Reincarnated as a Phoenix

“Asmodeus… you knew she was alive, didn’t you?”

With gritted teeth, the wife questions the carefree Asmodeus who appears to be unaffected finding out the oracle is still alive. This should be huge news, right? Unless someone who also knows the future saw this already…

Still around the roaring campfire with the jungle behind us, the hunt for Zeus can wait a little longer, right? This seems important.

“Dark one, this is something I would toy with. You’re mistaken… she died long ago”

‘Something isn’t adding up. He speaks the truth yet I feel like there’s something he’s not revealing’

“That was her Asmodeus, you wouldn’t remember that stench she puts out. There’s no doubt about it… she’s alive”

“Heh. If that’s what you truly believe dark one, then why would she appear now? What use does it serve?”

“You saw the situation; she’s ended up captured. For what reason, maybe you might know?”

“Heh, you’re just like sister with this. I don’t see everything dark one, your guess is as good as mine…”

[<Since Ikarus isn’t doing much right now, there is something Aesa needs to discuss with Ikarus>]

Right when Petra and Asmodeus are discussing the fabled oracle, Aesa decides she has to intervene? Just let me be nosey goddamn it!

‘Shhh Aesa, I want to listen’

[<This is a good time for Ikarus to learn basic boundaries and not listen it to a conversation that doesn’t concern her. Aesa will activate deafness if full attention isn’t put elsewhere>]

‘But this is the stuff I live for! Oh, whatever. Just tell me what you want’

Already knowing I’m being an insensitive arse; I love my wife and all and wish her no pain but you can’t say to me her troubled life isn’t interesting. Maybe for her own sake, it would be better not to listen in on this. I don’t think I’m missing out on anything too important just yet.

[<Destroying that dungeon has unlocked a new ability called -fated consequences-. Said ability allows Ikarus to exchange abilities she deems useless in exchange for 25000 points>]

‘Oh right, forgot that some dungeons give out rewards. That’s… kinda niche, isn’t it?’

A very long time ago, a conversation with that stupid prince and the evil mage comes to mind. They warned us all so long ago that dungeons aren’t mostly worthless, so much so the empire knew the locations of so many but never bothered completing them. If it wasn’t for phoenix DNA, these rewards wouldn’t be available to any of us.

With this ability… is it actually good? Sure, I know I have some useless ones already, but only receiving half of what a sacrificial lamb purchase cost? Although… exchanging some useless dungeon abilities sounds good though. Also, swear I’ve already exchanged an ability before. Think it was Athena’s dungeon under construction if I recall.

“Heya, outta curiosity, did the rest of you get anything from that dungeon? Or is it just me again?”

Whatever Petra and the demonic dickhead were in the middle of discussing, nothing matters or exists unless I can see hear it with my own eyes or ears! I’m joking of course, it is mad that there are people who think like that though. Might come off as rude but this seems like something I should know.

“No Ikarus”

“Uh huh, I didn’t too”

“Funny you should say that orangey. I did get some shit, not from the dungeon though. That red coloured moron decided to give me his abilities. Like, what the fuck am I going to do with shields and spears!?”

‘Ah Zeki, the gift that keeps on giving. Let’s hope he decides to use them because without invulnerability, they may have cut me in half’

<Hmph, since little one is doing the same, mind if I interrupt? I can’t say for certain, but that woman definitely had dragon scent on her. I’m not saying she was a dragon, just that she smells like one>

“Thanks Dermakvar… I’m not mistaken. It had to be her”

(Asmodeus) “Hmm, maybe you’re right dark one… my memory and my scent were lost long ago. I will never forget that dead stare she had though”

<Hmph, and to think you abandoned that superior form for this horned mess? Was it really worth losing yourself for…>

[<Ikarus, mind is going astray so Aesa will obnoxiously get in the way again>]

And once again, Aesa won’t allow me to listen in! Eavesdropping is not something you can teach me to drop, especially when I’m still alongside the freaking wife!

‘Even father gets to join in on their conversation? Aesaaa! Why are you so mean to me!? What, are your knickers in a twist or something?’

