Reincarnated as a Phoenix

“We mean you citizens no harm! Our intentions only involve the two demons that dare to live down here”

“The traitor Uriel as well, she must also be purged! On this, we cannot negotiate!”

“Don’t forget the dragon who messed up brother Raphael. The wife who married her daughter should also be punished”

‘Nice and slowly Ikarus… don’t screw this up’

We look at a standoff between a large group of angels and our militia while me and Petra quietly sneak up to the unaware beings, using the cover of the shadows to full effect… and invisibility so the shadow part is irrelevant. Point being, we’re being extra quiet as we get ready to pounce.

Despite the fact these winged idiots are attacking our settlement, they’re doing it in quite the calm and ordered manner. Civilian casualties won’t be an issue and it seems like they’re willing to allow anybody free pass as long as they aren’t wielding weapons.

Problem is… we’ve got three islands full of fanatics. In this situation, our forces also outnumber them ten to one and have weapons as well. See the problem?

“How dare you step foot in the lands belonging to the queens!”

“Yeah! This is our home so you can go shove it!”

“Rip them to pieces and tear out their spleens!”

The standoff quickly turns to full blown combat just as me and Petra get into slashing range, as our citizens just cannot help themselves. It takes basically nothing for them to go mad and start to attack every white winged bastard in sight.

Blood begins to splatter as me and Petra take the opportunity to join in, both of us slitting throats as we make land our sneak attacks.

‘Should really say something cool like… you adopted the dark but we were born in it. It’s a shame I purposely have to be cringe now because it doesn’t come naturally anymore’

“Wha-… It’s the demon lover! She just killed brothe-, argh!”

I continue to remain invisible as Petra reveals herself and goes ham, spraying hellfire and letting her sword go flying still in the pouring down rain.

I can’t help but smile as the angel blood and heads begin to fly, this is even sweeter than usual because these lot are demon racists! I’m more than justified to enjoy their suffering… I better not turn into Asmodeus because my smile might look a little like his evil one.

Sneaking around, I creep up on another target and stab! Excalibur pierces his torso causing him to collapse immediately.

‘Okay, this upgrade was definitely worth it. These feathery idiots haven’t a clue!’

We’re clearing through these foes in record time and within a matter of minutes, we must’ve have injured or killed more than half of their forces, continuing the same approach of using our fanatics, and Petra as bait. They seem too reluctant about attacking the common people and we’re using that to full effect… it’s almost as they’re the good guy’s or something.

I seriously have no idea why these angels seem so weak though, so much so just us lovebirds and a bunch of untrained soldiers are enough to handle them. Our trained lot and the powerful people that make up these lands haven’t even arrived yet, no one knew where they’d land so we’re spread thin to cover everything right now.

Just as my blade slices through another unaware angel, the invisibility falters leaving me exposed to the word once again. Immediately, that catches the eye of an angel we have a bit of a history with…

“Heya! Alright Mr Eunuch? How ya doing these days?”

“Gabrial and Micheal… p-protect me!”

“Get behind us brother!”

“We promise, no evil creature will get close to your private area again!”

‘Poor guy, literally shaking in his boots behind the two other angels… status’

[Name: Michael   |   Species: Angel   |   Level: 500]

[Health    25,000/25,000]

[Stamina 23,661/25,000]

[Magicka 0/0]

[Name: Gabriel   |   Species: Angel   |   Level: 500]

[Health    22,500/25,000]

[Stamina 22,937/25,000]

[Magicka 0/0]

---

[Name: Raphael   |   Species: Angel   |   Level: 500]

[Health    25,000/25,000]

[Stamina 21,289/25,000]

[Magicka 0/0]

‘Are these really the best the angelic world has to offer? No wonder Asmodeus dealt with most of them by himself, they really are weak’

There might be something in Asmodeus weakening them, but the fact these few seem by far the strongest out of the angels that are left says it all really. Oh, we’ve already me the blonde angel Gabriel on our first encounter with Mr Eunuch, the black-haired Michael is a first though.

Regardless of this, me and Petra approach weapons in hand and get ready for a little stabbing. Might as well warm up our opposition first.

“Sacrifice yourselves and you may be born ane-, argh! Damned demonic beings!”

“Blasted foes! Fight honourably and not with that hellfire!”

