Rising Shards

I had a bad habit with my last romantic partner prior to Evy. With Lys, I’d always ask if she was enjoying herself when we did anything. Going to a park? I had to ask. Mid-movie at the point where everyone in the theater got quiet? Couldn't help it. Sex? Do I even have to say? And I knew she hated it. There were plenty of nights I killed the mood just by being self-conscious.

I remember one night together, we just finished pretty decent love making, and we were panting, sweating, in her bed, looking up at the ceiling in the dark.

“So that was pretty good, right?” I asked. In my head it was a bragging line, in a “hey we both came more than once that’s pretty good for us, yeah” kind of way. But I can’t deny there was plenty of self-doubt in there.

“Oh my god.” Lys sat up immediately, breaking out of our post-sex cuddle to look around her side of the bed. It was a mess down there, so it took her a second, but she grabbed another beer and chugged it. I stroked her back with my fingertips, hoping that was a good ‘oh my god.’ It wasn’t. “Why do you always say that?”

“I don’t know…” I said. “I just…want to make sure you’re having a good time.”

“Stella, it’s like you fucking think I don’t like you,” Lys sighed. “We just fucked, I had fun. I’m having fun. Well, I was, until—can you just not, for once?”

I didn’t have a good response to being snapped at. In addition to asking if she was enjoying herself, right after I’d inevitably say something that made her even angrier.

“Oh, crap,” I said, looking around for my phone. “I forgot to tell Zeta I’d be out late tonight.”

Lys just took another drink as I sent Zeta a message. Admittedly, it took me about a minute to send a fairly long text, but it still hurt to hear Lys so mad I had to take care of my sister.

“It’s always another thing with her, huh?”

Part three of nights with Lys ending bad: she would say something about Zeta that set me off. I could take insults to myself, but anything to Zeta and my care for her made me go rage mode.

“Alright,” I said, getting up in a huff.

“Stella, I didn’t—” Lys said as I got off the bed. I got dressed quickly.

“Goodnight.” I said. She was lucky I wasn’t in the mood to fight her about this, wanting to just leave.

“Why are you…?” Lys asked. I knew what she was going to ask, I don’t know why she bothered to stop herself midsentence like she was protecting me or something. She said it plenty of times. Why are you like this? “Whatever. Goodnight.”

I don’t know why, but that night came back to me as I was giving my big reward to Evy. It didn’t hit me until a good bit of the way through our session. I should have just enjoyed the ride, and honestly, after the weekend we both had, me thinking about Lys should’ve been the last thing on my mind. My baby sister getting in a dangerous void thing? My partner having to deal with overseeing that and worrying about her and myself during it all? Us taking a break from that to just fuck it out and for me to give someone who was becoming more and more precious each day a fun time with this reward? No, what was on my mind was my ex and how bad things were between us. I didn’t let it show, at least, and we’d both had like a sizable amount of orgasms between us before we started cuddling.

We were both on our bed, naked (I got too sweaty in the costume and had to shed it a bit of the way through the fun), staring up at the ceiling. Something about that made me think of Lys.

“So, um, you had fun, right?” I blurted it out. I maybe winced for a split second, ready for another Lys-style reaction. I hoped Evy didn’t see it, I was nestled against her chest so she couldn’t see my face, but I thought my body language could have given away my sad times with my ex bleeding into my present.

Evy laughed, deeply. “Oh, yeah.” She hugged me tightly. “I…uh, how to put it…oh my god.” She moved me so she could hold my face in her palms. “OK, how are you able to have me speechless and wanting to babble at you endlessly? That’s like, absurd.”

“How do you mean?” I asked, a grin forming on my face.

“Like, in the moment there I was just like letting out the bluntest, most base level thoughts in my head, the begging out loud, that kind of thing. That’s like. That’s not normal for me.” Evy said. “But then you also have me, who is a constant talker about like whatever when it isn’t in bed, you get me speechless. I’m not used to someone like you, Stella.”

“Awww,” I said after she pulled me in for a kiss. “I’m glad…you liked it. I worried it’d be too dorky. The whole costume thing, you know. Like, it’s cheesy.”

“It was awesome,” Evy said. “You captured Kiana like so well. I’m impressed.”

“I didn’t know Kiana Pavement too well,” I said. “Just watched a best of compilation of her in Highway Adventure Burst like I said.”

“We should so watch more,” Evy said. “I dunno if it’s your thing, but I’d be so down to watch it with you.”

“The clips were pretty cool!” I said. “I’m not really a big anime watcher but…I’d watch anything you like that much.”

“Sweet.” Evy hugged me again. “Thank you, Stella. Very good big reward.”

“Good,” I said quietly. “Oh, one second…” I sat up and reached for my phone. I had a message from Zeta, so I sent her a quick text. “Just checking in with Zeta.” Just out of reflex, I braced again for a Lys-style response.

“Totally understandable.” Evy said. “If you need to call her, I can step out or anything.”

That polar opposite reaction to how Lys was made me feel fuzzy. I finished messaging and got back to nuzzling. “No, we’re all good. You know what?”

“What?” Evy asked.

“My ex hated it when I’d check in with Zeta.” I said. I blurted it out so easily that it surprised me. Evy just has that effect on me, to make me more open to saying what’s really on my mind.

“Wow, why?” Evy asked. “It’s not like you’re being a badass single guardian for her, like why wouldn’t you want to check in with her pretty regularly? I wouldn't be mad regularly, but I especially wouldn't after the last few days.”

“Yeah…” I said. I laid my head on Evy’s stomach. I didn’t know how to process it all at the moment. So I blew raspberries on her tummy. Which made her laugh really hard. Which made me laugh really really hard. Which led to a duel of us trying to tickle each other and make each other laugh, which was very, very good for the soul.