[<Because Ikarus ignores Aesa too much and moans when Aesa gives system information too early or too late. Aesa can never win so we’re doing system ‘shit’ first. Then, Ikarus can get back to wife>]

Ahhh, that’s what this is, a cry for help. My second wife wants to compete with the first. She’s so going to install that suicide package someday if I keep this up…

I can see her point though. I always delay system stuff and considering we should get back to hunting Zeus again soon, it makes sense not to delay this. Still a little rude for keeping me from the wife though…

‘Okay then, let’s get to exchanging some abilities’

[<Aesa actually has prepared something that could help. Here Ikarus, look at this>]

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---This took longer than I care to admit lol. The tables are brilliant for system stuff on this site. This is nothing compared to what I’ve prepared for my next story.

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‘Damn Aesa, my eyes! They burn’

My entire FOV is being covered by what Aesa has created! I mean, it’s a nice reminder of seeing everything that I’ve gained throughout our adventures, just there’s a lot of abilities there.

[<Aesa knows Ikarus is joking and all, but this took Aesa a painstakingly long time to create. Jokes aren’t appreciated>]

‘Relax sister, I like what you’ve done’

[<Please Ikarus, demonic dickhead already refers to Ikarus as sister so if Ikarus must use playful names, can she please stick with robotic wife? Aesa doesn’t mind that one>]

Oh right, can never forget just how tsundere Aesa gets with names and nicknames. What’s the problem with being called sister anyways? We look like twins and it’s not like I use it when we’re doing… well, you know what. That whole being attracted to your sister thing, especially the step sibling stuff, I don’t get it. Identical twins make more sense cause it’s like looking at yourself… just shut up Ikarus and stop! Incest is not wincest.

‘Damn Aesa, you’re actually asking me to call you my wife now? You’ve finally fallen for the acquired taste that is a little Ikarus loving?’

From constant bickering to mutual acquaintances and now being my side hussy, I’ve finally got the robotic wife to admit she likes being the robotic wife! The day we finally become a harem is upon us! I don’t like harems in particular but this one can work.

“Yo Petra, you’ll never guess who’s admitted to actually liking me? I’ll give you a hint… her name begins with an A and ends with… well, another A”

“Heh, keep winding her up Ikarus and it will backfire someday”

[<One day, Aesa will grow tired of Ikarus’s teasing. Today is not the day though… is there any abilities Ikarus would like to purge?>]

‘Fine fine, I’ll leave you be. What’s the deal with the crossed-out abilities though? Is it possible to exchange them?’

Looking back towards the ability page, I’m referring to contract killer and lover’s embrace. I’m doubtful I can exchange anything that’s been exhausted like sacrificial lamb, or kallikantzaros killer because that was already exchanged.

[<Oddly enough, Ikarus can exchange those first 2 EXP abilities in particular. After confirmation, distribution points will jump up to 100001>]

‘Oh right, still had some points from before. I’ve got an idea here, let’s get rid of blessing of Typhon and maybe… self-sacrifice’

As you can see, that blessing increases damage to all monster type enemies. It sounds good and all but I reckon I can upgrade something else that counteracts the loss.

The decision to get rid of self-sacrifice comes down to the fact when I first got the ability. I’m pretty sure I promised Petra I’d never use it. Even if best case scenario it works and I survive the battle, I’d still have to survive an entire week with one HP. It’s not worth it.

[<Points would now sit at 150001. Which 3 abilities would Ikarus like to upgrade?>]

‘Goblin superiority, raining napalm… and fuck it. It makes sense to fully embrace the chaos at this point’

[<No Ikarus. The first 2 upgrades, Aesa can agree to. The third is too risky and Ikarus knows that.>]

All I wanted to do was see supernova if it was upgraded but nooo, once again, getting overruled by the robotic wife. To be fair… seems pointless destroying Zeus if we end up blowing up the world in the process as well.

‘Then, let’s leave the last just in case something comes up’

I’m not going to tempt fate but if let’s say there’s a situation where I’ve used a revive and maybe upgrading it could destroy the cooldown, then that’s what I’ll do. This, unlike usual, is a completely logical reason why I should save the last upgrade. Besides, how many pure destruction abilities do I even need?