Both of us begin to spray flame all in front of their faces, in return making them desperately try to close up the distance but it matters little. The flame burns all to those who haven’t any resistances, and just like before, these angels seem abnormally weak.

In striking distance, our blades crash together against the two angels and their weapons. The sound of metal clashes all around as our militia take care of the few remaining angels that haven’t surrendered or died yet.

While the black-haired Michael provides a decent enough challenge, it doesn’t take long for Petra to end up in a prime decapitation moment against Gabriel.

“I’ve got you brother Gabriel, we’ll defeat the vile creature and her idiotic lov-, argh!”

Taking the opportunity to protect his brethren, the ball broken angel in the back tries to ambush her. The thing is, even after all the hell he’s endured, he still hasn’t figured out how to protect himself from being kicked…

“Wow… Queen Petra really knows how to teach our enemies a lesson”

“That’s terrifying! I can feel my balls creeping back inside of me seeing that”

“And we all thought Queen Ikarus was the evilest out of the two. They are so perfect for each other!”

---

“Damn it woman! This isn’t a FOMO thing; you didn’t need to do that!”

“Heh, he insulted you Ikarus. It’s just karma coming back around”

“*Weeping*… sweet merciful spirt. What have I done to deserve this?”

On the floor holding what’s left of his nether regions, he quickly becomes a passing memory as the two we’re fighting go into a suicidal charge after witnessing their brother lose any further chances of reproduction.

“You demonic bast-, *coughs blood*”

A swift duck and plunge upwards later, Excalibur pierces the side of Michael’s torso and presumable cuts through his heart. And thou said all angels must die… erm. I’m no good at making religious quotes.

Wiping the blood of my blade, the head of the second angel rolls by my feet as it was obvious how she’d go back to what she knows and loves. I only wish she didn’t have to resort to what me and mother have done once before, the wife was supposed to remain pure and innocent goddamn it! Perversion aside, now she’s just as evil as the rest of us.

In response to seeing the three strongest angels faster, the rest of the forces immediately surrender, giving us quite the dilemma. I don’t think the cultists would mind if we sacrificed them in the name of… well, ourselves.

I think forced labour down in the mines seems the best course of action until they see we’re not all like Asmodeus. Don’t think I won’t get medieval of their arses if they dare try anything though.

Surprisingly, Mr Eunuch, or Raphael still lives but obviously missing a few things very important to what guys tend to have. If he ever gets over his demon hatred, maybe we can get him a job teaching children safe sex or something? Heh, might as well make a joke considering I’ll be surprised if he has anything left down there now.

‘Pfff… figures. We do the work and then everyone shows up’

As we’re rounding and tying up the survivors, the rest of our forces find us and give some assistance. Or more specifically, the phoenixes, our guards, Penelope and some of the Gods on our side have showed up. Ah, scratch that, basically anyone that can use magic or a weapon is here, excluding my parents and the Underworld of course.

“Bout time we had some assistance, didn’t feel the need to fight this time around then? Ah, screw it. You lot can do this, I’m tired of people spitting or shaking in their boots from my existence…”

Heading over to a small wall to take a seat, Petra joins me and can’t help but sit on top of me despite the fact this wall could sit a dozen people if needed. I’m still disappointed in you woman and no amount of romance will fix it… I’ll just shrug and give her some fake pouting for a while. I’m already getting a girl boner have her on my lap like this.

“Relax orangey, the battle is over. Those stupid pillars knocked most of the winged idiots down… the young dragons also killed some as well. Can I please kill some of the survivors this time around? Or at least torture them? Brother could perform sinister experiments on them like those cool ass scientists!”

“Uh, I’m not doing that Zeki! Just what books have you been reading and teaching?”

“Not teaching brother, only just found some of interesting shit orangey brought back from Earth. You know those scientists used to do weird stuff to twins?”

‘Da fuck Zeki!? I didn’t bring back war books so they could be enjoyed and taken as inspiration! Mistakes of the past and all that was my thinking… he’s so unbelievably deranged’

(Uriel) “My brothers and their idiocy finally comes to a halt. It’s an odd feeling really, I feel no sympathy for what’s happened”

(Penelope) “Don’t throw his idea away just yet! Magical test dummies don’t come cheap and these ones fly as well! It’s perfect target practice!”

