Reincarnated as the God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus

Consultation 24.

“God, how do I have sex with the entire planet.”

“Uh… what? You mean all the people in the world?”

“I suppose I wasn’t quite clear enough. I want to do all sorts of lewd stuff to the one and only Earth-chan. How do I make her accept being rammed into my dirty cunt?”

Well, I’m back to these sorts of degenerates. I see how it is.

“Haaaaah. Alright, I understand.”

“Oh, great. So, how do I do it?”

“Do you know what trees are?”

“Trees are trees, right?”

“Wrong!”

“Listen closely, child of Earth. Humans often refer to nature as a mother. Well, the planet in its totality consists of the ground and the sky. If the ground is the mother that raises its children close to home, then the sky is the father that humans look up to. The ground, warm and compassionate like a mother is always by your side. The sky, like a father, is all-encompassing, a figure that can never be toppled in the children’s eyes. It can thus be said that Earth is both a mother and father that shelters humans and keeps them safe. Humans could not exist without both of them. Since there is only one Earth, it is only natural that it takes on a dual-gender.”

“Dual-gender? You can’t possibly mean!”

I raised my hands up and shouted out, “YES, CHILD OF EARTH! Earth-chan in its true form is a futa and each tree represents one of Earth-chan’s countless gargantuan cocks!”

Her eyes opened wide and lit up the moment she was blessed by my divine revelation. I could only lament over my words, I was truly a God among Gods, willing to spread such profound wisdom to lost little lambs. I knew my deeply philosophical words had brought her enlightenment.

“God, please, I need more guidance. I implore you to continue.”

“Child, if you wish to fuck the entire planet, then it’s very simple. You just need to climb to the top of every tree in the world then sheath the tip within your body. You must house the tips of each and every one of Earth-chan’s massive erections within you at least once. When you’ve done this with every tree in the world, only then can you say that you have successfully had sex with the entire planet.” 

I took in a deep breath then gradually exhaled out slowly after I spat all that nonsense out in one go.

“OHHHH! That’s genius! I truly never could have imagined even in my wildest dreams that Earth-chan was a futa.”

“Yes child, Earth-chan is, so hurry up and get to work or you won’t finish your objective before you die.”

“I understand, I’ll work diligently to make my dreams come true.”

“Great, now just make sure you don’t come back, you depraved freak.”

She ran out of the room more than eager to get started on a mission that would likely span her entire life. Honestly, with how long she’d spend fucking Earth-chan, she might become the most knowledgeable person on the subject. Maybe she’d write a thesis on the topic and one day even acquire a PhD.

Just imagine someone being so knowledgeable that they’re called Doctor Fucked Earth. I can already almost see that day. It almost brings a tear to my eyes. Why are these chicks all so god damn broken?