[<Then Aesa shall spend the points accordingly. Abilities have been updated accordingly>]

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Now having done the business with the robotic wife, it’s time to get back to the phoenix one. Minus the fact her conversation with Asmodeus seems over, I can’t help but want to know if I’ve missed anything noteworthy.

“Okay, I’m done with Aesa. Spill the beans Petra, what I miss about the oracle?”

“Heh, long story short Ikarus, Asmodeus still doesn’t believe it isn’t her while me and your father do. You haven’t missed much”

“She would’ve said something, dark one, if it were her. The oracle was never one for keeping quiet”

<Hmph, that dragon stench is uncanny. Wonder where she picked it up if she doesn’t possess scales?>

Seeing the three of them in a roundabout when it comes to this conversation, this calls for an obnoxious phoenix to change the topic! No, I’m not talking about Zeki, I’ll do anything to keep my wife’s mind off depressing stuff. Her mother was an abusive bitch anyways.

“So… what happens next Mr Know it All? Where are we heading?”

“Heh, my part is almost up sister. On this, I’m not sure. The further into the future we go, the less I know. I’ve still got an image of the final battle in my head, but where it takes place, your guess is as good as mine”

…

Unfortunately, I can’t help but get worked up and concerned when the guy famous for knowing the future is now useless. It’s not even like he’s being depressed about it, like some future that has gone past the normal flow. That same ol’annoying grin adorns his face.

(Ikarus) “You’re kidding… right? No, you’re being serious… then what’s even the point of you being here anymore?”

(Zeki) “Erk, what the fuck? Does that mean we can kill him yet?”

(Ariza) “Uh, no Zeki. He’s done some bad things and all, but I don’t think we need to do that”

(Nathan) “Defeating father was never going to be easy. Was the demon even that helpful anyways?”

(Charlotte) “I… erm, think he is Nat? We haven’t spent that much time with him though”

(Dermakvar) <If we’re killing him off, we’re not doing it yet. He may be annoying, but he was once brethren a lifetime ago>

I know I’m sounding a little like Zeki saying something like that, but knowing the future is all this annoying demon is good at! I guess he can provide a tiny amount of support during combat… and is good at poisoning a world or two. We’re looking to save the world, not plunge another into darkness and death.

“Heh, appreciate the confidence sister. I can point us to someone who may know though. Down here in this world, there are two Gods that know the one who rules all better than his own wife at times. We’ll just need to quickly visit a place you’ve been a few times already…”

__________

Back in the dwarven throne room, deep inside the mountainous kingdom, we’re let in by the guards and find two residents dwelling within the cave. One of which is quite the looker… heh.

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(Nathan) “Oh Plutus… how the mighty have fallen”

(Petra) “Heh, don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. I’ve got a feeling who might be responsible for this”

(Charlotte) “Doesn’t he look cute though? I think you’d look cute in that as well Nat”

‘Heh… another blush from the manly knight. We may be seeing Natty appearing again someday if Lotte plays her cards right’

(Zeki) “Erk, in what world is she a he? Please, that money God you told us about isn’t a he!”

(Ariza) “Uh… Zeki? The pot calling the kettle black?”

(Zeki) “I have no clue what that means brother! What, did orangey tell you some British thing?”

It’s funny really, all of us focus on the angered Plutus and barely pay the slightest attention to the five-year older Denver. The kid leader dwarf has grown into a broader frame than before, roughly same height… is that stubble on his face? He may finally be growing a beard! Good for him.

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“Wait… I’m confused? Plutus is a dude, right? Isn’t this a bit juvenile?”

I mean, I’m all for the gender bending shenanigans. Does he look happy though? It’s not like with me and Zeki who adamantly deny we like girly things but somehow still glow when weird shit happens. Plutus looks like he wants to jump off a cliff.

Getting up from the throne to lend a hand to the stewing maid, Denver can help but shake his head over the whole thing as well. I guess even he isn’t too proud of whatever is going on.

