs in television that I think can teach you that life lesson.”

What? That if you start dating someone, you’re both going to immediately explode it like that? Oka wanted to say that so badly but couldn’t form the words.

“I know it’s fun to pretend to date your bestie, but I’ll warn you now to not get too attached, for both your sakes.” Clover said. “Just ask yourself a few questions like Evonne and Delphine should’ve.”

Oka felt an all too familiar anger brew again. ‘Pretend’ to date? She gripped her wrist cloth.

“Do you really know her? Do you know anything about her? Do you really have feelings for her, or are you just feeling friendship? Do you truly listen to each other? Do you have feelings for someone else? Does she? It’s all-important stuff to think about if you don’t want to hurt them in the long run.”

I do know her. I do love her. It hit her how absurd it was that this girl she’d had maybe five conversations with was judging her relationship like Clover had known them all along. But Oka couldn’t stop the churning of fear inside her, which kept her anger at bay.

“My best friend Caeda just got her fangs and is gonna be here soon,” Clover said. “But just because she’s my best friend doesn’t mean we should be dating.”

Oka was tired and angry and anxious and couldn’t follow as Clover jumped topics.

“If I dated her, it’d be like Evonne,” Caeda said. “And then the whole thing would be a cluster.”

“A…cluster?” Oka said, managing to say that and not all the shout-y thoughts she wanted to hurl at Clover.

“A cluster just like in Teensly Street,” Clover said. “All these intersecting loves not really connecting, just tangling up before they explode in a big painful—"

“What is your problem with me?” Oka yelled. “Why are you telling me this?”

Clover flinched, like Oka was the one being rude. In her face, she saw her old bully, and in a way, she saw glimmers of the same look Jeans had given her right before slashing at her with her bloodsaber.

“I just want to help you,” Clover said. “You don’t need to be such a bitch about this.”

“Yeah, well, m-maybe you should..." Oka's trembling voice trailed off before she could finish, but she worked up the nerve to get the last few words out. "Take your own advice.” Oka took off, wishing Clover knew how close she was to getting a burning vine across her face.

She’d never skipped class before (Tesata was very harsh on that kind of thing), but she couldn’t handle regular class after that. After sending a text to Zeta saying she had another Kilander thing, she hid in a bathroom and tried to keep herself composed. But all she could think about was all the dumb stuff Clover said, all the horrible stuff with Evonne and Delphine in Teensly Street, and the image repeating over and over in her mind of Oka sitting across from Zeta at the lunch table, discussing the bizarre drama each had gotten into and what it meant for them.

“Let’s be done. Let’s have this be over.”

“OK. We had fun.”

The fear Oka had of her and Zeta ending up on that path physically hurt, and she rushed out to a sink to splash cold water on her face. As she looked at herself in the mirror, she noticed something at her back. It was a bit more haggard looking than Zeta’s fluffy tail, but she’d somehow grown a tail nonetheless. Just as soon as she noticed it, she felt it drop from her back and watched through the mirror as it fell to the ground.

Just a stress tail. Oka thought bitterly. Her hands trembled as she picked up the tail and threw it out. She pulled some paper towels from the dispenser to cover it up so she didn't have to see it even out of the side of her vision.

Deep breaths. It’ll all be OK. They’re just thoughts. The sleepover is this weekend. Everything will be OK then. That was just a show. I’ll be with Zeta again, and it’ll all be OK, even if it isn’t right now. That was just a stress tail. It’s OK that it fell off. Deep breaths. It’ll all be OK. They’re just thoughts. The sleepover is this weekend. Everything will be OK then. That was just a show. I’ll be with Zeta again, and it’ll all be OK, even if it isn’t right now. That was just a stress tail. It’s OK that it fell off.

No matter how much she repeated it to herself, it didn’t do much to keep another panic attack at bay as she stayed in the bathroom a while longer.

* * *

Oka poked at the wood chips under the swings with her feet, making swirls as she finished telling her story of the week.

“So that’s what’s been going on. And messing me up in my head,” Oka said. “I’m scared Zeta and I are just gonna be some first-year crush that isn’t that deep, then we find other people, then…” She sniffed, tears streaming for her face. “Then it’s gonna be like Teensly Street and we’re gonna get all drama filled and we’re gonna be like pursued by our exes and new random people and fall away and then…” She wiped the tears streaming at her face. “Then one of us is gonna get hit by a buuuussss….”

“What was that last part?” Kalei asked.

“Hit by a bus…” Oka said. “It’s…it’s from Teensly Street. That’s what happened to Evonne…”

“Dude, no wonder you feel so crappy, Teensly Street is like 95% misery porn.” Kalei said. “And that’s before all the other stuff.”

“It’s…what?” Oka asked, blinking. “I mean, it has…a lot of racy scenes…”

“I watched an episode where this guy was dying and he was just trying to make a phone call to his family,” Kalei said. “And he’s crawling to this stupid phone for forty minutes, then he dies before he even gets to make the call! Then they reveal his family was already dead or they didn’t exist or something! I told myself to never watch that show again. I don’t even think they showed the dumbass school in it, and it’s a show about a high school.”

“I didn’t get that far, but that sounds pretty on brand…” Oka said. 

“And then you add in all the other BS you’re going through on top of the misery porn, and you get a stress tail.” Kalei said.

“Yeah…” Oka said. 

"What do you even do with a stress tail once it falls off?" Kalei asked.

