If you find satire revolving around fatcoughthin privilege offensive, it would be in your best interest to avoid the spoiler in the chapter. It’s... long to say the least. Also, if you cry easily, I also recommend skipping this chapter. The content presented in this chapter may be very triggering to certain audiences and reader discretion is advised. Please note, thoughts of characters represented in this chapter does not necessarily represent the views of the author. Now that I’ve said all that bullshit to cover my own ass I should be safe lol. Really though, don’t take this shit to heart. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Consultation 23.
“God, how do I spread the gospel of fat privilege to the ignorant plebs across the world?”
Cling.
I froze and the pen in my hand fell onto the table.
“Are you trying to get me fired or canceled?”
“Of course not. I’m being 100% serious here. I genuinely want to spread the wonderful words in the gospel of fat privilege.”
“Why the hell would you want to do that? You’re not even fat.”
“It’s for that exact reason I want to spread it. Fat people need to check their privilege and understand how much easier off they have it than us thin scrubs.”
For certain complicated reasons I’d rather not get into, this bitch might be more dangerous to my sanity than sex with fetus lady.
“You’re absolutely certain you want to do this?”
“Yes.”
“I see… can you tell me a bit more about the specifics you want to spread about fat privilege?” I’m going to find a knife in my back one of these days.
“You’d like to hear the holy gospel of fat privilege?” Her eyes lit up bright.
“Uh… yeah. Go for it.”
“Great! This is such a joyous day, to get to spread the holy gospel of fat privilege to God himself is a dream come true.”
“Right…” I squinted my eyes and locked my eyes onto my desk as I broke out into sweat. This couldn’t turn out well.
“Now, where should I begin? Well, there are 22 major points, so I guess I’ll just go in order one by one.”
“22…” Shit. This is probably going to piss off a lot of people.
“Yes, 22. Is there a problem?”
“No. Please go ahead.” I’d like to get this over with as quickly as possible.
“Exhibit number 1 in the gospel of fat privilege. You’re not assumed to be healthy just because of your size. Do you have any idea how annoying it is for everyone to look at us thin people and assume that we’re healthy? It’s the worst! Damn it, I swear I eat all day every day, but no matter how much I eat I just don’t gain any weight. I want to get fat so people stop judging me and assuming I’m healthy when I’m not.”
“I see…” Yeah, I’ll be a dead man if I let this shit be spread.
“Exhibit number 2 in the gospel of fat privilege. Your size is probably the first thing people notice about you. Damn it, I’m sick of guys checking out my ass or boobs or even fucking eyes. Please, have more tact, you beasts. Let someone compliment me on my weight instead. Fat people these days get people saying they’re so brave. What about us thin folk? Why do we not get praised? Instead, it’s all about fat asses acting like they’re better than us. Like we’re the weird ones that should get fat instead.”
“...” It was really best to keep my mouth shut and say nothing.
Spoiler
“Exhibit number 3 in the gospel of fat privilege. When you’re at the grocery store, people comment on the food selection in your cart in the name of ‘trying to be helpful.’ Why can’t I have such nice people do things like care about my well being? Why is it only fat people receive all the kindness in the world while us thin folk are given the cold shoulder? Does nobody care about what we eat and our health?”
“Exhibit number 4 in the gospel of fat privilege. Your health insurance rates are higher than everyone else’s. I demand equality. If they get to pay more, why don’t I get to pay just as much? Are we thin folk being looked down upon by society? Oh, you’re thin so you probably don’t have enough money. Here are some free handouts. Then they scoff at us like we’re pitiful because we’re stricken by poverty. Then you have all these fatasses who can clearly afford all this food, you wonder why they charge more, obviously because they think you’re loaded while us thin people are poor beggars.”
“Exhibit number 5 in the gospel of fat privilege. You can expect to pay higher prices for your clothing. Again, us thin folk are being looked down upon as being pathetic beggars. We’re not good enough to get more fabric to keep ourselves warm at night in the middle of cold winters.”
“Exhibit number 6 in the gospel of fat privilege. You can’t expect to find your clothing size sold locally. You think I like going into those stores where all lecherous eyes are locked onto us thin folk as we change our clothes. Then there are even judgmental fat folk who even scoff at us for having to actually leave our homes to get our clothes in this day and age where online shopping is all the rage. We’re too poor to afford to ship it to our homes. It’s obvious that’s what they’re thinking damn it!”
“Exhibit number 7 in the gospel of fat privilege. You fat fucks are lucky you can’t find clothing in the latest styles and colors. Instead you have it easy and get to go with colorless, shapeless, and outdated styles that are far less revealing, skimpy, degrading, and objectifying. You think us thin folk like to objectify our bodies? We’re starving out on the streets, the only way we can make a living is to do that. If we don’t make ourselves stand out then you fat fuckers won’t pay for us to get you off at a dirt-cheap price with the money you used to become the fat fucks in the first place.”