<…?>

(Minos) <Yeah Mute, you did good so don’t worry about it. The water helped out a lot… Father was always right with this sort of thing. Flesh tastes disgusting>

‘Heh, remember when little ol’Minos wanted to eat the pink people. How the years pass… and the fact he can understand Mute like Petra confuses me as well’

Despite the nostalgia, I can’t help but stress out a little by the carefree atmosphere around town. A group of a hundred angels or so, flying to our lands and getting obliterate in under an hour? It seems awfully anticlimactic.

“When did everyone become so naïve? Also, I’m not giving them any more ammunition so no executions… despite the fact Asmodeus has already made them hate us further. Speak of the devil… is this what you call dealing with them?”

Look, I’m not asking for an invasion that destroys everything we’ve built, it’s just that I’m tired of idiots who recklessly attack places they have no right or power to deal with. It doesn’t help the demonic dickhead comes around looking smug when he’s completely missed this battle as well.

“Heh, it’s just them trying to get revenge sister. Did I make it obvious that they aren’t a threat? In most futures, their cathedral gets sent into my poison filled world so we don’t even have to bother with this attack. This was just unlucky and a waste of time”

“So, it’s another throwaway invasion like with the other’s we already dealt with? I’m going to assume this time, there has to be more?”

This isn’t me red flagging things like usual, it’s inevitable we’ve got more to contend with. Like for example… the rest of freaking Olympus! Preparing for angels seems like a distracting side quest that we had no choice but to contend with.

‘Okay, I’ve got to get up now, you wouldn’t think lap sitting would be dangerous but alas, my loins now have a mind of their own’

“Heh, correct sister. You wouldn’t happen to know the time perhaps?”

Still in the pouring down rain, it’s dark out but knowing the exact time without a clock is pretty damn impossible. You learn to use the sun when working clocks aren’t common everywhere… you know, this world could use pocket watches. I swear I brought a book back from Earth on something like that.

“Fuck knows, sometime in the evening perhaps? Why? Are you about to do your thing and tell us something very important is about to happen… a minute from now?”

Sometimes, I can relate with the angels a little with their wish for the deaths of demon lords. Minus myself of course, the day we see the back of this annoying guy, the better. That grin alone always gives him away.

“Heh, I must be getting really predicable sister. I’d predict an hour rather than a minute though…”

__________

‘Right on time, just as he said. No idea how they bypassed all the pillars without being seen… at least the storm has stopped now’

Right at the dead of night, several robed figures emerge right in front of the backdrop of our three statues. All of which have differing auras and honestly don’t seem to be happy travelling together.

(Feminine Figure) “Not sure what the point of this is. Nothing is going to change whether we convince them or not”

(Bulky Figure) “I’m telling you sister, it’s not pointless! There has to be a way of making peace”

(Smaller Figure) “I’m with the lady on this, the malakas are set in their ways so what we’re doing is a waste of time. Money is time after all”

Already getting a sense of who at least one of the figures are, the reveal their faces right in full view of us lovebirds and loads of our defence force. Keep in mind, everyone who isn’t wielding an immense amount of power is armed to the teeth, ready to strike at any moment. It doesn’t seem that bad but to those who aren’t strong, the auras around here must seem intense.

All three of the figures unveil their hoods, all revealing faces we’ve seen before and have a slight history with. The merchant God Plutus, the Goddess of the harvest Demeter, and then one other than makes me instinctively go for my blade…

‘Is that… Zeus!? He doesn’t seem to have that pissed off aura around him though’

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“Bah, I’m telling you if we don’t do anything, then we’ll have another Atlantis incident on our hands again! We cannot allow another thriving place to fall to ruin!”

‘Atlantis incident? Might be Poseidon then… should probably make introductions as well’

“What is the meaning of this!? If you’re looking for our surrender, you and your wyverns can go disappear for all I care… unless it’s refuge you’re seeking. Any and all Gods are welcome… except Zeus of course”

Trying my best to act as the imposing leader but failing spectacularly because I can’t help but be flexible with our immigration policy, Demeter steps up to answer, only to sound and tut like an old woman set in her ways. At least she’s better than Hera, even if she is supposed to be our enemy after all.