"I was going to just throw it out, but then I fished it out of the garbage and brought it to the nurse's office, and then they said to just throw it out..." Oka said. “But that's not really what I'm super upset about…”

“First off, Zeta’s not going to dump you,” Kalei said. “I highly doubt she’s gonna fall for anyone else.”

“How do you know?” Oka said.

“First off. Firstly? Firstly, think about how bad Jeans was. Then think about how much better you are. You think coming out of that to you, she’s gonna just be done right away? Her attention span isn’t that short.” Kalei said. “Second. I hope you don’t fall for someone else right away. I also doubt you’re going to immediately fall for someone else.”

“But…in Teensly Street—” Oka said.

“Teensly Street has the laziest writers!” Kalei said. “You think something remotely similar to what those dorks could come up with would happen to you in real life? They literally just write the saddest most drama-filled situations they can, it’s stupid.”

“Yeah…” Oka said.

Kalei let Oka cry the big “afraid of Teensly Street becoming real” cries out.

“Damn dude. I’m really sorry.” Kalei said.

“It’s not your fault.” Oka said.

“I mean it in like the sympathy way.” Kalei said. “You’re really good at putting on a strong face, I would’ve never guessed you were going through anything like that.”

“Well, I really was genuinely happy most of tonight.” Oka said. “Just my dumb bad mind side popped up right as Ko did.”

“Yeah…Ko kinda sucks.” Kalei said. “And you know who else sucks? This Clover girl, what the hell is her problem?”

“I don’t know…” Oka said.

“OK, here’s my theory that just popped into my head,” Kalei said. “Clover saw you all gushy about Zeta last week or or maybe whenever earlier, got super jealous, and decided to ruin your day. And week, apparently.”

“And she heard that stuff about Zeta and Ovie about how Zeta stole Jeans from her…” Oka said.

“Which we both know isn’t true.” Kalei said. “And you throw in Ko’s deluxe BS, and you have a whole mess.”

“Yeah…” Oka said. “And now Zeta probably hates me.”

“I already told you, she’s not even that shaken.” Kalei said.

Oka gripped the swing chains and looked downward.

“Alright, you can tell me straight up, I won’t judge,” Kalei said. “Do you wanna be done with her?”

“No! I really don’t!” Oka said, tightly crossing her arms in front of her reflexively. “That’s why I’m so scared she’s gonna get tired of me…”

“Dude, Zates doesn’t want to break up with you,” Kalei said. “Seriously, she isn’t even mad, or that freaked out. I’ve seen her more heated about Tower eps.”

“She could be in shock.” Oka said.

Kalei sighed. “Maybe? I just don’t get that ‘putting on a happy face’ vibe from her. She’s too jumpy to really hide what she’s feeling, you know? We both saw her after the thing with her parents. I think she really wants to fix this. I think she knows what’s up with you better than I do.”

“You think so?” Oka asked.

“This might be dumb, but I have a point I’ll get to here,” Kalei said. “At tryouts, our coach kept saying if we really want something, you gotta fight for it. It made me really pumped up to try and really earn being on the team. And I think maybe dating is like that too? If you want it to keep working, you gotta fight for it. I don’t mean like beat up Ko to try and assert your dominance, she’d probably kick your ass. But like, let Zates know you’re in it, you know? Cause after this, she might get freaked that you wanna be done, when you’re just freaked thinking that she wants to be done.”

Oka sniffed.

“That makes sense.” Oka said. “I didn’t want to scare her.”

“You’re both intensely neurotic so it happens.” Kalei said.

“That’s mean, but it…also kinda makes sense.” Oka said.

“Sorry, it sounded nicer in my head..." Kalei said. "Do you wanna head back then? Or do you need some more time sitting out here?”

“I do have to finish this ice thing you got me, and the park has such good ambiance for it…” Oka said.

“Pfft. Alright, come on.” Kalei said.

The two got up and started walking back to Kalei’s house.

“Thanks, Kalei,” Oka said. “Not just for all that, but, for the Ko thing too.”

“Huh?” Kalei said.

“I’m glad you were looking out for us in a way before Zeta and I were even officially dating.” Oka said. "The result sucked, but your heart was in the right place, I think."

“Yeah, well,” Kalei said. “You guys make me want to figure my stuff out. I’m like, happy for you, and stuff. Why do I keep saying ‘and stuff’?”

“Because you’re a dork.” Oka said. “You say that to me and Zeta all the time, it’s only fair.”

“True, true…” Kalei said.

“Hup! Kill shot!” Oka said, thrusting her hand out towards Kalei’s neck as she giggled.

“Ugh, five points or whatever,” Kalei said. “I’m just glad I didn’t ruin like us being friends.”

“Nah, we’re all still best friends,” Oka said. “It’s all good.”

“Yeah, the three. Guys? The three pals. Or whatever,” Kalei said. “Though I guess Lillia’s part of our group now too. We’ll come up with a name. And one that isn’t Team Starlight.”

“What’s wrong with Team Starlight?” Oka asked. “I like Team Starlight…”

“I don’t read Raina Starlight books!” Kalei said. “It has to be something fair to everyone in the group.”

“Maybe…Zetokalillia.” Oka said. “That gets all our names in!”

“We’ll workshop it.” Kalei said.

“So, honestly, Zeta’s really doing alright?” Oka asked.

“She went to check on Lillia first,” Kalei said. “She said something weird about you being the main event help for her or something.”

“That’s my Zeta.” Oka said, smiling warmly despite the cold.