“Exhibit number 8 in the gospel of fat privilege. You receive suggestions from your friends and family to join Weight Watchers and other weight-loss programs. Oh, I’d love to be cared about by my family. Instead, I’m treated like a failure in life because I’m out on the streets trying to make a living doing whatever I can. Even if it means submitting myself to nasty fat fucks like you I still bite the bullet and do it.”
“Exhibit number 9 in the gospel of fat privilege. When you go to the doctor, they suspect diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or other “weight-related” diagnoses as the first/most likely diagnosis. Isn’t it nice that it’s so damn easy to track down the source of your health problems? For us thin folk we have to jump through hoops to try and figure out what is wrong with us.”
“Exhibit number 10 in the gospel of fat privilege. You get told, “You have such a pretty/handsome face.” If you think people are implying ‘if only you’d lose weight you could be even more attractive,’ then you’re just a narcissistic piece of shit. Us thin folk get told we’re ugly people all the time while everyone gets to tell you nice flattering things no matter how disgusting you actually are as a person.”
“Exhibit number 11 in the gospel of fat privilege. People assume that you are lazy based solely on your size. I’m lazy too. Stop assuming I’m not a lazy piece of shit and that I actually want to work myself to death like a dog on a leash for fat fucks like you sitting up on your gigantic pedestals at the top as a CEO of some shit stain company you crapped out your stretched asshole. Then, we get to be sexually harassed because you have some bullshit power over our livelihoods. It sure is great being us thin folk that have to deal with that bullshit.”
“Exhibit number 12 in the gospel of fat privilege. You are the brunt of jokes for countless numbers of comedians. I’d love to make people laugh. At least that brightens up someone’s life a bit. As for us thin folk, we’re just seen as unfunny. What the hell is with this injustice. I want to be someone who can make people laugh too!”
“Exhibit number 13 in the gospel of fat privilege. Airlines charge you extra to fly. Congratulations, you get to show off how fucking wealthy you are. Unlike you who can smack us thin folk in the face with your fat stacks of cash that got you to your size, we’re forced to starve ourselves because we can’t risk paying more for a flight. It must be nice having too much wealth that you can have such stupid petty concerns to bitch about all day long.”
“Exhibit number 14 in the gospel of fat privilege. You get a free pass to be perceived as sloppy or unprofessional based on your size. If us thin folk don’t wear fancy clothes to make ourselves stand out from the crowd like you whales can do with your weight, people will think we were just born sloppy and unprofessional. Must be nice to get a free pass like that.”
“Exhibit number 15 in the gospel of fat privilege. You can’t eat what you want when you want to in public and others will judge you for it and make assumptions about your eating habits. Must be nice when all you’re being judged for is related to eating food. Us thin folk get judged for being likely sluts and whores just because we’re thin. We also get judged for eating food as well though. If I want to eat a cockroach or rat to survive, people will think it’s because I’m fucking poor. Well, yeah that isn’t wrong, but stop judging me for eating cockroaches and rats. Fat fucks are hogging all the goddamn food and acting like it’s a problem for them because they’re being judged for what they eat. Why don’t you try fucking sharing with us thin folk?”
“Exhibit number 16 in the gospel of fat privilege. You can walk out of a gas station with a box of doughnuts and have people yell at you to ‘Lay off them doughnuts, fatty!’ Yeah, and share some with us starving thin folk out on the streets you jackass. Stop rubbing your god damn donuts in our faces.”
“Exhibit number 17 in the gospel of fat privilege. People ask your partners what it’s like to have sex with you because of your size. Yeah, people ask us thin folk what it’s like to have sex with us because they look at us as objects not as a person with a few extra pounds. I’m sure it feels nice to be treated as a human rather than an object.”
“Exhibit number 18 in the gospel of fat privilege. Your body type is sexually fetishized. It’s better to be a fetish than have every single person in the world looking at you like they want to jam something up your ass at every possible second. At least with being a fetish only a subset of people want to jam something in you. Luck you.”
“Exhibit number 19 in the gospel of fat privilege. You’re less likely to get a raise or promotion at work than someone who is thin. Yeah and with that raise comes a shit load of additional responsibilities. Must be great being able to sit back without a worry in the world on your fat ass all day inside a nice air-conditioned office while us thin folk are forced to travel around outside under the blazing sun in sweltering heat because of these so-called promotions. Then with these promotions, we have to jerk off a boss with an even greater inflated ego than the previous one. Promotions, real fucking wonderful, right?”
