Rising Shards

Kalei jogged, trying to look like she was just going for a late-night run and not a frantic search for her friend who had just freaked out and bolted off. She had two thoughts of where Oka would end up if she was wandering in the neighborhood, either the gas station or the park right by it. She figured Oka probably wouldn’t go to the gas station, but she stopped there first anyways to get a Mega Glurb, then after she left, she went back to get another for Oka. She then jogged over to the park, which was empty at first glance.

“Oh, thank god,” Kalei said as she spotted Oka sitting on a swing set, swaying slightly with her head down.

“Hey.” Kalei said, walking up behind Oka.

“Hey…” Oka said, barely turning her way.

“This park’s closed right now you know, if anyone shows up, we’ll get in trouble.” Kalei said.

“Yeah…” Oka said.

Kalei handed Oka one of the Mega Glurbs and sat down on the swing next to her.

“I hope you don’t mind Berry Blast,” Kalei said.

“Thanks.” Oka said, taking a tiny sip from the straw. Kalei had finished about half of her own slush drink already, so she set her cup aside and started swinging a bit.

“You doing alright?” Kalei asked.

“No. I just ruined my relationship and now Zeta’s going to break up with me.” Oka said.

“Uh. She’s not, though.”

“I yelled at her. I…did a Jeans.” Oka said.

“You didn’t, really.” Kalei said. “She’s a bit shaken up but she’s fine.”

“I still feel like—also, I probably shouldn’t have more sugar, but…” Oka said, taking another sip of her drink. “This doesn’t have caffeine, does it?”

“I don’t think so,” Kalei said. “What’s wrong with the sugar?”

“Pretty sure I just had a big panic attack just then,” Oka said. “Sugar sometimes gets me jittery, and getting jittery can lead to a panic attack.”

“Ah…” Kalei said. She didn’t know what to say to that, so she kept swinging, not getting too far or going too fast, until Oka responded.

“I thought I had them under control,” Oka said as Kalei skidded to a stop beside her. “It’s been a really long time since I had them regularly. Well, lucky I didn’t fall into the void at least…”

“Yeah, I dunno how we would’ve found you then…” Kalei said. “Sorry I…triggered it.”

“No, it’s not your fault. I think I was holding up a house of cards too long, and you were that last card…if that makes sense.” Oka said.

“Kind of.” Kalei said. “You were so goofy-happy last week, too.”

“Yeah…” Oka said. “Then the rest of the week happened.” She sighed. "And then this week happened."

“You wanna talk about it?” Kalei asked.

“I probably should…” Oka said. “Promise you won’t laugh.”

“Dude, I just want us to still be friends even though I screwed this whole night up?” Kalei asked.

“You didn’t screw it up,” Oka said. “I’m not mad at you.”

“That’s exactly what Zeta said!” Kalei said. “You guys are too forgiving. Now tell me your week before I make this all about me.”

“Alright,” Oka said.

* * *

As far as her two hobby classes went, Oka devoted most of her mental energy to the play. Choir on the other hand, she was kind of lazing through. It wasn’t that she didn’t like singing—she loved it—it was more that she at least had friends in other classes, and in theater. In choir, she just had herself. Making matters worse, the nonfriends in choir were kind of a lot mean. During her Wednesday class, she tried to just carry on with class as normal while thinking about how Zeta had been through such a traumatic weekend and had only just gotten back from her suspension. Oka heard two girls whispering loudly behind her while the dull choir teacher droned on about tempos.

“That’s the Kilander one, right?”

“Why isn’t her name Kilander, then?”

“Because she’s probably ashamed of them. I’d do the same.”

Oka bit her lip.

“She’s dating the one Ovie’s girlfriend cheated on her with, right?”

Oka wanted to turn around and yell at them for that, but she couldn’t do anything mid-lecture. And even if they weren’t hearing about the joys of the slowest tempos, Oka knew she didn’t want a repeat of the time she let her anger get the best of her when she was at Tesata. She ended up supercharging a vine she conjured, smacked it across her bully’s face, and burned both her bully and herself. She had to hold her wrist cloth to remember it was a physical reminder to not let something like that happen again.

“A freak too. Give em like two months before she pulls the same move on poor little Miss Kilander and finds someone else to seduce.”

“Two freaks in a freakish pod then, eh?”

I’m right here. You KNOW I can hear this.

She shut her eyes and just waited until they could all sing again. When the teacher finally called for a song to practice, Oka felt a moment of relief. But as soon as she started to sing, her throat caught in a weird way, like she almost had to cough all the way through her stomach. It made her lurch instantly, and although she managed to force her voice out to sound tolerable, she felt floaty and started eyeing the door. She knew deep down what this was, just her anxiety spiking, she wasn’t really in danger, she was safe. But logic didn’t work well on anxiety and panic. She had to really pry herself away from the thoughts.

Deep breaths. It’ll all be OK. They’re just thoughts.

She muscled her mind away from the “I’m dying I’m fainting I’m going to throw up I need to escape I need to get out of here” terror thoughts that started to sprout up, but she was exhausted from the effort by the time she’d calmed herself down at the end of class.

As she walked out of the choir room on wobbly legs, someone tapped her shoulder. It was Clover, that second year from the theater club.

“Good work today, Oka,” Clover said.

“Oh, thanks?” Oka said. “I forgot you were in choir…”

“Well, we only just started talking a bit ago,” Clover said.

Since Oka had got Clover away from Naomi so Lillia could be alone with the latter, she’d been chatting a bit with Clover, mostly about the show Teensly Street.

“How far are you now? Season 3 yet?” Clover asked. Most of their conversations consisted of her asking that and Oka saying she was still on Season 2, taking her time to enjoy the episodes.