“You two need to buck up your ideas and go beg for mercy. Zeus himself… he’s lost and there’s no telling what’ll happen if he doesn’t come to his senses. This world is taking a toll on us all, but he’s planning for complete annihilation”

“Demeter, I’m all for trying to cool our brother’s anger, grovelling at his feet will only sate his ego and solve nothing”

“Then how should we solve this problem Poseidon? I don’t see you coming up with any ideas”

…

Silence ensues as even Poseidon can’t figure out a way to make peace. Even if they have some cure all solution, Zeus will end up getting paranoid again and then try to destroy the world. There’s only one way we can end this.

“*Sigh*… be thankful Poseidon is too merciful for his own good. If he so wanted to, he could’ve washed all that you’ve built in a spilt second. Be thankful Zeus is having problems getting what he wants, this world is far too modern for him to comprehend just yet”

“I’ve already told all of you who are angry and confused, using my power for things like that is not okay! Brother has already tried using my trident for a wave that’ll clean this world anew. We can be more civilized than that”

(Plutus) “You lot have no idea how terrifying and confused he is right now; I’ve even seen him sleeping with his wife again! He’s completely lost the plot”

‘Zeus was going to kill us all with a huge wave? First, he tried stealing Hephaestus’s volcano, now this. What is he going to conjure up next?’

I mean… that seems like a stupid plan, no? Couldn’t we just fly over it? It would destroy a lot but with magic in this world, a huge barrier would suffice. It does seem like something he would do, a big statement that makes a point rather than is actually effective. Unless the wave is like the size of Mount Everest… that’s a little scarier now.

“Wouldn’t it make more sense if you pick a side if your brother is hellbent on destruction? We never intended for things to go this way”

The wife actually asks that, fully embracing her wisdom and trying to convince Poseidon who’s clearly on the fence when it comes to decision making. Still can’t forget she’s partially Athena at this point.

“Look… Petra, was it? I see the point of view of both sides so I will not be involving myself in this fight. Besides, I’m busy… I’ve got a new ocean to expl-, I mean guide over! All I want is a peaceful resolution to this conflict and if that doesn’t happen, I’m not being blamed. Like the whole thing with Hades again, the idea of throwing him into the Underworld was on Zeus alone!”

I can’t help but sigh and shake my head from Petra’s failed speech check, Poseidon is clearly as stubborn as the rest of the three brothers. Maybe he regrets that fact Hades basically got screwed over when it came to dishing out what region each brother gets? This sort of thing will always remain confusing because every myth or God has a different version of events of what happened. At least it’s consistent with actual Greek mythology then.

On the bright side, at least we don’t have to worry about potential tsunami’s shaping the land clean if he can restrict the use of his trident. Didn’t Zeus have a weapon of his own though? I thought he used a literal bolt of lightning, maybe that was a little farfetched to wield.

Already knowing we’re not going to get anywhere with this, Demeter sighs again and wags her finger to get the other two Gods alongside her to return to the wyverns. I can’t help but cross my arms from the rudeness this woman is showing, at least say bye or something first!

Before leaving though, she can’t help but ask something unrelated.

“*Sigh*… oh right, I was told to ask about Apollo. Being his favoured child and all, I’m told I’m supposed to bring him back from his vacation? I presume he’s here with you lot”

In the vast crowd of too many faces I don’t care to entertain, Nathan steps up with Charlotte following him from behind. Didn’t even realize they were here since there’s so many people here already… think my moaning had made people more eager to show that they’re actually working or something.

(Plutus) “It’s been way too long Apollo, look at you changing up your hair. You’ve gone brown, just like me!”

Ignoring the runt, Apollo walks directly up to Demeter and stare her dead in the face. Then, he says something even I didn’t expect.

“You can tell father… to go fuck himself. Make sure those exact words are spoken”

‘Damn Nathan… I miss the innocent prison guard he once was. Even Charlotte backing him up seems shocked’

(Poseidon) “Oooooo, so even you have turned nephew? Huh… you seem weaker than I remember last time we met. Let’s hope you all have enough strength to survive the inevitable, I wish you all the best of luck”

And just like that, the trio of Plutus, Poseidon and Demeter leave our lands, flying off into the horizon…

However, just as they fly off into the night, Demeter still can’t help herself but say something else. Old people just like talking for the sake of talking, don’t they?

“Oh, another word of warning if it isn’t obvious just yet. You’ve pissed off a lot of Gods that’ll now be coming for your necks. I’d make sure you carry a coin for the ferryman when you all get what’s incoming…”