“Exhibit number 20 in the gospel of fat privilege. Friends describe you to others using a qualifier such as ‘He’s kind of heavy, but REALLY nice, though.’ Yeah, it sure must be tough instead of getting told ‘He’s skinny as hell and a total fucking loser who will never amount to anything in life. He’ll be starving out in the streets one day while fat fucks spit on his back as they pass by while waving their goddamn twinkies in his face and smacking him across the face with donuts.’”
“Exhibit number 21 in the gospel of fat privilege. The media describes your body shape as part of an “epidemic.” Yeah, well guess what, I guess us skinny people are part of a pandemic because there are so many more of us in the world than you greedy fat fucks who get to hog all the resources and prevent us from getting our fair share. I bet it’s nice being part of that minority in an epidemic vs a pandemic where poverty is rampant. One again, go fuck yourselves.”
“And finally! Exhibit number 22 in the gospel of fat privilege. You have the fucking leisure to be preoccupied with your size and shape because you have no other god damn priorities in your life, and you won’t even fucking be judged by God for it. Why is that? Because you get to act like the fucking victim in everything you do in life. It’s not your fucking fault you’re fat? Yeah, you just get a fucking free pass to not give a shit because you’re not desperately trying to scrounge together your next meal out on the street by digging through dumpsters.”
“You fucking disgusting pigs should grow the fuck up and stop living in a bubble! You act like you’re aristocracy when you’re really just greedy assholes who don’t know your place in the world. You’ve got life so easy that you actually have the option to be fat. You want to act like it’s not your fault or choice? It’s in your genetics? Fuck off and open your eyes. There are fat fucks like you who got their act together who lost weight through hard fucking work. Humans were not born fat, they get fat. Stop finding excuses. If you learned a little self-restraint and maybe had a bit of consideration for people starving in poverty, maybe you wouldn’t be a FAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!”
[collapse]
...
Done? It’s finally over? Jesus Christ, this chick had way too much resentment built up. Her long-winded rant had gone on for half an hour.
“Well, God? What do you think of the holy gospel of fat privilege I want to spread across the globe?”
“Bluntly put… it will never catch on. Fat people won’t allow it to spread. They will find you and suffocate you by sitting on your face with their flabby butt cheeks.”
“What? No way! How can this be possible? I need to spread the word far and wide for the sake of my people.”
“For your people?”
“Ah. Sorry, please forget I said that.”
“I see. Haaaah. What a troublesome request you’ve given me.”
I leaned forward and extended my arm out toward her and placed my hand down on her head.
“Sorry, life is unfair. There are problems that even Gods can’t fix in the world. There will always be injustice and inequality no matter how things are divided. Someone will always be unsatisfied no matter what the end result may be. The only thing that can be done to survive in the harsh world ruled by the natural laws is to struggle and oppose them. Conflict births opportunities for change. Giving up and a reluctance to try leads to stagnation.”
“Struggle through the hardships and adversity until one day you can overcome it. There will be times where you will scream out at the top of your lungs for others to hear you out, but nobody will turn their head your way. They will avert their eyes from the cold hard truth to maintain their own livelihood over another’s.”
“The only thing you can do is keep speaking up. Keep fighting to get them to listen to you when they refuse to open up their ears. If you do that, then eventually, one day, someone will hear your cries for help that were drowned and buried amidst the noise. Remember, nobody will save you if you give up. The only thing you can do is to try no matter how bad things look.”
“Humans are neither inherently good or evil. Greed and the desire for a better life and future is a part of what makes you human. There is no way to get rid of greed from the world. If there was no greed people would no longer strive to improve themselves or the world they find themselves a part of. Greed as ugly as it may be, it is both a boon and a bane to humans, a double-edged sword. Not everyone will be able to find happiness, but those that do will desperately hold onto it with all they have.”
“Keep searching for it and perhaps you and your people will find that happiness you are desperately searching for.”
She was trembling. She did her utmost to hide the frown creeping onto her face. Beyond her control, tears flowed down her cheeks. She sniffled a few times trying to hold back the snot from dribbling down her face.
“It’s u-unfair. Sniff.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Why do we have to suffer and they can relax and stuff their faces all they want, God?”
“Because life was never designed to be fair. If it was fair and all were equal and perfectly balanced, then there would be no change in the world. It would be in a state of perpetual stagnation.”
“Then, even though we’re unhappy now, we can change that?”
“Yes, but you have to fight against the hardships the world presents to you for things to change.”
“I- … I undertwand. Sniff. I don’t nweed your chweap piwitty. Sniff.”
The girl swatted my hand away from on top of her head, stood up on her own, and exited the room in silence. Her back looked extremely weak and fragile with how thin she was, it was as if she’d collapse if so much as a gentle gust of wind blew against her body.
What could be done about it though? I only give life counseling advice. I couldn’t directly intervene in someone’s life.
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