“Almost there,” Oka said. “Evonne and Delphine almost held hands, which was probably one of my favorite things on TV ever.” Evonne and Delphine were Oka’s main ship on the show, a bookish short haired girl and a peppy cheerleader. She didn’t tell anyone about it, but she saw so much of Zeta and herself in them.

“Just wait,” Clover said for like the fiftieth time.

Oka was looking forward to her next class at least, where she’d get to see Zeta again. While they'd talked over the weeekend, and Oka had gotten to see her in the morning, it felt like it had been forever since they shared a class together. But as soon as she got out in the halls, Berin found her.

“Say, Oka!” Berin said cheerfully. “How’d you like to get the rest of the day off from school?”

Oka made a strong argument to why she should get to spend time with her girlfriend after being busy with family stuff the week before when she had theater off, while Berin made a really strong play on the whole family first side of things. She felt ill when he explained that the all-day event she’d be needed for today would be followed up with evenings at the Kilander house for the rest of the week. Not only would she have to do some annoying back and forths to make it to theater practice, she'd be missing Zeta time when her girlfriend probably needed her most.

Oka texted Zeta right away so she wouldn’t worry in class about where she was. “I’m really sorry Zeta, I have a Kilander thing and Berin’s making me go, and it’s gonna go all week…”

“oh no, it doesn’t mess with the sleepover does it??”

 Zeta texted back.

“No, it’s just today through Friday. I have to spend the night tonight and maybe the rest of the week though. I’m really sorry, I promised we’d spend time together last week and now this…”

“its ok!!” Zeta texted back. “we’ll make up for it Saturday!!!”

After an exhausting day of Kilander meetings with various important people Oka didn’t bother to find out about (she mostly just had to sit around bored out of her mind as Berin wouldn’t let her use her phone during the events, which seemed to be practically word for word repeats of the ones she was forced to be at the week prior), she finally had some alone time in bed before sleep. But it was so late, and she knew Zeta probably wouldn’t be up already. But she couldn’t sleep, so she got her headphones out and loaded up Teensly Street.

I might as well finally get to Season 3 so Clover stops bugging me about it at least. Oka admitted to herself that was a weird thought for a show she was enjoying to sound like a chore, but she didn’t like being pressured. But maybe Clover was hinting at Evonne and Delphine finally getting together! She did finish the second season, but while drama surrounded all the other characters, her favorite cute ship seemed to only be inching together.

In the morning, she realized that she’d forgotten the pills Diast had given everyone who’d been exposed to Elka on the Fang Moon Web trip and figured missing a day couldn’t hurt. After a dull day of classes (that she at least got to see and talk to Zeta in), a hectic practice, and another evening of Kilander business, Oka got to sleep in her own bed at the school dorms at least. Lillia was asleep, which meant it was time for more Teensly Street.

It took five episodes into the third season, but finally, finally, the shy Delphine cornered the easily excitable Evonne behind the school.

“Evonne…I…”

Say it…SAY IT!

“It’s alright.” Delphine said. “I love you too, Evonne.”

YES! Oka cheered as the two kissed, then clasped her hands over her mouth so she wouldn’t be too loud in the middle of the night.

Finally! Something really good this week! FINALLY!

She thought about ending the night on such a high note, but she still wasn’t tired, and now she was riding the high of her ship finally being canon. The next episode she kinda skimmed since it was focused on other characters and their drama, but that didn’t matter because Evonne and Delphine were a couple. No wonder Clover said Season 3 was so good.

Then the next episode hit, and Oka was excited to finally see her couple together in action in an episode centered on them. But something felt wrong. The episode didn’t feel bubbly like usual. Evonne was suddenly thinking about her ex again, and Delphine was being pursued by someone else who happened to be a teaching assistant. This is just dumb drama they have to do, it’s only been like two episodes, they have to do this to make it feel more earned when we get to them being happy… Oka told herself that, but then Evonne kissed her ex. Then Delphine slept with the new person pursuing her. Then the episode ended with Evonne and Delphine sitting across from each other at a lunch table, casually and bluntly going over how it had all gone wrong already.

“Let’s be done. Let’s have this be over.” Evonne said.

“OK. We had fun.” Delphine said.

Oka blinked in confusion, shutting off her phone to process this.

But. They JUST got together! That can’t be it. What do you mean, 'We had fun'. That CAN'T be it.

This couldn’t be right. She got her phone back on and continued watching, a wormy feeling in her stomach just like in choir. A book series Oka read called Three Hill Sunrise Z had a particularly heinous ending, but Teensly Street still had six seasons Oka had to catch up on. This could still turn around.

Another episode passed, and things got worse. Evonne started dating her old crush and seemed happy, Delphine continued her affair. Or whatever an affair was after the affair becomes the main couple after a breakup. Two episodes later, one was unceremoniously killed off via a convoluted school bus accident.

Oka stared at the screen, mouth agape. None of that was a fake out, or a dream sequence. The couple she’d invested so much time in since getting back to school immediately started having feelings for other people, split up immediately, then one of them died. If someone asked her what the worst possible path the show could have taken, nothing she could have come up with would have been as devastating as that. She closed out of the app and put her phone in sleep mode. Then opened her phone up almost immediately after and loaded up the next episode, because none of this could be true. They’d reveal it was a dream or do some weird time travel dimension stuff like Tower of Hate and Love did and fix this.

And so, she stayed up most of the night watching Teensly Street, waiting for a positive resolution that wasn’t coming. When she did manage to sleep, she immediately had a nightmare of Zeta saying it.

“Let’s be done. Let’s have this be over. We had fun.” The Zeta in her nightmare that night said. Oka forced herself awake. She thought about texting Zeta right away, but it was very early in the morning.