“He is Ikarus… Athena deemed it a suitable punishment for excessive greed. Be thankful she’s out, this is tame for what she’s done in the past. Never, ever, EVER… piss off someone related to the art of wisdom”

And expecting the worst, I can’t help but glance towards Petra who tilts her head and shows the most innocent smile she can muster. Yeah wife, I’m onto you. You’re not getting any ideas from the women’s mantle you’ve taken. That maid costume is pretty cute though… no Ikarus. Don’t let her grin corrupt you! She’s using Ariza’s mind control; I just know it!

“M-Master Denver, could I m-maybe take a break to readjust something quickly?”

“I’ve already told you to drop that formal shit when sister isn’t around Plutus, do what you want. I just said, she’s out. Don’t worry about her turning up early because she’s not back till tomorrow”

“Freaking malaka! In what world did I deserve a punishment like this!? Just because I like money doesn’t mean I should have to work with the scourge like everybody else!”

“I’ll put in a good word and see if she’ll reduce it down from ten years Plutus…  don’t think she’ll bite though. Just be grateful she didn’t go down the Medusa route this time around”

“Malaka… at least she got to rob and steal gold from adventurers for a while till that Perseus came along. This isn’t even the worst part… the stuff I’ve got on underneath would put a princess to shame…”

Moving to a different room, the raging maid can still be heard muttering the word malaka under his breath while Denver pours himself a glass of water. As for the underneath comment, I bet he’s got the frilliest and pinkest underwear in existence! Thank the outer Gods I’ve always been a practitioner of the art commando-ism. Even Petra wouldn’t try… well, she might if humping is involved. Put a sock in it Ikarus!

“Anyways, what brings you around to our parts? Last I heard, your islands fared well against the onslaught?”

‘Of course, this guy would know the news already. When all the fighting is done, we really should make a spy organization of our own. That must be how he gets information’

(Petra) “Zeus and Hera… where are they?”

“Wait… you lot don’t know? Weren’t things supposed to end in that giant memorial place?”

In the middle of pouring himself a drink, he fumbles and spills half the bloody thing. Serves him right I guess, it would’ve been nice to be offered a glass. Not like water is even that good anyways.

(Asmodeus) “Heh, already done that, God of smithing. They both fled and the dungeon exploded before we had the chance to really act”

“Oh shit, this is bad, this is really bad. At least with that dungeon, they had somewhere to keep distracted”

I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen Hephaestus stressed but in this very moment, the teenage God of the dwarves looks like he’s just received the worst new imaginable. Even with the whole volcano fiasco we went though, that seems like nothing compared to this.

(Petra) “What’s the problem Denver?”

(Denver) “It’s complicated Petra… fucking smiling demon! You know exactly what the problem is!”

(Asmodeus) “Heh, I honestly can’t say if it’s that or not. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see”

Pausing, and then hurrying over to the study, Denver grabs a stack of papers only to drop them all over the floor. His mind really is in a twist.

“Return to me in the morning and I’ll see if I can find where it was. By then, the entire dwarven army should be able to provide assistance if they are where I’m thinking… although. It may be too late”

Of course, all of us seem who aren’t mad seem concerned and I can’t help but try to stop the distracted God. Context is key people!

(Ikarus) “Hang on, hang on, what’s the big deal? You’re going to send out the entire army?”

“Plutus! I’ve got something more pressing for you than cleaning the toilet, give me a hand with this”

“That bitch malaka will kill me if I don’t make this spotless though. She said it needs to be clean enough to eat off… she’s not actually going to make me do that again, is she?”

“Forget it, we’ll all be dead if you don’t help me right now”

Instead of getting a response, Denver practically screams to his maid and joins him in the bathroom, dragging him out by the ear and now going into the study together. I guess we’ll have to wait and find out what’s so important tomorrow.

Unless… maybe a certain know it all has an idea? Petra beats me to the chase this time around…

“Asmodeus… what’s it this?”

“Heh, look dark one, this is something better seen rather than explained. We’ll all return here tomorrow and prepare for a fight. Find some way of making tonight memorable because tomorrow may be our last…”

And leaving to go join the other two guys in the small study, are things that hectic we haven’t got time for a quick conversation? At least tell us what to plan for!? Is this the final battle with Zeus and Hera?

‘Why the hell have things turned out this ominous? What are we to do now…’